Chapter Text
“RED ALERT. FACILITY UNDER ATTACK. RED ALERT. FACILITY UNDER ATTACK,” announced a computerized voice. Sirens blared and red lights flashed within an underground laboratory that had been hijacked by one evil scientist and his assistant, an ex-government agent. Said agency was on their tail yet again as control for the lab was fought between the agency and the scientist’s robot minions. But the handguns of the agency were no match for the explosives the machines were armed with.
“YES! This will be over in seconds, Stone! Soon, this lab will be ours!” The mad scientist gloated to his doe-eyed assistant, who gazed at him lovingly. “Then we move on to the next step of my evil plan to rule the world!”
“Oh, I’m ready as ever, Doctor,” the ex-agent sighed dreamily, gazing at his goofy-looking beloved. Round, bald, with a crazy mustache and a red coat, the scientist known as Doctor Ivo Robotnik was a striking sight to behold, giggling with glee as the walls shook with gunshots and screams. His assistant, Agent Aban Stone, was always at his side, handsome and imposing with a matching purple coat, yellow tie, and red glasses.
“Ready to rule by my side, my sycophant?” The Doctor took Stone’s hand, almost like a proposal. The grin was diabolical, but his gaze was just a little softened when he looked at Stone. For the longest time, Robotnik would have never even considered having anyone rule beside him. But Stone’s love and devotion toward him had perhaps softened him up to the idea of including a partner in his evil goals. Stone eagerly reciprocated, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.
“Ready as ever, Sir.” He leaned forward. For a moment, both men could swear they could no longer hear the chaos surrounding them, only the sound of their hearts beating faster and louder. But just as they were about to kiss, it seemed that one agent had managed to shoot at a robot just as it fired a missile, which made contact with the bullet.
“No agency, not even an army, can stand a chance against-”
BOOM
The force sent the evil couple backward and onto the floor. Agents ran for cover while trying to avoid being blasted by the robots, which became disoriented by the explosion. Some of the robots that got caught in the explosion blew up, causing a chain reaction. Falling debris crushed agents and robots alike.
“This….wasn’t….part of the…plan…” Robotnik weakly grunted. “And not…how it should end…”
Stone clung tightly to Robotnik. “We’ll make it…out alive”. He could only feel pain everywhere in his body, the worst of it being where he knew bones had broken.
Robotnik gave a weak smirk. “Time for….for plan B…” It hurt to chuckle, it hurt to move…but he still held onto Stone’s hand as the crumbling laboratory collapsed in on them.
*********************
Doctor Robotnik’s eyes opened. Everything was dark, and his whole body ached. How long had he been asleep? What time was it, and what day? He started to recall what had happened. The lab!
“Stone?” His head shot up from under a pile of garbage. “What the…?” The Doctor looked around. This didn’t look anything like the destroyed remains of a laboratory. This was…a junkyard? How the fuck did he get here!? “Aban…??” he nervously called out. No answer.
Robotnik began to panic. “Stone!? Sycophant!? ABAN!?” The aches and pains in his body began to subside as he began digging in the trash, searching for his assistant. He began to fear the worst, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. “Where are we? WHERE ARE YOU!?” He stopped, catching himself. “Wait…” He began thinking. If he was now suddenly in a junkyard, then Stone is likely somewhere else. “Of course! I was buried here…Stone, you’d better still be alive somewhere, or I will be extremely PISSED AT YOU!” He angrily kicked over a pile of empty cans, when he noticed his foot and froze in shock.
His legs were different. His feet were different. Now, instead of human legs and feet, he had…those of a bird’s? He sat down to analyze what was going on. “I don’t remember altering my DNA to give myself avian features,” he growled, recognizing the species his feet resembled; that of an American Game rooster! “Either I am having some kind of anthropomorphic nightmare or the government agents caught me, experimented upon me and dumped me out here in bum-cluck nowhere. But who would be intelligent enough to turn me into some kind of chicken-man? Unless they have a scientist of unparalleled genius on their side, of which I’m sure they don’t, there is no possible way such an experiment could be successful. So I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m dreaming. Good. All I have to do is wake up, and then I shall begin scheming once again.” He took a seat on an empty bottle crate. “Or, I could begin scheming here, and then continue when I wake up…wait, I have no way of knowing where I am in real life, and I’ll need to figure out a way out of government custody, not to mention, rescuing Stone, because I’m sure they have him locked away somewhere, too…” He ran his gloved fingers through his mustache, which was now made of feathers.
It had occurred to him that the atmosphere of this dump was different than usual. The sky was red, despite no wildfires or smoke. In fact, it just seemed like an ordinary junkyard in an ordinary city, red sky aside. He stared up at it, taking notice of the edge of a star within a circle, a pentacle in the sky. There was nothing normal about this, but he tried not to think too hard about it, still figuring it was all just a dream, anyway.
“Well! I’m getting bored just sitting here and waiting to wake up! I’ll go scare myself or something. That should do the trick.” He got up off his seat and tried looking for a way out of the landfill, trying not to trip as he adjusted to his new legs. “I gotta admit, this sure feels pretty real for a dream….”
*****************
Everything was bright and blurry. Stone blinked hard and rubbed his eyes, recoiling instantly when he realized his hands felt different. He gasped in horror as he held his hands out in front of them. These weren’t his human hands. They were purple and furry, with digits resembling cloven hooves. He bleated in alarm as he looked over himself. His feet, too, were now cute, purple, heart-shaped goat hooves. His suit was white with golden stripes. A fluffy tail was right above his rear.
“Everyone experiences this shock when they first arrive, it’s only natural,” said a voice next to him. Stone bleated again in disbelief. In front of him stood a golden owl with blue eyes, a halo, massive wings, and robes adorned with a jewel in the center…that resembled an eye.
“WHA-WHAT!!! WHAT ARE YOU!?” Stone shouted, gaining the attention of a few others in line around him, also dealing with a similar shock.
“I believe her name is Longclaw?” said a poodle-moth looking creature in a lavender dress and eyes on her wings. “Don’t worry, she gets that reaction a lot from new arrivals, like us. She is trying to keep us all calm here in the queue. But, uh….” The moth pointed to a figure standing at the front of the line behind a podium, reading names off of an enormous book. Beside him stood tall gates spoken of in legend and popular culture. “If you know who he is, there’s nothing to worry about. Except the fact it means, well, that you’re dead.”
“NO.” Stone could feel his heart plummet. “I can’t be. The Doctor, he’s…I have to get to him!” Stone was just about to run when the owl angel gripped the back of his suit jacket. “I understand your desperation, but I assure you, whoever this Doctor is, he’s going to be alright. Now, please wait your turn. Saint Peter will call you when you’re next.”
“But….but he’s down there….” Stone blinked back tears.
“I know it can’t be easy leaving behind your loved ones back on earth,” the poodle moth reassured him, “I got people I love down there, too. I’m going through the same grief they are. We’re gonna be okay.” Her voice broke. “They’ll join us up here too, have faith in that.”
“Oh no, he won’t…” Stone sobbed “And I don’t belong up here! There must be some mistake!”
“Oh, but there isn’t,” the owl reassured, “You are meant to be here, sir.”
“No, that’s not true!” cried Stone, “I should be in-”
“Next?” interrupted a voice.
“Oh, that’s you,” said the poodle moth. “Go on, tell him your name.”
“Um…Aban..Stone…sir…” the goat choked out as he stepped up to the podium, not making eye contact.
“Hm, Aban Stone, Aba-yes, there you are!” St. Peter announced cheerfully. “Welcome to Heaven! You’ll love it here! A tour is just the thing to perk you right up!”
“Uh, that’s great and all, but-”
“Hey there, little goat, why the frown?” St. Peter began to sing eagerly to Stone.
You’re in Heaven, turn that frown upside-down!” the poodle moth added as St. Peter admitted her.
“You’ve done something good to get here,” they both sang to a very confused Stone,
“So why be down and not full of cheer?”
“There’s eternal paradise to be found,
Come on Stone, let me show you arouuuund!” St. Peter sang as he flew up in the air, picking up Stone by his hoofed hands and carrying him up, much to the goat’s protests.
“It’s the afterlife everyone’s dying to reach
Take in that sunshine and check out the beach!
We’ve got sprinkles and sundaes and sugar galore
Look at all the goodies that we’ve got in store”
“Fluffy puppies, kittens, koalas and sheep
Minigolf, unicorn polo, a good night’s sleep!
Ballpits and cinemas and swimming pools!
Ice cream! Skate Parks! Heaven RULES!”
It’s an endless party up here in Heaven
We’ve got all your joys up to eleven!
No worries here, no sadness, no danger, no strife
I know you’ll be living your best afterlife!”
“This is great and all, but let me be clear” Stone interjected,
“Something’s clearly wrong, I don’t belong here!
I know you angels all mean very well,
But a soul like me belongs down in Hell!”
“Nonsense, Stone! There are no mistakes
You’re meant to be here - for Heaven’s sakes!
Why would you want to be down in Hell
When you could be up here, feeling swell?”
“You may feel alone at first, but that’s okay,” the moth continued in an attempt to reassure Stone,
"Your loved ones will join you again one day!
And while you wait, you can make new friends
The happiness and joy never ends!”
St. Peter and the moth sang together:
“So welcome to Heaven, you’re a winner!
Forget those worries, you’re no sinner
No more storms for you to weather,
Enjoy yourself, you’ve got forever!”
Stone was whisked this, that, and every which way as St. Peter showed him and the poodle moth a tour of Heaven. Even with all the sunshine and rainbows, Stone couldn’t feel any joy. The one thing he wanted wasn’t here, and he knew in his heart where his Doctor would be. Either he was fighting for his life on Earth, or he didn’t survive the debris fall, either, and was in Hell. And oh, how Stone wanted to find him. As those angels kept dragging him all over Heaven to see the sights, the parks, the beaches, the sweet shops, none left any impression on him.
“Hey, uh…St. Peter?” came a voice. A youthful, short and chubby angel who wore a marching band uniform over his robes flew up to them. “We kinda need you for an emergency meeting? It’s sorta….REALLY important. Yeah. Uh, so…excuse us!” He grabbed St. Peter’s hand, who waved goodbye with a smile, before flying off together.
“Just remember, Stone,” said the poodle moth after that important looking angel flew off with St. Peter, “I’m new here, too. We can forge a new path up here together, what do you say?” She offered him a hand.
“....I…I suppose,” Stone sighed. He never liked other people all that much, but he needed to have someone to talk to. This moth person could be a place to start, but he wasn’t planning on telling her any of his secrets, or his life on Earth. She wouldn’t understand. Reluctantly, he took her hand and shook it.
“Wonderful! Well now, Stone, let me introduce myself! The name’s Breeze! And your first name is…Aban, right?”
“Um, yes, but…please just call me Stone,” he said uncomfortably, “I’m only on a first-name basis with…with who I was closest to.”
“Understood, Stone!” the moth said with a smile. “I think we’ll get along great up here! Let’s be friends!”
“Y-yeah….friends.” Stone said solemnly.
“I know you miss your loved ones down there, but so do I! You’re not alone! You wanna talk about it over some hot cocoa or something?” the moth angel reassured Stone as they flitted off into town.
“Uh, sure…” Stone said sheepishly, knowing he would have to leave out a lot of details. “Where do I even start…”
*****************
Trying to scare himself awake didn’t work.
Robotnik wasn’t sure HOW he was going to scare himself initially, but once he wandered out of the junkyard, he found himself squawking and clucking in terror from the sight of the city’s denizens. Everyone looked like something straight out of humanity’s nightmares. He swore he could have laid at least a dozen eggs - if he was able to - from the sight of these creatures; an insectoid lady with a candy wrapper for a head, a giant slug with arms that was covered in spikes and far too many eyes, a tall creature that looked like a monster from a children’s book, and a few red-skinned, traditional devilish looking creatures with striped horns. Around him, he heard a snicker or two.
“Found a newbie,” chuckled a lizard-looking creature, whose voice sounded…like a regular human man’s. Not at all how he expected anything here to sound. “I can tell by how you’re looking at everyone and squawking.” The rotund rooster glared at him.
“You dare call me a newbie? I’ll have you know my genius is unparalleled. You are a lowly simpleton compared to me!”
The reptile laughed. “Yep, yep, well, welcome to Hell, arrogant fuck.” He crossed the street merrily.
“Why you insufferable little-” Robotnik stomped his clawed foot on the cement, scoffing. “Bah, this dream is only getting worse and worse.” Already, he was growing accustomed to the appearances of the people here. Did that lizard man just say “welcome to Hell”? The rooster just shrugged his shoulders, assuming it was metaphorical. He was no stranger to the saying “welcome to Hell,” having even used it himself to intimidate others. But he did not believe in such a place, or any afterlife, for that matter. No, this was just a very strange dream, and he was certain he’d wake up in a hospital somewhere.
“Good morning, Pentagram City!” A broadcast could be heard coming from display televisions in a nearby store. Creatures gathered to watch. “I’m Katie Killjoy!” one voice announced, “And I’m Tom Trench!” “Bringing you the latest in Hell’s hottest news. Tonight’s top story: what the fuck is going on at the Hazbin Hotel?”
So it wasn’t a metaphor, the Doctor mused. When it came to news, he would keep track of current events to see if there was anything he could use to his advantage, otherwise, he didn’t care. A lot of it was far less intelligent people doing stupid shit that didn’t matter to him in the slightest. Why should this be any different? He took a look at the news anchors on screen, a very tall and gangly woman with red eyes, and a man in a gas mask.
“That’s right, Katie.” the news anchor continued, “It’s been a while since Heaven attacked Hell, and Charlie Morningstar and the Hazbin Hotel brutally slaughtered the invading angels and kinda sorta saved us from extermination.” He was immediately kicked by the anchor beside him, who must be Katie. “When you’re done sucking toes, Tom, I’d like to remind you that Heaven still hasn’t made their next move.” She then smashed Tom’s hand as he struggled to get back up to the desk. “Are they coming back for revenge, or is this yearly nightmare finally over?”
If only the news in reality was this entertaining, Robotnik thought, actually chuckling from the broadcast on screen, She’s doing to him what I’d love to do to…well, anyone. Only with my machines!
“Morningstar has declined to come on the show for comment,” said Tom as he wrapped up his smashed hand in a tourniquet. He then coughed. “Pussy.”
“But we will keep asking until we break her. Because the world needs to know, Tom,” Katie Killjoy gripped Tom Trench by the front of his suit jacket. “Will she stop at angels?” Letting go of him, she continued. “Are YOU next?” she threatened, pointing at the camera. “Is your dog or cat next?” She then proceeded to throw an alien-looking dog and cat at Tom, who began attacking him off-screen. “Will her bloodlust be satisfied? Who’s at the top of Charlie Morningstar’s hit list? MAYBE IT’S ME!” She looked demented for a split second before quickly jumping to the sponsor. “This segment is brought to you by….” A very beat-up Tom Trench joined her. “Voxtek! Trust us with your everything!”
The segment ended as a commercial began, and Robotnik saw his way off. He briefly forgot where he was headed. So far, he’s been unable to wake up. Scaring himself didn’t work. He wondered if he should try to inflict pain on himself, such as a pinch. Or use his robots to…oh…they weren’t here with him. No matter, he can build new ones out of scraps in the junkyard. He realized that he should head back there, because it was full of scrap metal and parts he could use. Using those machines, he could blast himself back awake. It was decided. He turned around and started to head back, catching a glimpse of himself in a window. His beaked jaw dropped. Sure enough, he was covered in feathers, with his wild mustache now made of large, long feathers like the ones in his newly-acquired tail. A rooster’s comb crested his head above his goggles, which now had red lenses. His eyes, too, were now red - the sclera that is, with white irises. He moved his gloved hand, watching his reflection. Those were his hands alright, the gloves similar, with the control buttons, but no machines to command. His jacket reminded him of one he used to have; red with a black chevron pattern. His bodysuit underneath now stopped below the knees where his chicken feet began, scales reminiscent of the pattern on his boots, but now he had no shoes. He wondered if he could even find shoes with feet like these. Each toe ended in a sharp claw, more reminiscent of a hawk or an eagle than a chicken.
“I blend in with the freakshow,” he whispered, scoffing, before continuing back to the junkyard. He had machines to build, damn it.