Work Text:
Simon’s been focusing on trying to put together this pollinating system for the greenhouse extension to the biodome, but he’s only working on it at all right now because he’s trying to work himself up. It’s been a long time since he’s been this… nervous.
Not scared or anxious, he thinks? Not quite worried. He remembers being trapped in the SM-13. He remembers being toyed with by Father, by the C.O.I., by the eel. He remembers the moment where he had set all his fears aside to get the black box to the surface because Ava was right, it was everything. And he can only hope that it made it, that it’s making the difference. He remembers having to stand up to his Brothers when they were changing plans at Filament Station, he can remember them leaving him behind, moving from being Father’s prized attack dog to his scapegoat the moment he had sniffed out that Simon’s loyalty had begun to waver.
Every moment of his life had been filled with blood soaking into his skin. Filled with having to play with rules laid out for him that would always contradict themselves later on, changing his position in their game. The one choice that had been his own to make and no one else’s was that last moment he remembers in his own universe. The one he made to save it.
And once he woke up here? It didn’t feel real, at first. The only thing that had felt real was the residual fear he had from before. His reservations. Then there had been the ways he had changed. Mentally and physically. When faced with the question of who is he, Simon didn’t have an answer.
Simon sets down the wrench with a sigh and looks over the green house, at all the life in it that Adrian has been helping him with. Life that doesn’t require sacrifice of blood and flesh to thrive. Life that needs attention and care and a gentle hand. Life that sings.
Simon still feels that he doesn’t have that answer.
But, he’s… getting there.
He’ll get there.
His gaze wanders over the large space. It’s supposed to simulate a forest clearing, sunlight through filters of leaves on trees, honest to roots sunlight. Not just light bulbs, but light from the surface of the planet that’s strategically reflected, redirected, and heavily filtered until the scientists got it right. It’s extremely impressive since they don’t even perceive light. The space is huge, and the walls made to make it look even larger. And it’s filled with so many plants. Flowers, bushes, shrubs, stalks, saplings, herbs, mosses, and just. There’s so many plants.
In the center of the greenhouse is the tree that grew from the sapling of Simon’s talisman. It’s bark is grey while its leaves are red. Simon had been hesitant to work with it, but he was given encouragement to try. So he did, and- he can’t explain it, but he feels this connection to it. Almost as though it’s trying to speak to him in a language that he can’t perceive. Something about it feels kind. Gentle. Like it understands.
The weird tree offers him a sense of comfort, one that he leans into. Especially in moments like now. As he’s trying to work up the courage.
Simon’s eyes stay on the tree for a moment longer. The fans create an artificial breeze that rustle and curl into the branches and leaves of the tree, but it feels as though the movement is on purpose, offering to prompt Simon. His gaze travels out the front wall, transparent and giving him full range of sight of the beach.
On the other end, he can spot Grace, laughing at something as his final class is coming to an end. He can almost hear the sound of the laugh as it entangles into that of the breeze and the waves. Rocky and Adrian walk along the beach by his side, all talking together about something he can’t make out from here.
Simon’s eyes flick back over to the tree on the opposite side of the greenhouse. “I know. I’m trying.” Simon inhales deeply as he draws his arm across his chest to rub his other shoulder. “I just…”
As he trails off, the room is filled by the sound of dripping water and rustling leaves again.
Easing back against his seat and looking back out the window, Simon nods. “Yeah, I know he said I could ask for absolutely anything, but this is different. This is- Look, it’s just not something that I-” Simon drags his hand down his jaw, the only thing he’s successfully working up is his nerves and not the ones he’s trying to. “Mhmm.”
Simon grows wordless as Grace and Rocky take their time parting for he day, doing some little dance they mimic from the other. Something about how weird they are makes him smile despite himself. The connection they have always has Simon’s chest feeling lighter. Hopeful.
Grace waves his best friend off as the Eridians leave before he turns up to the door of the greenhouse. Simon busies himself with looking at the mechanisms again before Grace even has the chance to lay his eyes on him. Eventually, though, Grace is able to find him at his desk that’s surrounded and shrouded by plants, almost entirely hiding Simon from the door.
“Hey Simon! Adrian and I just finished up classes for the day,” Grace smiles as he walks around to Simon’s work station, eyes damn near sparkling as he studies Simon’s work. “Gosh, this is looking amazing!”
Silently choking down the knot in his throat, Simon hums with a calmness he does not possess internally. “It honestly isn’t much. It’s…” Simon can’t even finish that lie. He still isn’t over the miracle of the very room he works in. He never thought he’d see so many plants in his life before. And being able to build machinery for the purpose of taking care of those plants? And without having to-
Shame filling his chest, Simon looks away as he shakes his head, “Honestly, it’s the least I could do.”
A frown gently touches Grace’s lips as he reaches over to place a hand on Simon’s shoulder. “No, Simon, it’s everything. What you’ve done is breathtaking. Don’t discredit yourself. Please?”
Having to swallow his regret, Simon nods, but relaxes under Grace’s touch, leaning into it. His body seeks the offered comfort while his mind is seeking an unspoken boost for confidence. “Thank you, Ryland,” he tries at a smile, even if it’s a small one. He wants to give at least that in return.
Whatever he gave the other, it has Grace just beaming at Simon and he can almost feel Grace’s praises, and Simon shifts. Not… uncomfortably. He’s still trying to accept that wanting more is okay, or so Grace tells him. Simon’s attention is momentarily tugged away and back towards the center of the room. The tree somehow looks… fuller. Sturdier, with all the strength of a loving caretaker looking over her forest. And just as she tugged his attention, she pushes it back to the man at his side.
And as his eyes return to Grace, his breath hitches. The sunlight that filters into the makeshift forest bathes Grace in it’s light. Simon still can’t let go of the way that it halos Grace, just the way everything feels that it does. But Grace always pulls away when Simon says it. Maybe if he finds different ways to express it, Grace won’t feel as if he’s being burned. Simon can almost understand that. It’s similar but different from how Simon had been sick to his stomach when he felt that Grace was spoiling him with too much. So Grace had pulled back a fraction and gave Simon room to breath, and Simon is slowly coming to Grace.
Maybe… he’s still letting me choose the pace.
The understanding settles around Simon and he takes a deep breath before speaking. “Grace, could we…” Grace tilts his head in interest and curiosity and it’s too late for Simon to back out now, “Later, after dinner, I was wondering if we could- sorry,” Simon huffs a nervous breath, forcing forward as best he can. But Grace rolls his thumb over his shoulder and Simon feels it remove tension. “If you would be willing to hold me for a while?”
There’s a flash of surprise on Grace’s face and before Simon can jump at the chance to even begin to start back pedaling, Grace shakes himself from his shock. “Yes, of course! That sounds amazing, I’d love to.”
Simon relaxes, not even having the mental energy to care if Grace is just saying that to make him feel better or if he actually means it. He’s starving too much to care. Ever since Grace had held him during his nightmare, he’s been wanting to be held like that again. Just for the sake of being held. Grace had been so gentle but firm at the same time and he’s never been touched like that before. And it’s been a long time since he had last been touched without being treated like a monster. That night it had all been too much but he refused to let it go, to make it stop, which only had made him more of a mess in Grace’s arms.
It was kind, more so than Simon can remember he’s been given in his entire life. But he wants it again without the precursor of his own suffering and without unraveling at the seams.
Grace has been making him almost believe he might be allowed to have it. And whether he’s being selfish or pitiable, he wants to believe it. He wants to accept it.
—
Grace throws a blanket over the couch and adjusts it before fluffing the pillow. Simon watches awkwardly, unsure of what to do with himself while Grace readies the area. He shifts his weight carefully, as the pain that had settled in over the past couple of weeks coming back to sink its claws and fangs into his skin.
The only salve has been any time Adrian has rested beside him and the two gravitated toward each other while working together or the few times that Grace has accidentally brushed along his skin. Living together, it happens here and there. And it was always a momentary relief. He had kept the feeling at bay, but with the anticipation of touch being right here.
Simon can barely wait for Grace to settle down before inching closer. He looks to Grace for one last grant of permission. Grace’s smile softens as he nods, opening his arms, waiting for Simon. He gingerly crawls over Grace, one knee in between his legs, holding himself up with his hand placed just above Grace’s shoulders, careful not to touch the man yet and scared to do so.
“Here,” Grace places one hand on the center of Simon’s back and the other over his shoulders, gently pulling- guiding Simon down. Simon can feel every inch of warmth and contact. He’s tense for the first few moments, but as soon as Grace moves the hand on his back slowly up and down the entire length of his spine, Simon relaxes his entire weight onto the other. Sighing, he wraps his arm snugly underneath Grace, holding him close. He closes his eyes and smells coffee beans and Chamomile and honey. The earthiness of it is something that is entirely Ryland Grace.
He can feel Grace pull down the blanket over them, tucking Simon in tightly to him. Simon melts ontop of Grace as the man continues to slide his hand up and down his back, stopping occasionally to scratch here and there. But when Grace moves his other hand to Simon’s scalp and begins to massage the base of his skull? Simon hides his face against Grace’s neck, biting back whatever noise is trying to escape his throat.
However, Grace’s hand slides from Simon’s scalp to his jaw, and he would have whined at the loss if his jaw weren’t clenched so hard.
“It’s alight, I gotcha Simon,” Grace speaks softly as he lightly presses against Simon’s jaw, encouraging him to release the tension he’s straining on himself.
Following the unspoken request, Simon relaxes his muscles there, humming as he does so.
“Good, just like that,” Grace slides his hand back up to the back of Simon’s head to return to his previous focus and this time uninterrupted.
Try as he may to fight it, Grace lulls Simon into a dreamless sleep and Simon can’t find it in himself to even dare attempt to punish himself over such a sacred gift.
Especially not when given by Ryland Grace.