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Tommy knows this is wrong. That he isn't supposed to be doing this, that this is stupid and bad. But he can't resist with that man looking like that, looking at him like that.
He knows Shayne is married. Knows Shayne is happy, and straight, and only dresses this way, looks this way, for the audience. It's all a show for the viewers. If that's true, however, Tommy believes it's fine if he watches too.
So what if he keeps pictures of Shayne in that stupid nurse's outfit, with his stupid wig on, and his makeup, and his fake tattoo, and his feminine tone? And so what if Tommy rewatches the VOD just to stare at Shayne? So what if he fantasizes about something that will never be, every night, with his hand down his boxers, writhing, begging, hoping that maybe, one day, it'll happen?
So Tommy keeps running his hands up Shayne's chest, under the man's shirt, in silence save for their shallow breaths, their pounding hearts, making love in the cramped bathroom. He grinds his hips against Shayne's own, both men groaning at the sensation.
If it's wrong, why is it so, so good? It feels so rewarding to hear Shayne moan, to feel him roll his hips back up against Tommy's, to taste his mouth when they kiss, to smell his cologne as they make out. It's intoxicating, a vice that grips Tommy and never lets him go.
"Tommy, please," he hears Shayne whisper, and Tommy shushes him, placing another soft kiss on his lips. Their clothed erections press together as they grind slowly against each other, both on the precipice of ecstasy.
It was exhilarating, the risk of it all, knowing anyone could listen in on them just by standing on the opposite side of the door. Knowing Shayne's life partner is in the building. Knowing they're so wrong for doing this. It fills a void in Tommy's soul, one that hasn't been sated in a while.
Shayne's breaths pick up and start stuttering, so Tommy speeds up his movements. He wants to see that look on the blond's face when he reaches his peak again, wants to hear how his breath hitches and is held for a moment, see how he tenses up and screws his eyes shut from the overwhelming pleasure.
Tommy's own climax is approaching, and he knows it, but he pushes it back in favor of gazing at Shayne, waiting for that telltale jump of his lungs, grit of his teeth. And when it comes, it's so satisfying; Tommy feels whole, watching Shayne lock up, feeling his hands dig into Tommy's biceps as he buries his face in the crook of Tommy's shoulder. Their hips stutter against each other's, both groaning and letting out pants of relief as they come.
Tommy holds Shayne as the man goes basically boneless on him. In the months he's come to know Shayne's body, he's found out a lot about how he acts and reacts. That he likes being teased, edged. That he enjoys praise but can get behind degradation. That he's always been this weak, this vulnerable after release. That he needs comfort.
Tommy's willing to be that comfort. He's sure Courtney delivers just as much, but double the people means double the comfort, right? Tommy isn't to blame here. That's what he tells himself so he can sleep at night, but every morning, he believes it even less.
Not that he ever believed it in the first place, but that's neither here nor there.
"We have to be back out," Shayne mutters, obviously out of it. Tommy watches idly as the man recollects himself, straightens up, shoves toilet paper down his pants, and turns back to face Tommy.
At Tommy's sad, yearning gaze, Shayne smiles softly. He whispers something in appreciation, thanks Tommy for the good time, says he'll see him soon. Tommy feels a kiss on his cheek, but he doesn't fully register anything. He stares. At Shayne, then at the wall.
God, what is he doing? This is a married man. And fuck, if Shayne's cheating, and Tommy's enabling him, where does that put him? What does that make him? As much of a monster as Shayne himself? A tear rolls down Tommy's cheek, dripping off his jaw and landing on the floor quietly.
It's terrible. Tommy's a bad person. But so is Shayne. And Tommy loves Shayne, so that's fine by him.
He knows Courtney will be devastated when they find out. He knows Shayne will do something he regrets when he loses Courtney. He knows it very well.
And yet, despite the horrible truth, Tommy continues to live in a lie. Because a lie that brings him pleasure is worth a million times more than a truth that brings him pain.