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Jungwon inhales and holds his breath until he feels dizzy.
Eventually, he turns his head sideways and blows the smoke from his cig in a single whoosh of breath. Despite this, a bit of smoke still gets trapped inside the car.
He glances at the passenger side when Sunoo clicks his tongue disapprovingly, one hand already waving away the haze from his face, half lit by the yellow lighting of the bus station parking lot.
“It stinks,” he complains. It makes Jungwon smile. “I've never seen you smoke before.”
He shrugs at that.
“First time for everything.”
The first time Jungwon notices Sunoo’s mouth, it’s over a silly thing.
“Hyung,” he says with disgust. “That’s gross.”
A big slice of cake between them—some type of tiramisu and sansrival hybrid that they drove two towns over for—Sunoo is already on his third spoonful but stopped because of the icing stuck too high on his philtrum.
“I just… have… to try… a little more…”
Instead of doing the sensible thing and wiping it off, Sunoo is reaching for the generous dollop with his tongue instead.
“It’s not possible,” Jungwon insists with a laugh as he leans back on his seat. He crosses his arms. “Your tongue’s not long enough.”
But his hyung has never been a quitter. He goes nearly cross-eyed just to achieve what he’s trying to do and Jungwon laughs some more, only for the sound to taper off into a breath as his gaze drops to his mouth again.
Jungwon watches as Sunoo’s tongue swipes first at his upper lip, and then his lower lip. They’re still shiny because of the lip gloss he’s been using a lot lately, the one that can rival the sun.
“Jungwon?”
He blinks, caught. Caught doing what?
His gaze meets Sunoo’s, his eyes crinkled in a rainbow shape as he grins.
“I said, do you think if I put icing on the tip of my tongue, it’ll help me reach better?”
But Jungwon is done watching his hyung’s mouth and tongue so he grabs a table napkin and pushes himself forward across the table.
“There, done!”
Sunoo turns his head away too late—the icing is gone in an instant.
“You asshole, that was for science!”
“It’s icing, not magnets! Just eat your cake!”
Sunoo doesn’t say anything else for a bit.
There’s something about three in the morning that’s very still, deafening because of the lack of sound, and this is it.
With another pull of nicotine, he feels more than hears his hyung’s restlessness.
“I’ll worry, you know,” he mutters, his tone annoyed, but Jungwon knows better. “Why now? Who’s going to stop you from becoming a chainsmoker?”
The second time, it’s because Sunoo is scowling so hard, it’s twisted his entire face.
Until that moment, Jungwon has never seen him this upset before.
“You want a refund because of a stain you were able to wipe off? It’s not even permanent—the thing’s just dirty!”
For the last week or so, Jungwon has been the one running his dad’s mechanic shop since he’s still in the hospital. The people they know, the ones who live in the town, are ok to deal with.
They’re patient with him.
But outsiders, the ones just passing through, they’re more unkind over errors like Jungwon accidentally forgetting to clean the grease from the underside of the car hood.
“Clean up is part of the service—”
Jungwon finally steps in because he doesn’t want to drag this any longer.
“It’s fine, I’ll give him his—”
But Sunoo shakes his head and puts himself in between Jungwon and the customer, one hand lifted, to poke his chest with a finger.
“He just wants something to complain about! You either leave right now or I’ll call the police. You’re not even from around here… you really want to waste the chief’s time? Let’s see how long you’ll be stuck at the station. This is a small town—everyone knows everybody!”
That’s not true, not for a while now, because a lot of the previous residents already left and the ones who moved in to replace them, they’re passing through too, just like this guy.
The people-shuffling has made a lot of the new residents here strangers.
With a huff, the customer eventually backs off as he turns around to leave. But he’s still shouting and it doesn’t help Sunoo follows him all the way to the sidewalk.
“I’ll give you one star online! You’ll never have customers again!”
The laugh that spills out of Sunoo’s mouth is mocking and hysterical.
“Have you seen where we live? This is the only mechanic shop here! You want to really hurt the business? Move here and open your own!”
“Fuck you!”
Jungwon rushes towards Sunoo who snarls and lifts a fist at the customer’s car as he drives off, engine roaring, unable to stop himself from laughing.
“Hyung, come on, that’s enough. He’s already leaving.”
With a huff, Sunoo shakes off the hand he wraps around his arm, this time with a glare at him.
“And you were really going to give him a refund! If Mr. Yang was here, he’d be screaming at you, too! There would be three of us!”
Taking his arm again, Jungwon hums and nods, and lets Sunoo nag, as he guides him back to where they’d been enjoying a little snack. And because his hyung still won’t stop talking—
“Shh, here, have this, let’s keep eating.”
He shoves a whole mandu into Sunoo’s mouth far enough that his fingers touch lips, teeth, and tongue.
He doesn’t know why but Jungwon feels like it’s some kind of violation.
When he doesn’t answer, Sunoo stomps one foot hard enough that the car wobbles a bit.
Jungwon blows another wisp of smoke sideways.
“I’m not going to be a chainsmoker. This actually tastes terrible.”
HIs hyung makes an exaggerated harrumph sound.
“Then why are you even smoking it? Throw it away!”
The third time, it’s distracting enough that Jungwon doesn’t have to think they’re at the hospital.
It’s been almost an hour since his dad’s surgery because of a broken hip. This one’s bad; the doctor said his old man will probably have to close down their shop.
But his dad had interjected, with a certainty, and said with confidence:
“My son’s going to take over, of course. It’s our family business.”
He watches Sunoo twirl the straw of his hospital iced tea with his tongue, round and round it goes—it’s an absent movement because he’s on his phone, he’s not even paying attention, and he keeps drinking from the empty plastic cup.
He’s finished the drink ten minutes ago.
“Here, have mine,” Jungwon says. They’re the only ones in the cafeteria apart from the staff, just two people, who are also on their phones. He waves Sunoo’s cup over. “It’s too sweet.”
Sunoo’s entire face brightens.
“Thanks!”
But instead of going back to his phone, Sunoo turns to him, sips on his refilled iced tea for a moment, before finally speaking.
“I’m moving. Mom and dad finally said yes.”
Jungwon stills.
What?
“What? Like moving… leaving? Going away?”
Slowly, Sunoo nods.
“Yes. Finally. There’s nothing here, ‘Won-ah. If I stay here one more year, I’m going to go insane. The world’s out there!”
If a little belatedly, he nods his head.
“Yeah,” he agrees, checking the huge clock on the wall by the double doors to the cafeteria. And then he turns back to Sunoo, to the straw, as it makes its rounds one more time, guided by his tongue. “I get it.”
He doesn’t.
Jungwon flicks the cigarette butt between his fingers outside but he’s not done. He grabs the Lucky Strike pack from the dashboard and shakes out another stick.
Lights it up faster than Sunoo can scold him.
“Jungwon…”
“It’s just for today,” he repeats, gaze now fixed ahead, right where the entrance to the bus station is. There are only two buses.
One is going to take Sunoo away.
“Why today of all days?”
His hyung sounds very exasperated, his concern sitting underneath his annoyance. Jungwon can always tell.
Sunoo isn’t really the type to get angry at him, not seriously anyway.
So maybe it’s ok to tell him why.
Pulling as much nicotine as he can into his lungs, delaying the moment, eventually he has to exhale. When he does, Jungwon doesn’t bother to face the window.
He can’t hide anywhere so the smoke will do.
“If I don’t have anything in my mouth, I’m going to kiss you goodbye.”
As soon as the words leave his lips, that’s when Sunoo’s phone beeps.
Five minutes before he needs to board the bus.
He doesn’t finish his cigarette and flicks it out the window, undoing his seatbelt, there he’s said it—
“Come on, I’ll help you with your bags, hyung.”
But he never gets to open the door because Sunoo is pulling him back by the arm.
This isn’t even smoke, not nicotine, but the feel of those lips, that mouth, against his cheek makes Jungwon so dizzy, it’s a miracle he’s still upright.
“Hyung…”
When he turns to him as he pulls back, Sunoo won’t meet his eyes.
“Maybe someday, I’ll miss this place and come back.”
Maybe.
Jungwon smiles.
“Yeah, hyung… I get it.”