Chapter Text
"Even stagnant water will be moved by the wind."
The most famous God and Ghost tale was the one about a Scrap God and a Ghost King, however this was not the only tale told about this time of the past. A lesser known one, one filled with far more hatred and misery, also circled around sometimes. It was the tale of the Wind Master and Water Ghost.
"But perhaps… this water is too still to be rippled by even the strongest of winds."
𓂃 𓈒𓏸
He Xuan had never wanted to doom Shi Qingxuan to such a fate. He could tell with the way his limbs silently shook, that this was not a good idea. However, he still went along with it. He… he loved Shi Qingxuan. Of course he did, who wouldn't after spending so much time with them? His heart ached every time they screamed so shrilly, yet he couldn't stop what he was doing. The words that spilled from his mouth weren't his. None, apart from the last he ever spoke to them.
"Dream on."
The words lingered on his tongue before he vanished, dropping Shi Qingxuan who-knows-where, waiting for them to be found.
All he could think about was how much he regretted it. He could hardly eat afterwards, every bite upon his tongue bitter with regret and the memories of them. Starving didn't feel much better, but what else could he do?
He had nothing left.
𓂃 𓈒𓏸
"Shi Qingxuan has reascended," Hua Cheng spoke evenly, almost bored. Fiddling with the bead in his hair as always, while counting He Xuan's newest debt payment. They were in Black Water Manor, as He Xuan almost always refused to leave it nowadays. The dark corridors and eerily black table in the dining room stared back at him, reflecting his expression.
He Xuan's head snapped up.
"What?"
He Xuan asked, uncaring of how his rudeness may up his debt, and Hua Cheng simply repeated himself.
Shi Qingxuan has reascended.
For all the comments they made about Xie Lian ascending thrice, would they be happy to be the one who reascended now?
He Xuan couldn't properly imagine it. What did they ascend as? Why? They were successful after He Xuan had taken everything from them… They're just simply a better person than He Xuan.
𓂃 𓈒𓏸
He Xuan needed a plan. He couldn't just waltz up to Shi Qingxuan and pretend they were all good, and they certainly wouldn't be delighted to see him. He tapped his fingers across the table he was perched at, this time without Hua Cheng. He Xuan agonised over what to do, what would be appropriate? If he over explained himself, what if they still hated him? Though that could still be said for if he didn't explain anything at all. He… he really didn't have any idea on what to do. Nor could he talk to anyone, as Hua Cheng wouldn't help, Xie Lian would be nice but also not very helpful, and who else did he talk to? His bone fish?
Huh. That wasn't such a bad idea, it would allow him to get all his thoughts out too.
He Xuan shifted off his chair and onto his feet, the atmosphere suddenly becoming colder as he moved. His steps echoed off of the tile, a comforting noise. It made him feel… real. Like he was alive, even though he wasn't actually living. Leaving the entrance of his manor, He Xuan was surrounded by a lake, almost like a fortress. The water was dark, though movement could still be seen in the depths. His clothes rustled as he bent down, dipping his hand into the water. His fish were, well, bone fish. They didn't need to eat, so he didn't need to feed them.
"I… I have this friend," he begun, "that I truly wronged." He Xuan sighed, memories of the event coming back to him. "I'd like to apologise to them, but how? I couldn't ever be forgiven, not with what I've done." A flash of the blood splatter on Shi Qingxuan's clothing comes to his mind. God, what did he do? Why did he go through with the plan? He'd made a bond with Shi Qingxuan. Why would he sever that? "I… wish that I could apologise. But they'd never forgive me."
He Xuan twirled his fingers around one particular bone fish that kept trying to nibble on his pointer. The sensation was grounding, and oddly cute.
"Should I even try?" He Xuan sighed once again, shoulders sagging. "Maybe, I guess I could. Try, I mean," he pondered this, and in the end, it didn't seem like such a bad idea.
"Perhaps I should take a note from that Crimson Rain Sought Flower and gift them my ashes," he joked.
The fish didn't react, why would they? They just continued to swirl around his fingers, the larger ones nudging their heads against his palm. It was quite calming, he was able to relax with the fish. Even if they were bones. He couldn't quite relax with anyone, Shi Qingxuan was out of the question because of his plan, Hua Cheng would always find a reason to up his debt, and who else did he talk to? Ling Wen? Rarely. He'd heard that Heaven had fallen apart without her, when she ran off with the Brocade Immortal.
Talking to the fish did help, he admitted to himself. Maybe… maybe gifting them his ashes was something he could do. If they wanted him dead, so be it. He didn't quite deserve the life he was living currently, not after what he did to them.
He Xuan watched the fish blow a bubble up at him, before he got up, turned on his heel and left.
𓂃 𓈒𓏸
Time passed, and He Xuan grew more and more antsy.
He kept procrastinating on how to apologise, he really wasn't one to say "sorry", though he'd never done anything this unforgivable before. He would still not be going to Hua Cheng for advice, so he was alone with his bone fish to talk to in this matter.
He Xuan sighed, sitting at his dining table once again. If he wasn't going to do it, then he might as well disperse himself, he realised. He didn't want to disperse himself though, his last chance at happiness, no matter how selfish that thought may be, was right here. All he had to do was act, send a letter. He couldn't overthink it.
He already had paper set up in front of him, along with freshly ground ink and a brush. He'd already gone through the repetitive motion of grinding the ink, and now everything he needed was here. All he needed to do would be write a message, and send the letter.
He had the thought of embedding his ashes into a fan, similar to what Hua Cheng did with the ring-necklace for Xie Lian. It wasn't a bad idea, though it was perhaps risky. It's not that he didn't trust Shi Qingxuan with his life, just that… maybe they didn't care enough about him to appreciate the fan. There weren't any other ideas that matched the level of that one, so he supposed it'd be the best course of action. Remember, don't overthink it, he thought to himself.
And so he wrote. The first few were duds, his hands being so shaky his handwriting looked similar to Hua Cheng's. But finally, he settled on a wording that made sense without being too longwinded, or overly explanatory. He Xuan didn't want to relive the event himself, he couldn't imagine Shi Qingxuan wanting to relive it through reading this letter of his either.
In the end, he managed on two simple words. I'm sorry. Of course, there were always alternate ways to go around things, but what way wouldn't hurt less than this? Just a simple "sorry" and then he leaves, never to speak to them again. Of course the idea made his heart ache, but what could he do? Nothing, really.
He Xuan trailed his fingertips along the roughness of the paper, avoiding tearing it with his nails. He looked over it, once, twice, until he noticed he never gave a signature. Right, they need to know who's saying sorry, he realised. And so, with the pristine handwriting of a scholar, he signed the page. He folded it carefully, and tucked it into an envelope, for Shi Qingxuan written on the flat side.
He Xuan gave it to one of his clones in Heaven to place at their doorstep.
𓂃 𓈒𓏸
To his surprise, a letter came back. With shaky hands, he opened it, carefully smoothing out the creases where it was folded before reading it.
Dear He Xuan,
What're you saying sorry for? I've been told that my memory has been erased and therefore I'm not sure what you're talking about. So sorry! But I think if you're apologising, despite being a big and scary Calamity, you're a good person. We should hang out some time, He-xiong, just like His Highness and Hua Cheng do! Did you know that Xie Lian ascended three times? That's such a feat, but apparently this is my second time ascending too! I really don't remember much, I apologise again, but I hope we can be friends despite whatever you've done.
(PS. No one seems to want to tell me what you've done… was this a personal matter? Though His Highness did seem a little awkward when I mentioned I received a letter from you…)
Regards,
The God of Convalescence, Shi Qingxuan.
He Xuan couldn't believe it. Shi Qingxuan had… lost their memory? They could start anew, they wanted him to become close with them? He brought a hand up to his mouth, feeling himself exhale despite not needing to breathe.
Well, this truly changed things.