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"K-karua."
"Ah— Takkun!"
She gripped onto Takumi tightly as he climaxed. She breathed out heavily, heart racing in her chest as Takumi relaxed on top of her. Karua's cheeks went pink with pride.
Last time they slept together, Takumi had been stressed about the preparations for the satellite, and she was unable to help him finish. She tried everything, even used her mouth, yet nothing seemed to work. He kept telling her it wasn't her fault, but Karua wasn't sure she believed it, especially with how frustrated he seemed. It had left the two of them in a weird place, so she was glad there weren't any lingering feelings of regret. This time was definitely better, and a whole lot shorter.
Takumi stayed inside her as his breathing slowed down. Karua wrapped her arms around him. She was the luckiest girl in the world. Not only was her boyfriend her childhood friend, but he was going to do great things once he arrived on the satellite. She wished he would explain to her what exactly that entailed, but more often than not he would tell her not to worry her pretty little head about it, so she obliged.
Everything was perfect. Well… Almost perfect.
"What's wrong?" asked Takumi. His hand cupped the side of her face, drawing her gaze away from everything else in the room except for him.
"Nothing's wrong," said Karua, the slightest quiver lingering in her voice. She couldn't explain it fully, but she felt herself getting scared, often, as if a ghost had passed right through her and made her shiver.
Takumi sat up on the bed. He ran his fingers through her silver hair.
"You can tell me. I trust you," said Takumi. The air felt more somber than it should have. They did just make love, after all. Takumi seemed eerily pushy about her well-being. Perhaps he was just being a protective boyfriend. She liked that about him. No matter what, she could tell Takumi cared for her.
She hoped he wouldn't be mad.
"Does he have to be here? I get embarrassed," Karua sighed with a bit of a pout.
Eito didn't look up from his book. He sat on the couch, legs crossed and eyes boring a hole through the papers. His glasses sat atop his head, clearly not the kind used for reading. This particular passage must have been quite interesting, as Karua hadn't heard the turn of the page in a while. Maybe she had just missed it.
"It's for Takumi's safety. Everyone's intentions may be pure, though worship can sometimes end in rather unfortunate incidents," Eito said through his teeth. Karua pulled the bed sheets up further on her chest. These were supposed to be intimate moments shared with Takumi; it was hard to ignore the Eito in the room. She tried to pretend he wasn't there, but every once in a while their gazes would meet and her insides would squirm around like they were trying to escape her body.
Takumi must have noticed her displeasure.
"Eito… How about you wait outside? I can always alert you if I need something," ordered Takumi.
"But, Takumi—!" Eito protested. He finally looked up from his book, violet eyes wide with disobedience. Karua frowned. Such disrespect towards Takumi was uncomfortable. It made her stomach feel sick, and her head hurt right behind her eyes. Eito was his most loyal follower. If he had qualms, it wouldn't be long before the crack would grow into a rift.
Thankfully, Eito noticed the fault in his ways. He simply closed his eyes and nodded his head.
"Very well. I trust your judgment," said Eito. "After all, who am I to question our supreme leader?"
Takumi seemed amused. He turned to face Karua, missing the haunting glare Eito flashed by the door before he exited the room. Jealousy could fester hate within the hearts of certain people. Karua never wanted to become like him.
"It is a bit strange having Eito around all the time, isn't it?" asked Takumi, with a bit of a laugh. "I've grown so used to him, I haven't even questioned it in a while. Next time, let's have just the two of us."
Whenever Takumi listened to one of her suggestions, she could feel his love for her pouring down on her. He seldom took suggestions from anyone. But she was special. Takumi chose her after all.
"I have something for you, Karua," said Takumi. Karua's eyes lit up. Takumi loved giving people gifts. He always seemed to know what everyone would like.
He reached on the night stand to grab the mysterious box. It was purple, but gave no indications of what was inside. Karua took the lid off, then removed the tissue paper.
Her face paled.
Inside was a stuffed animal of a snake. It made her chest feel tight, as if the snake itself was squeezing around her, suffocating her slowly. This had to be some sort of cruel prank, didn't Takumi know she didn't like snakes?
"You don't like it?" asked Takumi. Karua shook her head.
Oh. He didn't know. Somehow that made Karua feel a bit worse. Takumi seemed to know everything about her, for him to get something so wrong felt uncharacteristic. She shouldn't be ungrateful. She loved Takumi.
"I mean… It's very sweet of you, Takkun. I love everything you give me," said Karua, forcing a smile.
"I know you love plushies. I found this recipe in the Gift-O-Matic and thought of you," explained Takumi. "Why don't you like it?"
His tone became more stern, almost accusatory.
Karua gulped as she held the plushie. She hated snakes. They were difficult to see when they moved in the grass, and their scaly thin bodies wiggled and writhed in a way that made her skin crawl.
"I'm sorry, Takkun… I just don't like snakes very much," said Karua. She took his hands in hers.
"What do you mean? You like snakes. You think they're cute. We found one when we were kids. Remember?" asked Takumi. He narrowed his eyes slightly. "Don't you?"
Takumi glanced towards the door, towards where Eito was waiting on the other side. The blood drained out of Karua's face. Please… No… Her head began to pound. Please, no Eito…
"Umm…"
Karua felt like she was going to cry. Why didn't she like snakes? What was wrong with her? She felt she must have a reason, but her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton and any time she tried to think about it she fell deeper amidst the fluff. She tried to recall the time she and Takumi found a snake, but all it did was make the throbbing pain in her skull feel like it was fit to burst.
"My head hurts," said Karua. She rubbed her temple with the palm of her hand. "I guess… I do like snakes."
"I knew you did, Karua. I know everything about you," said Takumi. He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I've known you longer than anyone else in my life, and you're very special to me. You know that, right?"
Karua nodded her head as quickly as she could. Takumi was always so patient with her when she made mistakes.
"Of course, Takkun!" Karua said gleefully. Her joy faded as her attention turned to the uncomfortable gift in her hands. She set the snake plushie on the nightstand next to her. It made her skin feel like it was crawling with ants. She wanted to scratch, scratch, scratch… Really dig her nails in and tear out whatever she could. Takumi wouldn't like it. So she wouldn't do it. "Can I take a shower?"
"Do you want me to have Eito bathe and dress you?" asked Takumi.
"N-no! I can do it myself," said Karua. She clutched the bedsheets. "I really don't mind. I'd rather have you bathe me, but I know you're busy…"
"I'll see if I can find the time, I still have a few more rewards to do this afternoon. Eito keeps a busy schedule for me. If I didn't know any better, I'd say everyone else is getting spoiled," said Takumi with a laugh. This was no laughing matter. Karua pouted, puffing her cheeks out. She hated being reminded that Takumi performed rewards for the other members of the SDU to keep them in line. No matter how many times he told her that none of it "mattered", it still made her upset. She wanted Takumi all to herself. She had him first, after all. They were childhood friends.
Karua closed the door to the bathroom behind her, and took a deep breath. Her legs felt shaky. She turned the water on, and stepped in.
The hot water ran down her back, turning her skin pink. Eito never let the water get this warm, always citing the benefits of a cold shower. Eito always had something to say about everything, and often it put practicality over comfort. Sometimes Karua just wanted to enjoy a hot shower. There were a lot of things Karua could only enjoy when she was alone.
Her pelvis was a bit sore. Takumi always tried to be gentle with her, but sometimes he got a bit too exited. Karua didn't mind. It meant she was doing a good job.
Takumi's spend dripped down her legs, milky liquid oozing out and towards the drain. Takumi always finished inside her. He knew how much she wanted to be a mother. Her skin burned. Fingers traced her abdomen, pausing when they felt the raised collagen of her scar. She traced it down, slowly, it felt like it would never stop. A shiver went down her spine. She pressed her palm into her abdomen as if that would keep her from splitting in half along the seam of the cut if she were pregnant.
Her head felt fuzzy again. No, it wouldn't happen. That was a silly fear, and Takumi would never put her in danger like that. Karua rinsed herself off. She put a towel around her chest, and one on top of her head with her hair inside it. She wiped her feet on the mat outside the shower so she didn't leave wet footprints inside the room.
Takumi was waiting for her.
"Do you think we can go on a walk later today? I want to go outside," said Karua, gleefully. Takumi promised he would take her out on a date sometime.
"There are still invaders outside, Karua. Why don't you walk in the courtyard? It's nice and safe there."
"Well, maybe after you give everyone their rewards, we can go on a walk," Karua all but whined. Takumi softened his gaze.
"Karua… I'm very busy today. After the rewards, I have to meet with Tsubasa to go over plans for returning to the satellite," said Takumi. "We're on the brink of discovering how to launch the escape pod early. That means we'll be able to go sooner than anticipated. Isn't that exciting?"
The satellite…
It was hard to believe the satellite was real. It made Karua uneasy just to think about it. Millions of people crammed into a space ship orbiting Earth seemed a little too far fetched. Takumi was sure that once he went up there, everyone would bow down before him. Karua could believe that part. Everyone loved Takumi.
Her faith in Takumi didn't ease the discomfort in her stomach at its mention. An ungrounded anxiety, Takumi always said. She should bite her tongue and not worry her head about things that didn't matter.
"Okay. I'll walk in the courtyard by myself," said Karua. "But promise you'll join me next time?"
"I promise," said Takumi. Karua beamed. She could understand; Takumi was a busy guy. But he was very good at upholding his promises.
She left the room feeling excited for their date tomorrow.
Karua took a breath of air as she entered the courtyard. Despite not truly being outside, it felt like home. The grass was perfectly green, and the flowers reminded her of the ones from her childhood. She would pick them, but she was worried they might not grow back. She wasn't sure how the artificial system worked, or if the plants were even real. She sat down on the grass. There wasn't a bug to be found. She took her shoes off and let the blades tickle her toes.
Maybe someday, her and Takumi could have a picnic together. Not just in here, but outside, where the wind would mess up their hair. They'd have a nice blanket with a box full of snacks. There would be no time limit, or scheduling that he'd have to run off for. Maybe they could even watch the sun set.
Karua felt herself blushing at such thoughts. She almost didn't notice a visitor springing up on her.
"Lady Karua! Do you care for some company?" asked Kyoshika. Karua nodded her head. The others didn't interact with her much other than staring. A few people did talk to her, though it always felt a bit awkward. She wondered if Takumi asked them to be nice to her.
Kyoshika sat next to Karua on her knees, facing her.
"Sir Takumi told me he had the most delightful present for you," said Kyoshika. "I told him he should give you a sword, but of course he knew better."
The irony of the situation is that Karua probably would have enjoyed the sword more, even if it was just for play and show. She feigned a smile, the corners of her lips not moving her eyes. She didn't want to admit that her gift had actually caused great discomfort. She would be called ungrateful again. It was a miracle she had as much time of Takumi's as she did, the two of them spending every night together. If the roles had been reversed, she may have been mad at herself too.
"He got me a stuffed animal," said Karua. "He knows I collect them."
"Sir Takumi may be the greatest at picking out gifts of all time! He has gifted me the most delightful device for my sore muscles," said Kyoshika, clutching the hilt of the Holy Jumonji Sword to ground herself.
"Oh, has he? That's nice."
Jealousy was an ugly emotion. Karua tried not to let it bother her. She ran her fingers through the grass. She dug them into the dirt further.
Takumi didn't know her at all, did he? Or worse, she didn't know herself at all.
"Lady Karua, you are looking awfully pale. Are you alright? Should I walk you back to your room?" asked Kyoshika, resting her hand on Karua's back. "I hope it's not rejection symptoms."
A sharp pain shot through Karua's head. She grit her teeth and clutched her hand harder, dirt going up her fingernails.
"I don't feel good," Karua admitted. "I think I better go back to my room."
"Allow me to walk you," offered Kyoshika. Karua shook her head.
"I can manage on my own," she said, with a cheery smile.
"At least let me get Sir Eito to— "
"No! I don't want to spend any more time around him than I have to," Karua whined like a spoiled child. Her cheeks went pink as she puffed them out, embarrassed at her outburst. "I can walk myself."
Everyone was always trying to do things for her, as if she didn't know how to do basic tasks. She could walk herself to her room. She could even shower on her own, and cut her own food, and pick out which outfits she wanted to wear.
Though sometimes it was difficult, as if her limbs weren't obeying what her mind wanted, or her head was so full of clouds she could walk into a room and not remember why or how she got there. She was probably just tired, but since that was Eito's suggestion, she'd ignore it.
Karua left Kyoshika in the courtyard. She climbed up the stairs, hand gripping the railing with each step. Her chest felt tight.
When she got back to Takumi's room, neither he nor Eito were there. She looked at the meal left on the night stand, a granola bar and a salad Eito had prepared for her. She munched on it while sitting on the couch. She never ate in the cafeteria. Mostly, she spent time in her or Takumi's room. It wasn't that she didn't want to socialize, it could just be difficult for her. When she finished, she threw the trash away. She curled up on the bed and nestled onto the pillow. She took a deep breath, Takumi's scent still lingering from earlier. It made her feel calm, and welcome. She breathed in, and out, until she drifted off to sleep.
When she awoke, Takumi was here with her. His long day of "meetings" must have been over. She wondered how many rewards he granted other than Tsubasa's. She never asked for specifics. But for Takumi to throw her name out there… It almost sounded like he had been looking forward to it.
"How was the meeting with Tsubasa?" asked Karua. Her jealousy was far from hidden.
"It was fine," Takumi said curtly. Karua pouted. She didn't like when people spent time alone with Takumi. Hearing what they said about the rewards they wanted was enough to make her feel sick. She knew Takumi didn't love them. He only loved her. Still, the thought of Takumi bending Tsubasa over her workbench during their meeting was an image she couldn't shake from her mind. Everyone could get so carried away.
"What did you talk about?" asked Karua, prying for more information.
"I already told you. We were discussing plans to get the escape pod ready. Don't you pay attention?" snapped Takumi. He looked at her, annoyed that she dared to ask a pointless question. "Don't you remember?"
There she was again, forgetting easy things. Karua sighed.
"I remember now. I'm sorry," she atoned. She sat on the edge of the bed. Takumi was doing his best as their supreme leader. The least she could do was try not to waste his time.
The bed creaked as Takumi scooted himself over. He rubbed his hand on her back.
"It's okay, Karua. We all make mistakes sometimes. Let's just get ready for bed," suggested Takumi. "You must be tired."
Now that he suggested it, Karua knew it to be true. She unbuttoned her white blouse one button at a time. Sometimes she fumbled with them. The buttons could get stuck, and her fingers would be too numb to help maneuver them out. This time, there was no issue at all. She unhooked her bra easily enough and tossed it into the basket, making sure she didn't leave it on the floor. Eito was always scolding her and picking up whatever clothes she left there because it was "dirty". Karua didn't want him to touch her bra. She took her skirt off next, and slipped on her purple pajama shirt. She had a matching set with pants. Takumi had made them for her with the Gift-O-Matic.
She glanced over at the other gift Takumi had made for her. Her expression dropped.
"Are you thinking about the snake plushie again?" asked Takumi. "I don't know why you're so fixated on it."
"I don't know," said Karua, truthfully. "I want to like it, Takkun, I really do! I feel really bad."
She sat down on the bed next to Takumi, feeling small in her oversized pajama shirt.
"You still don't remember?" asked Takumi, brushing Karua's hair over her shoulder. Karua shook her head. “Why don’t you remember?”
"Remember what?" she pressed. Takumi frowned at her. It seemed this was displeasing to him. Karua hated when this happened. She was always forgetting things and having to be reminded. Why wouldn't her brain just work right?
"Karua, please try to remember. For me, okay? We were nine. It was summer break, and we were playing at the park. We found a snake in a bush. You were terrified at first, but I showed you that it was harmless and you let it wrap around your arm. You thought it was cute. We decided to prank your mom by putting it in the pocket of one of her jackets," explained Takumi. "You told me that she was so scared, you didn't hear the end of it for days!"
Mom's jacket…
Snake in Mama's jacket…
….
She pulled her shirt down, trying to cover as much of her legs as she could. She felt exposed, bare to the world.
Takumi's words sounded like nails on a chalkboard. He spoke lies with such certainty that they shook her to the core. It was a poison oozing out with every syllable.
This was wrong. It hadn't been a live snake. Instead, it was a toy she brought home from school. It wasn't from the park, and Takumi wasn't showing her how nice it was. She didn't just get scolded, she lost dessert privileges for a week. And Mama's jacket was white, it went down to her knees, and had a few buttons in the front. She hadn't discovered the snake until she got to the lab, and knocked over an critical vial in surprise. She was so upset with her. She had delayed the experiment another six weeks.
Six weeks of lost progress, adding to one of many failures that led to her demise.
"Don't do that to me again. You know I hate snakes, Nozomi."
If her head had been fuzzy before, it was now full of static, of pain. She clutched the sides of her head. No, no, what Takumi said had to be wrong—!
Nozomi opened her eyes, hands shaking like a newborn fawn. She stuck them under her thighs, and swallowed dryly.
Everything here was wrong.
Nozomi felt filthy. She felt used. She forced a smile as best she could, in fear of what would happen if she broke the façade.
Her memory served her putrid dishes one at a time. The pheromones. The brainwashing. All of the sex between her and Takumi where she was nothing more than a puppet of a girl Takumi loved, a girl who didn't exist.
"Of course, Takkun." The words left her lips like a poison. "Silly me, I remember now."
Takumi reached his hand over and pat her head.
"I knew you would. Everyone makes mistakes, Karua," said Takumi. His reassurance was soured with manipulation. How many memories of 'Karua's' had to be corrected after her details were wrong?
Nozomi didn't know this Karua person. She hoped to never meet her, and that Takumi would never reunite with her either. Although if he did, that could allow him to leave her alone.
"Do you want me to braid your hair so it's wavy tomorrow? I think that would look cute," said Takumi. She had never been more afraid to say no in her life, unsure of what would happen if she broke the illusion of his perfect little wife.
"Yes, please," Nozomi said politely, even though her hair would have needed to be wet for this to work. Takumi grabbed the brush from his night stand and started gently running it through Nozomi's hair, careful not to tug on any part. Nozomi bit down on her inner lip. She pressed her knees together tightly, and rested her hands on them, fingers digging into her flesh.
"Your hair is so soft… Have you been using the new conditioner?" asked Takumi. Nozomi hummed in agreement. Takumi grabbed a clump of her hair, bringing it up to his nose. He inhaled deeply. "It smells nice, too."
Nozomi tasted blood in her mouth, her teeth slicing through the thin skin of her inner lip. She sucked it through her teeth.
"We're almost ready to go back to the satellite," said Takumi. His fingers weaved her hair loosely, yet not messy, a feat that came with practice. He gave her a kiss on the cheek after fastening the end. "Are you excited?"
"Of course," said Nozomi. Her mouth felt dry. The journey would not be welcomed, rather one of a failed mission and world conquest.
"I can't wait to see my mom again. She'll be so happy to see you too," said Takumi. His excitement felt juvenile and saccharine, imagining a world that was all too perfect. Nozomi wasn't the girl of his dreams, nor was she the girl from his childhood— not even if he forced her to be.
"Me too," she said, keeping up the enthusiasm. He could not take her back to the satellite; she'd never make it. If she wanted to live, she'd have to figure it out down here.
"Let's go to sleep. I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning. Here," said Takumi. He unscrewed the cap of a pill bottle on his bedside, and handed one to Nozomi.
It was a capsule, about the size of her pinky finger nail. It didn't look anything like sleeping medication she had taken before. And judging by the barely legible label on the container, it was one of Yugamu's concoctions. Likely another form of memory suppression to keep her meek and unaware of her surroundings.
Nozomi took the pill from Takumi's hand and cheeked it. Takumi got closer, looking to peer into her mouth.
"Open wide," he said.
Nozomi almost swallowed the pill out of fear. Her heart beat raced in her ears as she slowly opened her mouth.
"A little wider. For me, Karua," said Takumi. She stretched her mouth open just a smidge wider.
After the longest three seconds of her life, Takumi was satisfied.
"Good. Just checking that it didn't get stuck in your throat again," said Takumi. He grabbed Nozomi by the hand, and gave her a wet kiss. Nozomi forced a closed mouth smile, one that didn't reach her eyes. She lay down in bed next to Takumi on her back so she had a full visual range. It didn't matter much as the lights turned out, the eerie darkness swallowing her whole. She could feel Takumi shift and turn next to her, getting himself comfortable.
Nozomi spit the pill out of her mouth and onto the pillow. She brought her hand up to grab it, then tossed it in the crack between the bed and the wall. She was glad it was a capsule and hadn't dissolved.
She needed to escape. Takumi would find out about her sooner or later. She only wished she had more time to plan. But as she tried to leave the bed, Takumi's arms wrapped around her, trapping her under the sheets with him.
She tiptoed towards the door. There was no time to put pants on, not that she would be able to find them in the dark. The floor near the bathroom was wet from when Takumi tracked water out of the shower. It made her toes curl and Nozomi touch the wall to steady herself. She froze, listening for any signs of alertness from Takumi. Thankfully, he seemed to be restlessly snoring, unaware of her flight in the night.
Nozomi twisted the handle of the door as slowly as she could. She cracked it open, hearing the faintest of noises. Once she was on the roof, she would have to run down the stairs. Even if she could find a suitable place to drop down unharmed, she would need the fire extinguishers to put out the Undying Flames. That was, if she wanted to live.
"Going somewhere, Karua?"
Nozomi froze with the door half open. The cold night air breezed past her face, tickling her hair. There was a soft glow from the satellite above.
And of course, Eito was standing there outside the door like a vampire who didn't need sleep. She totally forgot about Takumi's malicious eunuch, always sticking his nose in places it didn't belong.
Her blood went cold. Eito seemed to be amused, a creepy smile spreading across his face wider than it needed to go.
"My head hurts," Nozomi said curtly. Eito clicked his tongue at her.
"Can you not simply go to bed? Sleep can be quite the excellent medicine," explained Eito.
If Nozomi wanted to make a convincing lie, she would have to access the parts of her mind she had been repressing. Her memories as Karua…
Her cheeks flushed red.
"I can't sleep," she said with a pout. "I'm going to be tired all day tomorrow and Takkun said he would go on a walk with me."
Eito smiled through his frustration.
"Go back to bed, Karua," he said. Nozomi felt a wave of relief wash over her. She simply hung her head.
"Fine. But I'll tell Takkun about it tomorrow."
She had gotten a bit too bold teasing Eito. She almost yelped when he grabbed her forearm, and started dragging her away from the door.
"Fine. But not a word of any of this to anyone," hissed Eito. Nozomi's legs shook in fear. She forced them to take steps forward.
"You're hurting me," said Nozomi, pawing at Eito's hand. He tightened the death grip on her arm.
"Just making sure you're not meandering, Karua," said Eito. "What do you think Takumi would think if he woke up in bed and found you weren't there?"
This could be solved if Eito hadn't decided to take Nozomi with him. He clearly didn't trust her. She wondered how far it went back, perhaps as far as before she was brainwashed.
He led her down the stairs. Nozomi used her free hand to pull her shirt down, futile, as every step seemed to make her underwear show. She could only be grateful that Eito walked in front of her, and that the halls were absent of any other sign of life.
Nozomi tried to slip her arm out Eito's grasp, twisting and turning.
"This isn't any more pleasant for me than it is for you," said Eito.
The school was quiet at night. Nozomi took in as much as she could. The classrooms were dark, and not another soul was to be found among the hallways. A night time escape would work perfectly.
Except… Nozomi didn't even bother looking over at Eito. He was watching her like a hawk. Any potential escape would have to happen with him out of the way.
"Don't you sleep?" asked Nozomi, curiously. She needed to lay it on thicker. "Does Takumi let you?"
"Of course he lets me," said Eito, frowning. "I choose to protect him. You never know who is going to sneak into his room at night to try for a reward. Or… Who will sneak out."
His grip on her arm tightened again.
"Owww," whined Nozomi. Eito loosened his grasp.
"You're so delicate, Karua. So easy to break. We have to be gentle around you," mused Eito. He pushed open the door to the Bio Lab and brought Nozomi inside. Immediately her eyes darted around. This place was a total mess since the last time she saw it. There was some experiment going on in the back with a vial of liquid bubbling over a boiler plate. Many pills were scattered about, mixed together on the tables and the floors. Hardly anything was still on the shelf. It looked ransacked.
"Let's see… I'm thinking just a simple pain reliever," said Eito, picking up random bottles and reading their contents. Nozomi scanned as many labels as she could. If she wanted to escape, she would have to dispose of Eito. She didn't want to kill him. Just… incapacitate him for a bit. Her eyes darted over to a label that had drowsiness as a symptom. If she could get back here tomorrow, she could snag a few. Perhaps this trip hadn't been a total waste of time.
"Here we go," said Eito. He presented Nozomi with a pill similar to the exact one Takumi had given her earlier. Nozomi hesitated. "Is something wrong?"
"N-no, I just don't like dry swallowing."
Her throat was dry enough as it was.
"I don't know what you're telling me for. Swallow it," demanded Eito.
"You really can't get me something to drink?" asked Nozomi, sheepishly.
"I don't have patience for any more of your antics. Swallow the pill. Now, Karua," said Eito. Nozomi hesitated.
Eito took the pill from her hand, pushing it between her lips and far past her teeth. She jolted in recoil, the pill hitting her tongue and flinging itself backwards. She dropped to her knees, gagging and coughing.
"You think you're so special, don't you? That you deserve the treatment of a princess, just because Takumi chose you?" taunted Eito. "You're no different than the rest of us."
She was more different than any of them could even imagine.
Nozomi bit back tears in her eyes as she accompanied Eito upstairs. He treated her with such an undeserved cruelty, it made her terrified to ask him for anything ever again. The pheromones were making everyone go insane.
When she was finally brought back to the room, she immediately rushed to the bathroom. Fingers down her throat, she jammed herself enough times to spit up the pill into the toilet. Bile and spit dripped down from her mouth. She didn't care if Takumi heard her, or Eito at this point. She couldn't take anymore brain fog. She needed to be alert.
Nozomi wiped her mouth and flushed the toilet. She washed her hands, and brushed her teeth. She climbed back into bed with Takumi, who was none the wiser of her midnight plight.
She climbed back into bed. Takumi was rolled away from her. She put her arm around him, and closed her eyes.
Everything seemed so daunting. She was the only beacon of sanity in a world where everyone had lost their minds. If she could find an ally in anyone, it would make her escape easier. She'd ask around tomorrow, but she had to be careful.
By the time the morning announcement came, Nozomi hadn't slept a wink. She yawned, irritated, and looked over at Takumi, who had slept through the noise. Surely he wouldn't mind if she left without waking him. Nozomi glanced down at the crack between the bed and the wall. She jammed her hand down, trying to reach the floor where she had stashed the first pill earlier. Her fingers were met with nothing but dust and floor. She frowned. If she couldn't find it, Takumi likely wouldn't either. Still, the idea of being so sloppy made her sick to her stomach. She shoved her arm further. If she could just find the damn pill…
"Karua?" Takumi mumbled. Nozomi froze. She slowly brought her arm up. She didn't turn around yet.
"Yes, Takkun?"
"I'm still tired… Can we go on a walk tomorrow?" he asked, voice muffled by his pillow. Nozomi breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn't noticed her antics.
"Aw man… Sure," said Nozomi. She tried her best not to sound too excited about it. She could figure out what to do about the pill later. Leaving it here made her antsy, but there really wasn't a reason for Takumi to go digging around under his bed. Eito, on the other hand… He was a total clean freak. Nozomi wouldn't put it past him. Though he probably wouldn't be rooting around the room while Takumi was still sleeping in the bed, and he'd be busy facilitating the rewards later. Nozomi took a deep breath in and out. She would be fine; she had to be.
Nozomi slipped out of bed and immediately put on her leggings and skirt. She faced away from Takumi when she took her shirt off. It felt wrong to fully hide away from him by changing in the bathroom, yet the idea of baring herself to him sent a shiver down her spine. It was like he owned her. And in a sense, he did, molding her mind to fit exactly what he wanted in a wife.
Nozomi buttoned up her shirt and turned around.
"Have a nice day, Karua," said Takumi, a yawn punctuating the end of his well wishes. Nozomi spread her lips in a half hearted smile.
"Thanks, I will," she said. She opened the door slowly. Eito was noticeably absent from patrolling the door. Perhaps an early morning escape would be best. He was still human, after all, and needed sleep just like the rest of them.
Nozomi felt less in a rush now that she didn't have Eito to stress over. She stood on the roof. The sunlight felt nice on her skin, warm. Under different circumstances, this would have been a pretty nice day for a walk. Though she knew Takumi would never let her walk outside of the wall of flames, since that meant putting her in danger and equipping her with class armor. Perhaps there wasn't even any danger left, but having to explain to "Karua" that she was actually a soldier would break the illusion, wouldn't it?
It was probably better that she didn't try to escape without fully having a plan. She needed time to think everything through, because she would only get one shot. Any mistake and she'd never remember her own name again.
Nozomi headed down the stairs slowly. She made her way to the entrance hall, glancing at the two fire extinguishers near the door. The Gift-O-Matic could make replicas out of paper mâche. If she were to take one, she'd need to replace it.
She left the entrance hall and walked outside. It felt nicer to be on the ground here than in the courtyard. There was a breeze, and the grass was real. It felt nice, a break of peace in her anxious mind.
The more she thought about her potential escape, the more daunting it seemed. It really was just her, wasn't it… With everyone so devoted to Takumi, it seemed like they were too far gone. Though…
Maybe not everyone.
Kyoshika had mentioned rejection symptoms yesterday, but was horrified with her slip up. Getting any sort of useful information out of her would be a challenge. She could be difficult to read, and Nozomi knew she was devoted to Takumi. She also wasn't sure if Kyoshika would be able to keep her secret. If she confided in her too much, she was sure to mess up eventually and totally blow her cover.
She'd have to talk to someone else… Someone more likely to be on her side.
Nozomi walked around the perimeter of the school. She kicked a rock in front of her, making sure it took a few steps before she would be ready to kick it again.
Eventually, she spotted Moko. Out of everyone she could talk to, Nozomi had hope for finding a friend in Moko. They had been close before things got too bad… Nozomi hoped they still were.
"Hi, Moko," said Nozomi, with a little wave.
"Karua!" Moko exclaimed. Nozomi flinched hearing the name. Even her dear friend refused to acknowledge her existence. "Does Takumi know you're out here?"
Nozomi bit back a scowl.
"He does," she lied. "He was supposed to go on a walk with me today, but he wanted to sleep in so I'm walking by myself."
Moko blinked at her.
"Oh… Well in that case, mind if I join you? It's not safe for you to walk around alone," said Moko. Nozomi couldn't hide the horror on her face.
"What do you mean?" asked Nozomi. Moko's face paled, obviously having fumbled her words.
"Um… The invaders! They could attack at any moment," said Moko. She grabbed Nozomi by the hand. "But if you're with me, I'll make sure to protect you from them."
Nozomi looked around to see if anyone was listening. Obviously the invaders were no threat since Takumi had taken out their leader. Could it be a coded message? The "invaders" could be the other jealous members of the SDU, who Nozomi could only imagine were resentful of her. She didn't sense any malice from Moko. She felt like she could trust her.
"I'd like that very much," said Nozomi, beaming at her. "Say… Moko. I have a question."
Nozomi scrunched up her face, as if she were puzzled. Moko took the bait.
"Sure, Karua," said Moko. The way she said her name made Nozomi queasy. But she understood it, there were eyes and ears everywhere. Nozomi looked around. It didn't appear anyone else was in the vicinity.
She couldn't outright say what she wanted to. To beg for help, to have just one single ally against a seemingly unstoppable regime. She didn't know where Moko stood, and if she was too far gone. Nozomi had to be clever about everything.
"Kyoshika said something the other day, and it made me confused," said Nozomi. "She asked me… Well… Moko, what are rejection symptoms?"
Moko's face paled.
"O-oh! Um, I'm not really sure! But it sounds serious."
"You really don't know anything?" asked Nozomi, putting her lips in a pout.
Moko opened her mouth to speak, then closed it. Her eyes were filled with sadness. She gave Nozomi a hug.
"I don't know. I think we should tell Eito—"
"Please, Moko," said Nozomi. "I don't want to talk to him. I thought this is something we could keep between us girls."
Moko loved her girl talk. She used to hold sleepovers in her room where her and the other girls from the 2nd to Last Defense Academy would sit on the floor and talk. She loved her girls.
"I'm sorry, Karua, I just can't," said Moko.
Nozomi hid the disgust in her face. Moko couldn't even say her name. She didn't even want to believe that her friend was still inside this "Karua", even when she tried to let her personality shine through the cracks of this husk. She was too far gone, committed to following her leader.
Once again, Nozomi felt alone. There wasn't a soul in the world who could help her. It was her against everyone.
"I'll talk to him myself," said Nozomi. "Thanks anyways."
"Sure thing, Karua. I hope you figure it out," said Moko. Nozomi turned around and finally let her face fall, eyes squinting in disgust as she curled her lips into a snarl. She was careful not to keep it on her face for too long. God forbid cheery Karua had an emotion that was unsightly.
She hurried back into the building. Nozomi couldn't afford to be sloppy. The more she asked questions to the others, the more likely she would end up "knowing too much" and getting caught. If even Moko couldn't help her, no-one could.
She slunk towards the Bio Lab. If she could get those pills she saw last night, she could drug Eito. Putting them in food would be its own challenge, as he never seemed to eat or drink food prepared by anyone else. Perhaps she could ask Takumi to bake cookies with her as a cute activity. If they were Takumi's cookies, maybe even more people than just Eito would eat them, and she'd knock out all of the key players.
Nozomi was so far up in her head that she almost ran right into Eito himself.
"Good morning, Karua," said Eito. Nozomi's back pressed against the wall, trying to inch herself away as far from Eito as she could. He took another step forward, tall imposing build encroaching upon her space. His face was cheery, and it made him all the more sinister.
"G-good morning," stammered Nozomi.
Two gloved fingers lifted her chin upwards.
"You know, Karua, it's more polite look at the people you're talking to. It makes them feel seen," said Eito. "You seem skittish today."
"Do I?" Nozomi asked, feigning an air of ditz to her voice.
"You're his favorite, do you know that? Out of everyone here, you're the only one who he has routine worship with. That makes you special, Karua. You like being special, don't you?"
"Yes, I love Takkun very much."
"Well that's a relief! I sensed some insubordination in your request for me to stop observing your rewards," said Eito, with a laugh. "I mean, for you of all people wanting to compromise Takumi's safety… Really, I found it quite selfish."
"Was it? I get shy," said Nozomi.
"And isn't that just curious? No one else gets shy, Karua, we all want to experience Takumi to the fullest, at whatever cost," said Eito. He was full of shit. If he truly wanted to experience Takumi just as much as the rest of them, he would have had a reward. And yet, out of everyone here, he was the only one who had remained celibate, like a scheming eunuch on the sidelines. If Nozomi didn't know any better, she would have thought he was faking his devotion too. But she knew it wasn't fake. His devotion displayed in a different way, akin to an ascetic depriving himself of worldly pleasure. He was better than the rest of them because he didn't give in to desire. He was jealous that Takumi had chosen her, and not him.
Well. That he chose Karua. It made it all the more terrifying. The role Eito desired didn't even exist. Takumi would never love him. He didn't even love Nozomi.
"You wouldn't be ungrateful, would you?" Eito prompted. "Anything Takumi can give, he can also take away. Even I wouldn't be able to stop him."
His gloved fingers pressed harder against her throat. Nozomi swallowed her fear, ignoring how it clawed at her throat from the inside.
"Interesting," mused Eito. Nozomi bit down on her tongue as hard as she could. She knew once the first tear left her eye they wouldn't be able to stop. "Perhaps you are as meek as Takumi desires. For a moment, I thought… never mind. It doesn't matter. He hardly takes what I have to say into account. As expected of a supreme leader. I'm sure he has his reasons."
Eito let go of her throat, but for some reason Nozomi felt like she hadn't been let off the hook. Her act had been convincing, but it wasn't enough. Eito didn't like her, he didn't like what she represented or what she meant to Takumi. He would take any reason to be suspicious. She couldn't allow any more slipups, or he'd drag her back to that horrible room until her brain bled out her ears.
Nozomi didn't feel at ease even when she returned to her dorm room. She shut the door and locked it, scowling at the grotesque snake plushie placed neatly on her bed with all of the others Takumi had given her. It was nothing but a disgusting reminder of a past she never had, a role she was forced to occupy like a jester performing a dance for the king. A jester that doubled as the king's favorite concubine.
Is that all she was to Takumi? She had the likeness of someone he cared for, but that wasn't even enough. He had to mess with her mind, shocking her over and over again until nothing remained but the stories he told her. The essence of Nozomi was erased. Nothing about her life mattered, she was nothing but a vessel for someone who never existed.
Nozomi curled up on her bed and began to cry, muffled sobs as not to make too much noise. She missed her friends. She missed when everyone was fighting for a better life. She missed the satellite. She missed her mom.
She even missed Takumi, before the power went to his head. He was sweet to her, a boy with an awkward crush. Her friend.
She didn't want this, any of this. But there was nothing she could do to stop it.
She was powerless.
Alone.
She didn't see another person until Takumi came to her room. By then, her tears had dried, and her bed was folded neat and tidy.
He didn't knock before entering, helping himself to her space as if it were entitled to him.
"Did you go on a walk?" asked Takumi. Nozomi nodded.
"It was fun. I talked to Moko," said Nozomi.
"That's nice."
His hand was on her thigh. Nozomi almost jumped out of her skin. She grounded herself, heart beat racing.
"I told Eito he didn't have to be here this time," Takumi murmured into her ear. He caressed her breast and kissed her neck. "I trust that you'd never do anything to hurt me. He's always so paranoid about everything."
Oh. Well. This was happening now, she supposed. Takumi couldn't quite keep it in his pants now, could he. He unbuttoned her shirt, immediately sticking his fingers underneath her bra.
She had to be as still as she could, otherwise she would freak out. Every touch felt like ants crawling on her skin, itchy and volatile.
"Thanks," said Nozomi, a little less chipper than she would have liked. Eito was the last person she wanted to think about while Takumi groped and grabbed at her curves.
Her skirt came off next.
Then her leggings.
Underwear followed.
She wondered if Karua liked this or if she wanted to throw up as much as she did right now. She wanted to tell Takumi she wasn't in the mood, but there was no telling how he would react to defiance.
His fingers snaked around, forcing themselves between her legs as she instinctively clamped them together. His nails scraped against her, digging in to her sensitive flesh.
Nozomi shut her eyes. She wanted to get him off of her, to kick him in the chest until he fell off the bed and she could escape. She had nowhere to go, and if anyone saw her they would know something was wrong. They were all loyal to Takumi, even if they were jealous. The worst part was, she knew that death wasn't an option. There would be no escape once Eito caught her, she would be forced into eternal servitude to their supreme leader. How many more times could she be electrocuted before it gave her permanent brain damage? How many other moments of lucidity had she awoken to?
She lay on her back. Takumi climbed on top of her. His lips were on her neck, her chest, her cheeks. They were everywhere she didn't want them to be.
He forced himself inside her without further foreplay. Her pleasure clearly didn't matter, nor was it relevant.
"I hope it happens soon," Takumi murmured. "I think you would be a great mother, Karua."
He touched her scar and it felt hot to the touch, as if he was burning her with his fingers and his words. It was a vicious mockery with a cruelty Nozomi could only hope was unintentional.
Maybe Karua would be a good mother. The Karua who Takumi created would be good at a lot of things.
Nozomi was infertile. She had known since she was a small child, since before she even knew what a uterus was. But it was one of the organs damaged in the car crash, unable to be repaired.
She would never, ever be with child.
"I hope so, Takumi."
Nozomi didn't realize what words slipped through the gaps of her teeth until it was all too late. She shut her eyes as if that would take the words back.
Takumi didn't react, instead he continued to thrust inside her. Nozomi could only pray he was too preoccupied with inseminating her to notice her mistake.
She clutched onto him, fingernails digging into his skin. Although instead of pulling him closer, she wanted to hurt him, as much as he'd hurt her.
But she couldn't do it. She felt weak, powerless beneath him. She let go. The thrusting stopped, Takumi finally having completed his task. She could feel semen leaking from herself as he pulled himself out. Takumi tilted her hips upwards to let gravity do the trick.
Nozomi felt humiliated. She put on a shy smile and batted her eyelashes in fear of what he'd do next.
But Takumi wasn't smiling. He didn't look pleased at all.
"Oh, Karua… It's Takkun… I told you before, I would prefer it if you called me Takkun," said Takumi, a somber light in his eyes. Nozomi's breath shook. Not only had he noticed her mistake, but he used her to completion, her cunt still warm with his spend.
All she could do was nod her head, mouth dry and voice raspy.
"Of course, Takkun."
The two of them stared at each other for a second. He knew. He had to know. Nozomi wanted to grab his arm, plead, beg for him not to take her away again. Was this life truly better? If she were to be abused either way, at least she would be unaware. Her heart ached for the Karua inside her, brain damaged and going through the motions as best as she could.
"Please," pleaded Nozomi. Takumi couldn't look at her directly, as if she wasn't even worth wasting his sight on. It was dehumanizing.
He turned towards the door. He zipped up his pants as if nothing had occurred, not even giving Nozomi the decency to clothe herself.
"Eito?" he called out. As if he had been listening— which in all seriousness he most likely had been — Eito slunk into the room and blocked the door with his tall frame. Nozomi grabbed the sheets and hid herself as best she could. Though they were light, and translucent, and left very little to the imagination. Her eyes were wet with gooey tears, streaming down her face.
"Is something the matter, Takumi?" asked Eito, a bit coy in the mouth. Takumi pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Karua here isn't feeling well. I think you should take her to the infirmary."
Eito gripped Nozomi's shoulder so hard she could feel his fingernails through the gloves. His smile was ripe with a putrid vindication.
"Certainly, Takumi," said Eito, not out of obedience but more like a guard dog who had finally been let off the leash.
He wrapped his arms around her mid section to restrain her. Nozomi kicked and pulled, trying to force Eito to drop her but with no use. He was so much larger than her, it was futile.
"Takumi!! Takumi no!" Nozomi screeched as Eito dragged her towards the door. She grabbed at the bed, her fingers catching nothing but sheets and tugging them, nothing of substance. She reached for Takumi himself, the only person that could protect her from Eito.
Takumi looked away.
"Takumi!!!! Please! Takumi!"
"It's Takkun."
"How are you feeling?" asked Takumi. Karua yawned. She had just woken up. She didn't remember much, but her head had a bit of throb to it. She remembered stairs… Going down the stairs… Oh! Had she fallen? Clumsy Karua… What an embarrassing mistake!
"Mm sleepy," she said, resting her head on Takumi's shoulder. She yawned. "I feel I could sleep for a year."
Takumi laughed.
"We'll be up on the satellite before then," said Takumi. "
Karua looked over at her night stand. Her eyes widened in awe. She grabbed the snake plushie sitting on top, and gave it a big hug.
"Aw, you got me a new one! Thanks, Takkun, I really love it!" exclaimed Karua. Takumi ruffled her hair. It felt really nice. Takumi was always so great at picking out gifts.
"I knew you'd like it. I know you better than anyone, Karua," said Takumi. Karua beamed.
"You're so sweet, I love you," said Karua.
Her words were met with silence. Karua frowned. She climbed up onto Takumi's lap.
"Takkun… You didn't say it back," Karua pouted. Takumi turned his face away from her.
"Sorry… I love you, Karua," said Takumi. She really hoped it wasn't out of obligation.
"Is everything okay?" she asked him. Takumi shrugged his shoulders.
"I'll be fine. I guess… I'm just a bit sad."
Karua frowned. What did Takumi have to be sad about? He had a perfect life, and they were so happy together. Everyone loved him, and they always would. She loved him so so much.
"You're not allowed to be sad! I'll fix it for you," said Karua. She leaned in, and gave him a kiss on the lips. "Better? Because if you're not, I can do it again."
"Yeah, I'm better. Thanks, Karua."
Karua smiled. She was glad she could help Takumi in whatever way she could.
She felt a bit annoyed when she looked at Eito, staring at her again from his spot on the couch where he was pretending to read his book. His fingers flipped the pages, but he never glanced down at any of them, just watching and waiting. She'd never ask Takumi for him to leave, though, she knew how jealous he could get. But such was a fact of life.
She turned her focus back to Takumi, her childhood friend, the love of her life. She kissed him again, this time on the cheek. She had so much love to give him, it felt like it was going to burst out of her. But it made her feel useful. She liked being useful.
"I'm glad I could help!"