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"Charlie, my dear, may I have a moment of your time?"
Alastor had materialized in Charlie's office with no warning before speaking, so the undignified shout she let out and accompanying dark line dashed through the crayon drawing she had been working on was entirely understandable.
"Aah! Alastor! Of course, what can I do for you?"
"In last week's staff meeting, you asked us to come up with more ideas for group activities."
Charlie nodded, "Right, we want to provide more opportunities for our guests to connect with their emotions, to practice empathy and active listening, that kind of thing."
Alastor produced a paper out of his inner coat pocket. "Well, I have a proposal, and I'm even willing to be the host." He placed the paper on top of Charlie's ruined drawing.
Charlie looked down at the handmade flier in front of her. It read:
Chair Yoga with the Radio Demon
Increase your flexibility
Develop your core
Attune to yourself and to your chair
All ability levels welcome
BYOC (Bring your own chair)
Charlie's eyes lit up as she finished reading through the flier. "Wow, Al, you've certainly taken some initiative here! Don't take this the wrong way, but you're the last person on staff I'd have expected to plan a group bonding activity, much less volunteer to lead it. I didn't know you knew yoga!"
"Yes, well, I'm sure there's still plenty you don't know about me! So, what do you say?"
Charlie handed the flier back to him. "I think it's a fantastic idea, Alastor! I'll put you on the schedule of activities available for our guests right away!"
"Splendid." Al disappeared as quickly as he'd entered. Charlie couldn't believe that Alastor of all people was becoming more invested in her redemption project. She'd get through to him yet! She took out a new piece of paper to start her lesson plan over again, and got back to work.
~•••~
"Say, Al!" Charlie flagged Alastor down in the hall shortly after his first session had occurred. "How did your first class go?"
Alastor gave a twirl of his staff and landed it between his feet. "It was modestly attended, but I daresay we may have a few come back next week."
"Wonderful! Let me know if you need any support, okay?"
"Thank you, but I think I have it under control, dear." He began to walk down the hall again before pausing as a thought occurred to him. "Actually, could we offer a few different types of chairs from around the hotel to have available for those unfortunate enough not to already have a chair to call their own? I would hate for that to be a limiting factor for otherwise interested persons."
"Sure, Alastor! How considerate," if unusually phrased. Charlie chose not to voice the latter part of her thought.
"I'll go update my flier, then. Ta!"
~•••~
Charlie was working the front desk sometime the next week when she overheard two sinners talking in the lobby's TV area.
"Have you tried the Radio Demon's chair yoga class?"
"Ew, no, that sounds like torture, on multiple fronts."
"Ohmigod, no seriously, you have to come with me to the next one. It's life changing."
Huh.
~•••~
A month later, Charlie was reviewing the attendance numbers for their various activities. It didn't surprise her that just about anything with the word "therapy" in the name fell toward the bottom of the rankings. The team sporting groups were doing fairly well, all things considered. It was literal team-building without the guests realizing it! She just needed to to find a way to tone down the violence a bit—flag football wasn't supposed to include tackling a person into a coma, or really, much physical contact at all. And yet.
The creative outlets were reasonably attended, and the re-brand of "art therapy" to more fun titles like "stitch 'n bitch" and "paint and wine" had really helped increase their popularity. The surprise breakout of the last few weeks, though, was Chair Yoga with the Radio Demon. It had been sparsely populated at first—Alastor was an intimidating persona, after all, and many guests already associated yoga with painful contortions—but in the last two weeks, his class had skyrocketed to the top of the attendance chart. Last week, Alastor had requested that his class be moved to the largest room they had so they could increase capacity to meet demand.
Charlie needed to know what was so appealing to the guests about this class. What did Alastor's chair yoga have to offer that the other options on her list might be able to learn from?
Oh! Feedback cards! She could ask attendees of all classes this week to fill out feedback cards to help her better understand the secret sauce behind chair yoga's popularity! She got out her crayons and drew up a feedback card template.
~•••~
“Alastor’s class helps me achieve more flexibility and a state of enlightenment."
"I have discovered something new about myself through Alastor's class!"
"This class has changed my life."
"He introduced me to the chair of my dreams."
"I've learned to really attune myself to the needs of my chair.”
"My relationship to my chair has never been better!"
"I will never look at a chair in the same way again!"
"I practice yoga with my chair every night now to keep working on our relationship outside of class."
Yeeeaaah, so, the responses on the feedback cards did not help. If anything, Charlie was even more bewildered than before. She was thrilled that Alastor seemed to care so much about what he was doing and that the guests were so receptive to his teaching. She understood that chair yoga involved using the chair as a prop for performing yoga poses, making it a great solution for people new to yoga or who had limited mobility. But what was with all of the comments mentioning their chair so specifically?? Was it really so integral to the session?
There was only one way, then, to fully understand what the key to Alastor's success here was.
She needed to attend a session herself.
~•••~
Charlie filed into the main room, along with what must have been most of the guests currently staying at the hotel. Many of them where carrying or wheeling chairs into the room with them. Most were wearing activewear. A few, like herself, looked a bit lost and milled about along the walls.
Alastor appeared in the front of the room, along with his office chair—the one he had recovered from V Tower shortly after the whole Vox-failed-to-invade-Heaven fiasco. He was wearing a stylishly cut black unitard, along the lines of what was in fashion for men's swimwear the 1930s, and it was frankly the most revealing piece of clothing she'd ever seen him in. Still modest by Hell's standards, of course. He propped his microphone staff against the wall, and it boosted his voice to be heard by the entire room.
"Good afternoon, chair aficionados and exercise enthusiasts! If you're returning to my class, welcome back! If this is your first time, don't be shy: spread out to where you can sit in your chair and move your arms in any direction without touching an other's space. If you lack a partner today, take a look at the available chairs along the back wall. Select one that calls to you; there is no wrong choice. When you find your space, prepare yourself by sitting upright towards the front edge of your seat, hands resting on your knees or upper thighs. Narrow your thoughts to how it feels to sit in your chair. We'll start in earnest in about five minutes, once everyone is setup."
Charlie found a simple wooden chair and settled with it into a spot towards the back of the room. She did intend to participate, but she was primarily here to observe and understand.
"Now then! Let's begin. We'll start with some seated ankle rolls. Exhale and lift your right leg, clasping your hands around your knee. Inhale and begin gently rotating your foot in one direction, keeping your ankle still. Good! Really show off that ankle to your chair. Show them how much you want to share this time with them. Now rotate your foot in the other direction, breathing nice and slow."
Charlie looked around as she performed the ankle roll. Everyone was paying rapt attention to the Radio Demon in the front, who was facing the group and mirroring his instruction to help anyone who had challenges with spatial instructions.
"Return your right foot to the floor. Let's repeat with the other foot. Even though we are only moving our left ankle, pay mind to your posture—keep your head held high, your shoulders held back and down, and feel the way your seat bones sink into the front of your chair.
"Now reverse direction of your rotation. Do you feel your chair's approval? Are they enjoying your ankle teasing? Good! Bring your left foot back to the floor and let's give them something else to look at!
"Twist to your right, place your right hand on the back of your chair and your left hand on your right thigh or the chair's right arm if your chair has them, and look coyly at your chair's back while you exhale. Inhale, and stretch your hands up in the air as your return to face forward. Exhale and twist to your left, placing your left hand on the back of your chair and your right hand on your left thigh or the chair's left arm, and looking back coquettishly on your left this time. Let's flow to your right and left with these twists, warming up our core and making sure we each have our chair's full attention. Keep your breathing regular and ensure you remain rooted in your seat bones with your feet grounded on the floor as we do so."
The twisting allowed Charlie to really get a good view of most of the room and the other guests while they were practicing. Some guests looked just as out of place as she was sure she herself did, but some were really leaning into the playful attitude Alastor had described. Thinking of the chair as your yoga companion did seem to add a bit of levity and fun into the ordeal of exercising, didn't it? Then her eyes fell on a bunny demon who, each time they twisted, was practically stroking the chair's back and armrest while they ran their tongue across their teeth, winking at their chair. Uh.
Alastor noticed, as well, and remarked, "Now, now, while I appreciate the enthusiasm, I see the looks some of you are giving your chairs are more on the side of leering predation than flirty playfulness. While I myself am no stranger to the thrills of hunting prey, remember that here your chair is a partner with you in these movements, and our aim is to engage with them as such. Focus on enticing them to contribute, feel how they support you as we move, and be receptive to what they are telling you during this practice."
The bunny demon looked a little sheepish after that, but seemed to take Alastor's words to heart. They tamed their antics to something more in line with what Alastor himself was doing at the front of the class. He would cock his head slightly and look at the chair out of the corner of his eye with an understated smile whenever he'd start another twist.
Charlie was feeling pretty awkward at this point. The yoga was easy enough, but personifying your chair in this way felt strangely, well, intimate. She gave a bashful look to the chair when she began her next twist. "Sorry, this is all new to me, but I'll do my best if you will," she whispered to the chair. She was saved the embarrassment of realizing she was waiting for a response when Alastor began instruction again.
"Finish your repetition and return to face center, hands on your thighs. Now we're really going to give our chairs something to appreciate! Lift your right foot and lay it on your left leg, ankle just outside your left knee. It should look somewhat like the figure four. Place your hands on either side of the edge of your seat, and press them down, to help elongate your torso. Stretch through the crown of your head to lengthen your spine, then—leading from your sternum—exhale, lean forward and push your behind into the seat of your chair. You should now be displaying the lovely curve of your back to your chair. Inhale and lengthen your spine, exhale and lean further forward to deepen the stretch of your hips. Let's maintain this position for a few breaths."
Charlie stretched with the others, face flushed—and not just from the physical exertion. Why did this position feel more vulnerable than it seemed like it should? Fully dressed, in a room full of people who were paying her no mind as they performed their own stretching, Charlie felt exposed. She felt the gaze of the chair on her. Don't be ridiculous. It's a chair. It's not sentient. We're just exercising.
Alastor went on with his instructions, first switching legs for the figure four pose, then moving to more challenging poses, each one involving the chair in some way. They were seated for most of them, but some required standing and facing the chair, to stretch their legs, for example.
As the class went on and the poses became more difficult, Alastor would offer insights and words of wisdom. "We're going to hold this one for three more breath cycles." Wimpers of exertion skittered around the room at that instruction. "Look at your chair. Do you see them with you? Hear them telling you as you breathe in that it's only three more, you can do it for them? Breathe out and hear them say 'good, just like that, only two more left now.' Breathe in as they're telling you how proud they are you're keeping at it. Breathe out and listen to their special words just for you. Breathe in. Breathe out. And release."
The room erupted in sighs—to call some of the sounds moans would not be far off—of relief, and Alastor led them into the next pose. After a few more, they began winding down.
"As our practice comes to an end, I want you to find a comfortable position with your chair. Traditionally, you would return to the same easy seat position we began with, and you certainly may, but I challenge you to consider a more intimate position with your chair to close your time together. After all, they've been here for you, encouraging you, challenging you, pushing you. It's time to be there for them.
"Perhaps you'd like to curl up into your chair. Maybe sit in front of your chair and lay your head in their lap. However you choose, take a moment to thank your chair for joining you today. For their steadfastness and support. Focus on your breathing and any points of contact you're making with your chair as we remain here for a few minutes."
Charlie chose to sit behind her chair, legs stretched out on either side of it and arms wrapped around its waist, resting her head against the back. This was definitely the strangest yoga experience Charlie had ever had. In no other did she catch herself thinking, You have a girlfriend, don't tease your chair too much, or you might need to confess to Vaggi later.
Actually, maybe Vaggi would like to come next time? Wait, was she considering coming back to do this again? It did seem to be effective, and she was having a good time… okay, yes I want to do this again, but only if Vaggi comes with me. I don't want to have to explain myself to her if I end up emotionally attached to this chair, and if she gets attached to one of her own, too, then neither of us need feel guilty about it. Seems fair.
"That's the end our official time for today. If you used a guest chair and found yourself bonding with the one you selected today, consider them yours! Please take them with you and bring them to sessions you attend going forward to further develop your bond.
"There are no other sessions booked for this room this afternoon, so feel free to remain in the arms of your chair as long as you feel you both need. Don't forget to say goodbye to your chair when you move on to whatever the rest of your day has in store. See you next week, darlings." Alastor retrieved his microphone staff from the wall, set it in his chair, and wheeled it out. As he passed Charlie, she could hear him uttering praises to it in low tones.
Charlie sat a few minutes longer, then stood and brought her simple wooden chair back with her to her room. She then went off in search of Vaggi to invite her to next week's session.
~ fin ~