Chapter Text
"Ugh this spell is such bullshit!" You kick some grass as you mess up the transfiguration spell for the tenth time. Maybe only fifth, but it feels like it's been hours.
"Maybe eleventh time is the charm," Chan says, hopeful.
"Or twentieth," says Suni. "There's no rush, really."
"Twentieth?? More like, a hundred thousandth," you flop dramatically onto the lawn in the gardens outside the castle.
"Seriously though. The exam isn't for months," Suni reminds you.
"Yeah but I'm gonna get behind if I don't get this one," you fret.
Chan looks thoughtful. "What if you tried more of a twist at the end of it? I've seen that work for some people."
Chan tutors some of the younger years, but also people in your year. He's surprisingly good at charms and spells. Not so good with potions, but hey, can't be good at everything.
You try his advice, and the rock wiggles, as if it's thinking about turning into the stick you want it to.
"Hey that felt a little better," you concede.
"I think you'll get it," he says.
"Yeah, when worms fly," Suni pipes up again.
"Shut up," you grin. Suni is your best friend and though she makes fun of you a lot, it's all in good spirits and you tease her an equal amount.
"If you count butterflies, they kinda do," Chan supplies, ever optimistic.
You all met last year in your Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Your professor gave you free time to study, but the assignments were so easy that you finished them quickly and passed the time making up rambling stories about the ridiculous characters in the textbook's examples.
After a semester, you had grown close and had developed a great repertoire of inside jokes, and had started meeting up for everything from study sessions to wanderings around grounds.
"That cloud looks like a porcupine," you mutter.
Suni looks up. "No it doesn't."
"What?"
"It's giving, dragon."
"It is not!" You protest. "Have you seen a dragon? Ever?"
"Loads!" she replies.
"Where? Tell me where. They just, like, live in your backyard? They're at, like, the local zoo?"
"Yeah! No, when we went to Romania that one time. I guess that was before you. And you do know there are these things called PICTURES right?"
"What ever. It's not a dragon." You go back to trying to lift the rock.
"What are you working on anyways?" you ask Suni.
"The botany paper," she replies, making a face.
"Oh." Nothing exciting. "Lame."
You look over at Chan. Is he asleep?
"Chan?"
"Hmm? "
"You looked asleep."
"I'm practicing charms in my head."
"Yeah, ok." you smile. He's definitely just taking a nap. This semester has been difficult for all of you so far. Being Fifth Years, they had suddenly decided to ramp up the complexity of seemingly every single class.
"Sometimes I just don't understand why I'm Ravenclaw," you pout. "Why don't I understand everything perfectly the first time? Like, I should be amazing at learning."
"Maybe that's not what being a Ravenclaw is about," supplies Chan. "Maybe it's not about speed of learning, but depth, or love of, or something."
"Yeah cuz turning this fucking rock into a stick is really deep, I can just imagine the connection I'll have with this inanimate object." You are not convinced.
You're a Ravenclaw, of course. You have always been very devoted to your studies, perhaps too much so, and are known for clever quips and for getting straight A’s. And as much as some people ragged on the Hufflepuffs, you kinda wish you were Hufflepuff because they seem more chill and less high strung... What you'd give to be calm for a day!
Chan is a Hufflepuff, not because he necessarily didn't fit anywhere else, but because he's very good with people, very kind, always trying to get consensus, help people get along. You think his life goal is making sure everyone feels included. And you admire that about him, truly. There have been many times in your life where you could have used a Chan, a connector, because you felt stuck on the outside of every group. Now here at Hogwarts, you feel like you belong again, especially with Chan and Suni and the friendship you've built.
Suni is a Gryffindor, also very fittingly. Decisive, stubborn at times, and sometimes a bit too risk-taking for your liking. But, you admire her bravery and outgoing nature. She makes friends with everyone, so knows many Ravenclaws and you consider her an honorary Ravenclaw. Though you slightly outsmart her in class, she gives you a run for your money sometimes.
You just need a Slytherin to square out the group, you think. One face comes to mind immediately and you suppress a smile.
You wish, you tell yourself and sigh.
While the weather is still good here in September, you’ve been meeting regularly in the castle gardens for study and spell practice. Groups of students, and some solitary students, dot the lawns. Great clouds tower overhead. It's reminiscent of Miyazaki scenery, you think wistfully.
You steady your wand again and focus on the rock. Well, it's more like a pebble. Pathetic really, that you can't do this simple spell.
"You'll get it. I believe." Chan still has his hat over his face and you wonder if he can read your mind. Were you raising your wand that loud??
"Yeah," you huff again. "Sorry I get so stressed about it."
Chan waves in dismissal. "That's what we're here for."
"Yeah, to make fun of you so much that you get angry at us and succeed out of spite," says Suni.
You know that you're often a bundle of nerves and have been working on relaxing a bit more. You've been called a perfectionist, and although you take pride in it sort of, you know you shouldn't.
C’s get degrees, as Suni likes to say. You always frown at her, but know that there's truth to it. She often seems like she's enjoying life a bit more than you, and you know it's because she doesn't take things as seriously as you do.
"No, I must be perfect all the time," you joke. But also not really a joke... 97% on a test? What an idiot. You should have known the answer to that one question you got wrong.
~~~~~
Unlike the rock, the days of fall semester morph into each other seamlessly until you walk into the great hall one morning and there are LEAVES falling on the tables. Oh wait, no, they stop just above everyone's heads. That means it must be October 15, the real start of fall.
You join Suni at the Gryffindor table and she shoves a flyer at you before you can even look at the breakfast offerings today.
"The Yule Baaaaallll," she singsongs, dropping the flyer in front of you and grabbing some toast to butter.
"Mmmmm," you glance down. Figures whirl through a winter wonderland in the moving picture. It's the year of the Triwizard Tournament again, which means the Yule Ball, to "build camaraderie and foster connections among the schools" but you all have heard the stories... It's really just an excuse to party.
Castelobruxo and Uagadou are here this year, although just their Sixth and Seventh Years, and of those, only those who elected to come. Still, it's a hundred more students roaming the grounds, and it's been neat to meet some of them. Unfortunately, you have been so swept up with the difficult Fifth Year classes you haven't been able to attend the get togethers. The tournament games are fun to watch, and decidedly less deadly than before. The student from Hogwarts who was picked is a Seventh Year, someone you didn't know before this year, but of course now everyone knows them. A Gryffindor named Danielle, and she's been doing pretty well. Only one task so far, an underwater escape room type race. The Castelobruxo competitor almost drowned though, so maybe it isn't really less deadly.
But at least there's the Yule Ball, right? Makes it all worth it, you joke to yourself.
Not usually one for dances, you feel a bit unqualified for this ball, but it will only happen once in your tenure here.
"Maybe I should go," you say to yourself.
"Um, yeah!" says Suni.
In the following days, it's all anyone can talk about.
~~~~~
You and Suni lounge in the Gryffindor common room one evening, reviewing your Potions homework.
"Suni."
"Hmm?"
"Who would you go with to the Ball?"
She looks up. Distracted, as she must have been in the middle of memorizing something.
"Um. Jongho's coming up from London."
Oh. Right.
Sometimes you forget about Jongho, being caught up in the little bubble of Hogwarts. He's Suni's boyfriend, though she doesn't mention him often. He's a Muggle, but one of the bright ones. He works at some tech company in London... you're not sure what they do. It doesn't help that you haven't ever met him in person and haven't had the chance to ask.
He and Suni met at a party in London some summer before you met her, so you're not sure of the specifics. All you know is, when you have seen him briefly on Suni's phone screen, he seems quiet and serious, a foil to Suni's playfulness.
"Wait where is he staying? I thought we couldn't have guests."
"Hogsmeade,” she says absentmindedly.
"Ah." Duh. Why didn't you think of that.
She finishes writing a list in her notebook and looks up at you.
"Soooooo you better get to it girl," she gives you a look. "We gotta find you a date."
You aren't going out with anyone, so you don't immediately have anyone to go with, but you do have crushes on several people. But… you've always been too shy to ask anyone out.
"I don't think anyone will ask me," you say, trying not to sound whiny, but you're pretty sure you sound whiny.
"Well why don't YOU ask someone?" she suggests, raising her eyebrows at you.
That shuts you up.
Because... Because... I'm scared.
I can't.
"I could never," you protest. "I, it's not, I couldn't..." your voice fades.
Your heart has increased its beats per minute. Imagine actually asking someone. That would be insanely intimidating. You're not the prettiest, nor are you the most charming or gregarious. Sure, you're pretty smart, and you like to think you're funny, but that's not generally what guys care about, is it?
And the humiliation of being rejected... you could never.
"I dare you to ask him."
You are silent.
You both know who "him" is.
The Slytherin who would perfectly fit into your red-blue-yellow group. All you're missing is the green.
Athletic... mysterious... handsome...
You've had a crush on him since last year. He's low-key famous within the school for being an amazing Quidditch Seeker, having helped Slytherin to the Quidditch School Cup last year. You have to admit, you're kinda a fangirl. You try to distance yourself from the actual crazy fangirls though... you don't scream at him after a match or ask for his autograph.
They're all so cringe.
But maybe he likes that?
Minho.
As you also play Quidditch, being a Chaser for Ravenclaw, you've brushed shoulders with him more than once. Also a Fifth Year, you've seen him around the castle for awhile. But it was only last year that he... well, you all grew up, is what happened. They now require a gap year after Third Year, for students to do an apprenticeship at a place of their choice.
And when you came back for Fourth Year... he got... hot.
You've tried to make friends with him, sorta. Or at least, make acquaintances, so he knows who you are. You think he remembers you. Does he??
You say “good game” when you see him in class after a Quidditch match... had he caught on that you're trying to flirt with him yet? Definitely not. But then again, your version of flirting is pretty non-existent to the point where it just seems like you're trying to make friends. Being genuinely curious about his hobbies, complimenting him after a game. You've played several matches against Slytherin, but he's usually up in the clouds while you're twirling about the pitch trying to score goals.
You traded jokes in Potions sometimes about fake ingredients with silly sounding names, but only because you were assigned to sit next to him last semester. It seems like ages ago. This semester, you only share Charms. He sits with his friends, and you sit with yours. You haven't had the courage to continue any sort of meaningful interaction with him.
What if I did though? You allow yourself to see yourself as brave for a moment... and then immediately shake your head.
I couldn't... could I???
"Suni, I'm not a Gryffindor."
She rolls her eyes at you.
"Excuses!! You think courage is relegated to one house?"
"Ummmmm," you pause. "Yes?"
She doesn't say anything, just continues scratching things in her notebook.
"Ok, how about... what if I have a back up plan? You know, for when Minho inevitably turns me down. Then maybe I wouldn't be so obsessed with him."
"Like a list?"
"... yeah."
"Um, well, that's kinda weird but if it helps you, sure."
Ok. Now you are scared but remind yourself you don't have to do it tonight. It's early November, and the Yule Ball is still a month away. But amongst all the boring schoolwork, the Ball is the talk of the castle and probably will be up until the night of. Some students have been waiting a couple years since the last one. People are already asking each other.
You swallow and take a deep breath.
"Ok. Maybe, like, three people. That seems doable." Lessen the blow of them rejecting me.
You first decide on Chan, as your safe bet. You feel a little guilty calling it that, as you're ever aware of the stigma against Hufflepuffs being called leftovers. But you won't tell Chan he's third... well, hopefully he won't find out about the two other guys you're going to ask. And you really would enjoy going with him. You think he might just say yes because he's such a good friend. He probably wants to go anyways, right? He has a gazillion friends though, so someone might ask him first. But as far as you've heard, he's not going with anyone yet. Surely he would have mentioned it?
The other person you think of is Jinyoung, a Sixth Year Ravenclaw who is also really smart. You’ve crossed paths with him in the common room sometimes, and since you've made a point to get to know most of the Ravenclaws, you've had a few chats about classes. Sometimes on a lazy Saturday when people are milling around or studying, you catch yourself staring at him. He usually looks so studious, so serious, concentrating on his latest assignment. You think he's pretty cute. On the rare occasions you see him smiling, your stomach does a little flip and you wish he'd smile because of you... maybe because you made a funny joke or really clever comment. You don't think he has a girlfriend. He's kinda quiet too so maybe less chance that he's asked anyone to the Ball yet.
And of course... Minho himself.
Good luck, you tell yourself, trying to dissociate already to lessen the inevitable rejections coming soon to a castle near you.