Chapter Text
PART 1 : Impossibility
CHAPTER 1
Gold Medal (February 2014, Brooklyn)
The American flag was raised to the rafters. “The Star-Spangled Banner” filled the air. The hockey players in red, white, and blue jerseys were laughing, smiling, celebrating. They threw their arms around each other’s shoulders, held the flag behind their heads. The gold medals sparkled as they dangled from their necks.
Kip Grady watched the scene unfold on the television. He was lying on the couch in his dad’s Brooklyn home. He had a mostly-empty coffee mug in his hand. A half eaten bagel remained on a plate. A banana peel had fallen to the floor.
Kip’s father George stood up. He started gathering the dishes and picking up the trash. He grabbed the tray that held a small tub of cream cheese and two kinds of jam. Kip moved to help, but George shook his head, “no”.
The broadcast cut to Scott Hunter, the Team USA captain. Sweat still glistened in his hair. He was talking to a reporter, microphone shoved in his face.
Kip didn’t need to hear what was said. He had dwelled on everything long enough. This was going to make it easier, he thought. What had to be done. Next week.
Scott would be celebrated in every arena, every city. He would do hundreds of interviews and appear in dozens of ads. He would give a speech at the White House and receive the nation’s applause.
He belonged to America.
He didn’t belong to Kip.
George came up behind him and placed his hands on Kip's shoulders.
“Hunter had a great two weeks,” he said.
Kip silently nodded. George continued.
“On the ice, that is.”
The Breakup (March 2014, New York)
The sound of the doorbell broke the silence in Scott’s apartment. Scott’s heart sank a little when he realized that Kip hadn’t just used the code. He hadn’t just walked in like he used to.
Scott walked to the entry and opened the door. Kip with his soft dimples and disarming eyes looked every bit as good as Scott had expected. It was all he could do to keep himself from throwing his arms around him and holding him tight.
Actually, he couldn’t keep himself from doing that. Before Kip even had a chance to say a word, Scott’s arms were around him and his head leaned onto Kip’s shoulder. Tears welled in his eyes and his breathing became stiff and halting. Kip gently guided them both into the apartment and closed the door behind them, not allowing Scott’s hold on him to slip. They just stood there, together, Kip gently stroking Scott’s hair and Scott not once lifting his head from Kip’s shoulder.
Scott's breathing began to steady. He lifted his head and he slowly pulled away. His face was red and his eyes bloodshot. Kip brushed a strand of hair off Scott’s forehead.
“So where is your gold medal,” Kip said. “I’ve never seen one up close.”
Scott smiled, and turned towards the bedroom as Kip walked to the couch. Scott returned a few moments later.
“Here. Catch,” he said as he tossed something soft and blue gently to Kip. It was a pair of blue socks with bananas printed on them. The ones Kip had given to Scott a few months ago.
“You keep it stuffed inside the socks?” Kip asked as he began to unwrap them. He pulled the medal out from inside.
“Don’t worry, they’ve been laundered,” Scott said.
He held out his palm and Kip placed it in his hand. Scott took the medal and hung it around Kip’s neck.
“I don’t think I’m supposed to wear someone else’s medal,” Kip protested.
Scott scoffed. He then took a step back, pulled out his phone, and pointed it at Kip. Kip looked at Scott with a bemused expression, and then smiled as Scott snapped a photo. Kip took the medal off and handed it back. Scott set it down on the end table and sat next to Kip.
They sat in silence for a few moments. Their legs touched. Scott ran a finger along Kip’s cheek. Kip closed his eyes and, for a moment, held in a breath. Kip grasped Scott’s hand and pulled it against his chest. Kip opened his eyes and they turned toward each other.
This was such a bad idea. This wasn’t why Scott had asked him to come. This wasn’t why Kip had agreed to meet him. It would only make everything that was to come so much more difficult. But nothing felt so right as when they felt their lips crash together once more.
✦
They were a single mass of naked bodies intertwined on the couch. They hadn’t even moved to the bedroom. They heard their breaths slow and felt their heartbeats relax.
This was a world Scott wished were real.
Scott briefly looked out the window at the city below.
“Where do we go from here?” he asked, his eyes returning to Kip.
There was a long silence. Kip gently pulled from Scott’s grasp. He grabbed a couple of towels, used one to clean himself off, and handed the other to Scott. He sat back next to him and took his hand.
“I think we both know.” Kip said. “I can’t pretend to all the people in my life that we don’t exist.”
Scott wished he could say that he and Kip could be a happy, normal couple doing happy, normal couple things soon. But he couldn’t.
“I’m so sorry, Kip.”
Kip didn’t move. “You don’t have to apologize.”
Scott sighed. He stroked Kip’s hair. But tears didn’t come.
“Please stay with me tonight,” Scott asked. “I want to wake up with you one more time. Please.”
Kip met Scott’s eyes and nodded.
“Yes.”
✦
Scott got his wish. He watched Kip stir from his slumber lying next to him in the bed. For the first time in a month. And for the last time in … well Scott really didn’t want to think about that.
Kip pulled himself from the bed, dressed, and Scott walked with him to the door. They turned to each other one more time.
“I never thought I would have this,” Scott said. “I’m just not ready to keep it.”
Kip stepped forward, gave Scott a kiss on the lips.
“The man I fell for is Scott from Rochester,” Kip said. “I hope, someday, Scott Hunter can be that man too.”
He leaned in and kissed Scott again. This one lingered a bit longer than the last. And then Kip pulled away and went out the door.
Scott stood there quietly for a few moments. He closed the front door and returned to his bedroom. In the bathroom, he turned on the shower, used his hand to check the water, and stepped in. Then he sat on the floor and let the emptiness pour over him.