Chapter Text
”Make a wish, quick!” Stiles shouted from across the room. All of Scott’s loved ones wore cone hats with dots in various colors. He thought about what his wish should be. He wished to never wake up again. He wished for his friends to find peace once he was gone. He wished that they wouldn’t let his death drag them down. Then he blew out the candles. The sound of hands clapping erupted from the attendees. No one was going to know his wish and that it was his utmost desire.
The kitchen table was packed with confetti in all the colors of the rainbow. The cake hade a picture of Scotts face on it which was ridiculous. Stiles had somehow managed to convince Melissa that Scott would love it and that it would be awesome. Scott thought it was kind of odd but it was amusing that Stiles was so enthusiastic about it.
After Scott had removed the candles, Stiles rushed forward and pushed Scotts head down so that he face-planted the cake. The neon pink feather boa Stiles was wearing got dipped in vanilla frosting and those standard sprinkles. A shocked gasp left Melissas mouth and the Sheriff and Isaac just looked at each other with wide eyes. Stiles laughed. ”Dude wtf, you’re evil” Scott exclaimed. Stiles started to laugh even harder at that. He had to sit down and take deep breaths. Scott was smiling ear to ear. He hadn’t smiled like that in a long time. It was the best birthday gift ever. Scott looked up at his friend with a mixture of sponge cake, strawberry jam and vanilla frosting all over his face and said with a smirk ”I’m so going to get you , just wait until your next birthday”. Scott immediately regretted saying that. He felt guilty that he wouldn’t be able to be at Stiles’ next birthday and live up to that promise. If everything went according to plan that is. Stiles had already had his birthday this year. Scott didn’t want to be around long enough for his next. He couldn’t take another year of this misery.
Scott always joked that he would run straight to the tattoo parlor the moment he turned 18. Get some shitty, cheap tattoo that would be ugly as hell and riddled with shaky lines and colors that weren’t punched in. Then when he’d be 28 he would get it removed. Because then, when he was older, he’d be able to afford it. Only they didn’t know that Scott never planned on turning 28. He was going to be 18 forever.
Thats exactly what he did, ran and got a tattoo as soon as he was old enough. Well not really, a week later. Scott decided on getting a tattoo that said ”forever young” , he thought it would be fitting. He wouldn’t have time to regret it. He could fill all of his skin with ink. Even do it himself without any practice, it wouldn’t matter. He decided to get it written in cursive above his ankle. It hurt and Scott liked that. A loser like him deserved that pain.
Scott decided to refrain from showing his friends his new tattoo. He didn’t want them to figure it out. He could try to lead them to believe that it meant some bullshit like he would always be young at heart but that probably wouldn’t fly.
Lately his emotions had gone from low lows to numbness. Most of the time he felt no excitement nor sadness, just nothing at all. When that happened he would go to the bathroom and borrow his moms eyebrow razors. He just wanted to feel something, anything other than emptiness. He felt like he deserved it. Other times he was balling his eyes out alone on the bathroom floor. His mind telling him over, over and over how much he sucked. To distract himself from his thoughts he would yet again take the razors. No one knew what he felt or did. Not even his best friend Stiles. He didn’t want him to know. He didn’t want Stiles to hurt. He had already been through so much. He also didn’t like the idea of him knowing. This was personal. Too personal. They shared everything with each other, yet this was too much. Scott felt like if he confessed he wouldn’t like what reaction he would see in Stiles. It was a ridiculous thought, just like all of his other thoughts.
”It started when I was seven. I would collect different types of bugs, small and big. Some were fuzzy others were hairless. Some were colorful others were achromatic. I borrowed my dads lighter and lit the bugs on fire. It was like the fire had spread and lit up inside me too. For once I had the power. For the first time, I wasn’t the victim. It healed something within me” Isaac read as they sat on a bench in school. They had been assigned a book in english.
Scott had been watching Isaac intently as he read. His eyes had shifted from his curls to his eyelashes as Isaac had looked down in the book. He wondered what it would be like to reach out his hands and card his fingers through his hair. If it was as soft as Scott imagined. If you asked Scott to recall what had just happened in the book, he wouldn’t be able to tell you.
Scott and Isaac got to know each other because they were in the same classes. They quickly became close friends. They laughed at stupid things, bothered each other and were there for one another.
Isaac continued: ”After a couple of times the feeling vanished. I desperately wanted that feeling back. I needed it. From there on it escalated. I lured a bird in to a cage and fed it rat poison. That weak little helpless creature couldn’t handle it. One day after I had been pushed to the ground and kicked. I felt that I needed more power than before. I saw the neighbors cat…”
Scott didn’t want to be just friends, that was the problem. Scott wanted Isaac bad. It was his only wish. Scott wanted to be the sole focus of his attention. He wanted there to be no one but him. He wanted Isaac’s love only directed at him. Every time he woke up he wished that Isaac was there beside him.
The moment his feelings begun or the seed was planted was when he was at an amusement park with his friends. Before it was planted Scott knew that he had a good-looking friend. He had eyes and he saw how other people acted around Isaac. Unlike other people Scott didn’t want anything more than friendship, until the amusement park. The seed, once planted in to his soil would grow, grow and grow until it turned in to what was now a flourishing oak-tree you couldn’t ignore.
”We have to go on that drop tower!” Stiles said bursting with excitement as he pointed at it. Scott never felt that excited. Screams coming from people on the rides surrounded their tiny little group. Isaac quickly stole some of Stiles’ cotton candy now that he was busy doing heart eyes towards the tower. There were people everywhere and a lot of them. They were sitting on benches while eating, walking with their friends or waiting in lines. Stiles looked over at Scott in search for approval. What he received was only a blank stare and no response. Isaac decided to take some more of that sugary sweet pink cloud goodness. It was like a challenge to Isaac, how much could he stuff in his mouth before Stiles noticed. ”Come on man, I know you’re scared of heights, but it’ll be fun, trust me” Stiles said waving his hands around to such extent it looked like he’d gone crazy. Scott didn’t really find anything fun. Isaac didn’t even attempt to grab more, he knew it would be impossible right now. The scent of buttered popcorn was there as a steady presence while they argued. Scott took a quick glance at the stand. It had red stripes following white or was it white following red? Scott couldn’t tell, just like he couldn’t tell with zebras or bees. Sometimes he felt like if you knocked on his head it would echo.
After some back and forth Scott finally agreed on going. Stiles had crushed him with plenty of arguments. Scott didn’t even stand a chance. One of the arguments were that he had to face his fears in order to become a ”real man”. What the fuck man? He was already a real man, he had just turned 18 and he was real. Another one was that he would miss out on an experience if he didn’t go. Scott did actually want to overcome his fears and he wanted to experience as much as possible before he went. Live fast, die young and all of that. As they argued Isaac attempted to take some more, only this time Stiles caught him ”What are you doing? that’s mine. Wait why is half of it gone?” Isaac tilted his head back and laughed. You could see it on Stiles face when it dawned on him. ”Oh, I’m so unbuckling you when where at the top”.
As they stood there waiting in line Scott thought about his fear. His fear had been with him ever since he was a child. People scared of heights are afraid because there’s a risk you’ll fall and once you reach the ground you crack your skull open against the pavement. People are fragile porcelain. Easily breakable and if porcelain breaks in to too many pieces, you can’t fix it. He understood why heights terrified him back then, because back then he cared. But now when it was all he ever wanted, why was he still so afraid?
They rose up in to the air and everything beneath them became miniature. The people, the popcorn stand and the trees decorating the park. The people looked like moving dots from above. Scott started hyper ventilating and shaking. Isaac took his hand and placed it on Scott’s knee while he swiped his thumb back and forth in a soothing motion. ”Scott look at me, it’s going to be okay, you’re safe and we are all safe”. Scotts stomach swooped and they hadn’t even dropped yet. Scott thought two things in that moment, that Isaac would become a great father one day and that what he just did was incredibly hot. When they reached the top Isaac looked at Scott as he grabbed Scott’s hand and held on tightly. That tiny gesture rocked Scott’s world. It was how it all started. Scott forgot where he was and all feelings of terror vanished. Then they dropped.
Scott couldn’t decide if school was useless or if it had meaning. Useless in the way that it wouldn’t matter if you had a degree or not when you were dead. He could stop turning in assignments and doing test right now. Although, he did want to finish school to have some sort of accomplishment before he left. He felt like he hadn’t accomplished anything in life. Having nothing to be proud of can really do numbers on you. He often pondered on if things had meaning, if what he was doing at the moment mattered. The answer was almost always no.
He wanted to walk that stage with the diploma in hand while his mom cheered him on. Maybe his dad would be there, he didn’t want that. He wanted to wear that silly gown and graduation cap. After he had walked that stage he would go hug his mom. Then in his dreams, some stranger would ask Scott if he could help him with his car in the parking lot. Scott would say yes and follow him. Scott would then, right then and there get shot in the head. It would sound like when you blow air in to an empty juice box and jump on it with the heels of your shoes or fireworks. It would feel like fireworks too. No one would see it happen. He didn’t want to traumatize people. Dying in his graduation gown would be kind of powerful. It wasn’t as powerful when he remembered that it would only be a highschool graduation.
Throughout his life Scott’s dad had only showed up when he felt like it. That happened once in a blue moon. Scott’s dad had been kicked out by Melissa when he dropped baby Scott on the head. He didn’t even fight to be able to see Scott, watch him grow up, get to know him, raise him. It was like he took the first opportunity to flee from his responsibilities.
One day Scott was scrolling on social media. Until a post made him stop in his tracks. It was his dad holding onto and kissing some much younger woman. Right beside them there were two kids. Around the age 4 and 7. The caption read : ”No one is more blessed than me. I have a beautiful wife and two kids that I’m honored to be step-dad to”. He didn’t even mention that he had a third son. Scott felt a sharp pain in his chest. Was he ashamed that Scott was his son? Did he wish Scott didn’t exist?
There were now more kids, other than him, out there that could be disappointed with his dad. There was no way he spent time with them and didn’t abandon them like he did with Scott. Or so Scott thought. He clicked on the account and checked more of his dads posts. ”First day of kindergarten, so proud” , My baby learned how to ride a bike”. It was all milestones. Scotts dad wasn’t there when Scott reached those. There were about a hundred other posts with his kids which meant he had been there for them more than he had ever been for Scott. He was probably only there so he could post about it on social media and receive praise from people he didn’t know. He wanted to appear to be an amazing dad when in reality he only cared when there were cameras.
That’s what Scott assumed until he saw them at work. He saw them through the window at the playground across the street. He saw them there almost everyday. He never even once saw his dad take up his phone to take pictures. Every time he saw them he would stare at them for a long time. He saw his dad playing with them. Making them laugh and riding his back. He would push them on the swings. He did everything a dad was supposed to do. It made Scotts stomach churn. The only thing that would break Scotts trance was a bark from one of the dogs he was helping.
One day his dad saw him while he was doing his usual staring and they made eye contact. They looked at each other for awhile and then they went back to their separate lives. Scott continued examining someones dog while his dad went back to tickling the youngest one. The kid laughed like there was no tomorrow. Scott could feel the kid’s happiness from all the way across the street.
Scott ran up the stairs leaving loud thumps after him. Isaac followed closely. When they reached Scotts room they were both panting. They were supposed to study but of course they had to play some video games first. Scott went downstairs to gather all the snacks. Meanwhile Isaac sat on Scotts bed and looked around the room. His hands felt how soft the comforter was underneath his hands. On the walls there were posters of bands and artists. All his lacrosse gear was thrown in a corner except a t-shirt hanging on the closet door. It said McCall in capital letters.
After awhile they decided that it was time to do what they were supposed to do, study. Scott started reading where they last left off. ”I saw the neighbors cat and I knew exactly what had to be done. I hated that fucker. It always did something to piss me off , like constantly meowing. The meows were repetitive and drawn out .
Isaac’s eyes drifted towards Scott as he read. He looked so peaceful and content. He looked really comfortable in that hoodie. Isaac wanted to crawl up underneath the fabric and just lay there. He wanted to hold Scott tight. He wished he was allowed to do that. He wished he could call Scott his boyfriend.
Scott continued reading ” I came up with a plan. First I was going to buy some treats. After that I would borrow my dads old axe. That thing was from the 80’s and it still held up, well except the paint on the handle. It had seen better days. The handle used to be completely white, nowadays the birch wood underneath peaked through in some spots. The birds were chirping. It was like they were egging me on. I was going to take out their enemy.
That deafening sound I so strongly despised materialized from outside the shed. I didn’t even have to look for that fucker, it came to me. It was like it wanted this”
Isaac would do anything for Scott and let Scott do anything to him. He would change every little thing about himself if that meant that he got Scott. Scott could take his heart, play with it and then stomp on it. Isaac would still want him all the same. He could kick him in his face, punch him in his gut and push him to the ground. Nothing would make Isaac hate Scott. He could have some big secret. That no one knew about. It wouldn’t matter. Isaac yearned for Scotts devotion.
Scott looked up and saw Isaac staring at him. He looked at Scott differently than all the other times they had met eyes. He looked at Scott like he was that whiff of flowers you only got during the summer when the temperature is higher. Like there was nothing in this world except Scott and he wanted nothing else but him. It must have been a trick of the light. It couldn’t possibly have been the case, could it? Isaac was straight, Scott was sure of this. Isaac would often talk about girls, never boys.
The first time Isaac had the thought that he was bi was when he was 13, but back then as soon as the thought came he pushed it away. His father always talked about how wrong and disgusting it was for two guys to like each other. Love was supposed to be between a man and a woman. Isaac believed he only had those thoughts because he wasn’t supposed to. His mind wasn’t on his side, instead it was punishing him.
As a kid, Isaac also thought that it was wrong to be anything other than straight. Like any other child, he was impressionable and heavily influenced by his parents. How could he not think that, when his dad repeated his hateful beliefs over and over, like a broken toy.
When he became a teenager, the thought that it was wrong slowly faded away. He let the thought that he was bi exist, but it was still difficult to accept. He didn’t think that it was wrong for others, yet it didn’t sit right with him that he was bi himself. He would talk about girls all the time. He thought that if it was always girls, girls, girls, his attraction for guys would disappear. When he finally accepted himself he was 17.
He remembered the moment vividly. It happened when he went swimming with his class. Every year they had to swim 200 meters. If you weren’t able to do it you would fail PE. He sat on the bench with a blue and white striped towel wrapped around him to shield himself from the cold. The smell of chlorine infiltrated his nose. He and Erica were the first that had showered and changed. In the shower he made sure to stare at the wall and nowhere else, because that would’ve been weird as hell.
As he sat there water droplets fell from his body on to the wooden bench and the floor made out of turquoise tiles. Erica was talking to him and he was listening and humming at appropriate times. Then a stream of boys came out of the changing room. They were lightly pushing each other and laughing. Isaac eyes raked over their wet hair, to their faces, then their bodies. He somehow managed to break out of his trance and looked over at Erica.
Her eyebrows were raised as she was smirking. Then she looked away and laughed a little. Isaac’s eyes widened as he froze in place. ”No, no it’s okay that you like dick, I like it too.” Erica said. It was a completely unhinged thing to say to someone you barely knew but that was just Erica. Isaac was now in shock. ”I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want that” she assured him. The words ”It’s okay” echoed inside his head. They were stuck on replay. Hearing that finally made him accept himself.
He had been laying under a bunch of bricks. Some of them had been removed when his dad died. But there were still a lot left. He had been screaming and squirming underneath them and in just a couple of seconds they were finally off him. He was free. From there on, Erica and Isaac became friends, rather than just classmates who talked sometimes.
Isaac kept on losing people in his life. First it was his mom. He only got to spend a couple of years with her before she was taken away from him. Although their time together wasn’t long, Isaac still had a lot of great memories of her. When Isaac and his brother played with plastic cars and dinosaurs she would sometimes join. She would make up stories about the dinosaurs.
She had this one story Isaac used to love. He never grew tired of it. He wanted it told over, over and over again. It was about this t-rex astronaut. The dinosaur worked hard to prepare for its trip to the moon. It worked out two hours every day and made sure to eat healthy. There was only one problem, the dinosaur was lonely. It had no kids, friends or partner. The dinosaur would make sure it was busy all the time in order to avoid the loneliness. It had no one to talk to, so it would look up to the sky at night and talk to the stars. One day a star answered. ”Hold on and be patient, it’s going to get better” the star said. At first the dinosaur was hurt that the stars never had answered before. All those times when the dinosaur was crying and venting to the stars they never said anything. But despite this it decided to do what the star had advised, Hold on.
The trip to the moon came closer. The dinosaur had loved that white circle in the sky ever since the first time it laid eyes on it. When the dinosaur found out that people had visited the moon it decided in that exact moment that it was going to do the same.
The dinosaur was the only one in the spaceship. The only one that was going to be on the moon. It was always alone. When the dinosaur first stepped foot on the desert like surface it saw five smiling aliens. ”Do you want to be friends?” they asked. It was the best day of its life. The dinosaur got to visit the moon and wouldn’t be lonely anymore.
Isaac realized when he got older the reason why he loved that story. It taught him to hold on and that things would get better. He liked to think that his mom had told him that story to teach him just that but he didn’t now for sure if she had a thought behind it. Before Isaac became his fathers punching bag he was the recipient of his harsh words. Sometimes his dad was a role model father other times he’d tell Isaac that he was the worst thing that had happened to him. His father used to tell him that he was an annoying kid that would grow up to be an unlovable adult.
The first time his mom had heard his dad say something like that to Isaac, she spoke up. She took his father with her to another room and closed the door. ”How can you say such horrible things to your son?” Isaac heard as he stood outside the door with his ear up against the keyhole. ”Come outside I wanna show you a cool trick I learned.” his brother had then told him. Isaac followed him outside and when he was outside he couldn’t hear his father pushing her to the floor. He couldn’t hear the thud it made when her skull collided with the wooden ground. He couldn’t hear when he later punched her jaw. She never spoke up again after that.
After their mother died, his dad would no longer only use his words, he would also use his hands. During that time of Isaacs life he would wake up sore and with reddish-blue bruises all over his body.
One time Isaac had skipped a lesson together with Scott and Stiles. He got absence for it, of course and when his dad found out he started pacing in the living room. He pondered on what his plan of action was going to be be. He decided on throwing china towards Isaac once he had stepped inside and closed the door. His dad didn’t want anyone to see what was going on inside their house. Red lines leaking blood covered Isaacs body.
Another time Isaac got a D and his dad found out about it. His dad sat in the couch near the door with a book in his hand and waited for Isaac to come home. When Isaac stepped inside the door his dad put down the book and greeted him with a smile and hug. He said that he wanted to show Isaac something in the basement. Isaac followed him down. ”I want you to sit in the freezer” Isaac didn’t answer, he just looked at his dad. ”Oh It’s not on, don’t worry”. Isaac was confused but did what his dad asked him to. His father then slammed the lid down and locked Isaac inside. Panic immediately accompanied him inside the freezer. He clawed at the walls and tried to push the lid open at first, but eventually he let himself get taken away by resignation.
When his dad finally let him out he forced Isaac in to a hug. Isaac couldn’t help but melt in to the touch. ”I didn’t like doing that, but you had to be punished”. Mr Lahey said while he rubbed one hand over Isaac’s back.
Isaac hated small enclosed spaces and his dad knew this. One time when he was little he had accidentally gotten locked inside a tiny storage closet. It was dark and it had that smell only book archives or basements have. The handle turned downwards and the door opened. There his dad stood surrounded by light. He opened his arms and softly said ”Come here”. He tightly wrapped his arms around Isaac. ”It’s okay, you’re fine now, dads here”. His dad let go of him and held Isaac’s face with his calloused hands while his thumb wiped away Isaacs tears. ”That was scary, and it’s okay to feel scared”. Then he enclosed his arms around Isaac again.
Despite everything his dad had done Isaac’s love for him still ran deep. He couldn’t imagine turning him in. He loved his dad all those times when he was sweet and gentle. He remembered when his dad comforted him and held him in his arms. He remembered when his dad had taught him how to swim. His dad used to be a swim coach so it didn’t take long for Isaac to get the gist. His dad held out his arms underneath Isaac so that he could practice his strokes. After he had done that for awhile he removed his arms to let Isaac swim on his own. It was frightening at first but that feeling didn’t last long. He felt like a fish, like the best fish out there. His dad had gave him a high-five and smiled at him. It meant a lot to Isaac. He remembered when his dad threw him a surprise party and taught him how to fish. Warmth spread trough his body as he smiled to himself thinking of his memories.
After he lost his mom, his brother was the next one to go. Camden used to serve in the army and was killed in combat. He only joined the army as a way to get away from their dad. His brother was the only other person that knew what it was like to grow up with their dad.
Then his dad passed. He had dreamt of that day multiple times. When it became reality he wasn’t thrilled. He stood in front of the casket in his best and only suit. He fiddled with the hem of his suit jacket as he stared at the picture of his dad. It was from a family photo, but zoomed in on his dad. He was wearing his glasses like always and smiling. Isaac wondered if his smile was genuine, it looked like it, thats why he picked that photo, but he couldn’t tell.
Isaac was the one that had arranged the funeral. He had picked old songs his dad used to love, sent out invites to his dads friends and colleagues, chose which casket. The list went on. He had done everything. When everyone he walked towards the casket and draped himself over it. Orchids poked him in the face as he laid there. He picked orchids because he read somewhere that they symbolize continues affection.
Isaac’s lost those close to him like domino tiles fall. It was a chain reaction. Isaac didn’t know then that he would lose Scott too.
Scott and Stiles knew that Isaac had been abused. They knew very vaguely because of a rumor, everybody knew. They didn’t know to what extent or any details. They had once asked him if the rumors were true and Isaac had admitted that they were, but that was the end of it. It was difficult for Isaac to talk about.
Days came and went. They kept on coming and kept on passing. Time kept on moving. The days were only a number that increased to Scott. The days were nothing special either. They were all the same. Home, school and then home again. It felt meaningless. It was as if he was stuck in a time loop he couldn’t stop. Except one evening in late may.
Scott and Isaac had decided to practice lacrosse together. A game was coming up soon and they wanted to be prepared. After they had changed in to their sports uniforms they headed towards the field. Scott was carrying their helmets and sticks. As they walked towards the pitch Scott took in his surroundings. The field was lit up while right next to it there were dark woods. Like yin and yang. Two goals staring each other down and the fake grass caught in between. They were the only ones there, no one in sight.
Isaac started running looking back at Scott smiling. That only meant one thing, who could reach the field first. Of course Isaac was going to get there first. He had a head- start and wasn’t the one carrying all their equipment. To get back at him Scott decided to tackle him to the ground, it was only fair. They rolled around and wrestled for awhile. Once they stopped they were panting while simultaneously laughing. Isaac was in between Scotts legs. Scott sat on top of him pinning him down. When their laughing died down they looked in to each other’s eyes. Now it was just them and their panting.
After some time their staring contest ended when Isaacs lowered his gaze to Scott’s lips. When he looked up again he had this pleading look that quickly vanished as it turned in to a filthy and challenging one. Oh, Scott thought. He tilted his head and moved towards Isaac, closing the distance. Their lips crashed together. Scott was going to give Isaac his all. He was going to make Isaac moan, that was his goal. He immediately started sucking on Isaac’s bottom lip as he felt Isaac focus on his top. He wanted to give Isaac his best and he wanted nothing else but please him. Isaac put his hands under Scott’s shirt and Scott felt them roaming all over his body from his abs to his chest and then his shoulders.
Scott lightly pushed his tongue forward making it touch Isaac’s bottom lip as a way of asking for permission to escalate the kiss. Of course Isaac complied. He let Scott take all that he wanted. Scott made sure Isaac knew there was no one in this world except him. All of Scott’s focus was on Isaac. Scott hands caressed Isaacs arms back and forth and then he let them rest on his shoulders. Once Scott’s tongue was in Isaac’s mouth he couldn’t stop the noise that escaped him. They were so close to each other yet not close enough. Isaac’s hands were now carding through Scott’s hair and Scott relished in the feeling.
Scott couldn’t help but compare. Kissing Allison was always very sweet and that was great too, but this was on another level. It was intense and passionate. It was something Scott thought he would only dream of. Scott had never experienced something filled with so much desire before.
Scott broke apart their kiss and was met with Isaacs half lidded eyes and screaming bright red lips. It was sight Scott knew would revisit his mind. Isaac smiled and when he did he showed his straight, white teeth. He was so pretty and why was everything about him so perfect? It almost made Scott pissed off. Scott couldn’t resist smiling back at him though, like a lunatic.
The next day Scott ran in to Isaac in the school bathroom. He needed to talk to him and he didn’t even have to look for him. Isaac was fixing his hair in the mirror. He was so focused on scrunching his curls that he didn’t notice Scott standing there.
After Scott had been staring and admiring for awhile he finally blurted out ”I want to talk to you about yesterday”. Isaac immediately turned his head towards the direction of the sound with slightly widened eyes. He quickly collected himself and said:”Okay, want another round or what?”. As he said it he was smirking and checking Scott out. He acted really confident but in reality he was just covering up how insecure he felt. Scott was caught of guard by how straight-forward and blunt he was. It completely shut him up. Scott was not prepared for that. He was quiet for what felt like an eternity to Isaac and it did nothing good to the curly-haired boy.
Scott had to think for some time on what to say in order for the right message to come across.”Yeah I really do, you don’t even know how much I want that.” Now it was Isaac’s turn to be shocked. He should have seen it coming but he thought it was just a one-time thing. Before Isaac could say something Scott threw a ”I also want to be more than friends” out. Scott was really proud of himself for not rambling like an idiot. Isaac relaxed at that, all his previous insecurity evaporated and his cocky facade faded away. ”Yeah me too, I can’t take being just friends anymore” Isaac said sincerely as his smile grew bigger. Scott couldn’t help but mirror Isaac. They walked out the bathroom holding hands.
Scott decided to lift their hands up and place a kiss on Isaac’s when Stiles saw them. He immediately understood. He was happy for his best friend but he couldn’t stop the nausea that hit him with a pang. It all concentrated in his gut and Stiles imagined that if you looked inside him you’d see dark fog. His awful mind started telling him things like ”Why not me? Fuck you, why do you get to have things that I don’t get to have” on repeat. Loneliness and jealousy took over and made him in to an ugly rotten decaying corpse. He hid the sickness and agony he felt. It wasn’t fair to Scott.
This was their last assignment. Then there would be days with pointless lessons were you just wished you could chill at home instead. Scott liked it because that always meant that summer break was near. He also liked it because it meant that the countdown would soon reach zero and then he would become a memory. ”Okay class, I want you to analyze the story we just read. Your text should include a summary and your thoughts.”
”…In the end the bullies hung her in a tree. The police concluded that it was a suicide.”
After they had written their assignment, they talked about the book. Isaac said that the she only killed those animals as a way to cope with being bullied. She didn’t deserve to die. They made her into a sociopath.
Stiles pointed out that not everyone thats being bullied does what she did. That If she lived, she would have moved on to killing people instead. Even if the bullying stopped she would continue killing because they broke her. Stiles didn’t want her to die, but it was for the best that she did instead of multiple people, like the trolley problem.
Graduation day was finally here. He sat there in his seat on the football field and looked around. The sky was bright blue and the red bleachers looked so vibrant they pierced through his eyes. The fake grass looked unbelievably green. Everything around him always looked so colorful and full of life. The world wasn’t on the same page as him. They couldn’t be further from each other. Scott was dull and muted. His vivid surroundings reminded him that a lot of people didn’t feel as lackluster as him. It only made him feel worse. Why did he have to be this way?
There were speeches. Lydia performed on of them as her duty of being valedictorian. She absolutely crushed it. Maybe he was biased or maybe she was just awesome.
After a long time his name was called up. He shook hands and was finally handed that diploma he so badly wanted. He did the obligatory changing the tassel from the right side to the left side and then he watched all the caps ascend up into the air. As expected no stranger came up to him that day to ask him for help with his car.