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Buck had sworn off clinical offices. They never brought anything good: divorces, lawsuits, work hearings. He supposed the latter had gone in his favour most recently, considering he was back on active duty, but it didn’t mean he felt any more relaxed at this one. Partly because it was because he was back to being an active firefighter that Buck felt that this meeting wasn’t going to go his way. Buck dragged a dark, damp path over his cargo shorts. He recoiled from the odd sensation, ripping away his hands to shake them. He grimaced at the slight sheen upon his palm.
Whose idea was this again?
Oh, right, his own. All because of his damn bleeding heart, which wouldn’t stop bashing against the enclosure of his ribs today. 9:15am, that’s what the caseworker had said. 9:15am. It was now 9:23am. Should Buck knock? Should he remind the receptionist he was here? No, better not. She seemed more preoccupied with her nailbeds than Buck. How could she be so calm? What was it about receptionists that drained them of empathy? If Buck had her job, he’d be a blubbering mess. How could she sit there, stone-faced, and tell someone in that monotone droll voice of hers to “come back tomorrow” when it had maybe been days without seeing their kid? Yet she did so without blinking, ignorant to the tears falling from her victim’s eyes. Then, in that same monotone tone, she said something that made Buck’s stomach drop:
“Evan Buckley.”
Walking through the hallway to the case worker’s office was a blur of cream walls, self-important self-help posters and a flurry of noise. Behind one door a cheer, another a wail. Buck wondered which end of the spectrum he would end up on today. The case worker greeted him with a cheery smile that did not ease his nerves. Too often had he been the one to stretch his lips wide with false hope, his smile frozen in place as he delivered news no parent would want to hear. His knee jumped in uncoordinated rythymn after he took his seat, smiling alongside the caseworker in the hopes it would make him seem more likeable. The whistle of his widened nostrils suggested he had erred on the side of deranged and so Buck forced himself to relax, one hand poised upon his restless knee to still it.
“Evan—”
“Buck,” he corrected. The room’s bland décor and generic furnishings, coupled with his first name, reminded Buck too much of a principle’s office. He’d seen many of those in his time, too. The caseworker, Sally, according to the name on her office door, smiled and started again.
“Buck,” she said. She arched her brow a little at the way Buck physically relaxed, no longer fearing detention, but marched onward anyway: “You know when you first came to me, hoping to foster, I was quite concerned.”
There went Buck’s knee again, off to the races… and taking the table with him, if he wasn’t careful. Buck let out a pained laugh as he stilled it, again, and nodded for her to go on. Better to have the bad news out and over with.
Yet Sally didn’t get the memo. She kept talking around the circumstances of why they were here: Theo. Buck had only seen him once or twice since that horrible day. The first time, he thought he’d heard a ghost. The voice on the other end of the line sounded so much like Kameron Buck was ready to toss his phone and hire an exorcist, but then the woman over the other line introduced herself as Kameron’s mother and it all made sense. The exasperated tone was genetic, then. Buck had been more than happy to visit Theo in his new home, giving his grandparents a break while he chased the toddler around. At the end of it, Buck had been the one who wanted to nap. The second time had been days later at the grocery store. A sign or a coincidence, Buck wasn’t sure, but he’d taken one look at the bags beneath Theo’s grandmother’s eyes and knew that he had to step in before it was too late. Before Theo became too much like him: a dejected, lonely puppy of a man who sought affection in all the wrong places.
“Anyway,” Sally sighed as if remembering she was about to deliver life-changing news to Buck and not some office gossip, “like I said, I was concerned. I thought oh, here comes another hero, wanting the glory of a kid without knowing what goes into it.”
Metal flooded through onto Buck’s tongue when he bit down a little too hard onto his lip. He knew more than enough about kids, thank you, and he had several ‘world’s best uncle’ mugs to prove it, as well as some faded drawings given to him by Chris back when his hobbies centred around crayons and not Call of Duty.
“— But reading up about your partner and how you’ve helped raise his kid, well, I knew Theo couldn’t ask for anyone better.” Sally’s beam was more reassuring than it had been when Buck first stepped in, though he couldn’t make his face mirror the sentiment. Why on earth would his file mention Chris at all? Unless there was some stuff about the tsunami, maybe, but Buck was pretty sure that any of that would be written about anywhere that was relevant to his application. “Of course, we’d still need to arrange a home visit, and I’d like to meet your partner before I sign off on the custody arrangements, but, Ev— Buck, I think you might just be the right man for the job.”
Buck should have been elated. Over the moon, even, but his brain caught on one specific part of the process.
“You want to meet Eddie?” He asked. Sure, Eddie was a great guy. In normal circumstances Buck might have gushed about him and insisted on a meeting, but what did Eddie have to do with his foster application? Sally laughed and Buck managed a smile this time, even though he didn’t quite get the joke.
“Well, obviously. I can’t just release Theo into your care without meeting your husband first.”
Sally’s laugh rattled in Buck’s ears before it began to muffle, dampening down until all he could hear was an eerie, horrifying screech.
“Buck? Hello? Are you okay?”
“Oh, fantastic,” Buck lied. The chair screeched as he stood and pushed it away from him, one of his sweaty hands circling around the arm just in time to keep it from toppling. “O-of course you should meet my— Eddie, you’ll meet Eddie. Text me the date and I’ll— we’ll be there.”
Sally said something else, maybe, but Buck was halfway down the beige corridors, and it was long lost to him.
He managed a half-hearted wave in the receptionist’s direction before he shouldered the door open and rushed into his car. The world seemed to both blur and move in slow motion, the sounds of LA drowned out by the blood rushing through his ears. Buck drummed out-of-sync beats upon the steering wheel, moving on autopilot toward the county clerk. It had to be a mistake. A misunderstanding. Sally had to have been a progressive, well-meaning woman who could have stalked Buck’s Instagram and mistook the fact Eddie and Chris were plastered all over it to mean that they were a family, which they were, just, well, not like that. They were Buck, Eddie and Chris. Not Buck, Eddie and Chris. Buck and Eddie can’t have been married. Eddie was already married. Or widowed, actually, so maybe there was a loophole, or it was like a subscription. Eddie’s marriage to Shannon had expired – Buck cringed at his own thought – and so he and Eddie were now married? No. Impossible. It wasn’t like they were kids on the playground. He’d have remembered a marriage, surely. It was a mistake. A big, ridiculous, laugh-about-it-later kind of mistake.
Yet Buck wasn’t laughing by the time he’d left the clerk’s office, nor did he crack a chuckle on the drive over to Maddie’s house. He might have been a little hysterical by the time he barged through her front door, interrupting what appeared to be a nice family dinner before he’d slammed his hand onto the table and made baby Nash cry around his mouthful of peas.
“I have to talk to you,” Buck demanded of his sister, awkwardly nodding to his niece as she greeted him with the sweet innocence of youth. Chim, however, held no such niceties for his brother-in-law.
“Lovely to see you too, Buck. No, no, don’t mind us or our dinner or anything, come right in,” he said sarcastically. Buck briefly looked in his direction, catching sight of the still-wailing baby that wriggled in his arms, but he returned his thousand-yard stare back to Maddie.
“Please,” he begged of her. The documents he’d picked up not too long before crumpled within his fist. Maddie delicately dabbed at her mouth with a napkin.
“Howie, how about you take the kids to McDonalds,” she suggested, earning a cheer from Jee-Yun and the start of a complain on Chim’s behalf before she silenced him with her palm. “And fetch us some wine, please.”
Maddie made Buck wait until Chim and the kids were out of the house before she let him talk, directing his shaking hands to the dishes. She poured him some wine just as he dried the last of the pastel-coloured utensils the kids had just been using to eat.
“So, wanna tell me why you’ve come into my house looking like you’ve just returned from war?”
Buck wiped his hands dry on a dish towel and turned to face his sister. His mouth opened but the words dried upon his tongue. He snatched the glass she’d pushed toward him and downed half of his drink before he felt ready to speak again.
“I’m married.”
Maddie’s cackle of a laugh made Buck wince. She threw her head back, sloshing her own wine, as she giggled at the absurdity. Buck wished that he could join in with her.
“I’m serious, Maddie. I’m married.”
His sister’s head slowly returned to its usual position. The left side of her lips quirked upwards, waiting for the punchline, but her lips soon smoothed into a straight line when she realised it would never come.
“Oh,” she said. Maddie swirled the wine in her glass and took a slow, calculated sip. “Explain.”
“I can’t.” Buck winced beneath Maddie’s answering scowl. He ran a still-shaking hand through his curls and started to pace, abandoning his glass upon the countertop in response to his sister’s scowl.
“You’re gonna have to, Buck. What makes you think you’re married?”
“Sally,” Buck replied a little too hastily.
“That your wife?”
“What? No, she’s Theo’s caseworker, I went to see her today and she said that I can foster him—”
“Oh, Buck, that’s great news.”
Maddie enveloped him in a warm hug that would have been comforting if Buck didn’t feel as if he’d started to lose his mind.
“Yes, or it would be, if she didn’t insist on meeting my partner.”
Maddie stepped away from him, though she held onto her brother’s waist with one arm. One perfectly shaped eyebrow rose upwards while her lips pursed.
“But you’re single,” she reminded him. Buck huffed.
“Yes, I know that, but also, well, not exactly.”
Maddie pulled away from him completely. Her face crumpled and Buck thought that she’d put two and two together in that annoying way that she always did, like when she’d first clocked Buck’s crush – well, not crush, actually, no, appreciation – on Eddie, and his bisexuality and all the other things that big sisters just seemed to know.
“Please tell me you’re not married to Tommy.”
It was Buck’s turn to take a step back. His jaw fell open. Tommy? Buck’s eyes flittered toward their wine glasses. His was near-empty, whilst Maddie’s remained only modestly sipped. He tried to remember if he’d seen wine at the dinner earlier, but couldn’t recall. That was the only reason his sister could have even fathomed that he would have married Tommy. Buck had standards… and Tommy had blocked him by now anyway.
“What? No, Maddie. Apparently, I’m married to Eddie.”
Buck expected surprise. Shock. Horror. Anything but the rather calm, accepting expression that passed across his sister’s face. She reached for her wine glass and took another sip. Maybe she didn’t believe him. Maybe she thought it was a joke. Buck suddenly remembered the documents he’d shoved into his back pocket somewhere between clearing the table and washing the dishes. He fished them out and smoothed them out onto the countertop in front of her.
Maddie seemed to read over the marriage certificate for what felt like hours. Time had moved so oddly since Buck’s visit to the social worker earlier that day. Maybe it had been a week, already, since he’d sat in her beige, boring office. Theo might have already left for college.
“Oh my god,” Maddie said finally, her voice laced with the concern or shock Buck had been hoping for. “You got married on my wedding day?”
Okay. Well. Not exactly Buck’s issue, but technically, yes, the marriage certificate was dated for the day of Maddie and Chim’s wedding. Apparently, he and Eddie had tied the knot at 3:17am. He didn’t know the officiant that had married them personally, but she seemed legit, at least she came up with a few credible sources during Buck’s googling. Their witness, known as Joe ‘Snake’ Jones, according to the marriage certificate, threw up several red flags. A quick reflection of Buck’s bank statement from that night showed that ‘Snake’ had kindly given Buck and Eddie a wedding gift of around $10.
“That’s not the point,” Buck interjected over Maddie’s mumbled mantra of I can’t believe it. “The point is that Eddie and I are married.”
Maddie smoothed the marriage certificate out on the counter with a nod, seemingly finally clocking into the real concern here: their lack of wine. She poured herself another glass and topped up Buck’s before she spoke again, apparently having gathered her thoughts:
“Does Eddie know?”
“No,” Buck confessed before his face crumpled. “Maybe? I don’t know. He can’t, right? He’d have said something.”
“Wait, you came here before you went to Eddie’s?”
“Of course I came here, Maddie, I’m freaking out.” Buck pointed to his wide eyes as evidence.
“Yeah, but he’s your husband,” Maddie reminded him with a devilish grin.
Buck groaned. He dragged his hands down his face and peeked at Maddie through his fingers.
“It’s not funny,” he reminded her just as a little giggle slipped through her lips. She tried to disguise it as a hiccup, taking a sip of her drink to further her cover, but Buck saw right through her.
“It’s kind of funny.”
“Maddie, it’s not. I’m married. To Eddie.”
God, saying it out loud sounded like a fever dream. Buck had always wanted the picket fence and commitment, sure, but the idea of him being married was surreal. With the additional layer of it being Eddie, of all people, Buck felt as if he’d followed Alice down the rabbit hole.
“It’s not the worst thing in the world, is it?” Maddie looked at Buck innocently over the rim of her wine glass. Buck forced himself to swallow. He knew that look. It was the are you secretly in love with your straight best friend look. It was a bad look. A misguided look. A totally wrong, not even close, off the mark look.
“It’s wrong.” Buck shuddered. He felt itchy.
“Gay marriage has been legal for a while now, Buck,” Maddie reminded him.
“Maddie.”
His sister held her hand up in surrender. She nodded at him to drink some more of his wine. Good idea. Buck drained his cup. It had hardly graced the countertop before Maddie topped him back up. This time, Buck took a more cautious sip. He bore a hole into Maddie’s kitchen floor while he tried to think. It was hard, given all that swirled around his brain were the words marriage and husband and Eddie. Maddie nudged him with her foot and startled him out of the repetitive loop.
“So, what’s the plan?”
The moral, smart thing to do would be to tell Eddie. If it was anything else, Buck would already have told Eddie. He’d be on South Bedford Street with a beer and his best friend and not here, drowning his sorrows with a glass of wine and his sister.
“I can’t tell him,” Buck confessed after a few more mouthfuls of his drink. He pushed his glass towards Maddie as she topped herself up, though he frowned when she pulled the bottle back.
“Buck, you have to.”
“I can’t.”
It was true. He couldn’t. Sally had said herself: she’d only considered Buck a viable option for Theo when she found out he had a partner. A husband. A family. Buck couldn’t take that all away and rip away Theo’s chance at happiness.
“Buck, be serious.” Maddie’s hand felt too warm above Buck’s own. It stuck to his clammy skin.
“I can’t, Maddie. Without a husband, I can’t have Theo.”
Maddie’s big brown eyes softened at the thought of the little boy. Buck was sure her heart ached in an echo of his own. She rubbed her too-warm hand up his arm.
“Buck, you can’t lie to social services.”
“I’m not lying. I’m married.” The paper smoothed out in front of him said so. Maddie’s sigh was heavy and full of sympathy. Buck shrugged it off.
“What are you going to tell Eddie when she comes around for a home visit, hm? Ask him to pretend to be your husband for the day?”
Eddie would. Buck was sure that he would. Or he’d try, anyway. He’d give Buck a lecture first, of course, on how it was wrong to lie and how if social services thought that Buck, a single man with a high demanding job, wasn’t a great fit for custody then it was probably for the best. He’d still try, though, after Buck had pouted and begged and offered to be in debt to Eddie for the rest of his life. Eddie would do it, then, and he’d probably never even cash in on the lifetime of favours Buck would be eager to carry out for him. He’d do it because he was nice and he was Buck’s best friend. His partner. Except he’d try a little too hard, maybe, or he’d overthink himself. Pet names would slip through his lips through curse words. He’d flinch over the simplest of touches that under normal circumstances he wouldn’t think twice about. He’d call Buck bud one too many times. He’d become stiff and awkward and uncomfortable. It would be a disaster.
Yet, if Buck didn’t tell him…
Well, Eddie would be Eddie. He’d be bubbly and kind and helpful. He’d wrap his big, warm hands around Buck’s waist without a second thought. He’d bring takeout and drinks and make Sally a cup of coffee, even though he’d cringe at having to use Buck’s “complicated beast of a coffee maker”. Sally would see what so many others seemed to see in Buck and Eddie: love. For so long Buck had laughed at the notion and shrugged it off, shyly thanking people when they mistook him for Chris’ father or brought roses and lit candles over to the table during his and Eddie’s bro dinners. He’d still argue that it was just friendly love, except there was something about the official black and white print on the paper before him that felt so real.
“Buck,” Maddie called out to him.
“I will tell him,” he conceded, noticing a visible weight lift from his sister’s shoulders. “After the home visit.”
Maddie’s shoulders pulled back once more. Her lips tightened. Buck blinked rapidly to wet his eyes, making them wider. He didn’t have the soul-devouring brown eyes that his sister and Eddie possessed, but his baby blues melted the sternness across Maddie’s face. She lifted her glass of wine. Buck’s clinked with hers in the air.
“After the home visit,” she reiterated.
The visit was scheduled for a few days after, long enough that Buck had managed to shake his hangover and on a day that both he and Eddie had off. When Buck suggested that he and Eddie spend it together, Eddie didn’t bat an eyelash. He simply agreed to pop by after he’d seen Chris off to school and promised bagels and coffee, just like Buck knew that he would. Eddie did, however, raise his eyebrows at Buck’s house when he first walked in.
“Woah, are you expecting the Queen or something?”
Buck laughed awkwardly. He brought a hand up to the back of his neck and rubbed at it.
“I might have gone a little overboard with the spring cleaning.”
“Only a little?”
Eddie seemed hesitant to place the coffee cups onto Buck’s pristine countertops. He held the promised bagels in one hand while he helped himself to a plate, not bothering to grab a second one for Buck as he placed the sole plate between them.
Buck and Eddie ate their bagels in satisfied silence. Their crumbs combined on the plate Eddie had chosen. Their noses bumped every now and then.
“Thanks for breakfast,” Buck said, cupping a hand over his mouth to keep from spraying crumbs all over his hard work.
“It’s alright.” Eddie lifted the plate, about to head toward the sink before he paused. Buck held his breath when Eddie reached out to pick a crumb from his face. The pads of Eddie’s fingers brushed Buck’s lips, and he had to fight the urge to press a kiss to them.
“Thanks,” Buck echoed, a little more shyly than the last time. He felt his cheeks flame up.
“Anytime.”
They hadn’t made any plans other than to meet. They never did. After he’d washed, dried and put away the plate Eddie made his way over to Buck’s couch as if it were his own. He sunk into the cushions and picked up the remote, talking idly to Buck about that one show they swore to watch that was never on anything. Apparently, it had finally made its way onto a streaming service they owned. Well, Eddie owned. Buck just leeched off of it in an effort to ‘save money’. Buck dropped into the space beside Eddie and let him set everything up. The way his pillows were stuffed, he happened to sink into Eddie’s side. Buck held his breath and waited for Eddie to say something. He expected him to shift away or make a comment about how little space Buck had given him. Instead he flicked through the menu, put on the show and swung an arm around the back of the sofa to get comfortable. It wasn’t exactly cuddling, not really. Eddie wasn’t even touching Buck. Still, Buck felt his stomach flutter. He forced out a measured breath. It didn’t mean anything. They were just friends. Legally husbands, maybe, but honestly just friends.
It had been easy to forget that the day was about anything but spending time with his best friend, especially when it had been so easy. Time flew when Buck was with Eddie. It felt easier to think and to breathe and to be. So, when the doorbell rang to announce Sally’s arrival, Buck’s flustered rush to the door was wholly genuine.
“Sally,” he greeted her, ushering her inside with an awkward grin. As expected, Eddie waved politely from his seat on the couch. He’d paused the show just as Buck’s hand had curled around the doorknob and now he tried to meet Buck’s gaze, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but Buck refused to give him the pleasure. “Welcome.”
Buck gestured to his living room. The shine from the morning’s frantic mopping had dulled, somewhat, and the pillows behind where Buck had been sitting moments before had sagged, but it still looked nice. Homely. It helped that there were photo frames everywhere featuring the faces of all who Buck held dear: Bobby, Athena, Maddie, Jee-Yun, Eddie, Chris, Chim, Eddie, Hen, Karen, Ravi, Eddie, Harry, May, Eddie, Chris, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. Buck swallowed. Maybe there was a little truth in what Maddie had dubbed his ‘boy crush’. Buck shook his head against the thought. No. It wasn’t weird. They were married.
Despite not having expected to be swept up in what Eddie must have assumed was an ‘impromptu’ home visit on Sally’s behalf, he played the doting husband perfectly. He answered every other question in place of Buck, always praising him and the relationship he had with Chris; he countered every concern Sally raised, reminding her of all the great people Buck had around him, of the family Buck had built. He answered her question about wearing wedding rings on duty without blinking, completely oblivious to what she’d insinuated.
“I think I’ve seen all I needed to,” Sally said eventually, although much sooner in the visit than Buck would have thought. She’d told him to block out a couple of hours and yet she’d barely spent more than one inside his home. Before Buck could worry, he watched as her face softened when Eddie patted him endearingly on the back. Oh. She was satisfied. “I’ll be in touch soon, Buck.”
Buck waved her off in a daze. That same fluttering feeling in his stomach returned, only this time it was borne from nerves. The visit had gone well. Sally seemed happy. He was going to get to bring Theo home.
“Sounds like good news,” Eddie said, smiling at Buck with genuine affection. Buck wanted to hug him. No, he needed to hug him.
Eddie stumbled backward with the force at which Buck launched himself into his arms, but he held them both steady. Buck felt Eddie’s breath in the crook of his neck when he laughed. Eddie’s arms wrapped securely around him and squeezed. Buck couldn’t help but nuzzle into his neck. Though the moment was ruined, somewhat, by the sound of Sally’s horn as she drove off with a cheerful wave. Oh. Right, of course. They were still in the open doorway. Buck recoiled away from Eddie, wiping off the warmth the hug had left behind. Eddie simply grinned at him.
“So, celebratory beers and a couple more episodes?”
“Absolutely,” Buck agreed, willing the giddy feeling that swelled inside of him to go away.
Buck couldn’t describe the feeling that overwhelmed him when he welcomed Theo into his new home. The moment was made even sweeter by the presence of Eddie and Chris. The duo had insisted on being there, driven by the youngest Diaz. The cupcakes Chris had prepared for the occasion couldn’t make a dent into Buck’s own, but he swore they tasted better than anything he could ever make. Theo seemed to agree, too, for he scarfed down four before he passed out with a mouth covered in icing. Buck grinned from across the room as Eddie snapped a picture. Moments later his phone pinged and there it was in full HD across his own screen. Buck had never understood why parents felt the need to plaster their kids faced everywhere before – he’d often been guilty of reacting to them without truly looking, making for some awkward conversations, or zoning out during long, gushing drivel about a toddler’s potty training progress – but now Buck got it.
He’d only just finished sending it out to all of his contacts, including Eddie, who snorted and yet still kept the duplicate photo, when Maddie replied. Buck opened the message with a grin frozen upon his face, sure that he’d never come down from his high until—
“You told Eddie yet?”
Buck deflated like a balloon. He bit at his lip and began his reply, deleting it shortly after. He glanced over his phone at the sound of Christopher grumbling, only to find Eddie had scooped Theo up from the couch and started to carry him toward the bedroom Buck had gone into further credit card debt decorating. Buck felt woozy at the sight. It wasn’t fair that Eddie was handsome and toned, he had to be sweet as well.
“I will,” Buck insisted over text, promptly silencing his phone to shy away from the consequences of his actions. He meant it, too. He would tell Eddie. It was his moral obligation.
…except, telling Eddie was easier said than done. It wasn’t like Buck could just blurt it out:
“Hey, Eddie, did you know we’re married?”
And he couldn’t write it in a text or email, though he tried. He’d even searched through gifs to find the perfect one. It turned out that there wasn’t any gif that encapsulated the sentiment of ‘hey-I-know-we’re-best-friends-and-all-that-but-actually-we-got-married-lol-please-don’t-divorce-me-I-don’t-want-to-lose-my-kid’. Greetings cards were no use, either. There were sorry for your loss cards and congratulations cards and anniversary cards - should Buck have bought one of them, actually? Technically it would be their cotton anniversary. Buck bought Eddie a cotton shirt just in case. He tried icing it onto a cake, but it wouldn’t fit and Buck ended up comfort eating the entire thing one night after Theo had gone to bed. He’d enquired after sky writing and sing-a-grams and even considered telling Chim just so it wouldn’t come from him, but, ultimately, he decided against it.
It wasn’t as if he saw Chim outside of work these days, anyway. Between childcare and wanting to avoid Maddie’s judging gaze, Buck hadn’t been able to find the time. Being a parent was exhausting, yet fun, and being a (secret) husband was just as hard. Buck hadn’t mean to but he couldn’t help but lean on Eddie and Chris to shoulder the burden of being a parent, which made him feel guilty and resulted in him cooking them dinner more often or bringing them treats.
“You sure you can afford this?” Eddie asked after the fourth coffee run that week, clearly having been tuned in to Buck’s rants about how much juice boxes cost and why did kids grow so God damn fast? Buck laughed it off, decidedly ignoring his hurting wallet, and shrugged.
“It’s cheaper than babysitters,” he confessed and felt his stomach flip at Eddie’s knowing smile. He was so screwed.
Telling Eddie that they were married fell low on Buck’s to-do-list it eventually fell off of it entirely. There was nothing to be gained from it, he decided. Eddie wasn’t dating, anyway, and they were both two busy with their kids to even consider the possibility. Being married wasn’t so different to their usual, surely? Married couples went on outings together. They had nights in together. They lamented parenting troubles together. They shared finances, though this hadn’t been intentional, on Buck’s part. It just kind of happened one day after Eddie offered to cover something for Theo and Buck in turn bought something for Christopher and then they started to cook more together and so their groceries combined and eventually their houses became interchangeable. Theo liked sleeping over in Chris’ room when they stayed at Eddie’s, and Chris liked having the freedom of having the house to himself when Eddie crashed at Buck’s. Plus, Buck’s hot tub had become quite the hotspot for Chris and his friends from school. Buck prided himself on that, accidentally calling himself the cool dad in front of Eddie one day.
“Whatever,” Eddie had snorted and shook his head. “One of us has to be the responsible one.”
The sentiment had been less effective around half an hour later when Eddie set fire to Buck’s kitchen attempting to toast a pop tart. Apparently, it was Buck’s fault for not cleaning the toaster out enough.
So, Buck just sort of forgot to tell Eddie, in the end, because it didn’t matter. Until it did.
Eddie had been at his third Walmart that day on the hunt for the specific Paw Patrol shoes that Theo had lost at his and now cried for every night before bed when his phone had rung.
“Mr. Diaz,” said the caller whose number he did not recognise. “We’re calling about your son, he’s not well—”
Eddie didn’t need to hear the rest. The Paw Patrol shoes could wait. Chris needed him. He raced across town to Chris’ school and crashed into the receptionist’s desk, huffing and panting, hardly half an hour after he’d hung up.
The receptionist inched away from him in a chair that squeaked as she moved.
“Can I help you?” She asked in a voice that sounded different to the woman who had called him. Eddie noticed another empty seat and assumed it belonged to the lady he’d spoken to.
“I’m here for Christopher Diaz,” Eddie huffed out. The receptionist blinked owlishly back at him.
“Does he have a doctor’s appointment? You know you’re supposed to warn us in advance, sir.”
It was Eddie’s turn to blink. He frowned down at the woman.
“No, you called me? Said he’s not well?”
“I didn’t call you.” Her tone had grown colder. She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Well, your colleague must have then. Can I see my son?”
The receptionist pursed her lips and looked Eddie up and down.
He realised how he must have looked: ragged and slightly psychotic. Definitely sweaty. Eddie ran a hand through his hair and tried his best to even out his breathing.
“Please, I’m Eddie Diaz. Christopher Diaz’s father. Just let me see him to make sure everything is alright. I got a call.”
The receptionist’s lips remained pursed, but eventually she lifted the landline on her desk and called down to Christopher’s classroom. Once she hung up, she gestured toward a chair for Eddie to wait upon. Eddie found that he couldn’t. All he could think about was Christopher. He hadn’t seen much of him that morning. He’d slept in as teenagers often did and Eddie had hardly managed to get a sidewards hug before Chris was off and onto the bus. He thought it was weird that the school had called him before Chris had text him, but that only made Eddie worry that whatever had happened was more serious than a temperature or snotty nose.
Mere minutes before Eddie broke into a panic attack, his son rounded the corner and cocked his head at him.
“Dad? Is everything okay?”
“That’s what I want to know,” Eddie confessed. He rushed to Chris and checked him over, manhandling his disgruntled child to check for any signs of distress. Other than several complaints about Eddie was embarrassing him and messing up his hair, there were none. Chris was fine. Perfectly, wonderfully fine.
“What’s going on?” Chris scowled while he tried to re-fluff his hair. Any attempts to help on Eddie’s part were quickly batted away.
“I’m not sure, I got this call,” Eddie said, whipping out his phone to find that it was ringing again.
“Mr. Diaz,” the voice from before sounded a little more stressed. “Are you on your way? Theo has really taken a turn, and we think it’s best for him and the other children that he be at home.”
Theo? Eddie pulled the phone away from his ear and frowned down at it. The lady’s call of his name came through muffled and far away.
“What about Buck?” Eddie asked as he returned the phone to his ear.
“We’ve tried to get hold of your husband, but he isn’t responding,” the woman said without flinching. Eddie remembered then that Buck had picked up another shift to “try and make a dent into the cost of raising a kid”. That made sense, at least. But there was a part of the puzzle that made Eddie’s blood run cold. “Mr. Diaz?”
“Y-yeah, I’ll be there in a minute,” he said. Eddie might have felt a little woozy himself, but he wasn’t about to let Theo suffer if he didn’t have to. Chris had already loped back off to class by the time Eddie had hung up, leaving him to contend with what he’d just heard.
It had to be a mistake. Maybe Buck had put Eddie down as an emergency contact and misunderstood what the word ‘partner’ would represent. Yes. That was it. Buck was just so sleep deprived from being a parent he’d filled out a form wrong. It happened. Eddie had done it once or twice. The pit in his stomach softened a little by the time he got to Theo’s school, although he was just as confused by the validity of Theo’s teachers claims when he strapped a very talkative, very bubbly little boy into the backseat.
“Are we going to go see Chris? Have you found my shoes yet? I want my shoes. Where are my shoes?”
Eddie peered at Theo through the rearview mirror.
“No, he’s at school and no, sorry, Theo, not yet. We’ll find them later.”
“I want my shoes now.”
Before Eddie could get into an argument with the toddler, one he was bound to lose, Theo promptly threw up down himself.
Eddie made the decision to drive to Buck’s then, knowing from experience that children fared better in familiar spaces. Not that his house was unfamiliar to Theo, but he thought the boy would appreciate his own room and fresh pyjamas. Plus, admittedly Eddie was a little scared to bring him home and be tasked with hunting for the shoes he was sure had been swallowed by the monster under Chris’ bed. It was much easier washing Theo in a bath filled with his toys, where toddler-sized towels were within easy reach and the kid-friendly medicine was in date. If only Eddie could find it. He’d wrapped Theo up in one of Buck’s many blankets and gotten him settled upon the couch, TV playing Bluey (he raced past Paw Patrol, desperate not to get into another round of ‘where are my shoes’) and Sippy cup of water and old bowl on hand. He’d already text Buck to let him know he had Theo, just to stop the inevitable panic, and the thumbs up he received in reply told Eddie not to bother texting him asking where the medicine would be because they were clearly swamped.
Instead, he took to Buck’s kitchen drawers. He’d already ransacked the bathroom cabinet to no avail, and he wasn’t brave enough to try Buck’s bedroom drawers yet. Most of the kitchen drawers were taken over by baking utensils Eddie couldn’t name, and wads and wads of drawings Theo had made, as well as a billion magic erasers for the drawings that had been doodled on the walls instead. He rifled through batteries old and new alike, and receipts for things Buck bought ages ago, as well as some polaroids of Buck and Tommy that Eddie took the liberty of throwing out on his best friend’s behalf, their marriage certificate, a sticky pack of playing cards, a ring cutter and, wait, what? Eddie’s hand slowly slipped back to the piece of official-looking paper. He picked it up and studied it. It had to be fake, right? A practical joke Buck never got around to. Yet the paper was thick and good quality and the seal looked real. Too real.
Eddie brought the certificate out and studied it. The officiant’s name rang a bell, though he reassured himself it must have been from a call. ‘Snake’ definitely had to have been someone they’d helped, right? Eddie would never have someone named after a reptile witness his wedding. He’d never get married again, actually. Especially to Buck. They were best friends. Eddie was straight. Still, he couldn’t help but look up the registry on his phone. He was sure that he’d find some joke marriage website. A ‘make-your-relatives-lose-their-mind’ kind of prank. Except Eddie stumbled upon the honest-to-God, very official, very real list of married couples within the city. Listed just above one Maddie Buckley and Howard Han were Evan Buckley and Edmundo Diaz. Eddie dropped his phone and raced to the bathroom. Maybe whatever Theo had was catching.
Buck hummed to himself as he opened his front door, still high off the adrenaline from his shift and looking forward to seeing Theo. He’d been a little worried by the numerous missed calls he’d found upon returning to the station, but it had all instantly dispersed when he saw that Eddie had collected him. Buck knew that Eddie would have it all in hand. He’d picked them up some dinner as a thank you, as well as some medicine for Theo as he knew that he’d run out. Bugs seemed to spread around kids at an insane speed. If it wasn’t a cold, it was a sickness bug. Theo had had it all.
“Honey, I’m home,” Buck called out while he toed off his shoes, laughing to himself at the silliness. “I’ve brought dinner.”
Silence.
Huh. That was weird. The lights were dim, too, except for a bright light in the kitchen and the flickering of the TV. Buck smiled to himself. Maybe Eddie had cuddled on the sofa with Theo and they’d both fallen asleep.
He tucked the takeout bag under one arm and retrieved his phone, ready to take a picture of the imagined scene, only to find out he was half right. Theo was indeed on the sofa, sound asleep and bundled up, but he was alone. Buck took the picture anyway. It would fit right in with the thousands already on his phone.
“Eddie?” He called out. When no one answered, Buck started to get a little uneasy. He knew Eddie wouldn’t have left Theo on his own. At least not willingly. Buck hastened his steps toward the kitchen. What if something had happened to Eddie? Maybe he’d fallen? Or been kidnapped? Or shot or stabbed, again. “Eddie?”
Relief flooded through Buck as he stumbled into the kitchen to find Eddie standing at the counter. His back was to Buck and Buck could see that he was tense, but he chalked it up to having to deal with a sick and grumbling toddler all day.
“Eddie, you scared me.”
Buck laughed and made his way around the kitchen, dumping the takeout bags onto the counter. He spun on his heel only to jam his hip into the counter when he saw what Eddie had sprawled out in front of him.
“E-Eddie,” Buck tried, months-worth of guilt and word babble brewing inside his chest.
“Don’t you mean husband?”
“Eddie, please, I was going to tell you—”
“How long have you known?”
Buck swallowed. The normally warm, adoring brown of Eddie’s eyes had dissolved into dark, brooding abysses. Buck squeezed at each of his fingers in turn.
“Just since my application to foster Theo.”
Eddie’s eyes hardened even further. His chest heaved with his intake of breath.
“Just when you applied to foster Theo? Buck, that was months ago.”
Had it really been that long? Buck felt that it could only have been a week, but the grooves on the kitchen doorframe gave more credit to Eddie’s statement. Buck stepped toward his best friend, hand outstretched to placate him, only for it to drive Eddie further away.
“You weren’t going to tell me, were you?”
“I was, honest, but then Theo came home and we got so busy—”
“We? We’re not a we, Buck.”
“We’re partners,” Buck insisted, but it came out small and awkward.
“At work. Partners at work. That’s it.”
“Well, technically,” Buck started, although he wasn’t sure why. What was he ever going to achieve with Eddie like this?
“No, not technically,” Eddie shouted, making them both flinch. Despite the tension that had thickened the air in the room, the pair of them paused and listened out for the sound of Theo waking up. Nothing.
“Not technically,” Eddie reiterated, albeit quieter. “We’re not married.”
“We are in the eyes of the law,” Buck argued, wishing that he could claw the words back down onto his tongue the second that they’d left it.
“What is wrong with you? What do you get out of this, huh? Do you love me or something?” Eddie said it like it was the worst thing in the world. As if the idea of Buck loving him was disgusting. Buck recoiled away from the angry, posturing animal Eddie had become. His words reminded him of another time, in another kitchen, when he’d been asked the same thing but with understanding entwined within the phrase instead of hatred.
“N-No, I don’t love you, I just.” Buck raised a hand in the direction of the living room and dropped it, hoping Eddie would understand but the usual ease at which they could read each other had been blocked by the anger that rolled off Eddie in waves. “Theo. I get Theo.”
“You have Theo,” Eddie reminded him through gritted teeth. Buck huffed.
“Yes, I do, but only because Sally—”
“Who’s Sally?”
“His case worker,” Buck tutted. Eddie really should have remembered that. “She only agreed to let me have him because she thought I was married. To you.”
“Why?” Eddie’s face seemed torn between being confused and being offended on Buck’s behalf, his genuine respect for Buck clouding his rational mind despite his rage.
“Because I’m me. Unreliable, single, working a job with weird hours. But by being married to you, I look responsible. I’ve got back-up. I’m the perfect parent.”
“There aren’t any perfect parents,” Eddie argued.
“You’re perfect.”
Buck meant it. Eddie was perfect. He’d been so, so, so perfect these past few months. He’d been there when Buck needed him most. He’d treated Theo just as he’d treated Chris. He’d been their everything. Buck’s heart ached for the little boy who snored on the sofa. If he couldn’t convince Eddie that his actions weren’t malicious, or stupid, they’d both lose him. Eddie stood in front him. His head shook with disbelief. His body turned toward the front door.
“We have to fix this,” Eddie said.
“There’s nothing to fix.”
Eddie half-turned back toward Buck. His gaze cut through Buck’s ribs and straight to his heart, shredding it to pieces.
“We can’t be married.”
“Why not? We’ve been married for two years, and it hasn’t hurt anything.”
Eddie shuddered with the thought. Buck dug his fingernails into his own palm. He had to grip onto something tangible and real because he could see it in the coldness of Eddie’s eyes. He was losing him. He was going to lose everything.
“I’m not,” Eddie started, before he gave up. Buck’s heart felt like it was about to give up too.
“I’m not asking to you to be. Nothing has to change, we can just be us: you, me, Chris, Theo.”
Buck absentmindedly gestured to the remnants of a picture drawn by Theo on the wall of the four of them, wiped clean but still there if you squinted. For a moment, he thought Eddie might soften. There was a flicker of something in his eyes before it was gone again. Eddie turned his back on Buck again.
“Eddie, please, I can’t lose him,” Buck begged, damn near close to falling to the ground. “I can’t lose y- anyone else, please.”
“I have to go.”
Buck watched as Eddie turned and left without ever looking back. He jumped as the door slammed shut. Theo cried out from the living room.
“I’m coming,” Buck reassured. He blinked with heavy eyelids to try and clear the wetness that blurred his vision. Buck shoved aside lukewarm takeaway to grab a fresh cup for Theo and the medicine he was sure that he would need. Buck could do one last act of love, of kindness, before his own idiotic decisions caught up to him once more. It hurt to walk into the living room to find Theo reaching for him and it hurt even more that he calmed down the second Buck scooped him into his lap, but it hurt most of all when Theo said:
“Where’s Eddie? Has he gone to get my shoes?”
“Yeah, bud. He’ll be back tomorrow,” Buck lied. Theo, for once, accepted his answer. Buck buried his nose into his curls, both comforted and hurt by the fact he caught a faint whiff of Eddie.
Eddie couldn’t go home. He couldn’t face Chris. He couldn’t go to work. He couldn’t go to Buck’s. So he ended up in the least likely place he thought he’d find himself. Church. He half-expected it to be locked, given the semi-late hour, but was relieved to find that he could let himself in. Though the quiet serenity of the holy room brought him some comfort, Eddie still felt stiff as he walked robotically through the pews. He picked on at random, sliding in and resting his head on the pew in front of him. He recounted prayers from his childhood, none of them relevant and half of them misspoken, in the hope of it bringing some clarity. But what clarity could come from this?
He was married. To a man. To Buck.
Now that he thought about it, Eddie could picture it clear as day: there’d been champagne, and tequila, and tiny sandwiches that his hand throbbed with the memory of being slapped away from. There’d been a conversation about how beautiful marriage was and Buck had whined that he’d never get the chance, that no one would want to marry him. It had been Eddie’s idea, or rather the tequila’s, and it was coincidence or luck that they’d befriended an officiant and a man who named himself after a reptile. Eddie remembered, now, how he’d found it poetic that they’d gotten married at 3:17am. He reminded Buck about how it was exactly the amount of time he’d been dead for after the lightning strike, and Buck had told him to stop talking about such morbid things on their wedding day. They might have kissed, even, btu Eddie wasn’t so sure. That could have been Buck or it could have been the drag queen who sang them a song at their ‘reception’ down in one of the dive bars in downtown.
So consumed by the memories, Eddie didn’t hear the creak of the pew beside him that announced another’s presence, so he nearly shot into the ceiling when the person spoke:
“Hello, stranger.” Father Brian looked far too pleased with himself for having made Eddie jump, though his face softened when he took in Eddie’s haunted expression. “What brings you here?”
“Marriage,” Eddie confessed.
“Oh, thinking of your ex-wife?” He asked. Eddie hadn’t remembered telling Father Brian about Shannon but, then again, he hadn’t remembered getting married either. They had met a few times since the first meeting, so it was inevitable that it had come up, he supposed.
“No, I’m married.”
“Congratulations,” Father Brian brightened.
“To a man.” Eddie closed his eyes and waited for the onslaught of disapproval and hate. Only silence came. He cracked one eye open. Father Brian was still smiling.
“Congratulations,” he repeated.
Eddie frowned. Wasn’t he supposed to be cursed out and made to repent?
“That’s it?”
“I think it’s a little cheeky to expect a card or wedding gift, considering you didn’t invite me,” Father Brian countered.
Eddie scoffed, despite his predicament. He sat up a little straighter.
“No, just, aren’t you going to tell me off?”
“Why? So long as you’re happy.”
Eddie cocked his head. Was he? He was definitely shocked. A little betrayed. But happy?
He thought back to the past few months, or rather years. They had been nice. Having Theo around had been fun, if not a little tiring, and now that Eddie thought about it, he realised that the four of them had blended into one unit. He supposed that it was a rather easy transition, actually. He, Buck and Chris had always been tight knit.
“I guess I am,” Eddie said, mostly to himself, but of course Father Brian heard him.
“You guess?”
“I didn’t know I was married,” Eddie admitted. Father Brian’s raised eyebrows eked a laugh out of him. “It was a bit of a drunken decision.”
“Ah, I see,” Father Brian said and again, Eddie waited for a lecture that never came. Instead, Father Brian posed a question: “Do you regret it?”
Eddie contemplated the question. It was hard to regret something he hadn’t really known about but, reflecting on his life for the past two years, he could honestly say:
“No, I don’t think I do.”
Father Brian smiled at him all knowingly.
“So why are you here, then?”
Eddie sat back and folded his arms across his chest. Why was he here? To find comfort? Clarity? He’d gotten both of these things. Part of him wanted to be annoyed about that. The part that heard Ramon and Helena’s I told you so’s, and Abuela’s angelic voice singing during hymns. There was another part that just felt satiated. Eddie shrugged.
“Guess I’m avoiding dealing with it all.”
“I’d say you’re dealing with it quite well,” Father Brian said. Eddie looked at him oddly. “You came here to clear your head, did you not? That seems like a good way of dealing with things. Better to do that than to explode.”
Eddie winced. It was probably best not to tell Father Brian about his earlier yelling.
“I guess you’re right. Thank you.”
Father Brian smiled again in that warm, comforting way of his and Eddie felt a calmness rush over him.
“Any time, you know where to find me,” Father Brian said. Eddie smiled back at him. “Except, I will have to ask you to leave. We are closing up for the night.”
Eddie laughed properly then, hoisting himself up from his chair to shake the priest’s hand and make his way out of the church.
He told himself that he would go home, or rather to Buck’s home, and apologise. That he’d talk it out with Buck. That it would all be okay. Except, despite his talk with Father Brian, Eddie still found himself feeling a little lost. He didn’t know what to do with himself until he parked his car in front of the Han household, glad to see there were still some lights on inside. He tiptoed up the front lawn and hesitated before the door. He hardly ever came here without Buck and, even then, it was often just for a fly by visit. It felt alien to knock at the door without Buck hopping from foot to foot by his side, or without Christopher begging the Hans to hurry up so that he could go pee. The oddness of the situation was reflected upon Maddie’s face when she opened the door to him, smiling at first but then looking past him and realising he was alone. Only then did she truly take in Eddie and her face took on a grave turn.
“Ah, so he told you.”
“You knew?” Eddie asked, following Maddie into her home once she gestured him inside. Chim waved at him from the couch but Maddie didn’t allow for more than a speedy hello before she dragged Eddie into the kitchen.
“Maddie,” Eddie insisted when she didn’t answer. She scolded him with a finger to her lips, nodding toward Chim, before she opened the cupboard for two wine glasses and reached for some wine. “I’m driving.”
Maddie glowered up at Eddie and put one glass away. She opened the fridge and rooted around for a while before she pulled out and handed him a capri sun. Eddie tutted, yet stabbed the straw through the pouch and took a sip anyway. He grimaced at the sweetness.
“When did he tell you?” Maddie slipped her phone out of her pocket and frowned at the lack of messages.
“He didn’t. Theo’s school called me, told me my kid was sick. I raced to Chris’ only for them to call me and say that my ‘husband’,” Eddie made air quotes with his fingers, “wasn’t reachable.”
“Is Theo okay?”
“He’s fine. Stomach bug.”
Sipping at her wine, Maddie nodded.
“I got him home, went hunting for medicine and found the marriage licence,” Eddie explained.
“Buck kept it at your house?” Maddie pressed.
“No, his,” Eddie corrected, slightly embarrassed at his own phrasing. Maddie’s arched eyebrow did not help comfort him. “More importantly, how long have you known? Has everyone known I was married but me?”
“To be fair to Buck, he didn’t know until he fostered Theo,” Maddie said, sticking up for her younger brother. “Neither did I, by the way. Real classy of you to marry on my wedding day.”
Eddie shied away from her glare. It wasn’t that he didn’t agree. Nothing about his and Buck’s wedding was classy.
“Why didn’t he tell me then?”
Maddie sighed. She ran her finger around the rim of her glass. Eddie’s capri sun wheezed as he sucked it dry.
“He was worried it’d mess up the application,” she reiterated Buck’s earlier point. “I told him to tell you after the home visit. He’s been avoiding me since.”
“I wish he’d told me,” Eddie sighed. He crushed his empty capri sun pouch and threw it toward the trash can. It sailed through the air only to crash onto the floor. Under Maddie’s glare, he picked it up and disposed of it properly. Without words, Eddie asked for another. In truth, he was jealous of Maddie’s wine. He could have downed the bottle. Another capri sun would have to make do.
“What would you have done, if he did?”
Eddie took a long sip from his second capri sun.
“I honestly don’t know.”
Eddie massaged his capri sun pouch as he thought. Would he have insisted on a divorce? Gone along with it? Ran away as he had done tonight? Eddie winced at the thought and the gush of air that came from his empty drink.
“Can I ask you a question?” Maddie placed her wine down. Eddie nodded. “Do you love my brother?”
Eddie wheezed as he drew in a great gust of air from his capri sun pouch. He chucked it aside and coughed into his hand. Maddie reached across and patted him on the back.
“What?”
“It’s a yes or no question, do you love my brother?”
“I’m not, like that,” Eddie insisted. Maddie rolled her eyes.
“I didn’t ask your sexual preferences, Eddie. I asked if you love Buck.”
What sort of a question was that?
“I,” Eddie begun, then stopped. Of course he loved Buck. He was Buck. Dependable, kind, loving Buck. Amazing, soft-hearted and sweet Buck. Best cook in the firehouse. Hell, in the whole of LA. Great coparent. Great partner and oh, crap. “I think I do.”
Maddie clapped her hands together and beamed.
“Knew it. You’ve always had some weird,” Maddie wriggled her hands at Eddie, “Buck and Eddie thing going on. Buck’s had a crush on you since day one and I wasn’t sure about you, not really, but then the lightning happened and it clicked.”
“Great, I’m glad you worked it out.”
Maddie huffed out a breathy laugh and gestured toward him.
“Eddie. You married him.”
Well. Yeah. That would have been a big clue, obviously, if Eddie had remembered it.
“What do I do now?” Eddie wrapped his hands around his neck and leaned into them. All he could think of was Buck, stuck with a sick toddler and probably panicking about whether he’d get to keep him by morning. But Eddie couldn’t just go back. That would be weird, and awkward, and Buck might have gone to bed by now.
“I don’t know, go and apologise? I can’t imagine illegal streetfighter Diaz handled finding out with grace,” Maddie correctly guessed. Eddie coughed to hide his embarrassment.
“Theo will be in bed.”
“Excuses.”
“I can’t just go in and say I’m sorry,” Eddie insisted.
“Why not?”
“I was a bit of an ass— ow.” Eddie rubbed at his shoulder and glared at Maddie. She glared back.
“Go and grovel, Eddie. Buy him flowers. Takeout. A big teddy bear. Anything.”
Eddie’s eyes lit up. He slapped the countertop, disturbing Maddie’s wine and his capri sun.
“Paw patrol shoes!”
Maddie cocked her head at him, her lips parted to ask what he was going on about, but Eddie had already rushed away from her. He hurried back just as fast to dispose of his drink, press a kiss to her cheek and say goodbye to Chim before he was out the door and on his way to the fourth Walmart of the day. He called Chris on the way asking him to check if they had the shoes in stock.
“Seriously, dad? I’m about to go to bed. I’ve had to fend for myself all evening and now you’re asking about paw patrol shoes,” Chris grumbled, although Eddie could already hear him checking the website on his behalf. Eddie decided he’d let Chris off for the inevitable mountain of dishes in the sink for this one small for favour. “Yeah, they’ve got ‘em. They’ve also got that new game…”
Eddie hung up before his son could beg for yet another game that would keep him glued to his computer. Eddie would get it, eventually, but he had other priorities.
There was a time, early on, when Buck would resent Theo for crashing into his room at an ungodly time of the morning, but today he took it for what it was: a blessing. For one, it meant that Theo was feeling better. Buck smiled despite the ringing in his ears as Theo yelled into them and he bit back a curse when Theo’s toy truck bashed against his head. He revelled in the giggles that escaped from Theo when Buck wrapped his arms around him and trapped him in a cuddle, breathing in the smell of him. It felt like a goodbye. So, it hurt just a little when Theo got bored of cuddling, insisting that Buck let him go only to drag Buck from the bed and toward the kitchen in search of breakfast. Buck smiled despite the sadness that hung over him, glad to see the sickness bug was short-lived.
His smile faltered when he rounded the corner into the kitchen, however.
“Eddie,” Theo cried. He rushed toward Eddie, screeching happily as he was swept upwards into Eddie’s arms.
“Glad to see you’re feeling better,” Eddie said. “Fancy some breakfast?”
Theo’s face dropped. He looked warily past Eddie to the toaster and then to Buck.
“Did you make it?”
Buck had to bite into his upper lip to not laugh. It wasn’t appropriate. Eddie didn’t get the memo. He chuckled and turned to show Theo the bags upon the countertop. Buck sniffed and caught a whiff of warmed pain au chocolates. Theo grabbed at one as Eddie offered it, cramming it into his cheeks so that they bulged and he showered the floor and Eddie with pastry.
“Slow down,” Buck called out. He pictured Theo turning blue and reached out, but he shouldn’t have worried. Eddie was there. Eddie eased the pastry from Theo’s mouth and set him down with the promise of a ‘present’ if he ate slowly and properly. Theo nodded, taking his pastry to the table to eat like a big boy.
Buck was so focused on Theo he hadn’t realised that Eddie had closed the distance between them until he was right in front of him.
“Hi,” Eddie said, making Buck jump. “Sorry.”
Eddie offered Buck a cup of coffee. It was his favourite – a salted caramel latte. Buck stuck his nose up at it.
“What’s this? A sorry-I’m-about-to-divorce-you-pity-latte?”
Eddie rolled his eyes and pressed the coffee into Buck’s unwilling hand.
“No, it’s a salted caramel latte,” he said. Buck tensed his jaw. He knew that. He could smell that. “Or, I guess, it’s a sorry-I-blew-up-at-you-last-night-apology-latte.”
Buck sucked on his tongue. He squeezed the cup in his hand so hard, it started to bubble through the lid.
“I see,” he said. Except he didn’t.
Why was Eddie here? Why had he bought breakfast? What was Buck supposed to do with a latte when he was about to lose everything? It hurt just as much as it did last night when Eddie left Buck to cross the kitchen, his heart hurting at the casual ease at which Eddie ruffled Theo’s curls when he passed him. Eddie returned not seconds later and Buck couldn’t deny how quickly it calmed him down. In his hands, Eddie held another pain au chocolate.
“And this,” Eddie offered it to Buck, “is a I-don’t-want-a-divorce-pastry.”
“You don’t?” Buck felt too hesitant to take it. What if it was a trick? Or worse, a tax benefit thing? Eddie would be the type of person to justify a marriage for those reasons. Buck wasn’t sure he could handle being a write-off every April. Eddie shook his head and inched even closer into Buck’s space.
“No, I don’t. I had a long, hard think yesterday. Spoke to some people. Realised some things.”
“Oh?” Buck still hadn’t taken the pastry. Theo eyed it from his chair, his own pain au chocolate in bits upon the table.
“Yeah.”
Before Buck could ask what those things were, Eddie answered in the best way possible: with his lips. Not with words, but by pressing his lips to Buck’s in an innocent, gentle manner often reserved for newlyweds. Buck’s foot itched to flick upward, but he kept it down. The pain au chocolate crumbled between them, much to Theo’s upset. Eddie pulled away when he whined, laughing at the mess and “how Buck’s stubble tickled”. Buck felt tickled. Giddy, even. He’d just been kissed. By his husband.
“Oops, almost forgot,” Eddie said suddenly, whisking away from Buck once more. Theo and Buck both watched him go. While Theo licked his lips at the pastry Eddie chucked onto the counter, Buck curiously looked down at the bag Eddie pressed into his hands. “For all our missed anniversaries.”
“All two?” Buck teased, even though he rushed to open the bag with the eagerness of a child. Once he’d opened it, however, he frowned. “Paw Patrol trainers?”
Eddie fell into Buck as he laughed. His breath tickled Buck’s neck and, without thinking, Buck turned to kiss his forehead. He froze as his lips pressed against Eddie’s skin and waited for rejection. Eddie leaned further into him instead, refusing to push away as he explained:
“They’re actually for Theo,” he confessed, laughing even harder when Theo snatched them from Buck’s hands. Neither of them had it in them to scold him. “Admittedly, all of your presents are kind of for him. I panicked. There’s a colouring book for paper and a new t-shirt for cotton.”
“That’s okay, I’ll probably use the colouring book more than him and, anyway, aren’t you always saying I wear too small shirts?”
Eddie finally pulled away from Buck to snicker.
“I’d like to see you try get that one over that big head of yours, Buckley,” Eddie knocked at the side of Buck’s head. Buck blew a raspberry at him.
“I think you’ll find it’s Buckley-Diaz, actually,” he reminded Eddie.
Buck wasn’t prepared for the goofiest, most pleased grin to blossom across Eddie’s face in response. Nor was he ready for the soft caress of Eddie’s hand against his cheek.
“Yeah, I believe you’re right.”
“I always am,” Buck couldn’t help but tease. Eddie tutted, then his face twisted as though he just remembered something.
“Oh, by the way, we’ll have to celebrate our next few anniversaries on a different day.”
“Huh? Why?” Buck pouted. That wasn’t fair. He’d been robbed of two anniversaries already, why would Eddie deprive him of more?
“Your sister says we ‘owe’ her for, and I quote, stealing her wedding day and being absolute idiots for too long. We’re on babysitting duty.”
Buck let his head fall backwards with a groan.
“Whose idea was that anyway?”
With a sly grin, Eddie shrugged and kissed his husband.