Work Text:
“I have a feeling there’s not a lot of people you can talk to. I mean, about all the other things and stuff.”
”Things and stuff can be… tricky for me.”
”Text me whenever, okay? I mean it, Shane. Because I’ll be texting you all the time. You’ll wish you’d never met me!”
”That’s impossible, Rose.”
1. Early January, 2017
[FaceTime Request: Shane Hollander → Rose Landry]
[Calling…]
[Rose Landry connected]
Rose: Oh, hey! I wasn’t expecting you to call so soon. What’s up?
Shane: Hey, Rose. I just- I wanted to thank you again for tonight. And to apologize, maybe, if I hurt you in any way. I really appreciate you being so nice about, you know, this whole me-being-gay thing.
Rose: Shane, I promise it’s okay. You’re making it sound like you’ve committed a crime.
Shane: [exhales tiredly] It kind of feels like I did, honestly.
Rose: Oh, honey…
Shane: God, just— imagine what would happen if I dated literally anyone else and they found out about me like this. Reporters would have a fucking field day. My parents would know before I could even tell them myself. The league would find out and my team would find out and I’d wake up to headlines about me and then everyone would be talking about my sexuality like it’s such a scandal—
Rose: Shane.
Shane: And then every single interview would be about me being gay instead of hockey and—
Rose: Shane.
Shane: And then fucking Roger Crowell would probably kick me from the league and—
Rose: Shane! Breathe, please. Yes, good, there we go.
Shane: [laughs wetly] Fuck, sorry. It’s been an overwhelming day.
Rose: I know, babe. But I promise, your secret is 100% safe with me. You can trust me on this. And, like I mentioned earlier, if you ever need a friend to talk to about your guy problems, I’m more than willing to lend an ear.
Shane: Yeah, I— I know. Thanks, Rose. [pause] And I don’t have guy problems!
Rose: [unconvincingly] Uh-huh. Sure you don’t.
Shane: Well, it’s just… [hesitates] It’s a guy problem. Singular. Um— there’s only one guy.
Rose: Oh my god. Shane, please, you can’t just leave me hanging like that. You’ve got to tell me more!
Shane: [shaking his head] Rose…
Rose: No, no, no. I love you, but you can’t do this to me. Please? This is a big night for me too! Your love life is the most interesting thing that’s happened to me in a long time.
Shane: I— What?! You’re literally a Hollywood-famous actress!
Rose: And? None of that compares to your secret homosexual lore!
Shane: Oh my god, it’s just… [mumbles something unintelligible]
Rose: I’m sorry, what was that? I didn’t catch it.
Shane: [louder, embarrassed] I said it’s complicated.
Rose: Shane, I’ve been in the entertainment industry for the past ten years. Trust me, I’m very familiar with what complicated looks like.
Shane: …Fair point.
Rose: So? Who is he? Is he famous? Is he someone I'd know? Is he—
Shane: Rose.
Rose: —a model? An actor? A politician? Oh god, Shane, I can fully support you being gay but politicians might be where I draw the line.
Shane: [wincing] Rose, I really can't—
Rose: [gasps dramatically] Wait. Is he married? Shane, tell me you're not hooking up with a married guy.
Shane: [chokes] What? No! God, no. He's not married. He's…
Rose: He's...?
Shane: [long pause, visibly struggling] He's... it's just... not safe, okay? For either of us. It can look really bad, and if the league found out about both of us— [stops abruptly, eyes widening in realization]
Rose: [slowly, eyes going wide] Both of you? Wait, the league? You said the league. Shane, don’t tell me… is he a hockey player?
Shane: [panicked] Rose, I— that's not—
Rose: Oh my god. Oh my god! You've hooked up with another hockey player. That's why you're so scared. Holy shit, that's—
Shane: [voice strangled] Rose, please. I can't— you can't tell anyone. You can't.
Rose: [softens] Hey. Hey. Look at me. I'm not going to tell anyone. I already promised you that. But Shane... I'm still going to figure out who it is. You know that, right?
Shane: [groans, burying his face in his hands] Why are you like this? Aren’t you booked and busy doing, you know… actress stuff?
Rose: [grinning] Well, you're my friend and I love you and I want to see you happy. [pauses, tilting her head] Is he on your team?
Shane: [muffled] Please stop talking.
Rose: Wait, wait, wait— okay, not your team. Got it. So he's on another team then?
Shane: [looks up, horrified] Rose.
Rose: What? I'm just thinking out loud.
Shane: Yeah, okay, I’m literally gonna hang up now.
Rose: [laughing] Shane, come on—
Shane: Goodnight, Rose. Thank you for—[waves vaguely]—everything. Really. But I'm going the fuck to bed.
Rose: Okay, okay. But this isn't over!
Shane: [already pressing the end call button, smiling despite himself] Bye, Rose.
[FaceTime ended - 8:03]
Rose Landry
Rose Landry
I’m going to figure out who he is
And then I’m going to help you to the best of my abilities
Because clearly you need it. You deserve to live your happy gay life to the fullest! #HappyPrideMonth
Me
Rose, it’s January
But thank you
Rose Landry
❤️
2. Mid-January, 2017
[FaceTime Request: Rose Landry → Shane Hollander]
[Calling…]
[Shane Hollander connected]
Shane: [mouth full of food] Hi, Rose, hold on—lemme just—
Rose: Have you been hooking up with Ilya fucking Rozanov?!
Shane: [chokes violently, wheezing and pounding his chest]
Rose: Oh god, I shouldn’t have started with that— Shane, breathe, breathe through your nose—
Shane: What— You— How the fuck did you figure that out?
Rose: Holy shit, it’s actually Rozanov? Shane! I was just guessing, what the fuck?
Shane: You were guessing?!
Rose: I mean— okay, it wasn’t nothing. I did some very in-depth research about this. But I wasn't 100% sure! I was like… maybe 60% sure. 65, tops. [sheepishly] Honestly, my first choice was Hayden Pike.
Shane: [horrified] What– Hayden?! Rose, he’s married! With kids!
Rose: I know, I know! But he isn’t that notable to have his personal life well-known, so I assumed he was single. And you guys just seem so close! Of course, that was when I searched him up and realized he’s got a wife. She’s very beautiful, by the way, she could do so much better. Then I remembered our call a couple weeks ago and how you said you weren’t sleeping with someone married so… naturally my next choice was J.J Boiziau.
Shane: J.J? Wait, what do you mean naturally? We’re just friends! And I would never hook-up with a teammate!
Rose: Listen, he’s kinda cute! And single, last I heard. And he gives off a bit of a gay vibe, honestly.
Shane: [makes a constipated face] I feel like it’s offensive to say that…?
Rose: Hey, Miles thinks so too, but that’s totally not the point right now. Anyway, then I tried putting myself in your shoes, you know, like: if I was Shane, a repressed baby gay, what would I be looking for in a man? That’s when I thought, okay, maybe Shane would like someone older. Someone with more experience. Preferably someone who’s good at or knows hockey and who could show you the ropes—
Shane: I don’t like where you’re going with this…
Rose: —and so my third option was Scott Hunter.
Shane: [mouth dropping open] Rose, Scott Hunter is like sixty-years old! That’s just— no!
Rose: He’s barely thirty! But, yeah, I assumed you would react like that, and that’s when I realized I was overcomplicating things. Because you’re Shane Hollander.
Shane: …yes?
Rose: And at your core, you’re a hockey player. You eat, sleep, and breathe hockey. You love hockey more than you love most people. So if you’re gonna be hooking up with someone, of course it’s going to be the only person who’s just as good as you are. Someone who understands hockey like you do, who plays at your level—
Shane: Rose…
Rose: —someone who pushes you, who challenges you, who’s been your rival for years—
Shane: [face going red] Rose, don’t even—
Rose: —someone who’s, oh I don’t know, Russian maybe, with a very sexy accent. Someone who’s objectively gorgeous, with biceps for days and a perfectly-shaped ass and thighs that could crush a watermelon—
Shane: Okay, okay, stop! Yes, it’s Rozanov, just— stop talking about his ass!
Rose: I knew it! God, Shane, Ilya Rozanov? He’s like, one of the hottest men ever! He’s practically sex on legs! Do you know how many actresses I’ve worked with who’ve gotten drunk and started gushing about how they wanted to lick the sweat off his abs?
Shane: [flushes] Please don’t talk about his sweat. Or his abs. Or the supposed numerous women wanting to lick the sweat off his abs.
Rose: Yeah, well, you’ve got to get him back before someone else steals him!
Shane: I’m trying! It’s just— ugh. It’s…
Rose: Complicated?
Shane: [sighing] Yeah. Fuck, Rose, I— I know it was awful of me to date you when I still had all these—[waves vaguely]—unresolved feelings for him, but it’s just… there’s no way we could be together. And I really, really like you. Just… not like that.
Rose: Oh, Shane. If my ex was Ilya Rozanov, I wouldn’t stop thinking about him too.
Shane: He’s not really my ex when we weren’t anything in the first place… [shakes his head] Even now, I still don’t know what we were.
Rose: God, that really does sound complicated. [pauses, then gently] Um, can I ask just one question?
Shane: …will I regret saying yes?
Rose: [laughs lightly] I’ll try not to bombard you any more than I already have.
Shane: Well… [sighs] Okay then.
Rose: You said there's no way you two could be together. But do you want to be with him? Like, forget about the league, and the media, and the fear, and everything else that's keeping you apart. Just—[gestures between them]—you and him. Do you want to be with him, Shane?
Shane: [long pause. He looks away from the camera, jaw working. When he finally speaks, his voice is barely above a whisper] …yes.
Rose: Yeah?
Shane: [still not looking at the camera, poking at his food] Yeah. I— I really thought I could keep it casual. I don’t know when it started, but eventually I realized I was forcing myself to… pretend. To pretend it was just sex, just convenience, like— like scratching an itch. [huffs softly] But it was never just that. Not for me, at least.
Rose: [gently] And for him?
Shane: I don't know. I thought— I thought maybe, foolishly, there’s a chance he might feel the same way. But then I walked out on him, and he didn't come after me, and—[shrugs helplessly]—maybe I was just fooling myself.
Rose: [shaking her head] Shane. I’m guessing you’ve been doing this thing with him for a while now. Years, maybe?
Shane: … yeah.
Rose: [blows out a breath] Wow. Okay, that’s— that’s a conversation for another time. But, listen, Shane. I can’t speak for Rozanov. I don’t even know him. He could be a complete asshole or… or he could be just as scared and in love as you are.
Shane: [voice cracking] Rose—
Rose: [cutting him off] No. Listen to me. You deserve to have what you want. Do you understand that? You've spent years hiding, and pretending, and telling yourself you can't have him. But you can. You're allowed to want things. You're allowed to want him.
Shane: But our careers—
Rose: I'm not saying it'll be easy. I'm not saying there won't be consequences. But Shane… you can't keep living your life for everyone else. You can't keep pushing him away because you're scared. Because if you do, one day you'll wake up and realize you wasted years being afraid of something that could have been beautiful.
Shane: [quietly] What if he doesn't want me back?
Rose: [smiles softly] Then at least you'll know. And you can move on. Find another hot Russian who’s just as good at hockey as you are. But I don't think that's what's going to happen.
Shane: …how can you be sure? Besides, you know, the obvious fact that no one could be as good as me and Rozanov.
Rose: Because I’m optimistic like that. And, Jesus, you’re Shane fucking Hollander! Look at you! You’re the best hockey player in the NHL. You’re a two-time Stanley Cup champion. You’re genuinely one of the most talented, driven, passionate people I’ve ever met, and I work with many talented, driven, passionate actors. You’re kind, you’re loyal—[pauses, tilting her head]—and I’m not just saying this because we dated, but you’re also a total knockout. Weren’t you voted hottest player in the league recently?
Shane: [hiding his face in his hands] Ugh, don’t remind me. It’s so weird being perceived like that.
Rose: Doesn’t change the fact that you’re still hot! And you’re— okay, you’re a bit of a disaster when it comes to emotions, but you’re trying. You’re here, talking to me, figuring things out, when you could have been eating your healthy athlete dinner in peace. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t hang up the second I asked about Rozanov.
Shane: [rolls his eyes fondly] You're really something, you know that?
Rose: [grinning] I know. Now—[pointing at him]—promise me you'll do something about all this. Promise me you won't just let him go.
Shane: [long pause, then a small, tentative smile] I'll try.
Rose: [raising an eyebrow] Try?
Shane: [nodding, a little more certain] I'll try.
Rose: That's all I ask. Also, if you ever need me to be a fake girlfriend again so you can make him jealous, my rates are very reasonable.
Shane: [laughs] I'll keep that in mind.
Rose: Good. Now go think about Ilya Rozanov's glorious chiseled abs or whatever and figure out how to get him back. I've got a script to memorize.
Shane: [shaking his head, smiling] Bye, Rose.
Rose: Bye, babe. And Shane?
Shane: Yeah?
Rose: [softly] You deserve to be happy. Don't forget that.
Shane: …thanks, Rose. You’re the best.
[FaceTime ended - 9:19]
3. Late January, 2017
[FaceTime Request: Shane Hollander → Rose Landry]
[Calling…]
[Rose Landry connected]
Rose: [face appearing, already smiling] Hey, Shane! I was just thinking about—
Shane: [face fills the screen, slightly too close to the camera, eyes glassy, grin a little too wide] Rose! Heyyyy! I missed you!
Rose: ...hi? Are you—[squinting]—are you drunk?
Shane: [nodding enthusiastically, almost knocking his phone over] Maybe! Just a little! Hayden and J.J kept buying me shots because I scored a hat trick and we beat those Toronto assholes and— oh, shit, where’s my other sock?
Rose: Oh my god. You're adorable when you're drunk.
Shane: [glares at the screen] I am not adorable. I'm—[pauses, thinking hard]—I'm a professional athlete!
Rose: [laughing] Sure, babe. Where are you? Are you home?
Shane: Yeah, yeah, I'm home. I came home because I wanted to—[hiccups]—I wanted to call you!
Rose: Aw, Shane. You wanted to call me?
Shane: You're my best friend, Rose. My best friend. But don’t tell Hayden I said that. And you know who else I want as my best friend?
Rose: Who?
Shane: [wistful sigh] Ilya.
Rose: [slow grin spreading] Oh, here we go.
Shane: He’s just— he’s so— he’s so kind! People always say he’s an asshole— okay, maybe he is a teeny tiny bit— but he’s not an asshole like, like Dallas Kent is! People like Kent are just overall shitty people, like the absolute scum of the earth. But Ilya isn’t like that. His chirps are really funny, if only these stupid hockey players wouldn’t let it bruise their fragile masculine ego so much. Oh god, Rose, Ilya is so funny. And he’s so smart! Do you know how hard it is to be funny in your second language? But Ilya makes jokes so easily, because he’s so intelligent. God, his brain is so… so big. [signs dreamily] His dick, too.
Rose: Shane!
Shane: M’not joking, Rose. The first time I saw him naked, I thought, oh my god. I want that man inside me ASAP. I was—[hiccups]—I was dickmatized!
Rose: Dickmatized?! Shane Hollander, where did you even learn that word?
Shane: [waving dismissively] J.J told me. But, anyway, his dick is just… so pretty. Dicks aren’t supposed to be pretty, you know? But Ilya’s is. It’s got such a nice shape, and it gets all flushed pretty pink and leaking when he’s hard—
Rose: Jesus fucking Christ—
Shane: And there’s this vein I always like to run my tongue over because Ilya makes the hottest noises whenever I do it— fuuckkk, Rose, I miss him so much. I miss— I miss so many things about him!
Rose: [barely stifling laughter] Yeah? Like what, Shane?
Shane: Like… like his moles. He has so many of them. I want to kiss all of them, all the time, if only Ilya would let me. And his eyes! Oh god, his eyes. I can never tell what color they are. I always thought they were blue, but sometimes they’ll look green, or hazel, or gray. And it— it makes me want to stare into them for hours and hours and figure out every single shade. They’re like the ocean, Rose, like… fuck, I can’t think of any ocean right now. Rose, what’s the prettiest ocean?
Rose: I think the ‘prettiest ocean’ is highly subjective, Shane.
Shane: No, no, I’m sure there’s a prettiest ocean. Like, um, the Mediterranean? The Caribbean? No, wait, what’s the one in Greece, with the really clear water?
Rose: …the Aegean?
Shane: Yes! The Aegean! Okay, that’s what I’m going with.
Rose: Oh my god. I'm going to need you to remember this conversation tomorrow so you can tell him that.
Shane: [horrified] Rose, no! What’s next, you want me to tell him, “oh, Ilya, you’re so sexy, could you please get naked and let me tie you to my bed so I can keep you forever?” No way!
Rose: [choking] Shane! Jesus, how drunk are you?
Shane: [completely ignoring her] And I can’t stop thinking about how much I miss his voice, and the extra-specific way he says my name, and how much I want to call him, but— but we never do that. Rose, do you think it’s a bad idea if I call him right now?
Rose: Um. Yes. Please don’t do that.
Shane: [suddenly deflates] Oh.
Rose: No, no, don’t be sad, Shane. I’m sure Ilya would want to hear from you, but not when you’re… you know. Drunk out of your ass. You made a whole plan to talk to him when the time is right, remember?
Shane: Oh. Right! During All-Stars. Oh god, Rose, I can’t wait to see him again. It’s been so long since we last saw each other, I haven’t felt this nervous since we first hooked up. Did you know I wore a suit while waiting for him to come up to my hotel room?
Rose: Seriously? Shane! This is the best thing I’ve heard all week. What do you mean a suit?
Shane: Hey, in my defense, it was my first time hooking up with a guy! Plus, I was like, nineteen, and—
Rose: Wait, what.
Shane: —can you imagine being me for a second? Barely an adult, completely and utterly closeted, not even knowing I was gay, and suddenly the hottest fucking guy I’ve ever laid eyes on starts eyeing up my boner in the showers—
Rose: Shane, what?! Wait, can we please go back to saying you were nineteen when you first hooked up with Rozanov?
Shane: [eyes wide] Oh no. Did I say that? I didn’t say that.
Rose: Oh god. Shane, babe, you are so drunk, and I know you’re gonna regret telling me all this tomorrow. Why don’t you get some sleep, hm? It’s getting late, and you’ve had a long day.
Shane: [frowning] But… but if I sleep, then I’ll dream of Ilya, and then I wake up and he’s not there. I hate when that happens.
Rose: Wow, that’s— wow. You’re spilling sooo many of your secrets today. But you still need rest, Shane.
Shane: [reluctantly] I guess…
Rose: That’s the spirit! Now, go to bed, please. And drink some water! You’re gonna feel like shit tomorrow.
Shane: Oh, yeah. Maybe [nodding] Okay then. Goodnight, Rose.
Rose: Goodnight, babe. Sweet dreams.
Shane: [already closing his eyes] ...they won't be sweet. They'll be cruel. Because he won't be real.
Rose: Oh my god, you're so dramatic. Go to sleep.
Shane: [mumbling] Night, Rose.
[FaceTime ended - 7:58]
Rose Landry
Me
Holy fucking shit, I feel like I just got run over by a truck
Did I FaceTime you last night?
Everything is so… blurry
And why am I only wearing one sock?
Rose Landry
Good morning to you too!
And yes, we did FaceTime
Do you remember anything?
Me
Not really…
Oh god
Should I be worried? What did I say?
Rose Landry
Oh, you know. The usual
Me
Really? So… nothing bad?
Rose Landry
Well
You were also waxing poetic about Ilya Rozanov’s dick
And his moles
And his eyes
Jesus, Shane, I now know WAY too much about Rozanov’s dick
Me
What?!
Oh my god, why didn’t you lead with that!
I am SO sorry
I’m never drinking again, I swear
Rose Landry
Hey, no, I love drunk you!
Plus, it was honestly really cute
That is, until you started talking about stripping Rozanov naked and tying him to your bed
Me
Okay so I think I’ll just go die now
4. Early February, 2017
[FaceTime Request: Rose Landry → Shane Hollander]
[Calling…]
[Shane Hollander connected]
Shane: [clearly dishevelled] Um, hi.
Rose: Hi… Okay, I was only calling to check on you, but why the hell does it look like your room’s been through five different natural disasters?
Shane: Fuck, sorry about the mess. It’s just— it’s All-Stars this weekend. [shrugging helplessly] Clearly I'm not handling it too well.
Rose: Oh, Shane. Okay, sit down… wherever you can. Wow, I’ve genuinely never seen your room this messy before.
Shane: [collapsing onto the edge of his bed, running a hand through his hair] I've been trying to pack. And unpack. And repack. And then I panicked and threw everything on the floor and now I can't find my good watch.
Rose: [raising an eyebrow] Your good watch?
Shane: [gestures vaguely] It’s Rolex. My mom wants me to wear it everywhere. To be a good ambassador or whatever.
Rose: Right, um— we’ll tackle that later. Just breathe, okay? You're going to be fine. Let's go through this together.
Shane: Okay. Okay. Yes. Please.
Rose: [counting on her fingers] You have your speech planned. You're going to tell him you and I broke up. You have your outfits picked out. You’re going to win your competition, and the ASG tournament, and it’s gonna be fun and everything will go well and Ilya will be yours by the end of the trip.
Shane: [nodding frantically] Right, the speech. I have the speech. [pauses] Do you think the suit is too much? Like, am I trying too hard?
Rose: What do you mean?
Shane: I don't want to show up looking like I'm—I don't know—desperate? I mean, I am a little desperate. But I don't need him to know that.
Rose: [sighing fondly] Shane. Your suit is fine. You look great in it. Promise.
Shane: But what if—
Rose: No, stop that! No "what ifs." You're going to wear the suit. You're going to look hot. And when you see him, you're going to walk up to him, look him dead in the eye, and sway your hips all seductively.
Shane: Rose, I’m not swaying my hips.
Rose: Okay, but just— be confident, Shane! Confidence is sexy.
Shane: [makes a face] I think I might throw up.
Rose: Oh, Shane, babe, you’ll be fine. Seriously, what’s the worst that could happen?
Shane: [sucks in a long breath] Okay, well— Ilya could take one look at me and decide he never wants to speak to me again. And then he'll go find someone else, someone who’s funny, and beautiful, and doesn’t have a fucking panic attack every time they think about him. Someone, who’s, you know, a girl. And then they'll start dating. He'll take his gorgeous fun girlfriend to team events and charity galas and hold her hand and kiss her in front of everyone and the media would eat it up. And his family will love her, and Ilya will eventually propose to her, and they’ll end up having this big, beautiful wedding in Russia with all his relatives. Then a year or two later, they’ll start having kids, and maybe a dog, and they’ll be so, so happy. And I'll be watching it all from a distance, playing against him in games, pretending I don't want to die every time I see his face, and he'll just say "good game, Hollander" in that beautiful Russian accent and shake my hand like we’re just rivals and never anything more.
Rose: [long pause, stunned] Um. Okay, wow.
Shane: Yeah…
Rose: That was… very detailed.
Shane: [groans] I’ve had a lot of time to think about it.
Rose: Okay, well, I can’t predict the future. I don’t know what’ll happen between you two this weekend. But, Shane, at least you’ll be doing your part. You've been waiting for this for months. You have a plan. And most importantly—[pointing at him]—you have something to say. The truth. That's all you need.
Shane: ...you really think I can do this?
Rose: I know you can. Now, you need to finish packing. And find that watch. And maybe practice walking slowly in the mirror a few times.
Shane: [laughing despite himself] I'm not doing that.
Rose: You absolutely are. And I want a full report after!
Shane: Speaking of reports… how did your table read go? The one for that new sci-fi movie you were stressing about?
Rose: [squints suspiciously] Shane Hollander, are you trying to change the subject?
Shane: What— no! I just- I want to hear about your day. I’m always talking about mine. And you must have called for another reason besides saying hi, right?
Rose: Well… okay, fine. I’ll allow it just this once. But that table read was a complete disaster. An even bigger one than your room right now, apparently, which is really saying a lot.
Shane: Christ, what happened?
Rose: Okay, so, listen to this….
[FaceTime ended: 48:32]
Rose Landry
Rose Landry
Sorry for holding you up! I did NOT mean to go on such a tangent about my costars
Me
Don’t worry about it :)
It’s nice hearing about other people’s drama
Rose Landry
Oh wow
When did you turn into such a gossip?
Me
Since I met you apparently…
Anyway, I think I need to continue packing
Good luck with that movie!
Rose Landry
And good luck with your man!
You WILL get Ilya back. Trust me, Shane
Me:
Thanks, Rose
For everything
Rose Landry
Of course. What are friends for? ❤️
5. Mid-February, 2017
[FaceTime Request: Shane Hollander → Rose Landry]
[Calling…]
[Rose Landry connected]
Shane: Hey. Are you busy?
Rose: Are you kidding? I cleared up my whole schedule tonight just for this call. So? How’d it go?
Shane: [biting back a smile] It went… good. Really, really good.
Rose: Oh my god, Shane! Tell me everything!
Shane: Okay, okay, um. [runs a hand through his hair, still smiling] I guess it started with me finding him at the hotel bar. And no, I did not sway my hips. But it didn’t look like he got a fun gorgeous girlfriend in the last few months we weren’t talking, so I just… went for it? I wanted to tell him so much, but there were so many people around, but— but I think we might have been flirting. Oh god, Rose, he called me pretty.
Rose: Shane! Oh wow, I’m trying so hard not to squeal, but that is so cute! And then what happened?
Shane: Well, I told him I hired a stylist, and he asked if I got tired of looking like shit, but I think that might be his way of… foreplay? I don’t know! I was just so happy to see him, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling.
Rose: Christ, if you and Ilya had AO3 fanfiction written about the two of you, you both would be dominating the idiots in love tag.
Shane: [confused] AO— What? What’s fanfiction?
Rose: Uhh, nothing. Okay, anyway, what happened next?
Shane: Okay… well, your name came up. He asked me about you, and that’s when I finally told him that we broke up. I told him you were great but you and I just… weren’t compatible.
Rose: Wow. How’d he take it?
Shane: [grinning bashfully] Good. I— I think he might have been… relieved? I mean, he wasn’t smiling as obviously as I was, but his eyes—
Rose: Oh, his Aegean Sea eyes?
Shane: His what?
Rose: [waving dismissively] Just another thing you told me when you were drunk. Sorry, ignore me! You were saying?
Shane: God, I’m never drinking with Hayden and J.J again. Okay— um. There was something different in his eyes after I told him we broke up. I don’t know what exactly, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t bad.
Rose: That’s good then! So, what, you both have got to be dating now, right?
Shane: What— No! I mean… not yet? I, uh, went to his hotel room earlier tonight. You know, to talk properly, in private. That’s when I apologized for freaking out on him last November. I told him that the last time we were together felt nice, too nice, almost like we were… something. And I told him how— how I can’t keep pretending I don’t like him anymore. Because I do, Rose. I like him so much, I feel half-crazy with it.
Rose: [smiles gently] That’s love, babe. And… what did Ilya say in return?
Shane: [voice quieting] He said we can't be something. That it's too dangerous.
Rose: Oh. Oh, Shane…
Shane: [cutting her off] But then I asked him— I asked if he would want to be. If we could. If there was nothing standing in the way, would he want to be with me?
Rose: [holding her breath] ...and?
Shane: Well… he didn't say yes. But he didn't say no either. And I think— I think it means he's scared too. He told me about Russia, about how he can't go back if people find out. About his family too— his dad is sick, Rose. And his brother is awful. He doesn't have anyone.
Rose: [quietly] That's… that's a lot.
Shane: It is. And I— I don’t know what’ll happen next. We still can’t be together publicly, it’s too dangerous. But at least… now we know we want the same thing, even if we can’t have it right now. We want each other. [squints at his screen] Rose, are you crying?
Rose: I’m sorry, I can’t help it! [sniffles] That was like, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. I’m so, so proud of you, Shane.
Shane: Thanks, Rose. I couldn't have done any of this without you, you know that right? [voice growing thick] You’ve helped me so much. You… you really are my best friend.
Rose: Oh god. Shane, please, I’m on my period. I’m so vulnerable right now, you’re gonna make me sob!
Shane: [laughs wetly] I’m sorry! I just need you to know how important you are to me.
Rose: You’re important to me too, babe. I’m so glad things worked out between you and Ilya.
Shane: [softly] I’m glad, too. God, I feel so hopeful right now, is that stupid?
Rose: Of course not, Shane. That's not stupid at all. That's—[waves hand]—that's the whole point.
Shane: Yeah?
Rose: Mhm. You've been through so much, and you've come so far, you deserve to feel hopeful. [pauses, checking something off-screen] Okay, I hate to do this, but— it's getting late for you, and you said you have an early flight tomorrow.
Shane: [glancing at his phone] Yeah, fuck, I kinda lost track of time. I should probably get some sleep.
Rose: [gently] You should. It’s kind of been a big day for you.
Shane: [snorts] Yeah, I guess. Night, Rose.
Rose: Goodnight, babe. Keep me updated on you and Ilya!
[FaceTime ended: 7:23]
6. May, 2017
[FaceTime Request: Rose Landry → Shane Hollander]
[Calling…]
[Shane Hollander connected]
Rose: Holy shit. Holy shit, Shane, did you see…?
Shane: Scott Hunter kissing a man on center ice right after winning the Stanley Cup on live television? Yeah, I— I saw.
Rose: I'm— I'm actually speechless. That was incredible, fuck, I think I still have leftover goosebumps on my body.
Shane: [quietly] I know. I'm still kind of processing it.
Rose: …Are you okay? That must have been— I mean, seeing someone else do it on that scale has to be kind of… enlightening, I guess?
Shane: It was… everything, Rose. It was everything I've been too scared to even dream about. Like, logically speaking, I knew me and Ilya couldn’t possibly be the only queer players in the league. But I never would have expected someone as important as Scott Hunter to be one of us, and to have him come out. I— I never thought I’d see the moment it’d be okay to be a hockey player who likes men. And Scott just… did it. Kissed his boyfriend or fiance or whatever right there, in front of the world. And then… then Ilya called me.
Rose: [leaning in] Yeah? What’d he say? I’m sure he must be feeling a lot too.
Shane: He— remember how, last month, I asked him if he would like to spend the summer in my cottage instead of going back to Russia? Back then, he only said maybe, and I’ve been too scared to ask again in case that maybe turned into a no. But we were texting each other during the game, and— he called me right after. Fuck, Rose, he finally said yes, he’s coming to my cottage.
Rose: What?! Oh my god, Shane! Fucking finally!
Shane: [laughing] I know, I can’t believe it either! He was telling me how maybe we aren’t so alone after all, and I just— I’ve been smiling like an idiot for the last hour, and I can’t stop. [gestures around him] I had to hide myself in my room in case my parents saw me grinning like a madman and thought I was having some kind of mental break.
Rose: Oh, Shane, this is amazing! You deserve this so much. And, uh, speaking of your parents… how’d they react about Hunter?
Shane: They were… good. Really good, actually. My mom kept going on about how happy she is that Hunter finally has someone, and how it’s nice to see “LGBT representation in such a toxic hypermasculine sport.” [huffs softly] Her words, not mine. My dad was pretty much the same. It’s… nice, seeing them be so supportive.
Rose: Right, right. That’s good. So… maybe you could take it as a sign that you could come out to them too?
Shane: I— I’ll do it soon, I promise. Just… you know. Maybe after the cottage.
Rose: Of course, Shane, it’s totally up to you. And, god, having two weeks with Ilya must feel like a dream, huh?
Shane: It really does. Fuck, I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and find out I imagined the whole thing.
Rose: Oh, babe, this whole thing is real, I promise. Ilya’s really coming. [winks] In more ways than one.
Shane: [laughing] Rose!
Rose: Hey, I’m just saying! You should totally be prepared to have lube and condoms in like, every room of your cottage, by the way.
Shane: Yeah, whatever, I already— [suddenly cuts himself off, eyes widening in realization] Oh my god.
Rose: …Shane?
Shane: Oh fuck, Rose, he’s actually coming to my cottage. In two weeks!
Rose: Uhh, yes? I thought we just established this?
Shane: Yeah, but—[gestures vaguely]—I have so much to do! I need to deep clean, make sure there’s no dust or cobwebs or spiders anywhere. And groceries! I need to stock up on food. Shit, I don’t even know what Ilya likes to eat. Do you know how little information there is about that man on Wikipedia? Seriously, it’s ridiculous.
Rose: [trying not to laugh] Shane, it’s okay. I think Ilya would be happy with anything you buy. I mean, he’s an athlete. As long as there’s protein and carbs, he’ll be good to go.
Shane: [sucks in a breath, nodding] Right, okay. I— I need to buy chicken then, and maybe turkey and some lean beef. And Coke. Lots of Coke, because Ilya loves that stupid fizzy drink. Fuck, should I buy vodka? I think Ilya would want some, but he’s always going on about how American and Canadian vodka suck. What if I buy some local brand and it tastes awful and Ilya thinks I’m disgracing his entire country?
Rose: [sighs fondly] Shane, babe, he’s not coming for the vodka. He’s coming for you. And I don’t even mean that as a sex joke. I’m pretty sure you could buy the trashiest vodka in the world and Ilya would still be happy, because he’s with you.
Shane: …Oh.
Rose: Yeah, oh. [softening] There’s really no need to be this anxious, Shane.
Shane: I know, I know. I just— I want everything to be perfect for him.
Rose: It will be. Because you’re there. That’s all he really wants, trust me.
Shane: Okay. [exhales] Okay, yeah, you’re right. And I know I’ve said this a dozen times already but… thank you, Rose. I would be so much more of a disaster without you.
Rose: Oh, Shane, I’m always happy to help. [pausing, then leaning in conspiratorially] You know, now that you mentioned it… I think I’ve been a pretty good wingman for you and Ilya. I mean, I helped you figure out you were gay, I listened to your pining, I didn’t judge you when you got drunk and started rambling about the vein on Rozanov’s dick—
Shane: [flushing profusely] Rose—
Rose: —and I even gave you seduction techniques! Which you clearly didn’t use because you didn’t sway your hips.
Shane: I was never going to sway my hips!
Rose: Anyway. My point is, I’ve been a very good wingman. And as a sort of reward, I really, really want to meet him.
Shane: You… want to meet Ilya?
Rose: Yes! Like, properly. Face to face. Well, face to screen. You know what I mean. Maybe when you two have some free time at the cottage—you know, when you’re not having hot steamy sex—him and I could have a little chat? Please?
Shane: [hesitant] Uh… I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Rose.
Rose: Why not?
Shane: [sighs] I don’t know. It's just— he can be a bit intense. And I think he might be kind of… jealous of you?
Rose: Shane, honey, I’m an actress. I’ve dealt with intense and jealous people my whole career. I can definitely handle Ilya Rozanov.
Shane: But what if you two don’t get along?
Rose: [grinning] Impossible. I’m very charming. Everyone loves me. And I really want to meet the man you’ve been smitten over for the last seven years or so. Please, Shane? I promise I’ll be on my best behavior.
Shane: [long pause, then sighing] ...fine.
Rose: Yes!
Shane: [pointing at the screen] But you have to be nice. And you can't embarrass me! And if he looks uncomfortable, you have to stop.
Rose: I swear on my life. I'll be a perfect angel.
Shane: [unconvinced] I don't believe you for a second.
Rose: [grinning] Yeah, whatever. Now—[checking her watch]—go make your list. Buy your vodka. Clean your cottage. And when you're both settled, let me know so I can finally meet the infamous Ilya Rozanov.
Shane: You're impossible.
Rose: Maybe. But you love me anyway!
Shane: [softly] Yeah. Yeah, I do.
Rose: Love you too, babe. Now go! You've got a Russian to impress.
Shane: [shaking his head fondly] Bye, Rose.
Rose: Bye, Shane!
[FaceTime ended: 9:47]
+1. July, 2017
[FaceTime Request: Rose Landry → Ilya Rozanov]
[Calling…]
[Ilya Rozanov connected]
Rose: Ilya, hey! It's so nice to finally meet you!
Ilya: [wary] ...hello, Rose Landry.
Rose: [grinning] Wow, you sound thrilled to be here.
Ilya: [glancing off-screen] I am... happy to meet Shane's friend. [pauses] He talks about you very much.
Rose: All good things, I hope?
Ilya: Oh, yes. He says you are very kind. And that you hate your new director and want to—[air quotes]—rip his balls out.
Rose: [grinning] Yeah, that sounds about right. [pauses, studying him] Okay, I have to ask— why do you keep looking away from the screen? Is Shane over there holding a gun to your head or something?
Ilya: [snorts] No, but that would be much better than this. [pulls a piece of paper into frame, holding it up] So. Shane gave me notes.
Rose: [squinting] ...notes?
Ilya: It is so fucking stupid. [reading from the paper] "Safe topics: Rose's movies. Zodiac signs. The weather in Los Angeles. Hockey.” And then, underlined in red, in all capital, bold letters, it says: “Do NOT talk about the times I’ve had sex with Rose.”
Rose: What— Seriously?!
Ilya: [rolls his eyes] Yes, seriously. There are three pages, Rose Landry. He printed out three entire pages of notes on how to talk to you.
Rose: [laughing] Oh my god! I can’t tell if I should feel honored or horrified.
Ilya: Yes, well. [shrugs] Shane says you’re lovely, and I know that, but… I cannot help but hate the fact that you’ve had sex with him. Sorry, that makes me a horrible person, probably.
Rose: Oh, Ilya. Okay, I need to tell you something. [leans in, lowering her voice] You know the sex I had with Shane? The one that you’re not supposed to talk about?
Ilya: …yes?
Rose: It was not good. Trust me, I love Shane, and he’s seriously one of the best people I know, but all I needed were those two failed attempts and I went—[snaps fingers]—yup. This guy is most definitely gay. And that’s when we finally had that much-needed conversation.
Ilya: Wait— what conversation?
Rose: Oh, you know, the one where I told him he was gay? Hold on, did he not tell you this?
Ilya: [gapes] He didn’t! What, he’s sucked my cock for seven years and he needed you to tell him he was gay?
Rose: Oh fuck. Okay, I probably shouldn’t have told you that. But in his defense, he really didn’t know! Or maybe he was just so deep in the closet… and you both were very deep in each other, apparently.
Ilya: [biting back a laugh] Oh, wow. Rose Landry, I think we have the same type of humor.
Rose: It’s an honor, Ilya Rozanov. Also, are you seriously gonna call me by my full name each time?
Ilya: Depends. You don’t still have feelings for Shane, do you?
Rose: Jesus, no! Out of all my gay boyfriends, Shane’s the one who feels most like a brother. A very disastrous, very homosexual brother.
Ilya: Gay boyfriends? Plural? Rose Landry, how many gay boyfriends have you had?
Rose: Listen, it’s a long story. And I’m sure you and Shane have more important things to do.
Ilya: [smirking slightly] Yes, like—
Rose: Nope. Don’t tell me. I already know way too much about your dick, Rozanov.
Ilya: I— Excuse me?
Rose: You would not believe how talkative Shane is when he’s drunk. Seriously, with how loose-lipped he gets, I kind of understand why he rarely goes out with his team.
Shane (off-screen): Hey, Ilya, is everything going well?
Ilya: [turning toward the voice, then back to the screen with a look of betrayal] Shane! Did you talk about my dick with your ex-girlfriend?
Shane (off-screen): What?! What the hell are you two talking about? Ilya, I told you to stick to the notes!
Rose: Okay, before Shane comes barging in here, listen to me, Rozanov. I need to tell you this.
Ilya: [gestures behind him] Shane’s in the shower. Will probably take ten more minutes till he’s done. [squints at the screen] Tell me what?
Rose: Okay, so. I trust Shane’s judgment, and I’m assuming you’re a really good guy under your asshole persona on the ice. But I just— I need you to treat him well, okay? He’s been through a lot, and he’s really, really important to me. [softening] He’s crazy about you, Rozanov.
Ilya: Oh. [exhales] I— I’m crazy about him too. I promise I’ll be good to him. Shane is… my whole heart. I’ve never loved anyone like I love him, and I love him so much it almost terrifies me.
Rose: [long pause, blinking rapidly] ...okay, wow.
Ilya: Was that… bad?
Rose: [laughing wetly] No! God, no, that's— that’s the opposite of bad. I just wasn’t expecting that. Who knew Russia’s Greatest Love Machine would be such a romantic?
Ilya: [rolls his eyes] Yes, well. Don’t tell anyone. I don’t need my reputation to be tainted.
Rose: God, you two are going to be the death of me. First Shane gets all emotional about your Aegean Sea eyes, and now you're telling me he's your whole heart?
Ilya: My what eyes?
Rose: [shakes her head] Don't worry about it. Drunk Shane things. But seriously, Ilya. Thank you for being honest with me. And for loving him.
Ilya: Of course. He deserves to be loved. Properly. By someone who is not afraid to show it.
Rose: Yeah. Yeah, he really does. So… [grins sheepishly] Are we friends now, Ilya Rozanov?
Ilya: [considering this, then slowly nodding] I think... yes. Anyone who is good to Shane is my friend.
Rose: [beaming] Good answer. [pauses] Okay, I should probably let you go before Shane gets out of the shower and finds us bonding. He might have a heart attack.
Ilya: [smirking] That would be very funny.
Rose: [snorts] It would be, but I don't want to be responsible for his death. Take care of him, Ilya. And take care of yourself too. You both deserve to be happy.
Ilya: Thank you, Rose. For—[gestures vaguely]—everything. For being there for him when I could not.
Rose: Hey, that's what friends are for. Now go. Enjoy your cottage! Enjoy your Shane. And maybe text me a picture of him looking happy once in a while.
Ilya: [nodding] I will.
Rose: Good. Bye, Ilya. It was really nice finally meeting you.
Ilya: Bye, Rose. It was... nice meeting you too.
Rose: [grinning] You sound surprised.
Ilya: Maybe I am.
Rose: [laughing] Fair enough. Bye, Rozanov!