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“It's sweet to watch you act like you've got yourself under control.” A very familiar voice to the Tiran woke him up from his slumber. The rest he got was far from enough, and far from a good one as the world seemingly only got darker since he found himself with Adar right by his side, playing with his hair before inevitably falling asleep.
“...Except I do. Sure, I may sometimes be emotional, but I've got it just fine. Promise.”
Julian looked to his right, the Etrean's nearly white, fluffy hair lightly shimmering in whatever light from the Moonseye fell into the room through the window. He didn't look like he was about to wake up… Good. He didn't want to worry him this late at night.
He climbed out from under the covers, his talons touching the now cold, stone-like floor. This place was usually more vibrant, even at night. Though, he also felt a shiver going down his spine… That would do nothing to help with his mind feeling like water.
“How much longer do you plan to delay your confession, I wonder. Or maybe your sweetheart has already found out?” He's always - well, since he first met the speaker, that is - known that tone, slightly laced with some mildly sadistic adoration towards his actions.
His talons scraped against the ground. “You should know better than anyone that this type of thing takes time to word right.” Julian held his head with the free hand, his temples pounding. “... You're the reason why I even have to confess to this in the first place.”
He stumbled into the research lab, stepping towards the cauldron despite his vision getting blurry. Good thing there was a lit lantern on Adar's wooden desk; the room wasn't entirely dark. He typically wouldn't resort to this, but tonight was particularly bad, and he didn't want to risk it too much. Julian got to the cauldron and picked up his notebook he left out in the open before calling it done for the day. The Thundercaller could hear some white noise - which was the God's voice, except he just didn't pay attention to what she said - as he pulled the pages apart, easily landing on the, fortunately already long marked, soothing tincture recipe before throwing in the ingredients and mixing them together.
“Just leave it for now…” he mumbled under his breath, separating the potion into three equal portions. He specifically made more, just to be sure.
“Now, what would you do if he didn't react all that well to the news?”
“I'm pretty sure he already suspects things…”
Julian poured the portions into his Perpetual Distillery.
“Are you sure you're ready? It's not too late for you to change your fate, now.”
“Look, I was going to tell him anyway, once I found the time when neither of us were busy.” His mumbling got increasingly more agitated by the second. The Wheel of Fortune really was starting to get on his nerves sometimes. “I don't want to keep Adar in the dark about this anymore.”
“Yet you've been doing it for so long.”
“Again. He already knows something is up. Telling him would be the right thing to do.” He prepared his arm, setting it on the cauldron's rim, both the pink glow of his body's connection to the Distillery and the gentle pink tint of the liquids in it giving him a decent view of the spot he was about to inject those into his bloodstream at.
“Or you could-”
A loud metallic cling broke the silence surrounding him, followed by Julian himself hissing from the pain of three needles piercing his skin. He shed a tear from it, but in the end, it did wonders at clearing his mind from whatever the Wheel was trying to persuade him to do.
Julian was soon after met with blood lightly trailing from where he - quite literally - stabbed himself with his three back then potion-filled syringes. He stared at the trail blankly for a few seconds.
“...Julian?”
Adar's voice snapped him out of it.
The sight had to be uncanny - pink glow from one arm connected with a thin scarlet trail from the other, lit up eyes cracking like thunderbolts and large, purple feathers up in an alert position, all on one figure standing over a cauldron. Both the Tiran and the Etrean seemed too stunned to speak, both clearly wanting to say something but not knowing where to start.
“I- I can explain, I swear-” Julian stumbled on his words, trying to not lose his composure right after regaining it, not even noticing when Adar grabbed his right hand and held it tightly.
“You'll do that later if you're still going to want to.” He led the Saltchemist away from the cauldron. “Let's get you patched up first, yeah?”
The Moonseye once more illuminated the inside of the room they found themselves in. In all this, Julian felt bad about all this. He might have woken Adar up, and the last thing he wanted was for him to lose sleep over this. It didn't help much that he could see the intense yet worried look on his face as he finished wrapping the bandages around his injury.
“Right… What happened to cause this in the first place?” Julian pulled his arm away after the dressings were on and secured, biting his bottom lip.
“It's probably not the best time, given the hour,” he gently grazed Adar's fingers with his left hand, their hands lightly intertwining as they sat on the edge of the bed, “but I think I should come clean about something.”
“I've been meaning to say this for a while, just couldn't find the words to, but I also didn't want to bother you as you were busy. But you've probably noticed, haven't you…”
He looked at the floor, clearly unsure where to go on. Might as well explain from the beginning.
“Adar, I- I didn't always have this third eye on me.” Julian's voice cracked. “I was given a deal around four years ago, I wouldn't even be here if I didn't accept it.”
He noticed Adar shuffling closer to him, though didn't really react to it. “I…” He choked up before he finally let it out.
“I've made a deal with a Drowned God, Adar. I got my life back, and got lucky to the point of nigh impossibility, for a price I was only told I would pay in due time.”
If that wasn't stunning enough, then what came next had to do it, though Julian had a hard time saying this as upon a closer look at his face you could see the tears. “I was never told what it would be, I can only guess, but that means it can either be a relatively small thing, or everything I've ever known. My friends, my family, everything-”
The silence unnerved him. He felt this confession wasn't taken well until he looked to his left and saw Adar quietly offering him a hug. Julian slightly hesitated before leaning in and wrapping his own arms around the Etrean as he did the same.
“...I don't want to lose you as the price for my survival, okay? I don't want my actions in the past to affect whether you'd get to live out your life, and I don't want it to happen to any of my friends either. I don't want them to die as a result of something I did as a scared out of his mind teenager.”
The two sat in silence which was only broken by Julian's quiet sobbing. It was only after a few long minutes that one of them spoke up.
“Julian, I… I don't want you to think this changes anything between us.” Adar traced some calming patterns on Julian's back as he kept talking. “I thought it might be something around a deal with a higher power after longer dwelling on it, though I didn't think it would go that far… I don't think you were in the wrong for acting on your instincts, mhm?” The Tiran mumbled something in acknowledgement, which was more than enough for him to go on. “And I don't want you to worry much about it, either. I know it'll be hard, but if anything happens, I'll still be here. And judging by your track record in the Hollow, the Gods would probably be more interested in you alone paying the cost, anyway.”
This wasn't enough to dissipate Julian's highest concern over the supposed cost of the deal from his side, but it was at least of some aid. Maybe the Gods weren't going to come after those close to him?
“I know- I'm just scared, okay? I don't know when, I don't know how it'll happen, I have no idea how I will have to fulfill my end of the deal, I-” He gave up trying to find words for this. “...I guess no need to dwell on this for now, at least not until it's time.”
“...Mhm. I'm glad you said it, though.” Adar took one of his hands to pull the covers over their backs. “Must have taken a lot of effort, at least I think it did-”
“And you'd be right. Though… I'm also relieved to finally get it off my chest.”
No longer in a hug, yet still holding hands, they laid down on the mattress. “We could try doing something different tomorrow, if it'd help with getting our minds off this? I'm pretty sure I could use a break from my research myself.”
For the first time this night, Julian met Adar with a smile. A weary one, yes, but it still counts. “I guess. Though we better be well rested for that.”
He closed his eyes. “Good night, Adar. Until tomorrow?”
“Yeah, until tomorrow. Good night, Juli.” Adar let the words linger for a few seconds. “Sleep well.”