Chapter Text
Beautiful Gorgeous (The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius)
Chief Tannabok (The Road to El Dorado)
Claire Sawyer (Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide)
Count von Count (Sesame Street)
Evelyn Carnahan O’Connell (The Mummy series)
Fantine (Les Misérables)
Fauna (Sleeping Beauty)
Mr. Bean (Mr. Bean)
Ms. Anthrope (Captain Underpants)
Napoleon (The Aristocats)
Pete (Classic Disney Shorts)
Professor Oak (Pokémon)
Timmy Turner (Fairly Oddparents)
Tina Turner (Real Life)
Vince LaSalle (Recess)
Yvette (Clue film)
INT. BIG BROTHER HOUSE – NIGHT
The house glows like a jewel box dropped in the middle of nowhere: blue pool lights trembling against glass, a neon kitchen humming under polished chrome, bedrooms color-coded like moods waiting to happen. Sixteen strangers spill through the front door in a wave of nerves, bravado, and immediate judgment.
PATWORX (V.O.): “Sixteen legends, oddballs, schemers, caretakers, and chaos agents enter the Big Brother house. For one of them, tonight is the beginning of a season. For another, it is the start of an ending.”
TINA TURNER steps in with measured grace, taking in every angle. VINCE LASALLE bounces on the balls of his feet, already energized by the space. EVELYN CARNAHAN O’CONNELL stares at the architecture like she expects trapdoors. CLAIRE SAWYER clocks every pair of eyes in the room before smiling. BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS glides in as though the cameras were invented for her. PETE claims a couch corner like a mob boss picking territory. MR. BEAN silently secures a throw pillow and hugs it possessively. COUNT VON COUNT murmurs, delighted, under his breath as he counts framed wall panels. FANTINE stands very still, overwhelmed by the noise. FAUNA immediately notices and touches her arm kindly.
FAUNA: “Oh, dear, it is rather a lot all at once, isn’t it? Come sit near me, if you like. No one should feel lost on the first day.”
FANTINE: “You are very good. I thank you. It is foolish, perhaps, but when many voices rise at once, my heart trembles before I can command it.”
PROFESSOR OAK, warm and curious, joins them with a mug he has somehow already found.
PROFESSOR OAK: “Not foolish at all. New environments produce stress responses in nearly everyone. It’s quite natural. Best to observe before assuming anything.”
Across the room, TIMMY TURNER gawks at the memory wall.
TIMMY TURNER: “Okay, wow. This is either the coolest thing ever or the setup for the worst week of my life. Probably both.”
MS. ANTHROPE: “If this group has any intention of acting sensibly, I suggest we begin with cleanliness and common courtesy.”
NAPOLEON barks a laugh.
NAPOLEON: “Ha! Good. Someone understands order. First thing’s first—who’s in charge around here?”
CHIEF TANNABOK: “That remains to be seen. Authority earned too quickly is rarely authority respected.”
YVETTE slips between them with a tray of fruit, as if she belongs to the house more than the players do.
YVETTE: “Perhaps no one is in charge yet. Perhaps for tonight, we simply look beautiful and do not panic.”
BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS smirks. “At least one of us already has a workable plan.”
Claire watches that exchange with narrowed amusement.
INT. KITCHEN – LATER
A first-night meal forms out of improvisation: cut fruit, toasted bread, scrambled eggs, too much coffee. Slice-of-life settles over the room. Tina chops peppers with the calm rhythm of someone who has survived greater pressures than hunger. Vince helps carry plates without being asked. Fauna fusses over whether Fantine has eaten enough. Count proudly arranges utensils in perfect rows of four.
COUNT VON COUNT: “Four forks, four spoons, four knives—ah-ah-ah! Order makes everything feel friendlier.”
TIMMY TURNER: “Honestly, I didn’t know silverware could have a hype man.”
The table laughs. Even Evelyn, tense at first, softens.
EVELYN CARNAHAN O’CONNELL: “I’m rather grateful for it, actually. Structure is comforting in a place where one has no idea what catastrophe is about to happen.”
TINA TURNER: “That’s life, baby. Catastrophe shows up whether you invite it or not. You learn to set the table anyway.”
For a moment the room quiets around her. It is not reverence exactly, but something close.
PATWORX (V.O.): “Before strategy comes ritual. Before betrayal, breakfast. But in the Big Brother house, even kindness is a first impression with consequences.”
INT. BACKYARD – DAY – HOH COMPETITION
The backyard has transformed into an endurance arena: narrow circular platforms mounted over a shallow pool, mechanical arms swinging padded obstacles in timed rotations. Houseguests must hold onto upright rails while ducking, leaning, and absorbing repeated impacts.
PATWORX (V.O.): “For the first Head of Household competition, endurance will matter more than force. Hold on. Stay balanced. Last one standing becomes HOH.”
The buzzer sounds.
Early swagger dissolves into grim concentration. Vince looks strong immediately, adjusting his footing like an athlete reading a defense. Tina is composed, knees bent, conserving energy. Pete powers through the first hits with brute irritation. Napoleon growls every time a padded arm clips his shoulder. Timmy almost loses it in the opening minute and screeches himself back upright.
TIMMY TURNER: “Oh, come on! This thing has it out for me personally!”
MS. ANTHROPE: “Stop whining and plant your feet!”
MR. BEAN, absurdly serious, clings with bug-eyed determination until one sweeping arm spins him sideways and he drops with an indignant splash. He surfaces clutching the pillow he had somehow hidden under his shirt. The house erupts.
CLAIRE SAWYER: “Did he bring a comfort object into the comp? Honestly? Respect.”
Beautiful Gorgeous lasts longer than some expect, jaw clenched, but a hard hit to the shoulder sends her slipping into the pool with a curse too elegant to sound messy. Fantine and Fauna both fall after brave but physically shaky efforts. Professor Oak bows out with good humor. Count counts every remaining player aloud until a swing takes him cleanly off-balance.
COUNT VON COUNT: “Seven remain! Ah—aaaaah!” Splash.
Hours compress into groans and trembling limbs. Final four: Tina, Vince, Pete, and Napoleon.
PETE: “Aw, c’mon, I can do this all day.”
TINA TURNER: “Then do it quietly.”
A harder rotation begins. Pete overcommits, stumbles, and crashes into the water cursing. Napoleon survives one strike, then another, but his temper breaks his rhythm.
NAPOLEON: “Who built this contraption? Show yourself and fight fair!”
The next arm catches him squarely. Splash.
Now only Tina and Vince remain.
Vince is breathing hard, sweat slick across his brow, but he grins through it.
VINCE LASALLE: “You’re tough, Ms. Turner. I’m not gonna lie, this is kind of awesome.”
TINA TURNER: “Baby, you don’t survive what I survived by letting go when you’re tired.”
The machine speeds up. Vince takes one hit, recovers. Another clips his ankle. He slips, hangs for one desperate second, and falls backward into the pool.
The buzzer blares.
PATWORX (V.O.): “Tina Turner is the first Head of Household.”
The house cheers as Tina steps down, shaking out aching arms. Vince applauds her with genuine admiration, though disappointment flashes behind it.
VINCE LASALLE: “No excuses. You earned that.”
TINA TURNER: “I know I did.”
INT. HOH ROOM – NIGHT
The HOH room opens like a sanctuary. Tina stands at the balcony doors while citylike lights blink beyond the tinted glass. Claire, Professor Oak, and Fauna sit nearby; later, Beautiful Gorgeous slips in uninvited, and then Pete barges by for his pitch.
CLAIRE SAWYER: “First week is reputation week. If you nominate two obvious strong players, people say you’re bold. If you nominate two soft ones, people say you’re cruel. So basically, there’s no clean version.”
PROFESSOR OAK: “Strength matters, but so does who can recover socially. Early choices create long memory.”
FAUNA: “I only hope whoever goes up is treated gently. There’s enough fright in this house already.”
BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS, leaning in the doorway: “Gentle is overrated. Effective is much better.”
Tina regards her coolly. “And yet you still came in here smiling sweet.”
Later, Pete makes his case with oily confidence.
PETE: “Listen, if you want the house calm, ya put up someone who can win everything and someone smart enough to steer folks. That athlete kid? Big threat. That book lady? Bigger than she looks.”
Tina says nothing, but she hears him.
INT. HAMMOCK LOUNGE – LATE NIGHT
A quieter scene. Fantine and Evelyn sit under low purple lights while the others drift through the house in softer patterns.
EVELYN CARNAHAN O’CONNELL: “I always think if I explain myself clearly enough, people will assume competence. Instead they hear too many words and decide I’m fussy.”
FANTINE: “To be judged before one is known... yes. I know it. But I think you are brave. Your mind moves quickly.”
Evelyn smiles, unexpectedly touched.
EVELYN CARNAHAN O’CONNELL: “That may be the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.”
Nearby, unnoticed, Claire passes and registers the warmth between them.
INT. DINING ROOM – NOMINATION CEREMONY
The keys gleam in the memory wall light. Tina sits at the head of the table, posture straight, voice low and clear.
TINA TURNER: “This first nomination is hard because nobody’s done enough yet to deserve anything personal. So I have to go by instinct, by threat, and by what kind of game I think can beat mine.”
She turns the first key.
TINA TURNER: “Vince.”
Vince inhales, jaw tightening.
Second key.
TINA TURNER: “Evelyn.”
Shock ripples differently through the room. Vince expected danger; Evelyn did not.
TINA TURNER: “Vince, you are an obvious physical force, and if I wait too long to acknowledge that, I’m playing scared. Evelyn, you’re one of the smartest people in this house, and smart players can get deep before anyone knows what happened. This isn’t personal. It’s first-week business. But business still has names, and tonight those names are yours.”
EVELYN CARNAHAN O’CONNELL: “I see. Well. I can’t say I admire the logic, but I do understand it.”
VINCE LASALLE: “I get it. Doesn’t mean I like it.”
PATWORX (V.O.): “The queen of comeback has drawn first blood.”
INT. BACKYARD – DAY – POV COMPETITION
The veto arena is quiz-themed: giant illuminated columns, symbol boards, and memory sequences projected overhead.
PATWORX (V.O.): “Competing for the Power of Veto: Tina Turner, Vince LaSalle, Evelyn Carnahan O’Connell, Timmy Turner, Napoleon, and Ms. Anthrope.”
The game tests recall, pattern recognition, and rapid response. Evelyn shines early, muttering answers before the prompts finish. Ms. Anthrope does well on procedural rounds. Timmy randomly nails a difficult sequence and celebrates too early.
TIMMY TURNER: “Ha! Oh man, I’m a genius. Okay, not a full genius, but like a temporary one.”
NAPOLEON slams his buzzer on a wrong answer.
NAPOLEON: “The question was poorly phrased!”
Final round: Tina versus Evelyn. A cascading memory board lights and fades in brutal speed. Evelyn closes her eyes, reconstructing. Tina watches once, breathes, and repeats the sequence perfectly.
PATWORX (V.O.): “Tina Turner wins the Power of Veto.”
Evelyn laughs once in disbelief.
EVELYN CARNAHAN O’CONNELL: “I was beaten fairly. Irritatingly, but fairly.”
INT. STORAGE ROOM – AFTERNOON
Strategy fractures.
Evelyn campaigns to Oak, Count, Fantine, and Chief Tannabok with measured urgency.
EVELYN CARNAHAN O’CONNELL: “Vince is beloved, athletic, and useful in nearly every competition. If this house wants flexibility next week, keeping him is dangerous. I may be intellectual, but I’m not leading a sports dynasty.”
CHIEF TANNABOK: “You argue plainly. I respect that.”
Elsewhere, Vince talks with Claire, Fauna, Pete, and Professor Oak.
VINCE LASALLE: “Look, I’m not gonna pretend I’m not a threat in comps. I am. But I’m also someone people can work with. I don’t blow smoke, and I don’t hide in corners.”
CLAIRE SAWYER: “That’s true. The downside is everyone else knows it’s true too.”
FAUNA: “You have a good heart, dear. That counts.”
PETE: “Heart’s nice. Winnin’ is nicer.”
Vince shoots him a look. “That’s exactly the kind of thing that makes people stop trusting you.”
INT. LIVING ROOM – VETO MEETING
The nominees sit stiffly. Tina wears the veto medallion like armor.
TINA TURNER: “I came into this week prepared to make a hard move, and winning this veto gave me the power to change course if I wanted to. I listened to people. I thought about what the house needs and what my game needs. For those reasons, I have decided not to use the Power of Veto.”
She sets the medallion down. “Vince and Evelyn, you will remain on the block.”
Vince nods once, wounded pride held together by discipline. Evelyn goes very still, hands folded too tightly.
PATWORX (V.O.): “No rescue. No reset. Only two campaign days and a vote.”
INT. BEDROOM – EVICTION NIGHT
Players dress sharper now, fear making everyone suddenly ceremonial. Yvette adjusts her hair in a mirror while Beautiful Gorgeous watches with feline amusement.
YVETTE: “Everyone says first evictions are simple, but they are not simple. They are only early.”
BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS: “Early is when weak players make emotional mistakes. I prefer those.”
Across the room, Timmy whispers to Fantine.
TIMMY TURNER: “I feel bad either way. Is that normal?”
FANTINE: “If one can cast such a vote without sorrow, that would be the stranger thing.”
INT. DIARY ROOM – VOTING MONTAGE
PATWORX (V.O.): “Houseguests, one by one, cast your votes to evict.”
BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS: “Darling, this house has no use for a golden boy who can win everything. I vote to evict Vince LaSalle.”
CHIEF TANNABOK: “For the stability of the house, I vote to evict Evelyn Carnahan O’Connell.”
CLAIRE SAWYER: “This is week one, and I’m not interested in losing to a comp captain later. I vote to evict Vince LaSalle.”
COUNT VON COUNT: “One vote for strategy, one vote for caution—ah-ah-ah! I vote to evict Evelyn Carnahan O’Connell.”
FANTINE: “I pray I do no injustice, but I vote to evict Evelyn Carnahan O’Connell.”
FAUNA: “Oh, I hate this terribly, but I vote to evict Vince LaSalle.”
MR. BEAN looks at the camera, points two fingers like walking legs, then toward the door. “Mm. Vince.” He nods. “Vince LaSalle.”
MS. ANTHROPE: “Physical grandstanding is disruptive this early. I vote to evict Vince LaSalle.”
NAPOLEON: “A rival challenger at the gate is the first threat to remove. I vote to evict Vince LaSalle!”
PETE: “Nothin’ personal, kid. Actually, maybe a little personal. I vote to evict Vince LaSalle.”
PROFESSOR OAK: “This is regrettable, but prudent. I vote to evict Vince LaSalle.”
TIMMY TURNER: “Uh... okay. I vote to evict Evelyn Carnahan O’Connell.”
YVETTE: “I vote to evict Evelyn Carnahan O’Connell.”
INT. LIVING ROOM – LIVE EVICTION
The house assembles beneath unforgiving lights.
PATWORX (V.O.): “Houseguests. The votes are in. By a vote of 8 to 5... Vince LaSalle, you are evicted from the Big Brother house.”
The words hit like a dropped weight.
Vince exhales through his nose, then stands. He hugs Tina first.
VINCE LASALLE: “Strong move. Cold, but strong.”
TINA TURNER: “You carried yourself well. Don’t lose that.”
He hugs Fauna, Oak, Claire. Evelyn rises too, shaken and relieved.
EVELYN CARNAHAN O’CONNELL: “I am sorry.”
VINCE LASALLE: “Then make it count.”
Timmy looks guilty. Napoleon tries to seem unaffected. Mr. Bean offers Vince the pillow for a solemn second, then snatches it back before the handoff completes.
VINCE LASALLE, laughing despite himself: “Yeah, that tracks.”
At the door, he turns to the room.
VINCE LASALLE: “You all better play hard now, because getting me out first means none of you get to coast.”
The door opens. He walks out.
Silence lingers after the latch clicks shut.
PATWORX (V.O.): “Vince LaSalle came into the house exactly as he lived in every playground myth about him: smiling, capable, ready to turn competition into camaraderie. In another season, that combination might have become a backbone alliance, a long game built on loyalty and visible effort. But in Big Brother, obvious strength is often a confession, and Vince never learned how to look smaller than he was.”
PATWORX (V.O.): “His brief arc was the tragedy of a player too legible for week one. He was honest when others were still editing themselves, generous when others were still evaluating utility, and physically gifted in a house terrified of future losses. Vince did not leave because he failed to connect. He left because he connected loudly, brightly, and early enough to be seen as a threat before he could become indispensable. The season moves on without him, but the house has already lost one of its cleanest hearts.”