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Taeyang’s favourite part about touring was the amount of free time they had in between shows. It wasn't much, but it was certainly more than they were granted back home. It was the beginning of their European leg of the tour, and everyone had a full day off before tomorrow's concert. Keeho called him to ask if he was up for exploring, but Taeyang wanted to rest. Especially since the weather outside was quite cold, and getting sick—or even getting a sore throat—would put a damper on things. Taeyang's priority had always been and always would be his voice.
That's why he repeated the same refusal to Jongseob when he texted him later. After spending some time on Fromm, he put his phone away and picked up the book he’d been ignoring for weeks because of their busy schedule. He had many hours to spare and mourned that the hotel room didn't have a bath. Being able to stay in a single room rather than share had already been a pleasant—and hard-earned—upgrade, but somehow no hotels included a bathtub.
No massage chair and no bath to soak in meant no opportunity to relax his muscles other than lying in bed all day. He stretched, rolling around the queen-sized bed, enjoying the peace. He couldn't imagine putting on three layers of clothing and dragging himself outside right now. At least he knew the others would take enough photos, and Taeyang could steal Keeho's or Jongseob's phone to scroll through them during breakfast.
A quiet knock interrupted the calm, comforting atmosphere Taeyang had been indulging in. He couldn't help the groan that escaped him as he got up to check who was bothering him. If another member asked him whether he was free to go out, he’d have to start making announcements in their group chat or something.
He opened the door to Intak, quietly hovering in front of the door, a small smile playing on his lips. Taeyang quickly scanned over his appearance. Intak didn't look like he was on his way out, dressed in sweatpants and a tank top. Taeyang acknowledged him with a subtle rise of his brow.
“Hey.” Intak's smile widened slightly just at the sight of Taeyang. “Are you joining the others?”
“No.”
“Can I come in?”
“Why?”
Intak shrugged vaguely. Taeyang's eyes narrowed, searching his expression. Taeyang didn't know one could look both so confident and sheepish at once, until they started this… whatever they'd been doing. Intak was still smiling at him, but his demeanour was fidgety and his fingers restless as he lingered in front of Taeyang.
Taeyang hesitated, conflicted by what his own mind and body were whispering to him. He didn't know whether Intak came for comfort, sex, both or neither.
“I don't feel like doing anything,” Taeyang chose to say. It was ambiguous enough so Intak could interpret it however he wanted and decide if he still wanted to stay. Taeyang didn't know if he wanted him to stay either, so he hoped Intak would make the decision for him.
Much to Taeyang's dismay, Intak answered with a similarly vague, “You don't have to do anything.”
Somehow, it still kicked something deep in Taeyang's brain. He imagined himself lying on his back, while Intak looked at him, touched him, pressed his body against Taeyang's. Intak was very good at giving him attention. It was always eager, soft, and completely focused, as if Taeyang was someone special—someone to admire and cherish. No matter how many times he was on the receiving end of Intak's affection, it always made him dizzy. It could be a little intimidating, too.
Taeyang quietly stepped back so that Intak could walk past him into the room. The door shut with a sharp click, and Taeyang swallowed hard. He was a little nervous. He shouldn't be, but he'd been overly sensitive to Intak's presence lately.
It was fun at first—all the sneaking around, exchanging secretive glances, a subtle touch here and there. It was different from their usual public display of affection in front of the members or the cameras. Not that their members were oblivious to it, but it still felt like something just for them. Taeyang should've known. He should’ve guessed.
He turned toward Intak, who was sitting down in the middle of the bed, examining the book Taeyang had left on it.
“Oh, are you reading?”
“I was planning on it.” ‘I am planning on it,’ was what Taeyang meant to say, but he couldn't deny being open to a change of plans since Intak showed up.
Intak didn't miss the slip-up and put the book on the bedside table, not taking his eyes off Taeyang. He leaned against his arms and waited. Taeyang pressed his lips into a thin line, not liking the smug expression growing on Intak's face. He couldn't help his eyes flicking over Intak's arms, tense enough that his muscles painted an enticing picture.
“I told you, I don't feel like doing anything,” Taeyang reminded, slowly approaching the bed.
“And I said you don't have to.”
“Move over then,” Taeyang said dryly.
Intak complied without a comment, scooting up and sideways until he was leaning against the headboard. Taeyang settled beside him. Out of his periphery, he saw Intak studying him, making him aware of his appearance—bare face, simple grey pyjamas with long pants and short-sleeved shirt buttoned almost all the way up.
He tipped his head to face Intak.
Even though Intak was okay with him doing nothing, it seemed like he was waiting for a sign to take action himself. Taeyang traced his relaxed expression and grew irritated by how easy Intak had it, then immediately became upset at his own reaction. Maybe Intak had it easy, following Taeyang's desires, but it worked. Taeyang liked it. There was no fault to be had.
But sometimes, Taeyang still wished Intak wasn't so cautious when it was just the two of them in hotel rooms or in their dorms, that he’d take instead of just giving. Couldn't he tell how much of himself Taeyang wanted to give him? It was as if saying Intak was his soulmate, his favourite, fell on deaf ears.
Taeyang's heartbeat picked up as he slid down into a lying position. His eyes never left Intak's, and he could see him swallow harshly. Taeyang inhaled, slow and controlled.
“You can do anything you want,” he whispered evenly, glad for his ability to maintain composure. The words felt both foreign and freeing on his tongue. He itched to see Intak take control for once, no matter whether they'd end up having sex or not. He just wanted to feel what it'd be like to fully surrender to Intak's touch, to see what he'd do. If he would keep on giving instead of taking.
He saw Intak's brow twitch in confusion under his intense gaze as he asked, “What do you want?”
Taeyang clicked his tongue, refusing to repeat himself. Intak's eyes were scanning his expression, and he did his best to remain impassive.
Intak was uncharacteristically timid once he finally moved. Taeyang took note of how slowly he shifted closer, the stutter in his breath, the twitch running through his fingers. Taeyang wanted to scold him for moving so hesitantly, but he bit his tongue. Intak rolled onto his side and propped himself on his elbow.
The touch started on his thigh.
Intak's hands gently slid over the silky pyjamas up to his waist. Taeyang's stomach dipped when Intak's fingers slipped under his shirt. After he didn’t offer any words, Intak broke the prolonged eye contact. Taeyang continued watching him, though. Intak’s eyes fixated on his own hand riding up Taeyang’s shirt, completely ignoring the buttons. The ticklish sensation sent a small shiver through his body, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Intak briefly glanced at him before leaning down to kiss the aforementioned spot.
Taeyang’s head tipped back, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling. A small sigh escaped him as Intak licked a stripe over his belly button. Intak pulled back to reposition himself, and despite the fabric, every touch felt burning as Intak ended up straddling his thighs. Taeyang had to refrain once again from commenting on what Intak should do next, where he should place his hands and his mouth. It wasn’t that he didn't trust Intak—quite the opposite. It was simply a force of habit to tell him: faster, touch here, say this, kiss me.
Intak’s fingers traced his sides until his shirt covered only his neck and collarbones. Taeyang bit back a whine as Intak licked over the crown tattoo adorning the left side of his ribcage. But, he couldn’t help the minor flinch once Intak’s mouth attached to one of his nipples while his thumb brushed over the other one. Intak’s weight kept his thighs from shifting, and it sent a wave of pleasure up his body.
Taeyang’s arms hadn't moved from the bed, even though he was dying to run them over Intak’s back, to feel up the muscles and dig his nails into his shoulders. It was a self-imposed restraint. He wouldn’t touch Intak until he told—or more likely asked—him to.
Taeyang’s back arched a little under the relentless stimulation that was tightening his stomach and hardening his dick. Intak responded by pressing down firmly onto his crotch, letting Taeyang feel how fast he was getting worked up, too. Intak rolled his hips experimentally, and Taeyang let out a first, hushed moan. Usually, Taeyang was the one straddling Intak’s lap, or there were far fewer clothes in between them once Intak pressed against him in this position, but Taeyang liked this, too.
“Why aren’t you touching me?” Intak murmured against his chest. Taeyang suppressed a smile at his correct prediction that Intak would ask. It made him want to ask something in return.
“Do you want me to?”
“Please,” he breathed out.
Taeyang shuddered over how easily the plea escaped Intak’s lips. It made him momentarily pause. He wanted Intak to have the reins, and yet the pleading came after Taeyang’s first sentence. Was it because he knew Taeyang was weak for it or because Intak liked it?
Taeyang couldn’t get it out of his head.
“Why did you say that?”
“What?” Intak pulled back to look at Taeyang’s face, bewilderment twisting his features.
Taeyang hesitated before repeating the question.
“Why did I say please?” Intak asked, face rapidly reddening as he avoided direct eye contact.
“Yeah.”
“What— I thought—” Intak cut off, and Taeyang watched him swallow nervously as his fingers twitched against his chest. “You don’t like that?”
Taeyang’s brow furrowed. “Do you like that?”
“Like what?”
“Begging.”
“Jesus. Fuck,” Intak chuckled and ran his fingers through his short hair, ruffling it until a few dark strands fell out of place.
Taeyang’s thoughts were louder than the embarrassment that filled the room. It wasn’t his intention to make Intak feel ashamed, but judging by his demeanour, he failed. He'd never felt uncomfortable in Intak’s presence, but this moment came very close. The awareness of how exposed he was hit him, and he pulled down his shirt. There weren’t words ready on his tongue—no retort, comfort, diversion, anything of that sort. He was forced to wait until Intak managed something other than vague noises or curses.
Intak moved, and Taeyang panicked at the prospect of Intak leaving and quickly grabbed onto his thighs, finally touching him, blurting out, “Don’t leave.”
Intak halted his movement. Taeyang didn’t know if it was the tone of his own voice, the action, or something shown on his face, but Intak looked momentarily taken aback. Then his expression shifted into something softer. Intak reached out to cup his cheek, and Taeyang blinked rapidly under the touch.
“Hey, hey, I’m not. I’m just going to lie down next to you, okay?”
Intak waited until he nodded and then followed through. Taeyang immediately turned his body to his. They were lying facing one another, searching each other’s expressions. The strange atmosphere lingered, and Taeyang braced himself for more uncomfortable conversations.
Intak seemed to realise Taeyang had no idea how to continue what he’d started, so he took it upon himself, clearing his throat. “What’s on your mind?”
“You didn't answer. If you like it.”
Intak squeezed his eyes shut—a painful expression on his face like he'd rather be doing anything else than have this conversation. Taeyang could relate. Still, Intak pushed through.
“Yes,” he replied curtly.
“Do you like to top?”
“What the fuck are these questions?” Intak groaned.
“Answer.”
“I feel like we should've had this conversation three months ago, not now.”
Taeyang blinked at the exact number of months before stating, “Exactly, but we didn't.”
Intak opened his eyes, levelling him with a sceptical stare. “Then why are we having it now? I thought… we were good. Did I do something you didn't like?”
“Oh my god, stop making it about me. I'm asking about you.” It came out harsher than Taeyang intended, but he didn't correct himself.
Intak blinked at him, and Taeyang couldn't read his expression for once. Usually, so open, Intak was confusing him. Maybe his own head was confusing him. He didn't know anymore.
“I’m confused,” Intak said, and Taeyang almost laughed at the mirroring of his own emotions. “I don't understand what point you're trying to make,” he continued.
Logically, Taeyang knew exactly what he was trying to convey, but it sounded stupid coming out of his mouth. The semantics didn't even matter as much as the overarching point he'd been too afraid to voice. A lump started to form in his throat as he thought about what had been really bothering him.
“Why is it so easy?” Taeyang whispered, letting a bit of the truth out.
“What's easy?”
“Us.”
Intak lightly shook his head, and Taeyang heard his breath stutter at the admission. They never gave it a name, this something between them, the us. Taeyang never felt like it needed one, exactly because it was so easy. One day, they kissed, then they slept together, and then it repeated. It was never awkward or tense, always mutual, both of them far too eager. Taeyang’s chest ached whenever he replayed everything back.
Every moment, every touch, every kiss, moan, word… It felt so natural. It was almost as if they were made for each other, the way they fit, the way they spoke without words. They learned each other’s bodies purely through touch, maybe a few hushed whispers at most, and it worked. The time they spent together simply existing in each other's presence, no matter what they were doing, even after all the new intimacy, was so comforting. It felt almost effortless.
But the longer it went on...
Taeyang began having doubts.
It couldn't be that easy.
They couldn't be made for each other.
He waited as Intak gathered his thoughts, hoping he'd have the answers Taeyang couldn't figure out.
“You mean our… relationship?” Intak asked tentatively, searching his face. Taeyang wondered if he expected him to disagree. He didn't. Despite not naming it, Taeyang knew that’s what it was.
He managed to nod.
“Does it need to be difficult?”
“I don't know. Do you think it’s easy, too?”
Intak pondered the question for a moment. Taeyang felt a tingling sensation at the back of his hand as Intak reached out to brush his fingers against it, before taking a deep breath. He seemed to be gearing up for something, gaining courage, and Taeyang's own heartbeat quickened at the knowledge.
“I like what we have. I enjoyed everything we’ve done in bed, too. I don’t know, Taeyang. I don’t care what it’s supposed to feel like. I just feel what I do and…” Intak trailed off and studied his expression. Taeyang tensed, feeling the importance of the moment—whatever Intak planned to say was something significant, something Intak perceived as risky to voice for whatever reason. Taeyang tried to smile at him reassuringly, but he had trouble focusing over the sound of his own heartbeat.
Intak returned his small smile. He briefly glanced at Taeyang, unable to hold eye contact as he continued, “I think that… loving you is the easiest thing in the world.”
Taeyang instinctively drew back at the confession, his hand curling into a loose fist as the words registered. Intak’s smile faltered, but there was no surprise in his eyes as if he’d expected Taeyang to react exactly like that. Taeyang furrowed his brow, suddenly offended. There was an uncomfortable feeling in his chest, not at being read so easily, but at Intak’s quiet acceptance that he’d pull away.
“Stop it.” Taeyang reached for Intak’s hand again, ignoring the mess of his emotions—his main goal was only to wipe the dejected look off Intak’s face. The conversation derailed somewhere he wasn’t expecting, but Taeyang had always been highly adaptable.
“Stop what?”
“The look on your face. I don’t like it when you look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Unsure. Like we aren’t on the same page. Just a moment ago, you thought I’d disagree with us being in a relationship.”
Intak’s eyes widened imperceptibly, and Taeyang selfishly found pride in how he could read Intak the same way the younger man could read him. Intak’s fingers twitched in his grasp. Taeyang squeezed Intak's hand in what he hoped was reassurance, but he could feel the nerves quivering in his own fingers.
“Well. We never… put a label on it? Not that we have to! But—”
“We don’t?” Taeyang’s face scrunched in confusion, but mostly displeasure. There was surprise there, too. Not at Intak's words, but at his own inner reaction to them. Just a moment ago, he was okay with being unlabelled, but as soon as Intak voiced the same opinion, it didn't sit right with Taeyang.
This whole conversation was disorienting, and it occurred to him that maybe this was what was missing. Despite usually avoiding talking about his feelings, he needed to have this conversation, and looking at Intak’s face, Taeyang felt like he needed it, too. This was the difficult part. Taeyang almost smiled. The mild discomfort that settled in his body was nothing compared to what he’d worried about. How was even this easy? Was it just because it was Intak in front of him? Because it was them?
“I’m— I don’t know,” Intak replied cautiously.
Taeyang was done with that uncertainty.
“Intak-ah,” Taeyang sighed. “You’re the one needlessly worrying right now.” He resisted the urge to roll over and press Intak into the sheets, to feel him under his body and show him how close he always wanted to be.
“I mean, I kind of told you I love you, and we glossed over that, so,” Intak let out an awkward laugh, discomfort fleeting over his expression.
Taeyang’s eyes rapidly flicked side to side as he tried to recall the moment. His features twisted under the realisation that he really had skimmed over it, too preoccupied with thinking about how he didn’t like Intak doubting his feelings. Taeyang was doing the same thing he’d accused Intak of: thinking about himself—Taeyang—and his own interpretation of the conversation.
“Okay.” Taeyang sat up, feeling unsteady lying down, and Intak immediately followed, as always. He was already missing Intak’s touch, his hand feeling cold and naked, but he wanted to have this conversation properly, so there was no reason to go through this disconcerting experience again.
Taeyang quickly organised his thoughts and looked straight ahead so he wouldn't get distracted by whatever was playing across Intak's face again.
“We’ve been doing this,” Taeyang gesticulated vaguely in the air, “for three months now, and you enjoy it. I also enjoy it.” He felt a little ridiculous spelling things out like they were both dumb kindergarteners, but surprisingly, he found it comforting—not saying it, but hearing it, even if it was coming from his own mouth.
Feeling brave, Taeyang added, “Our relationship, I mean.”
He thought he saw Intak nod out of the corner of his eye, but he paid it little attention and continued, “You don't do only what I want. We both do what we want and like and somehow… it aligns. We—” his breath hitched, acutely aware of the weight of what he was saying. “We fit.”
“We’re kind of perfect for each other, huh?” Intak said teasingly, but there was genuine sincerity behind it.
Taeyang turned to him. Seeing the open, tender expression on Intak’s face, an involuntary smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. He couldn’t help but reply honestly.
“We are.”
Intak’s face wrinkled from how wide his smile spread, and Taeyang only had a moment to think about how beautiful he was before Intak leaned over to press their lips together. It was a brief touch, but Intak still looked very self-satisfied.
“Can I say something?” Intak asked, not hesitantly this time, but to check whether Taeyang had more to add. Taeyang wanted to kiss him for it, but stayed put, nodding instead.
“I think I overestimated how easy everything was, too,” Intak admitted quietly. “I mean, I had to, right? Otherwise, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” He gave a thoughtful pause. “We can try new, different things, you know? We have so much time ahead of us. I hope so at least,” he chuckled fondly, adding, “So much time to talk about our emotions in depth.” Intak’s laughter came out stronger that time as he watched Taeyang’s expression. Taeyang knew his face was scrunched up in disgust at the words.
“I love you. I’m not repeating it to hear it back, I just— I wanted to say it again without the anxiety eating me alive like before. To say it now, when I… know how serious you are about us, too.”
“I am. I feel the same,” Taeyang rushed to say. He couldn’t quite bring himself to say the words the same way Intak had; he could count on one hand the times he’d said them throughout his adult life. There was no judgment in Intak’s eyes, though, only sickening acceptance and love. Taeyang knew he’d say them sooner or later, anyway.
“You love me so much,” Intak replied, all giddy like he’d been served exactly what he ordered. It was almost as if he said it for Taeyang, too, but that was just Taeyang making assumptions.
To hide the flush spreading over his face, Taeyang rolled over, burying his face in Intak’s stomach. Unfortunately, Intak flipped him over, still grinning, and cupped his cheek awkwardly from his sitting position. Taeyang rested his head on Intak’s thighs and stared up at him silently.
Intak’s hand brushed through his hair, exposing his forehead. Taeyang closed his eyes under the touch, Intak’s thumb gently caressing the invisible lines that appeared every time his eyes narrowed and a frown took over. Taeyang felt Intak shift, and in the next second, his lips were leaving a soft kiss on the spot.
“I like it when you do that,” Taeyang whispered, enjoying the way Intak’s touch lingered, before opening his eyes.
“I like doing that, too.” Intak smiled, warmth oozing from his expression. Taeyang could’ve sworn he felt it drip down onto him and spread into his own body. A faint tremble ran through him at the image.
“What else do you like?” Taeyang asked quietly, bringing back the original topic he’d wanted to discuss. The atmosphere was completely different now. It was safe and comforting.
“In bed? Hm, everything so far,” Intak answered, absentmindedly running his fingers through Taeyang’s hair. Taeyang wanted to jump in, but bit his tongue when he saw Intak was genuinely thinking about the question. There were no more imaginary walls between them.
Still, as if Intak read his mind, he tilted his head up and said, “I know, let me continue. I like everything you asked about before, really. I like it when you touch me anywhere, and when I can do the same. But I also like when you make me work for it. I enjoy seeing and hearing how I affect you, too. Sometimes, you’re too quiet, and I used to get into my head about it, but now I know it’s just how you are.”
Taeyang listened in silence, gaze locked onto Intak’s throat because he couldn’t see into his eyes.
“I think what I’m mainly trying to say is that it takes time, but I’m happy with our relationship. I’m not just saying it, hyung. I like the pet name, too—you know which one. Hell, I love it even when you just say my name.”
“You’re so whipped.” Taeyang couldn’t hold it in anymore, his cheeks ached from the smile he tried to suppress.
“So are you, princess.”
Taeyang groaned, pressing his face into Intak’s thigh. “Shut up.”
“You like that?” Intak chuckled.
Taeyang knew Intak was teasing him, but he was feeling generous. He’d made Intak go through multiple awkward conversations already, while he was mostly asking questions or passively listening.
So he sighed, replying with a terse, “Yeah.”
“What was that?”
Taeyang pressed his lips together. He did kind of speak into Intak’s thigh, but there was no way Intak hadn’t heard him. Taeyang sat up and moved to straddle his thighs. He looped his arms around Intak’s neck, who stared at him with the same annoyingly fond look he’d been wearing most of the night. Taeyang leaned in until they were a breath apart. He brushed their noses together, feeling Intak’s arms encircle him and settle around his waist.
“Yeah, I do like that. I also like you under me, over me, in me,” he whispered, and immediately after, pressed their lips together to prevent Intak from replying.
Taeyang drew back and quickly continued, “I like when you do what I tell you to, but I want to know what it would be like for you to take the lead and tell me instead. I'm not promising any compliance, though,” he singsonged into Intak's mouth before kissing him again. Intak was smiling too much for the kiss to really connect, so he was forced to pull back with a pout.
“I love you so much,” Intak immediately said and cupped his cheek.
“Oh my god, stop saying it. You're wasting it.”
“No words are wasted on you.”
“Ugh, that was so...” Taeyang shuddered, making a face. He was reaching his limit, and Intak, as always, noticed.
“Okay, okay. Wanna lie down?”
“I guess.”
Intak chuckled, and they lay down with Taeyang spooning against Intak's chest, a comfortable and familiar position.
“You aren't joining the others?” Taeyang mumbled.
“Later.”
“Why did you come here, by the way?”
“To spend time with you. Why do you think? That's what I like too, you know? Just being near you. We don’t have to do anything, we don’t even need to speak, just… I want you close to me.”
Taeyang let out a satisfied hum and nuzzled into his chest. He'd make use of Intak's body heat until he left. Intak's calm heartbeat and gentle embrace were lulling him to sleep.
“Me too,” Taeyang murmured at last.
His head was finally quiet.