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Everything is slow, and gentle, and soft, and Maggie can’t believe that she isn’t crying in this moment because this moment may be possibly the most perfect one of her life. Everything about this is perfect and Maggie was getting so swept up in how the lighting from the window was making the girl on the bed look angelic, with the halo of light it created making it impossible for her to look away as well as that she couldn’t wrap her mind around why her name was being called with such desperation until she actually looked at the girl that was lying in her bed, and her breath caught in her throat.
Alex was lying there bare and holy and she was glowing and Maggie couldn’t tear her eyes away from Alex’s which were staring into hers with such intensity Maggie felt as though she couldn’t breathe . Alex was looking at her like she was everything she could ever have dreamed of and the heaviness of it weighed down on her shoulders in the best way possible.
“Maggie…” Alex’s voice was hushed and slightly impatient, but mostly vulnerable and needy. “Please.”
Maggie couldn’t think of how long she was standing here, the coldness of her hardwood floors seeping into the sole of her feet, while she was staring at the angel that was on her bed. She couldn’t think of how long she was swept up in those thoughts of how perfect this moment could possibly become, and how she was going to keep it perfect because that’s what Alex deserved.
Maggie’s chest hurt with remembering the looks and words of Alex when she had hurt her. It was something Maggie thought about for weeks and she felt sick to her stomach every time the picture of Alex’s face when she had turned her away at the bar played in her mind. She felt sick knowing she had hurt Alex, and everything in her was screaming at her to make up for it. And in this moment, there was only one way she knew how to do it.
They had exhausted their words to one another through venom and loud noises and it just became a cycle of pain and suffering that only just now they had broken, and Maggie couldn’t help but feel her stomach fill with hope because this was the first time since the bar that Alex had been looking at her like she was anything more than pain to her.
The calling of Maggie’s name was getting more and more insistent until Maggie felt soft but cold fingers ghost her wrist, and she was suddenly pulled into reality where the light was soft with particles flowing gently through the air and Alex’s eyes pleading with her to come back to her because she needs Maggie here with her.
“I’m here,” Maggie’s words felt rough in her throat, but they tumbled out and into Alex’s ears so gently that Alex’s expression immediately calmed from its previous which was eyebrows furrowed, only slightly, but enough to cause a look of concern at the fact that she was laying there, bare, on Maggie’s bed, while Maggie stood there fully clothed. Maggie was looking at her, but she didn’t seem to be all the way there. It didn’t need negative or positive. She just… wasn’t fully there.
Maggie’s words, though, brought calmness as well as security as they left Maggie’s lips because Alex needed nothing more than for Maggie to be with her, to be present in this moment. And she was getting there, but by the look on Alex’s face, Maggie could tell that Alex didn’t believe that Maggie was fully there.
“You’re thinking too much,” Alex commented, rising onto her knees in front of Maggie’s and taking her gentle hands within her own. It was the first physical affection Alex was showing towards her that wasn’t a kiss or a hug or something that was laced with pain and hurt, and Maggie felt light. “What are you thinking about?”
“This is just… everything to me,” Maggie confessed, staring down into Alex’s eyes. “You are everything to me, and…” instead of finishing, though, Maggie intertwined her fingers with Alex’s and held them firmly, feeling her heart rate increase. She couldn’t get her mind off knowing that this was one of the few times that they’ve held hands. Holding Alex’s hand was something that was never tainted through their pain like kissing was. It was pure from the first moment that she took Alex’s hand, and it remained that why up until this second, and Maggie was so pleased with that. She needed something pure between them. She wouldn’t be able to bear with the fact that every physical affection they would share would be tainted with old memories. This was pure, and it felt right .
“Maggie, stop leaving me.”
“I’m not leaving you. I’m here, I’m right here.”
“You may be here physically, but your mind is somewhere else. And I don’t know what you’re thinking about, but I need you here. I need you right here,” Alex guided their intertwined fingers to her heart, letting Maggie’s hand lay flat on the skin of her chest. She knew that Maggie could feel her heart racing by the intake of her breath. “I need you touching me, talking to me, letting me know that everything is okay, because honestly, I’m fucking terrified right now.”
Maggie trembled at the honesty of her words and the vulnerability in her eyes. “I’m… I’m sorry. I just… I can’t stop thinking.”
“Tell me what you’re thinking about, Maggie.”
“I’m thinking about how I need to make this perfect for you because you deserve this to be nothing less than perfection. You are a perfect thing in my life. I just want everything to be perfect for you.”
“This doesn’t sound like the Maggie Sawyer that I know… what have you done with her?” the smile that stretched across Alex’s lips was mesmerising, Maggie couldn’t look away even if she tried.
“I don’t want to hide being that right now because right now is too much of an important moment for me to be saying that I just want to be your friend. It was right at the time. I didn’t want to push you, but now you’re here, with me, and I need to tell you everything honestly because I know if I don’t that I’ll lose you, and I don’t think I’ll be able to live with that,” the words came pouring out of Maggie’s mouth before she could stop herself, and God was she thankful for the fact that she couldn’t.
It was true that most of the time she was honest, but that was when it came to things that were little. Alex is the biggest thing in her life, and Maggie can’t bear if she hid behind her safety net right now because she needed to tell Alex how she felt before things progressed. She struggled with telling Alex how she felt because she was something that she needed, Alex was someone that meant so fucking much to her and losing her would be like losing a part of herself.
Alex then gave her a soft smile, the edges of her eyes visibly welling up. Alex then quietly let out a small laugh, a smile still on her face, and let go of the hand that held Maggie’s to try her best to wipe away the tears that were quickly starting to fall from her eyes, but soon her the sides of her fingers against the corner of her eyes wasn’t enough to keep the tears at bay.
Maggie’s chest clenched at the reaction Alex had to her words. She tried so hard to ignore the fact that the beginning of Alex crying reminded her so heavily of the night at the bar where Alex was trying so fucking hard to keep the tears from filling her eyes after Maggie had rejected her and Maggie could barely imagine how hard Alex had cried when she got back to her apartment.
The soft pads of Maggie’s thumbs slid across the dampness of Alex’s cheeks, wiping away the tears that had fallen. Another throaty chuckle left Alex’s lips before her hands covered Maggie’s, pulling them from her face to press small, sweet kisses to her fingers. Maggie felt tingling in them at the gesture she smiled so wide that Alex looked up into her eyes.
Alex’s eyes were filled with such warmth and adoration, Maggie felt her breath catch in her throat. Then, Maggie’s hands slipped to Alex’s neck, her thumb stroking the soft skin.
“Kiss me,” Alex whispered, her eyes locked on Maggie’s and were full of so much raw emotion Maggie couldn’t dare to look away. “Please.”
That’s when, for the first time since the bar, they kissed. Maggie leant down to Alex’s level where she was now resting on her ankles, and pressed her lips to hers. Maggie felt tingles tickle her lips, and she pressed when harder against Alex’s, making Alex lean back slightly. Maggie was trying to express the fondness she felt for Alex in that kiss, and if Alex couldn’t feel that, then she was sure that Alex would be able to feel a few tears that escape Maggie’s eyes and wet Alex’s cheek.
“You’re crying,” Alex mumbled, pulling back from the kiss with worry painted on her face.
Maggie shook her head, more tears falling down her face, but a smile lay on her lips. “Not for a bad reason, I promise. It’s just that… this is the first time we’ve kissed since the… bar… and I-I don’t know. It’s just a lot,” Maggie expressed, her thumbs still rubbing across the smooth skin of Alex’s neck.
Alex gave her a sympathetic smile before reaching up and sliding her hands into Maggie’s hair and guiding her head forward slowly. “Kiss me again.”
This time, when Maggie’s lips touched Alex’s, there was more passion flowing between them. Maggie wasn’t kissing her like it was the last day of her life, but she was kissing her like she was putting her life in Alex’s hands and not for a minute regretting it.
Maggie’s hands then found Alex’s soft shoulders and pushed down, pressing her weight into each side of Alex’s body with her knees while Alex lowered her back onto the bed. And when Alex began to make sounds of encouragement, Maggie began to feel her head spin.
After hurting Alex in the way that she did, she never once thought that she was going to get her like this. Lying bare beneath her and wanting Maggie to touch her . She may have dreamt about it for weeks, hoping that one day Alex will forgive her enough to let her, but she never once thought it would happen. And, now that it’s happening, Maggie felt warm with tingles in her lips and the tips of her fingers that were running across the very soft skin of Alex’s shoulders and neck.
“Please,” Alex’s voice was breathless laced with desperation, and Maggie shivered. “Maggie, I need…”
“What do you need?” Maggie questioned, pressing soft, warm kissed down Alex’s neck.
Alex turned her head to the side, taking a deep breath. “I need you.”
Maggie felt the gentle vibrations of Alex’s words against her lips as they ghosted over the sensitive skin of her neck. Alex was becoming very responsive to what Maggie’s lips were doing as soft sounds escaped her lips and her body trembled every time her lips made contact with her skin. Even the slightest of touched pulled a reaction from the angelic girl lying beneath her, and she couldn’t help but smile against Alex’s neck in response.
“I’ll give you what you want, Alex,” Maggie whispered, fully aware that the small whining sound coming from Alex’s mouth was in reaction of Maggie calling her Alex . She came up to look into Alex’s eyes before she continued. “But you need to promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“Promise me you’ll look at me the whole time because it would tear me apart to not see the look in your eyes when you fall apart,” Maggie confessed, locking her eyes with Alex's the whole time.
Maggie felt herself heat up watching Alex’s involuntary and shaky inhale of breath, as well as seeing Alex’s eyes darken. Before Maggie could say anything else, Alex’s hands went to Maggie’s neck and pulled her forward till their lips were so, so close to touching, before whispering, “I promise. Now please, make me feel good.”
The stripping of Maggie’s clothes may have been simple in the act, but the message it sent both of them as Alex helped her out of them weighed down heavily on both of them. This was Maggie letting down her walls, letting Alex in, trusting Alex to hold her heart in her hands and knowing nothing bad would come of it.
The fire left behind from the trail Maggie’s hands and mouth on Alex’s skin heated up Alex’s chest and stomach, and there was no stopping the sweet sounds that left her lips, Maggie feeling over the moon at the response.
She felt elated every time she heard a whimper or moan escape Alex, trying her best to cause those noises constantly knowing that when that the sounds meant that Maggie was making Alex feel good , and that’s what Maggie wanted more than anything else in this moment.
And when Maggie’s head dipped between Alex’s legs, that’s when Maggie felt as though her chest was going to explode from adoration for the girl beneath her. Alex’s body was so responsive to her touches, her tongue, her words. The rapid rise and fall of her chest, the trembling of her thighs each side of Maggie’s head, the whimpers, the hand tugging on her hair.
“Look at me,” Maggie’s head lifted and her hand guided Alex’s chin down so their eyes were locked, and Maggie could swear she could see stars shimmering in Alex’s eyes. It took her breath away, the look that Alex was giving her. A look that was full with such passion and potential love. Maggie could barely breathe.
Up until Alex tumbled over the edge, their eyes remained looking into each other, Maggie trying her best to express her emotions through her touches and looks, and Alex trying desperately not to fall apart. When Alex did fall off the edge for the first time, she pushed Maggie so close to herself while her body trembled, and Maggie felt her heart soar because this is what she has been wanting Alex to experience by her hands for the longest time, and it had finally happened.
There were words on the tip of Maggie’s tongue as she came up to Alex’s level, admiring the quick rise and fall of her chest, her lazy-looking hooded eyes. Maggie’s breath was just about taken away from the beauty that she was seeing. The sun had gone down, but that didn’t make Alex look any less angelic with such a glow around her that Maggie felt weak.
“I… I think I’m falling in love with you.”
The next few minutes were spent with Maggie kissing Alex’s damp cheeks, her hands doing their best at leaving comforting touches around her neck, chest, and arms. Then, as Alex kissed her like her life depended on it, Maggie left her eyes to fill and the tears fall freely.
She had finally gotten her, she had Alex. And to Maggie, that was everything.