Work Text:
Goldilocks opens the door and enters the house.
Goldie: Oh yum! Honey porridge!
She tries bowl one
Goldie: HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT!
She tries bowl two
Goldie: Oh yuck, it's too cold.
She tries bowl three.
Goldie: That's just right. Yum!
She eats the whole bowl.
Goldie: I'm gonna go sit down.
She goes to the living room and sees three chairs. She sits in the first one.
Goldie: Ow this chair is far too hard.
She tries the second chair.
Goldie: This chair is so plush, I could drown in it.
She tries the third chair.
Goldie: I love this chair, oh how comfortable it is!
She begins to rock back and forth, and the chair collapses.
Goldie: Oh dear. Now how will I take a nap! I know I’ll find a bed!
She walks to the bedroom, and tries the first bed.
Goldie: This bed is far too uncomfortable to sleep in.
She tries the second bed.
She drags herself out, and tries the third bed.
Goldie: It's perfect! Oh how comfortable. (she falls asleep and starts snoring )
Chorus 1 Goldilocks should not have eaten the bears’ porridge. She should not have sat in their chairs, nor slept in their beds. She should leave. She should say sorry and never come back. But alas she doesn't, she stays.
The bears enter and sit at the table.
Papa: Someone ate some of my porridge.
Mama: Someone ate some of mine as well.
Baby: Someone ate all of my porridge. (wails or sad voice)
Papa: How about we go to the living room to calm down.
They go to the living room.
Papa: Someone sat in my chair.
Mama: Someone sat in mine as well.
Baby: Someone far too heavy sat in my chair, and it broke. (wail)
Mama: The audacity of that person.
Papa: We must find who did this.
They walk around the house, then go to the bedroom.
Papa: (gasp) Someone slept in my bed. Disgrace upon them.
Mama: (gasp) They slept in my bed as well. Disgrace upon their whole family.
Baby: (huge gasp) Someone is sleeping in MY bed. Mama, Papa look!
Goldilocks wakes up.
Goldie: (screams) Help!!! Bears.
Papa: You ate my son’s porridge, broke his chair and slept in his bed.
Mama: Get out before we eat you.( demonic voice)
Baby: 10… 9… 8…
Chorus 2. The bears are angry. Goldilocks has done bad things. She should have left, apologized, but she stayed until she was caught. The bears should be mad. They should have wanted her to leave.
Goldilocks ran off, but the next day she came back with her squirrel.
Goldie: come on clifford let’s go
They walk through the woods, find the cabin and go inside. She releases the squirrel, and it wreaks havoc.
Goldie: Yeah! Go Clifford!
Her yells wake the bears. She runs outside and hides behind a tree. They quickly get up and grab the squirrel and the kiil it a few minutes later and save it for dinner.
Papa: This will be delicious.
Mama: It will make a nice gravy.
Baby: We should serve it with roast girl!
The bears go outside and look for Goldilock when they see her they go after her. They chase around the forest, until she gets to town.
Goldie: Help! Help!`
She runs inside a house and grabs her crossbow.
Goldie: Leave me alone and your life will be spared. Do the opposite and you shall perish.
Papa: Go! I’ll deal with this vile child. (Growls)
Mama and baby run home. Papa turns to face Goldilocks.
Papa: I will not allow you to leave with your life. I will not lose this fight.
Goldie: I think you’re mistaken, because I will not lose.
Goldilocks shoots her bow at Papa bear. Papa bear dodges. He lunges. She grabs a sword and stabs him in the heart. Papa bear dies. She skins him, then chops him up and puts his pieces in the fire.
Chorus 3. Goldilocks is vile, she has done a horrible thing. Papa bear was brave. He should not have died. Goldilocks should not have killed him. She is planning something, something monstrous.
The next day Goldilocks goes to the bear house with her sword hidden.
Goldie: (knock knock) (Sweet voice) Is anyone home?
Mama: (Opens door) Yes. Oh no! Run baby bear!
Goldie: I just want to talk, I brought some stew.
Mama: (suspicious) Okay, come in.
Goldie brings a pot into the kitchen. She serves some stew.
Mama: Baby bear come to the kitchen, Goldilocks wants to apologize.
Goldie: I’m sorry Mrs. Bear. I’m sorry Baby bear. Please have some stew.
She drinks the stew. Baby tries it.
Baby: Ew! This stew tastes weird.
Mama: Don’t be rude. (Takes a sip. Gags) Yum. (forces a smile)
Goldie: Baby is right. It probably tastes a bit familiar. I stole the ingredients from you.
Mama: (Frowns) No one stole any food.
Baby: (Gasp) MAMA! Don’t eat it!!! PAPA IS THE STEW! IT'S BEAR STEW!
Goldie: (laughs) Took you long enough. (Drinks the whole bowl) Mmmh. Yum!
Goldilocks grabs her sword and lunges at Mama.
Goldie: You’re next! I’ll make bear pie, and a second coat.
Mama dodges, and slashes Goldilocks legs. The girl crumbles. Mama is about to kill Goldilocks, when Goldie stabs Mama.
Baby: Mama NOOOOO!
Mama: Baby bear, this isn’t your battle. (coughs) Be strong. (Dies.)
Baby: I will avenge you and Papa, I promise Mama.
Goldilocks stands up. Baby roars.
Baby: Get out! NOW!!!!!
Goldilocks runs away, to her home in the village.
Chorus 4. Goldilocks leaves, a wounded victor. The adopted Baby bear stays, the loser of a battle. He vowed not to lose any more. He deserves revenge. So, he swore to avenge.
The next day Baby goes to Goldilocks’ house. He knocks on the door, then hides.
Goldie: Hello, who’s there?
Baby: (Jumps out) Come and get me!
Baby runs off and Goldilocks follows him, hobbling along. They get to the bears' house. Baby runs off, and Goldilocks locks herself in. She sees honey porridge.
Goldie: That dumb bear. (She eats the porridge) Oh yum! It’s perfect! (slurred) Oh no, I’m dizzy all of a sudden. (Falls over.)
Chorus 5.Goldilocks fell for Baby’s trap. Every act has a consequence. This consequence may mean death for the young child. It may mean revenge for the young bear. Either way the war is almost over.
Baby unlocks the door, and comes inside.
Baby: Wake up monster girl!
Goldie: (Wakes up) Where’s my sword?
Baby: (Growls) Looking for this?
Baby grabs her sword and stabs her. He chops her up, and puts her in a pot. He takes a sip.
Baby: Missing something. I know!
He goes and grabs the squirrel. He puts it in the pot. He takes a sip.
Baby: That’s just right! Yum!
Baby bear looks at the audience with a demonic look.
Chorus 6. Goldilocks was evil. She killed Mama bear and Papa bear. Baby put an end to her. Baby got revenge. His parents were avenged. Goldilocks won two battles, but Baby won the war.