Work Text:
The devil is real, and they look different for everyone.
Some people's devil is someone they could have sworn was their soulmate, but then cheated on them the second they had the chance.
Some people's devil is their childhood bully who pretended to be their best friend.
Some people's devil is an absent parent who should have been there for them.
And some people's devil is the one they see in the mirror.
The devil is real, and they know you by name.
~~♡~~♡~~♡~~
Jimmy stood silently in a stall in the bathroom of the pub he and his friends frequented. He wasn't on his phone, he wasn't actually using the restroom, and he wasn't even freshening up. Jimmy just stood there, taking a breather, before returning to his friends with a smile plastered onto his face like nothing happened.
He lifted his wrist to check his watch. It was only ten. Joel and Grian would want to stay at least another two hours. That was fine, Jimmy would be fine. He loved his friends, getting to spend time with them was a joy, so it shouldn't be that bad, right? It was just two more hours, Jimmy would be fine. A few more drinks, a game of pool or darts, maybe even some meaningless flirting with a stranger, and Jimmy would be fine. Right? Right.
He exited the stall to wash his hands, even if he didn't really need to. He looked into the dirty mirror ahead. His face drooped lower than acceptable according to his standards. His hair was getting shaggy. His clothes were too wrinkly. The stupid sunglasses Joel had given him already had a chip in them. Jimmy was a mess.
Jimmy took his wet hands and combed them through his hair, trying to make himself look a little more presentable. He straightened the jacket Joel had also given him. He closed his eyes tight before opening them again with a wide smile he wouldn't let himself drop for the rest of the night.
That stupid smile haunted Jimmy. It was a lying grin that he hated, but he never left somewhere without it. How could he? He's fine, really, it's just harder for him to smile about it nowadays. He was fine, he didn't really care about his shortcomings and all the teasing. He didn't care.
He stepped through the doorway and back into the relatively populated pub. He walked back to the booth his two friends were in, who were loudly ‘discussing’ something idiotic over a couple of pints.
“No no no, you're the one with anger issues, you would be the Mad Boy.”
“I'm clearly more of the classic Bad Boy though. And who's to say my anger is worse than yours?”
Jimmy slid into the booth, close to the edge of the bench, not wanting to crowd Joel, who happened to be on the same side as him. He didn't join their conversation, not wanting to get involved in whatever was going on. Jimmy peered into his glass, the off-brown liquid peering back at him.
He could vaguely see his reflection through it, mostly just that smile painted on. He was happy, he swore he was happy, it just took a little too much effort to show it.
Jimmy's attention was caught the moment he heard his name, instantly lifting his head towards the other two.
“Okay fine, fine. You can be the Bad Boy, Joel, I'm the Mad Boy. But what does that make Jimmy?” Grian and Joel looked at each other for what was probably only a second or two, before silently agreeing on the same word.
“A Sad Boy,” the two said in unison before laughing at Jimmy. Just some friendly teasing.
“WHAT?!” Jimmy shrieked, trying his best to play into the joke. His feelings weren't hurt, no, it was just a joke, it was just for laughs.
“Oh come onnnn,” Grian said, drawing out the ‘n'. “No need to get your feathers all ruffled, Tim.” Grian flicked a small piece of rubbish towards him.
“My name's not Tim…” Jimmy mumbled to himself as he brushed off the bit of trash.
“Yeah, don't take offense to it, babe.” Joel took a swig of his drink before continuing. “We're just calling you a sad pretty boy.”
“More of a loser,” Grian chimed in. “A pretty loser boy, if you will.”
It was just some lighthearted teasing. Jimmy was fine. He could take a joke.
“Oh, speaking of pretty,” Grian started as he kicked Jimmy under the table, making sure he had his attention. “How are things going with that American boy? It's been a minute since you've talked about him.”
Right. He hadn't told them the news yet.
“Oh- yeah, he's going back to America soon. And from the sounds of it, he already has someone there waiting for him.” He looked back into the glass, making sure he didn't let his smile falter too much. “Another blond British boy.” Jimmy chuckled.
“Oh… well I'm sure that other one isn't as good as ya,” Joel said, trying, and honestly failing, to be nice.
“I wouldn't be too sure. He sounded a lot more suited for Tango.” Jimmy wasn't going to let himself lament over something that didn't even happen. “A scientist and an engineer, what could be better.” He forced out another small laugh, he wasn't that upset about it or anything. No, it was just a boy, he wasn't going to get sad over a boy.
Unfortunately, mentioning their occupations did remind Jimmy of his own work related failures. His failed attempts at further education. His failed attempts at becoming anything. His failed attempts at having something to be known for. Or at least, something other than being a ‘pretty loser boy'.
God, Jimmy was pathetic, whining over stuff that was fully his fault.
No no no, he wasn't going to whine, he's not sad about any of it, he's fine, really. It's not that big of a deal.
He checked his watch again, his irritating smile reflection back through the glass. It had only been fifteen minutes. It was going to be a long night, but that was fine. He should feel honored that his friends wanted to spend time with him, even if it felt like he was just a punching bag. It's okay, he's not going to complain about it because there's nothing to complain about.
He continued to sip on his drink for who knows how long as Joel and Grian chatted, poking jabs at Jimmy in every other sentence, if not every sentence. Or at least it felt like that. They probably weren't actually making fun of him that much, right? Right.
He would chime in every once in a while to deflect the heat off of himself, but it rarely worked.
Finally, the night came to a close a tad past midnight, when Grian, being the lightweight he is, was too drunk off of just beer to hold a proper conversation with Joel anymore.
The three of them walked there together, and they would walk home together as well. First, they would drop off Grian, his house being the closest to the pub. Then Joel would split off to return to his and Lizzie's place. And then Jimmy would be left to himself at last.
The path was dark, but he didn't mind, not like it was dangerous. But it was a long walk.
Thankfully, Jimmy knew a way to make the trail a little more entertaining, at least during the day. He would take a not-so-short shortcut through a local park. The paths were dirt, which usually would not be a problem, but tonight, Jimmy had no luck.
A tree had roots that were grown just a little too far out of the ground, and seeing how dark it was, it would be quite easy to miss them, especially for someone as- someone like Jimmy. He tripped over the root, as expected for him, landing promptly front down onto the dirt.
His shirt got a small tear in it, and a new cut in his face started to bleed. Nothing too bad, nothing to complain about. It would never be bad enough to complain about, now was it.
Jimmy stood up and brushed off the dirt that had collected on his clothes. He continued to walk as he tried desperately to ignore the stinging sensation behind his eyes that could only mean one thing.
But no, it wasn't that bad. It's just a rip. It's just a cut. It's just a job. It's just a boy. And it's just some teasing. It's not bad. Why would he cry about something that is not even that bad? So no, he wasn't going to let that sting spill over into a tear.
Finally, he was home. Eyes still in pain, blood still on his face, but he was home now.
He could have walked through the front door, but he went to the garage instead. No reason in particular, maybe he just wasn't ready to be inside yet.
He stood on the stairs connecting the door inside to the garage. Clicking the button next to his head, he was able to watch the overhead roll back down to encase the garage. It left Jimmy in the dark, again. He could have easily walked inside into the light, but he didn't.
He slowly walked back down the stairs, hoping not to trip again. The pain lingering behind his eyes finally broke through as quiet tears made their way down his face. He was so tired.
Jimmy made his way to the center of the garage where his car sat still. When he opened the door, a small light inside turned on, revealing his pitiful expression, reminding him that he needed to smile.
It didn't matter why anymore, so long as he was never seen not smiling.
He slowly made his way into the driver's seat before shutting the door again. He just couldn't go inside yet. The singular light dimmed until it was fully out, letting Jimmy sit in the dark.
He held his face in his hands as he sobbed silently. He was such a tragic mess. His clothes were ripped and covered in dirt. His face was still bloody. The job of ‘middle school gym teacher' was nothing to call home about. Anyone he had ever dated, or even liked, found someone much better than him to spend their life with. And his closest saw all this and made sure he saw it too through endless teasing.
He was not fine.
None of this was fine.
And yet that stupid smile haunted him everywhere he went. God he hated that smile. But of course, he refused to be seen without it.
Picking up the keys from the cup holder, Jimmy started his car. The radio began to play as the headlights came on. He turned down the radio till it was nearly audible, but still loud enough to put something other than his crying into the atmosphere.
He sat idle for a few minutes, knowing what would happen if he stayed long enough. At this point, he didn't care. If anything, Jimmy would welcome that outcome.
After another minute or two, Jimmy wished he had brought some melatonin or something similar to make it go by faster. It was agonizing to wait all this time knowing exactly where he would end up once it was over.
He was tired though, seeing as how it was around one in the morning, so it wouldn't be too hard to fall asleep.
He leaned back, getting in a more comfortable position to sleep in. As he let himself drift off, a thought came into his head that only made him cry more. Who would be the one to find his life less body? And how long till that happened? It's not like he has any roommates right now. It's not like Joel or Grian ever come to his place. It's not like his family ever calls, wondering how he's doing. It's not like anyone would notice his presence missing.
Maybe- maybe work would notice him gone, when the school year started back up again at least. So maybe in a month or more, his body could be found. Hopefully.
He forced himself to stop crying as he pinned a small smile into his face. If all he would be known for was being a ‘pretty loser boy', then at the very least he would make sure his face was pretty in the end.
~~♡~~♡~~♡~~
The devil smiles wide because they know they've won once you start smiling too.