Work Text:
Jax Pov:
All I remember is her voice calling me back. A kind soul amongst the noise.
Noise.
All I hear is noise.
From dad, from mom, Kaufmo, Ragatha, Pomni...
Why did she have to pry, why did she do this?
And then I remember. It wasn't her fault.
I caused so much pain, so much anguish on others, and I used to blame them for it because it was easier. It always is. Putting blame onto others is easier than to blame yourself. And in the end, the only one who ends up hurt is the one who deserves it the most. And at the moment, it was yours truly.
Zooble pulled me into my own blanket fortress, and for a while, I sat there, alone with Pomni for every other day, the one person who truly understood me since...
I would be tame for Pomni, since she was gracious, hell, even loving to me. I did owe her a lot. And come to think of it, I was tame to everyone, including ol' ribbon-Gangle I mean.
It wasn't long for Caine to reset himself and come out of the void. I listened in the distance, in my own spot, though most of it was just noise to me. That's what being abstracted means. It's not losing your sanity, you're just...resting. For good. Not death, but more of a purgatory. More than the circus might ever more seem. That night...felt quieter than usual.
Caine offered to the others to put me into a tank, and yes, I fought like hell, but honestly didn't care in the end. The water was actually kinda nice. Swimming around while the others came in once a blue moon. I didn't really pay attention who came and went, I just swam. It felt peaceful for once. And it felt like my body was coming back to me, though reality was unfortunately made me realize it probably was just a phantom feeling.
Then I remember Caine had an idea, to put other abstractions into the tank to swim around as well.
And after that, I found something out. Of a mindscape shared between abstracted characters. We leave names to be beheld, but I always stuck to the nickname Mindmeld. Felt science-y like I was slapping an Acme sticker on something'. The Mindmeld was just like the circus, but empty. Nothing really changed. Just what we remember. Before long, I found Kaufmo on the Mindmeld. He was on the stage performing a comedy schtick before I playfully interrupted him. It was bittersweet, but before time...we became friends again. We talked, roamed the Mindmeld, found more abstracted members, Scratch, Queenie, a few others.
And then today...was a bit different.
I wanted to explore alone, me and Kauf-y decided to split-up for today. And for some reason, I felt myself slip back out of the Mind-Meld for a minute. I was just alone again, as I saw a few others floating around. I don't know why I stepped out of the mindmeld, or what happened while I went back to reality, but all in all, when I came back, it led me back to the Winter Biome. I swear I felt like I should've ran out, but I didn't. My feet weren't my own at the time. I sat down, near the edge where I destroyed my relationship with her, and looked out into the distance. Why would she come back for me? She hates me. But I need her back. I don’t care if I’m being selfish, I needed her back. As long as she’s happy. And now here I am, sitting in the snow. Waiting until she comes back. Waiting til I can say sorry. Waiting to love her, even just once.
Ribbit Pov:
I should hate him for what he did. After all, he ruined my life.
But there's something about him that calls me back. That makes me find a sense of peace. No, a sense of belonging. Home.
God, why did I find home in him...
I don't know how fucking long it's been, how long I've been this...thing.
I guess that's what I get for being kind.
I found this place to talk to the others, kind like a brain connection while we're...whatever we are.
It's kinda like the circus, but it's...bigger. Without Caine. everything's the same, but we're not being dragged every two damn seconds. It was peaceful. I liked it. I still do.
I found Kaufmo after a while, and he just vented and told me how Jax shut him out, and he eventually stopped trusting everyone.
"It got too much for me, Ragatha and I became...awkward...Kinger was as cooky as always, and honestly? I couldn't bear it anymore. I drove myself crazy looking for an exit."
It hit me how bad he lost it after Jax shut him out. How bad did he get? How many more people do you have to shut out before you realize I lov- before you realize how much we all love you as a person.
I met a couple of other abstracted characters. Queenie, Scratch, Chuckles, Wormo, and a couple of others with various bullshit randomized names.
That's when I found it. The Winter Biome. It was down to the detail, the memory preserved just how I remember it. Without a pissy purple rabbit.
God, why can't I hate you? WHY CAN'T I HATE YOU WHEN I ALREADY WANT TO SO MUCH? You ostracized me, you played me for a fool, I don't even know if you were telling the truth or not.
You villainize me, made me seem like some sort of tick latched onto you.
And yet, those small moments. Me calling you an asshole, you call me a moron, the hot chocolate hangouts at the cafe, me and you alone...
Your breath on my neck, the way you felt on top of me, how our hands fit in the bed, how you told me bits and pieces of your life with that look in your eye...
Fuck I miss it...
The reason I can't hate you is because I love you more.
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Caine put us in a tank, not much changed mentally, the mind circus or whatever the hell we call it is still here, but there's something different.
I couldn't tell what so I just brushed it off. I went back to the winter biome and just stood there, for a long time. I put my hands behind my back and I just looked into the distance. I just...stared.
It felt off, like the peace of the area had a bubble. Like a lump in a rug.
I look around for something, anything that could be off, til I see a purple dot in the distance.
No fucking way...
She doesn't stop herself from running, dashing towards it.
She wants to let him have it, to grab him by the throat...
To tell him how she truly felt about him. Ribbit had enough.
Jax/Ribbit Pov:
J/ When I heard her call my name I felt my heart leap.
The way I knew it was her was because the warmth of her voice sounded exactly as it did in my memories.
And when I turned to see her, I felt her stop. She was a few feet away from me, and I felt the heavy tension in the air.
I stayed seated, but I felt my body shift towards her.
"Jax don't..."
Frozen in my tracks, I looked up at her, on one knee. I felt my hand bury itself in the snow while my other, I laid on my leg.
R/ 'You're supposed to hate him, so hate him.' I thought to myself.
I had played out this scene a million times in my head.
Me punching him til his face turned blue, locking him in a crate and throwing him off the ledge, so many different ways I imagined it, and yet the only one I wanted...
Was to be there. To be there for him. Because he trusted me. Because I trusted him. Because I loved him.
I realized that being kind didn't just have its limits, it would show no bounds to the one who needed it the most. Even to those who hurt us. So I did what any good hearted person would do. I told him.
"I...would like to hate you. You ostracized me, played with my emotions, gaslit me, all in a very strong shift. You are not a good person outwardly, but given...who really is? We're all horrible people, but deep down...it's ok to be scared. It's ok to not have the answers, to be lost and yet...so found by someone who really understands. If you want to call that prying, fine. Sometimes all it takes is...just to talk. So can we talk...like we used to?"
The air felt the same, the snow felt cold as usual, but his gaze finally returned to the same shy asshole I used to know.
J/ What I felt outweighed what I wanted to do.
There's a burning need to run away, to hurt the ones I care about, to be the same old pathetic D-grade asshole I wanted to be.
I couldn't. Not for one second. I didn't want to make it all about me, but I couldn't take the feeling that he might lose her if they went back to just being friends.
"I'm sorry I lied to you, I'm sorry I played you and treated you like a plaything, I'm sorry for pushing you out and making you the villain. Oh God, I can't go back to the way things were, because I have to have you back...it's all my fault, just please take me back...God please, I'm sorry I'm a pathetic asshole coward who's so afraid of letting people in, I have to push them away before I hurt them like I hurt my mom. Just take me back, I swear I'll treat you better, God I don't deserve you...please...I'm begging you..."
I didn't care what happened, I just reached down in the snow for something, anything, and I looked up at her with tears streaming down my eyes.
I needed her. Desperately, with every ounce of being, I needed her back, not once, but with me as their confidant. I would kill for her, die for her, stay in hell for her to live, all I wanted to do was to have her back.
Just her.
R/ I shouldn't want this.
I didn't need him back.
I shouldn't have him.
And yet, I wanted him back. I felt like I did need him back in her life. And I knew that Jax already had me from the start.
And I knew It wasn't hate that drove me mad, it was the fact that I couldn't come to grips with the fact he truly hated me after I loved him so much.
He needed me just like I had needed him.
I remember what the world would say, "You're being very lenient," Or "Go ahead, take back the abuser."
Jax was never that to me. All he was when I used to see him, was that scared little kid he told me about.
And as it turns out, it means a lot more to love when you're supposed to hate. It's not stupidity. It's the belief that we can be better.
All I did was kneel next to him. and we just stayed like that for a long time.
We needed it.
(Nsfw kinda, I had to get creative, so it’s more implied if anything. Technically. DAMN IT CAINE!)
Ribbit led him out of the snow.
They walked and talked for a while.
About Pomni, life as an abstraction, and how different things became between them.
They had some cocoa, danced around, and they both hung out in her room.
The mood stayed silent, like nothing had ever happened til Ribbit spoke.
"Have you ever wanted something, but wasn't sure whether to take it or not?"
Jax looked over at her, feeling a sense of dejavu. He responded with a light feel, like treading slowly.
"I mean, yeah, have you ever breathed air?"
She glanced over silently, and he sat up.
"I mean, something you know might be bad for you...but you want it anyways."
Jax looked away, and knew the implications of what she was saying.
"I trust you. Ribbit...just say what you're feeling. I won't leave this time."
Ribbit gripped the sheets.
“Jax…why did you really leave that day?”
He found himself looking at her longer than he should’ve.
To be honest, he was so afraid of intimacy that day, he lost all sight of how she felt.
“I didn’t think you’d want me. After what happened to mom…I didn’t know if you were going to leave me…so I made what I thought was the tough, yet, best decision.”
She gave him a small glance. He really was a piece of work sometimes.
”You really hurt me Jax.” “I know.”
They both sat there like that for a while.
”Do you wanna try again?”
He said, looking over, not shifting his body.
Ribbit turned their head and tapped their foot.
”I don’t know Jax. You hurt me, bad.”
Jax nodded and laid back down. He understood, as much as anyone could.
”…but I would like to try. Slow, but we could try.”
She sighs and lays down at his side. He pulls her close as both of them wrap their arms around each other in a hug.
”I figure you could sell my kidneys and shoot my dog, and I’d still wanna eat shitty homemade pasta with you.”
Jax chuckled.
”Oh yeah?” “Yeah.”
He smiled as they nuzzle his chest a little. He pulls back to look at them. She looks up
”If I wasn’t able to have feelings for anyone, you’d be the exception.”
She blushes. “And you’d be mine.”
Jax cupped her face, and she leaned into it.
The kiss they shared after that was all the unspoken words that needed to be said.
She pushed him onto the bed in a fiery core of passion and kissed him as she laid on top of him.
The straps of his overalls fell away.
By default because of Caine, he was flat as a board, but given, it was still him.
Still more trust than he ever gave her.
Still his purple furry skin that felt like fur, but not with the same consistency as fur.
He pulled her close flipped the dominance with her chuckling.
“Y’know we can’t actually fuck, right?”
”We can get creative.”
She blushed even harder, smiling even more wide.
He kissed her as he grinded up against her. They both could try to stimulate the pleasure, at least. She felt the bare of his back, and him, the bare of her stomach.
It was strangely efficient, with the odd peak of arousal surging like a phantom feeling, but still just as strong.
Like some twisted roleplay.
He kissed her neck, and she looked down.
”Thats my good boy~ Mmmf…”
Jax tried his hardest to contain his reaction.
”Thank you…”
He failed.
She giggles and he pulls up, looking down at her.
”I love you Ribbit. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
She gave him those half lidded eyes. The ones that meant the world to him.
”I love you too Jax.”
Jax returns to her side, Ribbit continues a soft smile, and they cuddle, til eventually they find sleep.
They both slept a little longer that night.
Epilogue
Pomni walked into the resting area viewing area to look inside the Abstracted tank.
She smiled kindly at all of the souls that floated around her.
Not because they had to be remembered.
But because they were living like they wanted to, finally.
Pomni looked around to see Jax, at least once.
Of course there was no real way of knowing, but two abstractions float around, circling one another, like two souls finally finding themselves, together.
Somehow she just knew. He’d be alright.
”Good job, Jax.” Was all she said before she left.