Work Text:
"I don't believe you, Doctor Grace." Says Eva Stratt from inside my own cell with me. I don't truly know why she puts herself in here with me every time she wants to talk, but the "world's whipping boy" comment comes to mind. "You have already made threats to sabotage the mission. I will not be altering your transport plan now."
I sigh in frustration, but I'm not surprised at her reaction. I had the tiniest sliver of hope that I could join the crew as Yao no doubt hoped, then execute my plan that way. Of course, the excuse Eva had given to the press and to Yao and Olesya was very understandable given that I'd had significantly less time to prepare myself mentally for this than they did. But of course Stratt would be suspicious of me changing my mind about my willingness to board the Hail Mary.
I deserved that distrust, after all the possibilities for sabotage I'd listed over the course of the previous two days. Well, then I guess if she'd already shoved that knife into us both, there was no reason for me not to twist it.
"Listen to me now, Miss Stratt." I hiss softly, making absolutely sure no one else would be able to hear, as I stand and slowly approach her. "I am going to kiss you. And you are going to let it happen because we both know that you got attached and you will have to punish yourself by making me leave and never being able to get me back, and it will have to hurt otherwise it's not really punishment. And you will let it happen because you have a remarkably hard time saying no to me on matters that are nearly trivial for someone with as much power as you do. And because if you're sending me away, I need a reason, and if that reason is as punishment for being too selfish and defying you, then there's no reason not to push that selfishness all the way. I want it to hurt like hell when you watch the Hail Mary disconnect from the ISS and I want you to know you gave me the means to do it. I'll go easy into the coma when I'm done, I already said I'll go, even though I know you don't believe me. Do you understand?"
Her back hit the opposite wall very slowly as her eyes glazed over, dread and grief mixing as one even though they knew she would remember this until the day she died.
"Call me by my name, Ryland." Came her singular whispered request as I reached for her. One arm curling around waist and pulling her in, the other hand cradling the back of her head.
"I'll be gentle, Eva. Just relax." I whisper back, right above her lips.
And I am gentle, as gentle as I can be, knowing that my last act on earth is a betrayal of not only one of my closest friends, but also of my own principles.
Eva gasps against me, before… leaning into my body? Her hands latch onto the kangaroo pocket of my sweater, reassurance for herself rather than real acquiescence to me.
But she leans in, kisses back even as I hear her breath catch in her throat. So I do the only reasonable thing in this incredibly irrational moment, and hold her closer. How often does Eva get physical affection? About as much as he did, probably.
The hand around her waist slides up her back to settle in the shallow valley between her shoulder blades as both thumbs begin slow, soothing circles. This pulls a choked sob from Eva's chest and I pull away, wiping away the tears no one else would ever see. I step away, all the way off to the opposite wall, hands by my head.
"I'm as sorry as you are, Eva. You can call them in to sedate and take me away me now. I know it's almost time to go."
I put up no fight as I am restrained and sedated to be put in the coma early, exactly as was planned. I barely notice another hand, Eva's, joining my own as I lost consciousness.