Chapter Text
"Strange words come on out of a grown man's mouth when his mind's broke."
- I Remember Everything by Zach Bryan
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Two military tours take a toll on someone. And for Eddie Diaz, that toll came in PTSD and panic attacks. He often felt like he couldn't get out of his own head. Especially when the thoughts were about the people he loved. The only thing that would bring him back was Buck. Buck was his anchor, his person, and he would sit with Eddie while he cried or try to make him laugh. He was never too much for Eddie. But it was the time that Buck wasn't there that came back to haunt him.
"Goodnight Chris. I love you."
"I love you too"
Eddie watched as Chris shut his bedroom door. He knew that Chris would open it just an inch later, just like he'd done since he was five. It made Eddie happy that Chris was settling back in and going back to his old ways. He wouldn't bring it up though. Last time he'd mentioned Chris's door-leaving-open, Chris had stopped doing it for a week. Eddie didn't care. Chris was the best thing in his life, and there wasn't a day that Eddie didn't thank God for his incredible son. Having Chris back after his stay in El Paso gave Eddie the light back in his life. Chris was his whole world. (Wellllllll....)
Eddie walked over to the living room, and put the TV on just to have something in the background. He'd missed the last two nights of his daily Wordle playing with his group chat "2 hot 2 handle" (Hen and Chimney of course), but he wouldn't miss tonight. Winning word: TREAD
HEN: this is some bs, bread was my last guess
EDDIE: Third guess tonight, just lucky
CHIMNEY: I win once again, I got it in two. Starting word Earth FTW.
HEN: how are you the best at this
Eddie turned off the lights and walked down the hallway to his room. Chris's door was open an inch. Eddie smiled.
Somehow, in the time it took for him to get to his room, he had missed two texts from Buck about which haircut he should get. Buck always asked Eddie things like that. He loved how comfortable Buck felt around him, and vice versa. He responded and plugged in his phone next to his bed. He brushed his teeth, put on a black tank top and sweatpants, turned off the lights, and got in bed. He started thinking about their call at work. Two kids had gotten stuck in a collapsed indoor playground. They were fine, but the way the 118 worked together showed how they really could put anything aside and get the job done. He, Chimney, Ravi, Buck, well Buck-
Eddie wouldn't let his mind go there. He fell asleep earlier than usual, finally letting go of the day.
He woke up in the middle of the night to his phone ringing. And- oh god. His phone was ringing.
"Eddie... something really bad happened at the lab"
RIIIIIING
"There was an outbreak..."
RIIIIIIIING
"Buck- an- and Bobby"
RIIIIIIIING
Eddie sat right up. Not this. Not fucking this. Not again. Not AGAIN.
RIIIIIIIIING
No. He sat up with the most horrible expression on his face. He backed away from the phone.
No. He felt it coming, the panic, the voice in his head. Please god no. Not my family, not my friends.
"Bobby didn't make it."
RIIIIIIIIING
Not Buck. Not Buck. He stood up, the phone still ringing. He couldn't stop the thoughts. Not someone else. Not again. Not-
He covered his ears and slid down the wall onto the floor. He screamed. Screamed to make the hurt go away, but it didn't work. Please God no. No one else. NO.
He didn't even register what was happening, the panic came too quickly. It caught him off guard. But he remembered everything. Every moment of the call. Even though he said he had blacked out. It was Maddie on the phone. Eddie had sobbed all night. And that was Bobby. If- if this was- no PLEASE no.
"Dad what happened"
The terrified look on Chris's face didn't shake him. Eddie was shaking, thinking about the phone that had long since stopped ringing.
"DAD!!!!"
Chris was so scared. So he did what his dad had told him to do if anything happened. He grabbed Eddie's phone from the side table. Eddie sat with his hands over his ears, rocking and crying. He dialed the only other phone number he knew by heart. Buck.
He picked up in five seconds.
"Buck please help please something is wrong with Dad, it's worse than before Buck please come NOW"
"I'm coming Chris. Ten minutes."