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Henry is lounging in bed, a book propped against his knee and David snoring softly beside him when the door to his room flies open.
“You have got to get rid of the geese, babe. I don’t care if they were bred specially for Her Majesty herself. I don’t care if they’ve been swimming in that pond for 200 years. They have to go. I don’t like them. I don’t trust them. Do you even need them? I feel like the other birds would be much happier without them, personally. Flapping around and snapping at anything that moves. Honking.” Alex shudders and begins to pull off his shoes and socks.
Henry is used to this. Alex bursting into rooms, bright like wildfire and chattering a million miles an hour. Smiling, he closes his book.
“You woke our son,” he chastises, indicating a very offended looking Davey. The beagle readjusts but, deciding he’s far too inconvenienced, jumps off the bed and trots to his bed in the corner.
“Sorry Davey. This is serious, H! They accosted me. Charged at me.” He’s muffled temporarily by his shirt as he pulls it over his head and discards it. “Bit me! Fucking bit me!”
“Come here, darling,” Henry says, offering his hand. “Show me where the evil creature bit you.”
Huffing, Alex stalks over and thrusts his finger out. Henry goes cross-eyed and leans back in an attempt to keep track of it. He takes Alex’s wrist gently and pulls it back to examine the wound.
“Oh dear,” he says softly.
“What?” Alex asks, alarmed.
“I think we’re going to have to amputate,” Henry informs him gravely.
Alex hisses and retracts his finger, squinting at it. “You’re such an asshole. Look, it’s red!” He thrusts it back toward Henry who takes hold of his wrist easily.
Up close, there’s a tiny red mark, a little raised, but without any skin breakage. Henry flicks his eyes up to Alex before slowly and deliberately leaning forward and kissing the spot. “Better?”
Alex narrows his eyes at him. Henry presses his lips together, but the smile breaks through his flimsy defences. He can’t help but find his boyfriend entirely ridiculous and endearing.
“Come here.” He pats the bed.
Alex plucks Henry’s book from his left hand and places it on the bedside table, giving Henry a split second to brace himself before Alex is throwing himself upon Henry and pressing him into the mattress. He sprawls over Henry, tucking himself into the contours of Henry’s body.
“Hi baby,” Alex mutters into Henry’s chest, arm tight around Henry’s shoulders.
“Hi, love,” Henry chuckles and pats Alex’s curls. They’re wild this morning; ruffled from the wind, sweaty from exertion. He scratches Alex’s scalp with one hand and with his other, trails his fingers down Alex’s spine. “Did the geese get you?”
“I hate them,” Alex says, muffled. He nuzzles Henry’s pec before lifting his head, looking up at Henry through his lashes and fixing him with huge brown eyes. “Henry. I didn’t want to have to do this.”
“Do what?” Henry asks lazily, tapping the tip of Alex’s nose.
“Make you choose. It’s me or them.” He presses his lips together, expression entirely serious.
Henry can’t help it. He laughs.
“I’m serious! Those things are evil!”
“Funny,” he muses. “I’ve never had a problem with them myself.”
Alex scoffs and scrambles up, pinning Henry beneath him. Henry is very much content with the positioning, though, his eyes trailing slowly up Alex’s torso, over shapely pecs and across broad shoulders. A light sheen of sweat has him practically glowing in the morning light.
“I was just running, minding my business. Loads of people around doing the same thing. But it’s me it goes for,” he gestures wildly, eyes wide. “I had my earphones in, I barely had any warning before it was right fucking there with that weirdly long neck and it’s evil intentions.”
“Did you get too close to its nest?” Henry suggests. “One of its goslings?”
“No!” Alex says hotly. “It just ran at me and started honking. Flapped at me and everything.”
“Flapped at you?” Henry asks indulgently. Alex pokes him in the chest in retaliation and Henry grapples with him for a handhold.
“Honked at me!” Alex insists. “Flapped his wings and fixed me with it’s beady fucking eyes! If I hadn’t booked it, it would’ve gone for me. Started stripping my flesh bit by bit.”
“And I have to get rid of them?”
“It’s them or me,” Alex agrees.
“You do know they precede both of us? By almost three hundred years. Actually,” he says, blocking one of Alex’s hands. “I bet we could trace the lineage of those geese back to the very first flock introduced by King George II.”
“Knowing your lot,” Alex throws back with disdain, “there’s some official title for like, chief of ornithological management.” He tries to grab Henry’s pec and Henry lets him, amused as Alex kneads at him. Alex grins in satisfaction, flashing his dimple. “Which one was George II again? I didn’t pay much attention pre-Independence.”
Henry sees his opening. “Defeated the Stuarts in the Jacobite rebellion in 1745. They were pretty unhappy with my lot and this whole institution of Parliament thing,” Henry grunts with the effort, but in a flash he manages to grab Alex’s wrists and leverage his weight.
“Ah!” Alex laughs loudly as Henry twists them, pinning Alex down beneath him. “Cheating! You distracted me! You know nerd rants are my weak spot, you dick.”
“Distracted you? I’m not the one strutting about shirtless,” Henry reminds him. “Unfair advantage.”
“So that’s why you accosted me.” Alex’s affect transforms instantly and he grins impishly as Henry rolls his eyes.
“What a morning you’re having! Accosted by the geese and now me. How unfortunate.”
“Mhmmm, the geese weren’t wearing no underwear, though.” He pauses, brow crinkling. “I wanna redo that. I don’t want the geese in this,” he gestures between them.
Henry grins broadly down at him and flicks a curl off his forehead. “You sure?”
“Really sure,” Alex says, “yeah. Very sure,” he says, matching Henry’s giggles.
“How about this,” Henry suggests. “I’ll come with you tomorrow. Assess the situation. Talk to the chief of ornithological management about the geese population. If you do something for me.”
Alex perks up. “Yeah? What?”
“Take your underwear off, too.”
His smile splits his face, all dimples and flashing eyes. “I mean, was happy to do that anyways, but a deal is a deal.”
In three seconds flat, Alex’s shorts and underwear hit the floor.
—
The two of them have jogged together enough times to find a nice inbetween speed to maintain over Alex’s three mile route.
Spring is in the air. The path toward Kensington is flanked by flowering trees and bright green grass, and out of the corner of Henry’s eye he spots tiny squirrels frolicking through the grass. It’s bright out, the weather fair, which Henry is immensely grateful for. He’s already sweating and, terribly, a little out of shape.
Still, stubbornness has him matching Alex. Together, they dodge early park-goers and bypass the entrance, heading down toward the pond, bright blue-green in the distance.
As they approach, Alex slows beside him. Henry looks across at him. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?” Alex asks. “I’m using you as a human shield.”
“My Prince Charming,” Henry says dryly.
“Not my shtick now is it?” Alex yells at his back as they descend upon the path around the lake.
Henry has been down to the pond’s edge countless times. First, as a young child, held back from the water’s edge, until gradually he had been allowed more freedom to play by it. Sitting by the water for hours reading, writing or journaling had filled several of his days as a teen and young man.
He’s so lost in memories of launching mini model yachts with Pip and the rubbish poems he had penned that he almost forgets about the geese entirely. That is until Alex grabs his hand and yanks him back into the present.
“Henry,” Alex says sharply.
An assortment of geese and ducks waddle together down the left side of the path ahead. They’re minding their own business, a few stopping to peck at seeds or remnants of food Henry’s eyes can’t see. Cute and fine feathered. Entirely innocent.
“They’re perfectly harmless,” he tries to tell Alex. “I’m sure it was a one-off. Perhaps you scared it somehow.”
Alex’s grip tightens. “Uh uh. No. They’re waiting.”
“Waiting?” Henry asks, bemused. “For what.”
“For me.”
“Alexander,” he says, exasperated.
Alex’s eyes swivel toward him, expression indignant. “First of all, it’s love. Second of all, I’m serious.”
“As am I.” Henry tugs his hand, but allows Alex to walk on his right, so close that their elbows and shoulders brush. If by slim chance they are murderous, at the very least Alex can make a break for it. “Look right ahead. Most of them are in the pond.”
He glances over to find Alex glancing furtively behind them. Henry feels torn between exasperation and laughter. “If anything, they’re more scared of you,” he insists.
“I just don’t think that’s true, babe. You’re underestimating them. They travel in packs.”
“Have you given theatre any thought?”
“Your ornithological expert is letting a criminal enterprise flourish under their nose. I’m the First Son. I could pull some strings, you know.” Alex raises his eyebrows and gestures at himself. “They harmed me.”
“It grazed you. Somehow I don’t think the government nor grandma will be very moved by your proposal to… what exactly?”
Alex opens his mouth to reply but his face transforms, eyes and mouth widening in surprise. He lets out a sudden high-pitched yelp and springs into motion, jumping forward and away.
Honk honk!
“It bit me!” Alex shrieks. “It fucking bit me!”
Henry wheels around to look for the culprit, and there it is. Standing two metres behind them is a singular goose, standing tall and straight, its dark eyes glittering with patent malice. It blinks before suddenly it’s honking again, taking an aggressive step forward, wings flapping.
“Alright, dear,” Henry hears the words tumble out of his mouth. A tiny kernel of fear ricochets around inside him. Its beak does look quite vicious. “Fine. I believe you.”
“Do you?” Alex snaps, backing away. “Do you?”
To Henry’s absolute disbelief, the goose seems to ignore his existence and starts toward Alex again. Alex yelps and uses his foot to kick out toward it, driving it away. He’s a ridiculous sight but Henry’s heart twinges. He reaches for Alex.
“Let’s go!”
Alex doesn’t need to be told twice; he breaks into a run that Henry pushes himself to match, and together they climb the incline back up to the palace, cutting through the glass until they reach the decoratively cut shrubs. Panting, Henry comes to a stop and takes a deep breath, hands on his hips.
Across from him, Alex takes off his cap and runs a hand through his curls, pulling them back before jamming the cap back on. He’s gorgeous but also glowering at him. “See what I mean? Evil. All birds? Evil.”
“I…” Henry pauses, trying not to laugh. He’s not entirely convinced. Though, the goose’s animosity for Alex … “I may have to speak to the chief of ornithological management after all.”
Alex throws his hands in the air. “Thank you! Oh my god. You know what,” he points at Henry and Henry raises his eyebrows. “Promise me you’ll remember this moment.”
“Promise you?” Henry asks. “Why so?”
“Because, when they finally decide to overthrow the monarchy,” Alex says, approaching slowly. “And you’re forced into exile by a flock of militant geese, I want you to remember that I tried to warn you.”
“About militant geese? Or their criminal enterprise?” he teases. “Which one is it?”
“About your complacency.”
“Noted, dear.” He watches with barely concealed amusement as Alex huffs and stalks past him. “Theatre, Alex!”
Alex puts up his middle finger and continues marching away. Grinning to himself, Henry hurries to follow his boyfriend back to their room, determined to make up for the geese by kissing every square inch of Alex “better”.