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Blood looked black under red lights. That fact had haunted Lu Guang for as long as he could remember. All he could remember anymore was the small amount of time he'd repeated over and over, looking for a way out. A way to save his best friend.
Cheng Xiaoshi was lying in front of Lu Guang, hand clasped in his as he whispered the same request he had every time the white-haired man had gone back.
Save them.
Lu Guang squeezed Cheng Xiaoshi's hand softly, wishing that the next time he would travel back in time, he won't be mending an ever-broken promise to a friend long since gone.
He felt the moment the life drained from Cheng Xiaoshi, feeling his already weak hand go limp. He sat there. Lu Guang felt empty, despite feeling the way Cheng Xiaoshi's power had drained his friend, yet overloaded his senses. Every time he experienced this, it never got easier.
Lu Guang clasped his other hand around Cheng Xiaoshi's one, squeezing again as if to transfer his life force to the other. Leaning his forehead against the man's thumb, he let out a shaky breath. Lu Guang lifted his head slightly, brushing his lips against Cheng Xiaoshi's knuckle.
"I'm sorry…" He whispered. "Next time will be better, I promise."
With this, Lu Guang stood up. He didn't brush himself off, didn't even clean himself of the blood that caked his memories. He trudged up the stairs and pulled out his oh-so-familiar book. The ticking of the clock above his head taunted him, clicking away every second that drifted Lu Guang further from the life of his best friend.
Sitting down at the desk, Lu Guang opened the book, a photo album from his university days, and picked up the photo containing the basketball court, staring at the memories with glassy eyes.
He would simply try again. Lu Guang told himself this every time, he would return and try again, no matter how many tries it took. He would not lose his friend. His…
Not again.
After taking a deep breath, Lu Guang placed the photo on the desk. He looked straight ahead at this doomed world and gave one last…
CLAP!
"Death is an important node that can't be crossed!" Lu Guang tries explaining to his friend.
Lu Guang feels a deep pity as he watches Cheng Xiaoshi attempt to change the village's fate. Travelling between place to place, attempting to do something. Lu Guang's statement falls on deaf ears, with Cheng Xiaoshi electing to continue trying. To continue working towards that unattainable goal of saving the people that are held so dearly to Chen Xiao's heart.
Upon taking the case, Lu Guang knew how it would end. He always does. Hearing the man retell his story made a pang of guilt stab into his heart, knowing he wouldn't do anything - couldn't do anything.
Lu Guang watches Chen Xiao's mother coddle Cheng Xiaoshi, not knowing that her son has been replaced with a man from around ten years in the future — one who knew how their story would end.
"First, you only get twelve hours."
A glance down at a watch.
"Second, follow my lead and change nothing."
An interruption.
"Third, past or future…"
Lu Guang looks at Cheng Xiaoshi with a steely gaze as he finishes the man's sentence. "Just let them be."
Realistically, nothing will be changed from what Cheng Xiaoshi attempts to do. He knows this. He's lived it countless times. It doesn't make watching Cheng Xiaoshi's desperation any less difficult to watch. As much as Lu Guang wishes to help more, he must let it all play out. Even if it means lying about saving even one person — Chen Xiao's mother.
"Alright…" He sighs, running through the scenario again in his mind, "I'll tell you what you should do."
Lu Guang feels shame pool in his stomach as he gives Cheng Xiaoshi empty directions. A guide to an unchangeable end. He's suddenly hyper-aware of the couch he's currently sat on, cushion sinking with his weight. He wishes it would simply swallow him whole. The ticking heard from Cheng Xiaoshi's side of the connection feels so much louder than it actually is. He grimaces as Cheng Xiaoshi leaves the table he and Chen Xiao's mother had been hiding under.
As Lu Guang's watch hits 20:30:00 he watches Cheng Xiaoshi begin to panic, seeing the start of the earthquake rattle throughout the house. He can almost feel the fear bubbling through his friend as he runs back to the kitchen.
Guilt stirs as Lu Guang watches Cheng Xiaoshi attempt to save the man's mother.
Guilt stirs as Lu Guang watches the house begin to crumble, weight not holding up under the force of the earthquake.
Guilt stirs as Lu Guang watches Cheng Xiaoshi refuse to leave the photograph he's been in for the past few hours, living through the pain of experiencing the love of a mother in her final moments.
***
It is far too quiet when Cheng Xiaoshi returns. Lu Guang had stood up already, waiting for the man to appear before him again. He slowly walks towards him, feeling especially guilty as he apologises for not being able to do more. For not doing anything.
"Why do you still want her dead?" Cheng Xiaoshi asks, voice anguished.
It never gets any easier for Lu Guang to hear that question and not be able to answer truthfully. It pains him to have to lie through his teeth about keeping things the same — not allowing anyone to live on.
This is why he doesn't flinch at Cheng Xiaoshi's punch. Not because he's experienced it multiple times. Not because he was expecting it. Simply because it was the least he could take for keeping a secret as big as this hidden.
As Cheng Xiaoshi drops to the ground, sobs wracking through his body, Lu Guang knows there is nothing he can do —or rather, nothing he wishes to do— to change this moment.
He feels bad. Lu Guang has relived this moment countless times, yet he still feels bad. He stares ahead at the frame of their shared bunk bed and inwardly curses himself. He knows it's hypocritical to act this way - to act as though no one is allowed to change the death of an individual - but despite of this, Lu Guang can't help but look back at his decisions. Whether it's a good idea to continue making the choice to ruin others' lives for the sake of his friend.
Lu Guang knows he could just stop and move on, but that would mean giving up on the chance to live on in a world with Cheng Xiaoshi. That risk is too large. Any opportunity at a renewed life is greater than no chance at all.
Lu Guang thinks back to earlier that day. To the words Chen Xiao wanted to give his family, his friends. He can't help but feel a small amount of regret dig into his heart. He understands why Cheng Xiaoshi felt so bad about not being able to help, but nothing could be changed.
Even if Cheng Xiaoshi had been able to make the townsfolk listen, he likely wouldn't have been able to get them out. It was far too important of a node… At least they gave that final message, that final goodbye.
Lu Guang thinks back to the node. Not just the earthquake's one, but Emma as well. He wants to feel bad for being so devoid of remorse, but he can't. After experiencing these deaths over and over they simply… happen. Just background occurrences that must go on in order to save his friend.
The gunshots still haunt Lu Guang, even after so many years. the nightmares were worse during his university days. Returning back to that moment he and Cheng Xiaoshi had first met would certainly have helped if not for the fact that for months, years even, after travelling back in time, he would be followed by the vision of his best friend's blood-drained expression. The gunshot wound in his side. The weak tone of voice as he asked Lu Guang to 'save them.'
Lu Guang pauses for a moment, however, and thinks about what he would say had he been in Chen Xiao's place. If he wanted to return to simply give Cheng Xiaoshi one final message. What would it be? An apology? An admission of guilt, explaining that he couldn't save his timeline? A confession of… no. He can't.
He has to keep trying. It will work. It should.
Something deep down tells Lu Guang it's a bad idea to carry on trying this hard. To carry on trying to work towards a near-unattainable goal is something he knows is a bad idea, but he can't help but continue.
Perhaps one of these chances will work.
It has to.
For now, Lu Guang must at least enjoy the calm. Once he returns to that point in time, the one where everything goes wrong, there will be no time for rest.
It's at this moment that Lu Guang decides to focus on his surroundings, to get out of his head and try to fall asleep. He can hear Cheng Xiaoshi in the bed below, soft snores emanating from him. With this sound, Lu Guang falls asleep easily.
It's a beautiful day today. That is the first thing Lu Guang notices. The sky is mostly clear, with a vibrant light blue filling it. Cumulus humilis clouds litter the view, causing Lu Guang to mildly frown. He wants to take photos with the clear sky in the background, but he supposes it isn't too bad to have a few imperfections. Looking around at the park, he mentally takes note of the plants and objects decorating the landscape. He doesn't have a specific idea of what to do this time around. Normally, he would stay in the house, waiting for he and Cheng Xiaoshi to simply make up, but his thoughts that previous night had stuck to his mind like sand at the beach.
After formulating a half-assed plan of what to take photos of in his mind, he begins to walk around. Bringing his camera up to take a photo of the flower bush in front of him, Lu Guang's mind begins to wander again. He can't help but think about the day before.
He never feels right about this argument in particular. What's especially worse is the next few days between this and meeting Officer Xiao. The uncomfortableness between Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi bring a shiver down the man's spine. He knows it must be done so he won't dwell on it any longer.
What brings Lu Guang back to his senses is a memorial near the park. Stuck onto a lamppost is a photo of a teenage boy, maybe around 17 years old, with a scowl on his face. His short black hair slightly messy where it's clearly been ruffled by someone else, if the hand reaching from behind him is anything to suggest. While other faces are shown, it is clear that they are not the focus of the memorial. Despite Lu Guang walking past this area of the park, he can't ever remember seeing it. Bouquets and loose flowers lay around the lamp, and Lu Guang can't help but place a hand onto the photo.
Within seconds, his eyes glow a bright blue and he is witnessing the moments after this photo.
Xue Song hated having his photo taken. He had taken the phone from his father and snapped a quick picture —much to the indignation of the family members behind him in frame—, practically tossing the phone back into his hands. Before the man could yell at him, he picked up his own phone and stormed out of the house. Although it had been his mother's birthday, the family had an air of thinly veiled tension blanketing the house. His father had clearly woken up on the wrong side of the bed and wanted to make it everyone else's problem.
Unlocking his phone, Xue Song called the first person that came to his mind, his best friend, and loudly demanded they meet up. He began heading to the park, not wanting to risk staying anywhere near the house lest his father come out and have a word with him.
Once he had reached the park, a particularly interesting rock kept Xue Song's attention until his friend arrived. Qiu Lian made his presence known the only way a loud teenager would, by yelling Xue Song's name from the other side of the park the moment he caught barely a glimpse of him. Upon hearing his name, Xue Song lifted his head, eyes sparkling from a mix of relief and excitement.
"Qiu-xiong!" Xue Song called out.
Qiu Lian took a snack out of his bag and handed it to Xue Song, asking, "Your dad doing his thing again?"
Whispering a brief thanks, he replied, "You know it… it's expected though, I'm not surprised he couldn't get his head out of his ass for one day just to let my mother celebrate."
"Still sucks though." Qiu Lian shrugged.
Xue Song nodded, laughing, "Doesn't it just."
Xue Song shared the snack, a bag of crisps, between the two of them. Upon reaching the end of the bag, he looked at Qiu Lian and gave him a mischievous look.
"Wanna go to the forest?" He stage-whispered, as though it weren't just the two of them in that part of the park.
Qiu Lian grinned at him and nodded eagerly.
The journey to the forest was short, but the two managed to make the ten-minute trip into a half-an-hour one with the joking and playing around they did on the way. By the time they reached the small clearing in the woods they had been playing in since they were kids, they had exhausted themselves. The two elected to simply sit on the ground beside a tree. Their tree.
Xue Song traced the childish strokes of his and Qiu Lian's names, thinking about what would happen once he returned home.
Qiu Lian quickly recognised the dejected look on his friend's face and stood up abruptly. Xue Song watched him take a large branch —easily the same height as the two of them— and aim it at him.
"En garde!" He boomed.
Xue Song let out a startled chuckle, "You're attacking a civilian! Mercy!"
Qiu Lian simply stepped forward, pressing the branch softly against Xue Song's chest, "Stand, civilian, and show me your skills!"
Xue Song stood, picking up a branch of his own from beside him. He looked down at the meagre thing, a much smaller branch around the size of his arm, and gave Qiu Lian a hesitant laugh. After a second, they sprang into action, landing fake blows on each other with their own makeshift weapons. Not even a short while later, Qiu Lian had already begun to struggle. Wielding the large branch was clearly a struggle for him. Noticing this, Xue Song dropped his own branch and took hold of Qiu Lian's wrists.
"You've been captured, my friend," Xue Song chuckled.
With a glimmer of excitement in his eye, Qiu Lian whispered, "Not for long."
He let go of the branch, giving Xue Song but a split second to let go of Qiu Lian and dodge out of the way. Something he did not succeed in doing.
The branch hit Xue Song with all the grace of a heavy stone falling into a pond, leaving the teen disoriented for a moment. Yelling out a curse, he blinked rapidly, attempting to return to his senses. Qiu Lian, however, took this as a sign to grab onto Xue Song's own wrists, pushing them both to the ground, as though still fighting. As the vision returned to Xue Song's eyes, he stared up at his friend in a mix of over-exaggerated betrayal and awe.
"How dare you…" he spoke lowly, a whisper of a smile on his face.
Qiu Lian simply laughed loudly in his face before getting up and off of his friend. Reaching a hand out to let Xue Song get up, he continued silently chuckling. Xue Song took his hand, yet instead of helping himself up, tugged hard on Qiu Lian's arm, bringing the poor guy down with him. With a yelp, Qiu Lian fell onto Xue Song once again.
They took another few minutes to gather their senses, laughing uncontrollably whilst in each other's arms.
"Qiu-xiong, Qiu-xiong!" Xue Song managed to wheeze out a delighted call, attempting to calm himself down. "We should- we should probably start heading back."
Qiu Lian looked down at him, suddenly acutely aware of their positions. With a quickly reddening face, he nodded. "I think I agree."
Before he got up, however, he took one long glance at Xue Song. His short black hair was scruffy and faintly littered with small leaves. His face was dangerously close to Qiu Lian's, their noses almost touching. Ever aware, Xue Song noticed his hesitation and shot a quick glance at Qiu Lian's lips, before stifling a blushed smile and looking away.
"Could I…?" Qiu Lian whispered, almost silent.
Xue Song said nothing and simply lifted his head to meet the gap between himself and Qiu Lian. Xue Song had never kissed anyone before. He knew for a fact that Qiu Lian was in the same boat as he. He held his breath as he kissed Qiu Lian, mind reeling over how he was in fact doing this and oh my goodness his lips are so soft? After a few seconds, Xue Song pulled his head back, opening eyes he hadn't even realised he'd closed.
Qiu Lian looked dazed as he looked at Xue Song. Cheeks flushed bright red, he began to move backwards and off of his friend. He sat, feet tucked under, as he brought his hand gently to his lips.
"Was that…?" Xue Song caught his attention, asking for reassurance.
Qiu Lian nodded, starry-eyed. "That was amazing!"
Xue Song let out a shaky laugh, breath weak as he flushed.
As though remembering what day it was, he took his phone out. He had put it on Do Not Disturb while waiting for Qiu Lian to arrive, so was expecting a flurry of messages. Unlocking the phone, Xue Song sighed as he read through the messages both his mother and father had sent.
"They ask for you?" Qiu Lian asked, as if knowing what Xue Song had read.
Upon receiving a silent nod as a response, Qiu Lian quickly moved to sit next to Xue Song. The two only looked at each other, eye contact near unbearable for the latter. Xue Song's face was scrunched up, fighting back any kind of emotion that wasn't relief at seeing Qiu Lian jump to him so quickly. He knew, however, that no matter how long the two would stay out here, they would have to return at some point that day — Xue Song didn't want his mother to worry.
He lifted a pointed finger to Qiu Lian wordlessly as he called his mother. It took three tones for her to pick up, instantly filling the silence of the clearing.
"Song-er, where are you?" She asked, panic filled her tone. "It's been hours, are you okay?"
Xue Song could only grimace as his mother chastised him, before finally finding a moment of pause in her words to respond. "A-Niang, please don't worry. I'm okay! I'm with Qiu Lian!"
A loud sigh of relief was heard through the phone.
"Remember to come home, okay?"
"Of course, A-Niang!"
"I have to blow out the candles!"
"I know, A-Niang!"
Shortly after, Xue Song ended the call upon sharing a few more words with his mother. Qiu Lian looked at him, studying his slightly worried expression. Instead of saying a word, he simply took Xue Song's hand, rubbing the knuckles gently.
"Let's go." Xue Song muttered. "Can't leave my A-Niang alone for her birthday, can I?"
The two quickly got up and left the forest. The trip back was a lot quicker than when they travelled to the clearing, seeing as they spent less time joking and playing around.
The issue arose, however, once they had reached the park. Crossing the road to get into it had been a mistake. Xue Song, who had been walking slightly behind Qiu Lian, checked the road again to see a grey car barrelling towards them. More specifically, towards Qiu Lian. With only a few seconds to react, Xue Song called out to his friend.
"Qiu-xiong, wait!" He screamed, voice grating from the shout as he pushed Qiu Lian out of the way.
Before Qiu Lian could look back, the car had come into contact with Xue Song. Everything became a blur, Qiu Lian had called out to Xue Song, crying to him…
"You knew him, then?" Someone asks, bringing Lu Guang out of his vision.
Turning around, he's met with a lady sporting a kind face - likely in her mid-60s. Her silver hair pinned back with a gem-encrusted hair stick. The lady was dressed in a comfortable pullover and warm-looking trousers. Lu Guang looked down at her with a complicated look in his eyes, but before he could respond, she had already started talking again.
"It gets easier, you know…" She tells him. "No matter how long it's been, it may always hurt, but it doesn't mean you should dwell on it."
Lu Guang bites his cheek, "How?"
The lady gives him a sorrowful look, "You do things in their memory. You can move on and still care about them. Was there anything he enjoyed?"
“Basketball.” Lu Guang muttered.
“There you go,” she smiled warmly, “you could play basketball, no?”
They stood in silence for a moment. Although they both stared at the photograph of the boy, each were thinking of their own loved one. Sensing she wouldn’t get a response back, she decided to speak up.
"I lost him when we were young – my husband. It was before the birth of our second child. It felt so out of the blue, you know? You never really know when you're going to lose someone. I felt lost, but I had others to help me through it. My mother and father, my sisters, my friends. It does get easier."
Lu Guang's stare is distant, remembering the accursed red hair, the gunshot, the blood. Until finally, he speaks up.
"I had no one." He admits. "He’s my everything."
The lady looks at the photo, then back to Lu Guang. After a short pause, she smiles, "I'm sure he'd want you to carry on without him, live a life good enough to prove him proud."
Lu Guang's lower lip trembles, but he keeps his face clear. "He wouldn’t."
The lady's eyebrows raise slightly.
"He wanted me to…" Lu Guang looks to the side. "Never mind."
Just like that, the two are plunged into silence once again. Lu Guang looks at the photo once again, of the boy who had so suddenly lost his life, and sighs. Instead of getting another word out, he looks at the flowers surrounding the photo. Lilies and rosemary and orchids. While not many bouquets are placed beside the boy's likeness, they are beautiful. In the grassy patch surrounding the lamp post, Lu Guang notices a few daisies.
It's currently springtime, so it's not unusual to see daisies around the place, but Lu Guang focuses on them anyway. The flowers look almost scattered around the post, embracing the memory of the boy.
Cheng Xiaoshi's birth flower is the daisy.
Thinking back to the previous day, Lu Guang takes a deep breath and places a hand on his camera. Perhaps taking a few more photos before he returns wouldn't be too bad.