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I Hate You

Summary:

Christine wasn’t someone who hated people. In fact she was really bad at holding grudges. Usually if something pissed her off, she’d have a big fake argument in her head where she really lets them have it and then all is forgiven. She didn’t like confrontation or the mess of feelings that came with being angry, petty, or spiteful. 

So when Jaz rolled up at work she didn’t mind them at first. Jaz was an extrovert, clearly, she took over the office by storm wearing tall chunky boots, shirts that looked like she cut into crop tops and wore too many rings, eyeliner thick and layered on from days of not removing it properly. And she was ridiculously tall looming over everyone with the same wicked grin that she was about to deliver something devastating and personal. 

Christine tried to ignore her at first, but then it became impossible. 

--
Another funnybunny human AU to provide some joy post-finale.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: Pilot

Chapter Text

 

The day was overwhelmingly warm for October. Christine sat in her car letting the air conditioning in her car pelt her face as she mentally prepared to go inside. She stared up at the office building groaning as she slunk out of the car. She’d been working at this company for five years and never been promoted and gotten no significant raises. But she also never made the effort to find a new job so it was fine. At least she told herself it was fine.

The work was simple and repetitive and left her time to live a life outside of work, when she chose to do more than lie on her floor and doomscroll through Instagram.

Christine stepped into the elevator grateful to be alone when a thick white heeled boot with a pink heart in the center stuck its way in interrupting her escape alone. 

She put her best neutral smile on as the woman walked in. “Good morning Jaz.”

Jaz strolled in and leaned against the wall, a phone pressed to her ear. “Look Ribbons I can’t help you with your love life right now. I’m at work. I’ll call you back.”

Christine shifted uncomfortably, never knowing how to talk to Jaz. She radiated confidence, too much even. Jaz smiled down at her, twisting her hair up into a messy bun. 

“Hey Christine. Chatty as ever.”

Christine didn’t know how to respond so when the elevator opened she practically ran out to her desk. 

Jaz strolled slowly behind her, stopping to say hello to everyone. Unlike Chrisitne, Jaz moved up quickly going from the mail room, to front desk, to financial admin on her team in about a year. Christine tried not to let it bother her too much. 

But Jaz always found ways to creep into her daily life at work, pestering her with tasks she didn’t “have time to do,” or getting things on her desk even though Christine had asked politely to respect her workspace. No matter how much she pushed back on Jaz’s incessant nature, it only seemed to fuel her to bother Christine more.

It chipped away at her ability to be nice, or even like her every day.

“Hey Chris - are you going to jump on the next call?” Her co-worker, Bri asked, peeking around the edge of Christine’s screen. 

“Ugh, I was hoping to skip. If I have to listen to Jeremy complain about ‘needing to be flexible’ for another thirty minutes I’m going to lose it. Genuinely.” 

Bri laughed and shook her head, “Suit yourself. But I think this one is supposed to be about some big project.”

Jaz appeared over Christine’s desk, drooping her arms over the edge dramatically, and she resisted the eye twitch it gave her as Jaz’s arm knocked some of her notes to the floor.
Christine.

She drew out her name and she replied as nicely as possible, “Yes?”

“Do you drive a red Subaru?” Jaz was smiling at her, and Christine narrowed her eyes suspiciously, “Why are you asking that?”

Jaz shrugged and sank back into her desk, “Oh no reason.” 

Christien closed her eyes and counted to ten before standing up but of course she couldn’t see over Jaz’s monitor so she had to go around and stand awkwardly behind her.
“Is there something wrong with my car?” 

Jaz leaned back in her chair, hair falling back in waves out of the bun she made, she looked at Christine with victory in her eyes, “I don't know, it depends on what you call wrong.”

Christine clenched her fists and squinted at Jaz, “I’d appreciate it if you were less vague.”

Jaz laughed and it grated on Christine’s ears. “You’re so lame Christine. It’s fiiiine. Just got a little scratch.”

Christine’s jaw clenched and she felt like she was going to lose it. “Did you scratch my car?” 

Jaz shrugged looking at her nails like they were more interesting than her. “Like I said just a little. Next time don’t park so close to the edge. Plus everyone knows that’s my spot.” 

Christine pinched the bridge of her nose, “We don’t have assigned parking- we’ve been over this I swear-” Jaz’s smile widened knowing she baited her right where she wanted. 

“I’m walking away.” Christine raised her hands in the air and returned to her desk shoving her headphones on angrily, joining dumb Jeremy’s dumb call to avoid having to talk to Jaz anymore. 

In the video call their manager was sitting at his desk, background blurred looking stressed and overwhelmed like he always did. Christine pulled out her phone and texted Riley, her one friend not from work.

Chris: how do you know if you have a nemesis

Riley: Uh oh what did you do?

Chris: I take offense at the implication that I did something wrong - this bitch scratched my car. And I think it was intentional.

Riley: Then report them to HR

Chris: That’s too easy. 

“Christine?” She looked up alarmed at the sound of her name, “Uh yep?” She said un-muting herself quickly. 

Bri, Jaz, and Hunter were the only other ones on the call, the small but mighty finance department.

“Are you okay to take on this project?” Christine nodded, not having a clue what’s going on. “Of course.”

She saw Bri and Hunter grimace and then Jaz’s smile grew on the screen. Christine felt a sense of dread sink in. 

“Wonderful. I’m sure you and Jaz can get this done. I understand it’s a big ask. But there’s big rewards for getting it done! I promise. Potential pay raise if we’re lucky and I can convince the people upstairs.” 

Christine blinked and felt trapped: you and Jaz. 

Well fuck.

The call ended and Jaz appeared in a chair next to Christine throwing her feet up on her desk.
“Lucky us we get to be team mates.” 

Christine stood up abruptly and walked away narrowly avoiding Jaz’s head. Christine stormed to the elevator and hit the down button, with Jaz calling after her, “You’re so right. We can start after lunch.” 

Inside the elevator once the doors shut Christine covered her face with her hands and screamed.

Notes:

what if Pomni and Jax were just girlies beefing and then they fell in love ya feel
im still writing Bunny Boy yesyes but I also wanted to write something silly
I'd watch the heck out of this sitcom yes thank you.