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At first, it manifested as a hunger.
Kars was used to that. Ever since he’d tested one stone mask after another on himself, his energy requirements had skyrocketed. He and his companions had been sailing for about a fortnight already, and food sources were beginning to run low. The beasts that dwelled in the ocean provided sustenance for Wamuu and Esidisi, but didn’t satisfy him.
The hunger became a nagging sense of emptiness. Fair enough, he thought. It didn’t help that the sea put him in a terrible mood; violent currents had been tossing their ship about for days, however the other two Pillar men didn’t seem as bothered by the waves as he was.
He’d gotten rid of the first poor helmsman in their meager crew. A young lad who could barely hold the helm, let alone locate the North Star. Perhaps it was his incompetence that made Kars uncomfortable. Kars took the opportunity to express his gratitude for a job well done by transforming him into a vampire and feasting upon his remains.
He was struggling to keep his nervousness under control as the feeling of emptiness turned into full-blown nausea and dizziness. Not normal. No, he wouldn’t allow his favourite protégé to see him in that state. He’d personally made sure Wamuu remained busy with the study of an extensive tablet describing the constellations discovered in recent times.
The sun had set at last. He couldn’t stand being sheltered below deck any longer. The stench of the supplies meant for the wretched human sailors they depended on for the voyage was overwhelming.
He purged the moment he stepped outside. How foolish of him to overindulge in the finest wine in his collection. To hell with his hedonism. It served no other purpose than to make him miserable.
And even as he tried to steady himself, his mind started spiralling into a maelstrom of its own.
Earth, Santana. Air, Wamuu. Fire, Esidisi. And water— well, he decided water was just not his element. Not in its liquid state, at least. He had thoroughly analyzed recurring themes in different cultures and mythologies of the human world: the water element was associated with emotions. Kars embodied the brilliance of a frozen sculpture, the silent threat of the bottom of an iceberg.
Cold rage, indignation, frustration had guided the hand of the genius who massacred his clan without remorse. What else?
Useless emotions. He had dissociated from them in pursuit of his ambition. Hindrances. Vulnerabilities bound to lead to defeat and failure. Such was his truth, which he intended to share with his sole allies.
Emotions were the reflection of an unconquerable sea.
His stomach churned. Don’t panic. Just a reminder that his body wasn’t quite meeting his ideal yet, if it was prone to such ridiculous reactions. Now more than ever he wished he were— no, not a fish. He shuddered in horror. Weren’t the ocean depths just another kind of prison? He wanted to fly away from the underworld where he had crawled like a captive for millennia. Oh, to be a bird, to rise and reach beyond the horizon. To finally caress the sweet, evil morning sun. To be free.
But a pale moon shone above his head instead. Twin sister of the ocean, bearing witness to his anguish and his arrogant dreams. Did his pride arouse the wrath of the gods? Was it punishment for abandoning Santana, the green child, on their home continent? Nature had her unfathomable ways of restoring the balance. Some called it karma. Human cults from any land easily blamed misfortune and plagues on the will of higher beings. Kars himself was the supreme entity the mortals would fear and worship, but Kars was also a man of science and logic. As a matter of fact, he still didn’t stand at the very top. He had to overcome his weakness to the sunlight first, and it seemed like Mother Earth too was proving she held dominion over him to a degree.
He was dying to get his hands on the Super Aja.
“Kars.”
He flinched slightly, his musings interrupted by his companion.
He might have hoped he could avoid Wamuu for a while, but he simply couldn’t escape Esidisi. He trusted him the most for a reason. How long had the blue-eyed one been standing there watching him, anyway?
“Don’t say a word,” he warned him.
“You don’t know what I meant to say.”
“That your Master’s condition is a matter of utmost concern to you and you will do everything in your power to bring him solace, at the cost of your own self-preservation and dignity?” Kars sneered, sweeping a lock of violet hair from his forehead.
Esidisi blinked in mild confusion and amusement. “You won’t beat me at my game, Kars. Actually, I was about to say ‘I can’t believe the almighty Kars gets seasick and it’s fucking adorable.’”
Kars shot him an ominous glare, but Esidisi wasn’t intimidated. “Come on, I was just trying to lighten the mood a little!” He burst out laughing, then moved closer to gently stroke Kars’ back. Like he had imagined, the muscles were stiff beneath his touch, a sign of all the tension that had built up. “You’re right. I cherish you deeply and I’m willing to sacrifice all of me for your sake.”
Kars sensed it in the tone of his voice. His confession was so earnest it was disarming, his words so sentimental they were nauseating. His devotion so unwavering Kars’ throat tightened.
Or maybe it was just what was left of the wine in his stomach, threatening to rise up his esophagus. He doubled over just in time to spew it up with a pathetic groan, but in its place he saw dark, heavy blood.
“Alright, got it. That sounded too corny for you to handle.”
Reverting to playful now, really. That jerk’s mood swung wilder than that cursed ship.
Was it human blood? Vampire blood? Hard to tell; the victims Kars had claimed before embarking were countless and belonged to different species. For some reason he had failed to properly absorb it. And what if it was his own blood…? In any case the taste that lingered was so foul he’d hardly forget it, and damn, it burned like a sunbeam had slipped through his guts unnoticed, consuming him from within. Absurd. He wondered what surprises awaited all three of them on solid ground. Despite his vast knowledge, even he couldn’t predict the hidden dangers they’d face. It was crucial not to let the guard down.
“Did that help?”
Kars was grateful Esidisi hadn’t stopped stroking his back even as he dry heaved.
“A little,” he grumbled.
Whatever that crap was, it forced itself out of his system. Next priority: to regain composure. Focus. Take advantage of the awkward silence to venture further theories.
Was it an effect of his experiments with the stone masks? Did he make a miscalculation? No doubt he was the most skilled craftsman alive, the masks he meticulously designed were perfect. But what if setting a flawed Red Stone in them caused some sort of conflict on his neural patterns? If the brain received contradictory signals—
“Kars. I understand you want to figure it all out, but you might be overanalyzing.”
He rolled his eyes at the comment, sighing tiredly. His wandering mind truly knew no rest. But of course. Obsession wasn’t quite the same as pointless moping: he refused to wallow in self-pity. It was his unshakable tenacity that was painting a picture of the world he envisioned, clearer and clearer each year, decade, century. Still not enough.
“Consider it to be nothing more than your own quirk,” Esidisi offered.
A quirk. His comrade had been there all along, showing him unconditional support. Ignoring the pang he felt in his chest, Kars decided to let him go on. “Elaborate, Esidisi.”
“Doesn’t Wamuu instinctively attack anyone who steps on his shadow? I throw temper tantrums like a baby when I am stressed out, and you, I suppose you get travel sickness. That’s your quirk. If you can’t change a situation, change your perspective instead. You’ve done it before.”
Kars wasn’t sure if Esidisi was an idiot or a special flavour of genius himself.
Change.
He was on a quest for change, indeed. He had changed his point of view before, and when it happened, the realization hit him hard. He hated himself for living a fucking lie. They’d called him delusional. They’d called him insane. A walking aberration. And they were so obtuse, so blind. But Kars was gifted, and he was alone. There was no one in his tribe to grasp the grandness of his schemes, not even his own parents. No one to watch his back as those traitors orchestrated his fall, except—
Esidisi kissed him, and it was then Kars allowed himself to buckle under the full weight of his exhaustion. He closed his eyes and welcomed the pleasant sensation. He deserved it.
The white-haired man pulled away only to lick his lips with satisfaction, staring at the other. Kars shook his head in dismay. “You really are disgusting. After what you’ve just seen of me—”
“Please, Kars, I almost can’t recognize you.” Esidisi let out a sinister chuckle. “You should have pointed that out a long time ago, don’t you think? Let me remind you. I joined you in the annihilation of our brethren. Their blood was still fresh on your skin, and it turned me on. I sucked it greedily while you squirmed beneath me, begging me to come inside you. We were deaf to the wails of the infants we spared.”
A spark lit up in Kars’ eyes. Dormant memories of intense heat and a sublime sense of wholeness had been reawakened, along with a sickness to his stomach— no, a hunger— no, an exhilarating desire. It had been ages since their flesh united as one.
Kars assaulted Esidisi’s scorching mouth like a possessed man. It dawned upon him that he craved him desperately. Could it be that Esidisi had the answer to the questions that tormented him? Did they unveil the mystery together? Kars’ imperfect body— his incomplete body had a need for intimacy that had been neglected for too long. If he paid more attention to it, maybe… To transcend that malaise, that sinking feeling into sheer lust, wouldn’t it feel like taking a further step toward self-understanding?
Evolve.
He had a major revelation for the second time in his life.
“Ugh, your breath stinks for real though! I suggest you be more selective about the creatures you feed on,” Esidisi taunted him.
He was just as deranged as Kars was. They were kindred souls who recognized and sought each other.
“I offer you my blood, Lord Kars. It will invigorate you.”
There it was again, the utter adoration dripping from Esidisi’s voice. A low whisper in Kars’ ear that sent a shiver down his spine. As Kars ran his tongue all over his companion’s neck, the temptation to sink his teeth in for a few bites of Esidisi’s life force made his head spin. But they’d made a solemn vow, the three Pillar men: they would never feed on one another. Never, not even under the most dire circumstances. Now there was a side to Kars, a vile and despicable side, that would put his own whims before anything else in the world, including an ancient oath to the last of their kind. Kars couldn’t exactly boast a strong sense of loyalty, and Esidisi knew it. He had deliberately made him the most enticing of offers. To challenge him. To torture him.
Bastard, Kars scoffed. Esidisi hadn’t lost that sadistic streak of his. He resembled Kars a lot in this respect. So you are the cure for me, hmm. But it wasn’t a matter of not giving in to a visceral impulse in the name of honor; he simply wasn’t going to let Esidisi win that easily.
Kars jumped back, and in a flash of light Esidisi had his bone blade to his throat. A smug smirk played across Esidisi’s face. “Glad I made you feel better, Kars.”
“Don’t flatter yourself, you can try harder.” Kars returned the smile. Thank you, Esidisi. The night was young and belonged to them. “I’ll be the one to grant you something. Permission to claim me like in the past, tonight and as many times as I wish.”
The rough seas will have to bow down to their passion.
Esidisi trembled in anticipation as he released his veins from beneath his fingernails to bind Kars’ ankles in an iron grip. Oh, he was so going to relish this.
“Getting a bit too carried away, aren’t you? Wamuu is no fool. He noticed something was wrong with you. No need to have him secluded in his quarters.”
“What do you mean?” Kars asked cautiously. He hadn’t withdrawn his blade yet.
“Relax, I took proper care of it. I told him you’ve been sulking because despite your ruthless demeanor, deep down in your heart you’re sorry about Santana.”
Tsk. What a low blow. “I am outraged, Esidisi. I don’t regret my decision in the slightest. That dog wasn’t ready to follow us. I’m not sure he even wanted to. He would have only slowed us down, and you cannot deny it.”
“I’ll concede I agreed to it, yes. However, you might have failed to consider that I do feel sorry for him either way,” Esidisi spat. “You’ve always been too harsh on him, and I’ve wondered if you were doing it on purpose. You knew I liked him. You wouldn’t be so childish as to be jealous, would you?”
The temperature of Esidisi’s blood vessels was rising quickly, Kars felt it on his skin. It did not hurt him but it started to feel a little uncomfortable—or at least as annoying as his own blood rushing violently to his cheeks. Jealous. How dare he…?
“Wamuu grew up with a partner,” Esidisi went on. “Now he has only us to rely on. He deserves an apology.”
Kars gritted his teeth. “We’ll be more than enough for him. He’s become the toughest warrior of all at such a young age. When have you grown so soft, Esidisi?”
“Come to think of it, Kars, I shouldn’t have gone easy on you. Imagine if our precious battle prodigy heard the news! His Master is afflicted by a strange ailment ‘cause it’s been too painfully long since he last engaged in wild sexual intercourse with Esidisi of the Flame.”
Kars’ face turned livid. “…Give me a good reason why I shouldn’t tear you to pieces and make the ocean your grave, Esidisi of the Flame.”
Esidisi calmly retreated his veins. He’d hit the mark.
No mercy when he’ll have Kars melt under his touch and ache for release. What a privilege to be the one to guide him to an ecstasy of perfection and completeness. Kars had chosen him; he had chosen Kars.
“Because you love me.”