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For all the amazing new sensations, powers, and knowledge lichdom gave Emmrich, there were some drawbacks.
For example, food. Of course, never needing to worry about going hungry was a bit of relief, but now he could never enjoy the simple act of eating. Missing the tastes and flavours that he now only had memories of left a void that could never be filled. Lucanis's exquisite creations, his mother's hazelnut torte, the tea that Manfred had learned to brew to perfection, he could no longer savour. The latter was incredibly painful, both for the loss of flavour, and for the loss of the one who made it.
And while he enjoyed each and every moment he spent with his darling Rook, there were times they were forced to be parted. Rook, now known as the Saviour of Thedas, was incredibly busy, had places to go, and people to meet, and Emmrich would never get in their way. And of course, he had his own business with the Lich Lords, with the Necropolis itself, and dealing with Johanna's… acerbic personality, all of which would either bore Rook, or in the latter's case, grate on their nerves. None of which he wished to inflict upon them.
And even when they were together, there were long stretches where he could not accompany them, slumbering peacefully in their bed, all he could do was watch their chest expand with each breath and marvel at how the flame of their life burned steadily.
Except, he knew one day, that fire, an all consuming inferno, would eventually be extinguished. If the Maker was kind to them both, it would be a steady decline, the flames growing dimmer and smaller as the years passed, before eventually becoming barely glowing embers…. and then cold ash.
Which was the best case scenario, he shuddered to think of that brilliance immediately snuffed out. If those three weeks after Tearstone were a bitter taste of what was to come…
No, he found that he could not be left alone with his thoughts while Rook slumbered. So, he found ways to occupy himself.
He tidied up their home. (With Rook's penchant for collecting everything they came across, no matter how unimportant, it was a never ending task.)
He caught up with his correspondence. (How to argue that the Fade could be monochrome and chromatic at the same time without revealing HOW he knew that was a hurdle)
Catching up on all the books he had fully intended to read, but just didn't have the time to. (Every time he finished one book, two more would pop up, demanding he read them.)
And more recently, he found himself 'dreaming'
It wasn't the same thing as what mortals did. It wasn't the same thing that he had done as a mage. Even the mythical Somniari could not accomplish this feat. Instead of that customary gradual slip into slumber, as mortals were wont to do, enduring the calm void before entering the Fade, he could do it instantaneously.
And so, every night, as Rook drifted off to a well deserved rest, he would sit down beside them, close his eyes (metaphorically) and just… wander.
He had always enjoyed traveling the Fade as a mortal, once he had been taught its dangers, and how the rules worked for mages. Now, as a Lich, he need not worry about being possessed, so he could speak freely with the denizens of the world. He could debate, he could explore, he could learn. He once thought he would require the immortality of lichdom in order to study the entirety of the Necropolis libraries, but the contents in those sacred halls were a mere drop compared to the ocean of knowledge the Fade contained.
Which… lead him to thinking. Immortality, for all its benefits to himself, did not spread to those he cared for. Eventually, those he had grown up with, those who he had debated, taught, and loved… they would eventually pass on…
And… it would be selfish of him to not share the bounty of knowledge he now had access to. Somewhere, deep in some fadetouched bookshelf, he would find what he was looking for. Perhaps it was written by some long forgotten scribe in Tevinter, or perhaps a spirit of knowledge.
A way to transcend death, to embrace immortality.
Of course, there was lichdom, but that path required so much time and sacrifice, and Rook had suffered enough. There MUST be another way, an ethical way…
If it meant Rook and himself would never be parted… he would find it.
And today, as he strode through an ethereal library, its architecture a melding of dozens of cultures and eras, he felt like he was getting close. He thumbed through the stacks, written in languages with no living speaker, when his eyes alighted on a leather bound book, the title embossed in worn gold:
The Complete Guide to Life And Beyond:
The Forgotten Secrets of Immortality
Emmrich stared at it for a moment, hands trembling as he tried to keep his emotions in check. Was this the one thing he had sought for? He gingerly picked it up half expecting a trick of the fade to reveal its true nature as a treatise about halla excrement. But no! The words remained the same, glittering in the dim light like a freshly mined vein of gold.
This was it! The introduction, written in shaky, yet legible script, promised that there was a way to ward off death, permanently! He eagerly, (yet gently, even tomes in the Fade deserved to be treated carefully) flipped through the pages, scanning the text.
There was a small chirp at his side, but he was too engrossed in the text. The fundamentals seemed sound, with lyrium being a primary catalyst, and some ancient magic…
The chirps got louder and more insistent, and part of his mind found it very familiar, but he was too busy making plans. Lyrium could be easily acquired, and he could ask Bellara for information about magical practices of the ancient elves…yes… he was already picturing out the conversation he would have with Rook.
'Darling, I have something very important to discuss with you, please, I know you might be hesitant about my proposal, but I swear to you that I have only your bes-'
The chirps grew agitated, and were accompanied by a VERY familiar hiss. That sound, which had accompanied him in a corporeal form for over a decade, and even longer as a playful, curious spirit could not be mistaken for anything other than a dear friend.
He turned, and had he still had eyes, he would have shielded them from the brilliance before him. A wisp chittered, gleeful that they had finally gotten his attention. There was no mistaking it, even if he didn't have his enhanced senses.
"Manfred…?"
The wisp nearly squealed in delight.
Emmrich carefully set the book aside, taking full measure of his former ward. They were back to their wisp form, just like how he had first met them, and yet… there was something different… something more.
"Oh Manfred… Manfred…" his voice came out in barely a whisper, as if uttering it any louder would cause the Fade to yank them away. Emmrich's bony hands, shaking in trepidation, reached out towards the wisp. "Is it really you?"
There was a cheerful chirp, and Manfred —yes, it MUST be him— settled in the palm of his hand. Emmrich's empty chest vibrated with the most peculiar sensation, as if somehow, some otherworldly force had plucked his life's thread like a harp.
"Oh… Manfred…" Again, he kept his voice down to a bare whisper, but this time, to keep himself from sobbing. "My dear boy… you've come back! You've come back to me!"
Manfred gave out a wonderful hiss, and swirled around him then around the bookshelves, bouncing off the spines much like his bony fingers did when he helped Emmrich catalogue his tomes.
"Is this place… is this collection your doing?"
The wisp gave out a self satisfied hiss, proud of his work.
"You've grown…" Emmrich marveled. Wisps, especially ones of curiosity, were such flighty creatures, never staying in one place for long. And yet… Here was Manfred, curating a well organized hoard of books the envy of a Lich Lord. "Oh! Rook will be delighted…."
The thought of his beloved yanked his attention back down to the book on the desk. He could hardly believe that he was not only blessed to be reunited with his dearest friend, and to find a way to have Rook remain beside him for eternity. He picked it up flipping to another page, looking at the arcane sigils, studying intricate diagrams.
He felt the vibrating energy against his cheek of Manfred as the wisp settled on his shoulder, clearly interested in what he was reading.
Happy to share this knowledge, Emmrich shifted it so his clever boy could get a better look at it.
"Look, Manfred! This book!" He partially closed the book so the title was visible. "With the knowledge contained in this book, Rook will be able to live forever! They'll never have to be ripped from the world they adore. Spirits know they deserve it!"
Manfred chirped quizzically as Emmrich turned the pages rapidly.
"They'll never die!" He proclaimed loudly. Manfred jumped backwards, startled.
"We can be together forever…" he snapped the book closed, and began pacing back and forth. He had no mirror, but he knew the light where his eyes once were would be practically blazing in excitement.
"According to this book, all I would need is some lyrium, some ancient magic…it's all so simple!"
The wisp made a cautious chirp, obviously a bit more hesitant than him.
"Of course, the hardest thing will be convincing Rook…" he continued, his mind whirring. "They're stubborn… It's what I love about them, and will no doubt be resistant to the idea of mortality at first. But eventually, they'll come to understand the gift I'm offering them."
Manfred gave out an agitated hiss, but Emmrich, too focused on the plans forming in his head, paid him no mind.
"Yes… imagine the good both Rook and I can do! We could travel the length and breadth of Thedas together, protecting those without power! Preserving knowledge that would be otherwise lost to the sands of time!" He imagined a far off future where the two of them taking a well deserved rest, regaling tales of Rook, the saviour of Thedas, to people five generations removed from the events. He stopped suddenly, a new thought blooming in his mind… No… not the two of them.
The THREE of them!
"And you!" Manfred backed up sharply at the outburst. "I can bring you back, my dear boy! I can find you a new body!" His hands swept down his gilded bones. "Something stronger, more durable, bones encased in metal!"
The wisp seemed to give out little shocks of energy at the idea, vibrating unstable energy.
"You'll be able to explore the world with us! Just as you always wanted to do! It will be marvelous, with two beings I adore the most being by my side forever, never to be parted again!" His voice reached a fever pitch, his excitement clouding his perception of anything other than his plans for the future. At this moment, nothing else mattered. He waved the book around, as if he was casting a spell with it, willing his dream into reality.
"We will go on such adventures, the three of us! Imagine what we-"
Even with his enhanced lich senses, he did not expect what was happening. Or perhaps, so distracted by his grandiose plans, he did even notice. But from that dear little wisp he had considered a son, a bolt of fire tinged with electricity shot out towards him.
But not AT him.
It hit the book in his outstretched hand, and to his horror, enveloped it in flame. The finely embossed cover, the gold lettering, the pristine spine, the crisp pages written in a shaky script…
His only hope of keeping Rook alive forever…
It all burnt into ash.
"NO!" His voice shrieked as flecks of blackened paper slowly fluttered down onto the stone floor… "Nononono…" He collapsed upon his knees, vainly attempting to sweep up the remnants of the book, as if by doing so, he could somehow reconstitute back into its original form.
But even for a creation of the Fade, there were things that were impossible.
"This wasn't… I was so close…" he half spoke, half sobbed. To have a solution to his greatest fear within his grasp, and then to be cruelly ripped away. And to add salt to the wound, it was done by a dear friend. He felt the wisp gently drift down with the last scraps of paper, its tone solemn and apologetic.
"Manfred… why?" Surely he, a spirit of Curiosity, would have been delighted at being brought back, to play 'Skull, Shears, Shroud' countless times with an immortal Rook. Why would he deliberately destroy that chance?
Either a tiny gust of wind, or perhaps Manfred, blew some of the ash away, revealing a flash of gold. With shaky hands, he reached for it. It was the largest piece left, no bigger than the palm of his hand, a portion of the cover.
It didn't even contain the entire title, only tiny portions of two words:
let
go
Emmrich stared down at it, his usually brilliant mind taking what seemed to be forever to comprehend the meaning of it all. It could be just a chance that these two fragments were all that were left, but… he looked up at the wisp, who bobbed and swayed in patient anticipation.
Manfred was sending him a message.
"My dear boy…" he spoke with a half broken voice. "Are you telling me to… let go of you?"
Manfred gave out a polite chitter in the affirmative.
"To let go of Rook when the time comes?"
Another chitter, similar to the first, but this time more confident.
"Ah…"
Now, with the haze of excitement lifted, he could at last see clearly. That to be immortal was to be a rock in a stream. No matter how beautiful the leaves that fluttered down onto the surface of the water, they must, in time, be carried away by the current, to where he could not follow, but instead keep in his memory. To be greedy, to keep them to himself, would dam up the stream, and would cause great damage. Something he knew Rook would never wish for.
Something he, deep down, would never wish for.
And here it was, his little spirit of Curiosity, who had more wisdom than he, a professor and Lich lord. It was him who had seen what he, with all his enhanced senses, could not see.
He chuckled as he brought the wisp closer towards himself, the closest thing to a hug.
Manfred reciprocated, darting into his bosom, eagerly exploring his now empty rib cage, before settling in the space where his heart once was. He let out a trilling purr that felt like a hug, a heartbeat, a goodbye, and a promise, all at the same time.
"You really have grown, my dear boy." Emmrich murmured, partly to himself, partly to the wisp. "And I shall miss your company greatly, but… you are right, to be a Lich is to be able to let go, to watch the world and its marvellous denizens change, blossom, and move on." Manfred peeked out, a happy little hiss escaping from him.
"Well, I must be off, Rook will be terribly worried if they catch me being comatose." He looked around, admiring what Manfred had accomplished. "I'm so proud of you, and you've done. I don’t suppose…" he paused hesitantly. The Fade was a fickle place, malleable like pure gold, and the library was certain to change its location and layout, or possibly cease to exist. "I don't suppose I could drop by for an occasional visit?"
Manfred nearly squealed in delight, and as Emmrich drifted back into the waking world, he got the feeling this library would, aside from its contents being ever changing, become as constant as the lighthouse once was.
He 'woke', as it could be called, sitting right where he had drifted off, a plush green cushioned couch, in front of the fireplace. Everything was just as before, except the fire had recently been stoked, a kettle had been put on, and Rook, still in their bedclothes, their hair still a mess from sleep, setting up a couple of teacups. He stirred, quickly attracting their attention.
"Morning, sleepyhead!" They flashed a smile, more brilliant than his entire grave gold collection. "This is gotta be one the first times I've ever woken up before you. Although," they snickered, "I can't say that I blame you. I gotta be a pretty boring companion when I'm dead to the world."
Emmrich stiffened at that one word: Dead. One day, Rook would be no more, and he would be alone once more. A taste of bitter terror, foreign to his now vanished tongue, crept up his throat.
And yet… Manfred was right. He must cherish each and every moment spent with his beloved, memorize every feature, and when that terrible day came, he must let go of Rook. Keep those wonderful memories like mental grave gold, and find new memories, new experiences to adorn them with.
He watched as Rook poured out tea in the two delicate cups, admiring at how much their technique had improved these past few years. Not a drop spilled, the perfect pour, and had he still had a sense of smell, he knew that the tea was brewed perfectly. Much like Manfred, they would change, and as they grew older, he'd be always there, enjoying their presence.
Rook set the kettle back on the fireplace. "How was your little sojourn into the Fade?"
"Wonderful, really!" He spoke truthfully. "Very mind opening."
"That's great!" Rook sat down in the neighboring chair, and began dropping the sugar cubes one by one into his cup. 1….2… and a single cube cut precisely in half. Rook truly knew his tea preference, even if he didn't imbibe the stuff anymore. "You'll have to tell me all about it!"
He watched as they poured the tea into the pair of cups, and sat down beside him, handing him over a cup.
"I know you don't need to do the whole 'drinking' thing…" they admitted, "with you being a lich and all… but…" they paused, with a slight blush on their cheeks. "I just wanted to do something for you. I'm not Manfred, nobody could beat him at the art of teabrewing" The thought of his beloved spirit came back, and he couldn't help but smile at the memories. "But I hope I made him proud…"
Emmrich paused as he held the cup. There were so many memories he had of Manfred, and there would be so many memories he was to make with Rook in the future. He must treasure them all, for when the time came. It would hurt, he could not deny, to lose his beloved someday but…
He brought the cup to his lips, and to his surprise, for a brief moment, he swore he could catch the taste of the blend, sweet and warm, with just a tiny bit of bitterness. He closed his eyes (again, metaphorically) and ruminated about that. Wasn't life as a lich the same? To enjoy the world and its inhabitants grow, change, and eventually pass on?
"So…" Rook's voice broke through his thoughts. "Is it… alright? I tried to replicate the recipe, worked out how much I needed to brew, temperature, and length of steeping but-"
He interrupted them with a gentle finger upon their lips.
"Manfred would be delighted at your work, my dear." He saw relief flood their face. "Speaking of which, you asked about my sojourn into the Fade? Well…" He sat back with Rook, enjoying this quiet moment of peace. He would treasure it, ages after they had left him behind. A way of imparting Rook some of the immortality they most certainly deserved.
"While I was travelling… I had a lovely, mind opening chat with a dear friend!"
