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Buh-bump
Buh-bump
Buh-bump
The steady mantra thudded softly in his ears
A pulse that ebbed and flowed deep, deep into his bones. Painless.
He clung to it.
He wanted to wrap his hands around it, sink his teeth into it, curl his tired body into the rhythmic
buh-bump
buh-bump
buh-bump.
He supposed having it thrum against his aching jaw was enough. It was more than he could ever ask for. More than he deserved. He greedily pressed himself into it further. At this, its owner stirred, the drumming pace steadily picking up.
Simon didn't mind the change. It was proof what he was experiencing was real. Not a dream, not a nightmare, but something physical. He almost didn't feel bad that his body's futile attempts of burrowing deeper into the comforting sound had caused the other person he shared existence with to wake up. Almost.
"Si..?" ,they rasped, sleep heavy on their tongue as they roused into the early morning.
Simon, in response, only gripped them tighter. Not yet ready to face the unhelpful thoughts a more awake version of himself would provide. Questioning on why he would ever believe he deserved this, why he thought it necessary even though it was anything and everything but. Why he clung to something so mortal and human. What gave him the right to-
The other man hummed something content . The vibration moved soundly against his cheek, where it sat pressed to the mans chest. He felt a hand slowly ghost the side of his shoulder, till it was gently laid to rest in his hair.
"Morn' si..", grace smiled. Simon could hear it. Could hear the way it lazily curled around soft words like...like..
An animal grace has shown him once came to mind. A soft creature. fluffy. He couldn’t remember.
Simon further grumbled into graces chest, which earned him a chuckle. It made him feel tingly.
He felt graces chest rise as he yawned, riding the motion like a tide, clinging to it like a lifeline. He wasn't ready to let go yet. He didn't want this rare clarity on the reality of this moment to fade just yet.
His hand tugged at graces shirt in a silent plea. The hand in his hair stirred, ever so gently scratching the surface of his scalp answering the silent prayer. As grace so often did.
Simon tried hard to keep any "deprecating thoughts" as grace called them, out of his head as he felt himself chasing the motion. They weren't deprecating, they were reality. He didn't deserve this, it was just a fact.
But when graces fingers found the nape of his neck, he thought for a moment that maybe he could convince himself he did. Convince himself for one, glorious moment that he did belong here, curled into his graces side, instead of drowning into a thick slurry of blood that almost claimed him before grace did.
Simon opened his eyes, the last thought making him anxious enough to check that what he was feeling really was real. When he was met with the sight of the blue ocean, in two perfect eyes, he let his hand cling tighter to grace.
"There he is.", grace hummed on an exhale that made Simons bangs flutter against his face.
"Hi."
"'lo.", came Simons muffled response.
Graces hand continued moving through his hair, grace in question watching with nothing but fond amusement as Simon fought the urge, and failed, to further press into it.
cat, Simons mind finally supplied, as he closed his eyes once more, trying to convince himself it was okay to indulge. Easier said than done when his brain was growing more conscious by the second.
Simon felt himself shift alongside grace as the other half-stretched in their shared current position, graces chest rising once more as he tilted his head up, stretching his free arm to the side.
In a moment of selfishness, and definitely weakness, Simon took the opportunity to hoist himself up just enough to press a kiss into graces neck, grace stopping mid stretch in surprise.
"Woah, hello to you too-", grace smiled with a breathy laugh
Simon huffed in response.
"Shut up." was all he said before slowly mouthing his way to graces pulse point. He needed to feel the comfort he tethered himself to just moments ago.
If grace objected to this, he made no move to make it known, only tightening the grip he had in Simons hair by a fraction.
"Woah..", grace echoed, his voice coming to a whisper when Simon found it. If Simon was going to be selfish, he was going to be selfish. He slowly wrapped his legs tighter around graces hips, sure of his actions and at the same time wholly unsure about whatever it was he was trying to do here. He didn't know. He really didn't know. but when he felt the safe thrum of promised comfort thud across his tired lips, he realized that maybe he did. An earlier, sleep addled thought returned to him.
He wanted to sink his teeth into it.
He felt graces legs wrap around his own, the hand in his hair moving to the base of his skull again, firmly gripping, but not quite tugging. It was, more than he deserved.
With a huff that almost bordered into a high keening note if he wasn't careful, he carefully took the pulse of graces neck between his teeth, warm breath ghosting the area as he hesitated. For his or graces sake he wasn't sure. The feeling was maddening, more so when he felt grace hum a wanton note, barely heard. graces legs continued to tangle with Simons as he slowly kissed and tugged at the sensitive skin. Graces pulse ran faster beneath his lips.
"Si-", he breathed out, voice hitching on the last syllable. That's all it took for Simon to pause his ministrations on the others bared throat, splotches of red quickly blooming across the slick skin. Simon felt equal parts ashamed and proud. He had no right to leave such a mark on grace. Such an abhorrent stake of claim.
He lifted his head and met graces eyes, whose pupils were blown wide like a starless night against a calm ocean. He felt graces free hand carefully rest along the side of Simons hip, sloooowly inching upwards, beckoning silently, for Simon to move closer.
Who was he to not answer its call?
Slowly shifting himself to where grace was fully on his back, Simon hovered over him, knee slotted between graces as he leaned closer to his angels face, not yet diving over the edge, but close enough to hear temptations song, and how it sang for him. He's heard a sirens song before. whispers of something he couldn't have poured down his throat like viscous honey, but this was different. This was something he, that for some reason he couldn't decide why or how, could have.
All he had to do was-
"Is this..okay."
he asked tentatively.
Graces chest moved in tandem with his own, mouth slightly parted as he stared at simon with a look he couldn't quite decipher, but decided he didn't hate. Grace stared at him like he was worth something. Grace looked at him the way Simon looked at the last tree. He still wasn't sure how to feel about it. It made him squirm nervously.
"Grace- is this-"
"Yes! ye- yes, yes this- sorry- yes this is fine. More than fine actually, it just- well it just surprised me that's all-", grace answered quickly, words trailing away into a ramble that simon wasn't too eager to follow. But he let out a huff of amusement anyways, moving his head to press it against graces, feeling the man go still under him. Simon breathed the moment in.
"okay?" he hummed.
"mhm..okay. very okay." was the answer.
Trembling with anticipation, and not fear he decided, Simon moved to slowly inch his way down to graces lips, his breath hitching softly when he made contact.
Feather light, barely there, graces body responded all the same. A slow arch of his back to meet Simon more than halfway. It was sickeningly gentle, Simon holding what felt like the world in his grasp. Careful not to break it. Careful not to let it go. He felt graces lashes flutter against his cheek. It made him smile.
He felt grace smile too.
Grace was the one who chased him when he pulled back ever so slightly. With how starved Simon felt for grace, seeing grace move after him brought another half smile. Grace chased until he ended up partially in Simons lap, straddling his knee.
The next few moments were a blur, hands, fingers, teeth, and lips snagging on places they should and shouldn't.
A sharp tug in Simons hair had him whining into his saviors neck, he responded in kind, pressing into his angel further, and was graced with a low drawn out sound that made his skin spark like a live wire.
Red blooms were speckled across graces skin, like flowers Simon only even seen in his dreams, and now in his and graces shared greenhouse, all shapes and sizes as Simon planted them into the soft flesh, giving them all equal attention for as long as he deemed fit.
His angel sang to him in response. Simon found his angels pulse again, using its rhythm as a tempo, matching the rise and crest of his body with it, unable to stop the steady flow of noise escaping his mouth.
It was real.
He felt a tug.
It was real.
A pull.
It was
A pulse.
Fuck it was all so real.
Buh-bump
Buh-bump
Buh bump
No damnation should be such bliss.
No hell should hold such angels.
No punishment bare such trees of kind fruit.
No-
"Oh-Si- please- simon-"
An embarrassing noise escaped his throat, vulnerable, loud and raw. He opened his eyes just in time to see his angel fall apart in his hands. He didn't deserve this, he didn't know what he ever did to get it anyway, to be given grace after everything he had done.
With a wordless cry, he buried himself deep deep deep beneath his angels heart. Wrapping his arm around his lifeline and burying his head in his chest, a tear falling with each gasp. And for the first time in his life, a feeling of sweet, savory bliss washed over the broken, healing, shell of his body.
Simon found his eden.
His real eden. And at its beating heart, was his grace.
His saving grace.