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Sae is Rin’s favourite person in the whole world. Rin notices everything Sae does and doesn’t do.
She notices how her sister comes to practice earlier and leaves later than anyone. How her sister wakes up with the sunrise to go on runs by the coast. How she looks so cool in her tracksuit.
Summer is almost over, and the world is starting to look sadder: the sea breeze is chilling, seagulls are leaving, school kids are preparing for the second term. Rin knows this is her sister’s favourite time of the year — Sae likes it when everything slows down a little. Why though? Sae herself never slows down. Maybe she likes being the only one running, while others are walking, that’s how she can reach the finish earlier than others. Rin always notices everything Sae does and doesn’t do, but doesn’t necessarily always understand what’s behind it.
What’s the thought process behind taking her on the morning runs, too? She doesn’t know, but there she is, sitting by the water, feet wet, wind in her hair, as Sae lies next to her, still out of breath, her little bangs sweaty and sticking to her forehead.
The sky is getting lighter as the sun rises, falling on Sae’s hair, making it look even redder than usual. Rin knows that her sister keeps her hair short for convenience, and, well, it looks really good on her. With her slim neck and delicate posture, nothing can look bad on her.
“Rin, water,” she urges, sitting up.
The younger girl nods and starts searching their bag for a 2-liter bottle Sae carries around at all times. Two liters is a whole freaking lot, now that Rin is thinking about it.
“You run fast, huh?” she smiles, extending the water.
Rin watches as Sae takes big, greedy sips. That’s clearly more than she can swallow. But then again, Sae always bites more than she can chew in every sense, so that’s nothing new. The bottle was emptied by a quarter before being shoved back into their travel bag.
“You could start jogging in the mornings as well,” Sae offers, lying back down, her chest now rising and falling at a slower pace.
“Should I?”
“Yeah.”
The waves crush at the shore, cold sea water occasionally reaching the girls’ feet, as they savour the rare moments of silence. In about an hour from now, all the tourists currently visiting Kanagawa are going to be out and about in this neighbourhood as if they’ve never seen the ocean before in their lives, and Sae cannot stand those people, so they’re gonna have to leave. She doesn’t like the idea of foreigners treating her home like a zoo just because they find it a cool place to visit. Sae doesn’t like anything from the outside of her own world trying to sneak into it: she hates tourists in her hometown, she hates interviewers asking something too personal, she hates their teammates feeling entitled to her time and attention. Rin would know just how irritated they made her sister.
At home, Sae cooks them breakfast, which she doesn’t normally do, but their parents have already left for work, so one of them had to do it. Rin can tell her sister is struggling. She’s not particularly good at anything that isn’t soccer-related, which is alright; she doesn’t have to be. She could even suck at soccer, and Rin would still adore her.
Soon enough, there is a bowl of rice and some fruit on the dining table in front of Rin.
“Eat it yourself,” Sae instructs, “I had my breakfast while you were asleep.”
Which is a lie. Rin can tell it’s a lie. She’s been having a hard time sleeping these days, and this night she could barely close her eyes at all. Two hours of sleep would be a generous estimation. By four in the morning, she was lying in her bed wide awake, putting holes in the ceiling. It would be weird if Rin didn’t remember that her sister woke up at quarter past five, went to brush her teeth, did her yoga thing and “woke” Rin up at six to take her for a morning run. There was no leaving the room, so how could Sae have breakfast? What a lie. Rin pays all her attention to details when it comes to Sae.
“Okay,” she says nonetheless. She doesn’t question her sister. Rin trusts her too much for that, plus she’s too hungry.
The old clock on the living room wall shows 12 when Rin sits on the couch next to Sae to watch Chibi Maruko-chan on TV. Sae watches the show with such a serious face, you would think it’s a horror. Her face is so tense, her eyes are like glass with nothing behind them. Is she even really watching? For a second, it seemed like Sae wasn’t even here.
If it’s 12, it means that they have twenty more hours to spend together before Sae leaves for Spain. She’s gonna train with Real’s youth team and become the greatest striker they could possibly dream of. When Rin gets scouted like her prodigy sister, she’s gonna go to Spain too. But for now, they had to enjoy these twenty hours with each other.
“Hey,” Sae began, “you know you’re cool, right?”
“I guess.” Rin shrugs without much thought, her eyes not leaving the TV screen, but her hand instinctively reaching for Sae’s. “Why?”
“No reason. Just know you’re cool, okay? You’re fine. Just the way you are. Don’t change a thing.” The elder girl’s eyes locked on Rin’s face, with an undeniable sadness on her own.
“Are you okay?” A natural question escaped Rin’s mouth.
She looked up from the screen and fidgeted her hand, squeezing Sae’s tighter, then leaning on her shoulder. That was a sweet thing to say, but Rin knew that her sister wouldn’t say that without a reason.
“Yeah, I just wanted to tell you that while I’m still here,” muttered Sae, kissing the top of Rin’s head.
Weird, extremely weird. Rin knows her sister’s ways, and being this affectionate was extremely bizarre for her. Maybe she’s just trying to be a wise and guiding type of sibling instead of cool and easygoing. That’s still unsettling.
Nonetheless, Rin leans closer and makes a conscious effort to memorise the shape of her sister’s delicate hand, that she was holding in hers, her tousled, shoulder-length hair, which she would occasionally be allowed to braid, her slightly uneven bangs. Sae says she’s not sure if she’ll be able to visit Japan during the four-year-long training at Real, so maybe the next time Rin sees her sister will be in four years, which is crazy to think about. Rin’s gonna be 15. Terrifying.
The evenings are breezy and hasteless, brightened up by bike rides along the coastline. If you go fast enough, it starts feeling like you’re flying, and Rin adores the excitement it gives her. Today they are going pretty slow, though. Sae said she’s not feeling well and doesn’t want to overwork herself before tomorrow’s trip, which is something she would never say before. But then again, she’s never been preparing for a 14-hour flight before, so maybe it’s a whatever.
The watch on Sae’s tiny wrist shows something around 7 p.m. when they sit down by the beach and open the popsicles they just got. Every colour from pink to yellow is dancing in the sunset they’re watching, truly a sight to behold. If only this moment could last forever, Rin catches herself wishing.
Once again, Rin notices some deep blues in Sae’s eyes. Not the beautiful water-blue colour they share, but something somber, dreadful underneath. Sae talks about Spain and wonders what’s Rin gonna do once she’s gone. That’s a bit of a scary thing to ponder on, so Rin doesn’t — she says something about finding a replacement on autopilot, which earns her a playful slap on the shoulder, too weak even for a friendly one. Maybe Rin’s just getting tougher. After all, she is growing much faster than her sister — they are almost the same height already. Their parents think Rin’s gonna be the taller one. Surprisingly to her, Sae doesn’t seem to mind it.
The conversation doesn’t last long, so they just sit there, letting the moment linger, enjoying their last carefree evening before separation.
But Rin does eventually come back to the question she was presented with — what on earth is she gonna do once Sae’s gone? They’ve never been apart for longer than two days, and even two days felt like too long. And their soccer team? Oh, those are gonna miss Sae more than they miss their late relatives — she’s their ace, after all. Maybe Rin can try to be the new Sae? Their teammates do consider her the second best thing after her sister. But even attempting to be on Sae’s level is a lot of pressure. What if she can’t? Will the girls from the team be disappointed? Will Sae be disappointed? But what if she will actually succeed? Rin could imagine winning their team a new trophy, being praised by the coach and compared to her sister’s genius. That will help her get scouted faster. Plus, Madrid’s scouts should know the prodigy has a younger sister, so they might keep an eye on her. Sae did pave the way for both of them, in a sense.
Late dinner with family comes at 10 in the evening, and it’s from an Indian restaurant where their mom loves to order takeout. Rin loves Indian food, especially cheese naan with chicken — something Sae used to order for them when they were younger. The elder girl seemed to grow less fond of the foreign cuisine, as it was easy to tell she was eating unwillingly, avoiding eye contact with their parents, taking a sip of water after each bite. Rin could tell she was uncomfortable, but couldn’t begin to think why: today was an awesome day, this is some awesome food, they aren’t even having any annoying guests over. What could possibly be wrong? Is it the anxiety of leaving soon? Must be it.
Tonight they both sleep in Sae’s bed, just like they used to when they were younger. Rin throws off her slippers and jumps into the bed, immediately clinging to Sae, who groans in fake annoyance, but her arms still wrap around the younger girl, disheveling her long black hair.
“You’re a big baby.” Sae laughs, turning off the lights. “I kinda don’t want you to ever grow up.”
“I really want to, though,” Rin hums in return.
“Then sleep in your own bed like a big girl.”
She clicks her tongue.
“Fine, maybe I don’t wanna grow up just yet.”
For the first time in weeks, Rin falls asleep easily and peacefully, but she still wakes up in the middle of the night, and when she does, her throat is dry, her body is sweaty, and her bladder is full, so she figures she has to get up. Still disoriented from sleep, Rin turns the nightlight on and sits up. Sae’s not in bed. She must have gone to the bathroom. The floor is cold against Rin’s feet, and the door is cold against her ear when she tries to hear any evidence of Sae being the one in the bathroom, but she hears something she didn’t quite expect. Did she hear her sister gagging?
“You okay?” Rin bangs on the door.
Short silence follows before the toilet is flushed. A couple more seconds before the door opens and Sae steps out.
Hair up, eyes teary, knees red.
Rin isn’t sure what she’s witnessing, but she cannot find it in herself to question it. She just feels that something isn’t right.
Sae gives her an empty, tired, tortured look before returning to bed without a word. A cold chill runs down Rin’s spine. For the first time ever, she is not so sure that she knows and notices everything about her sister.
When the sun rises the next day, the whole family is already on their way to the airport to see Sae off. Some cheesy song is playing on the radio while their mom and dad are talking about food on the plane, Spanish language, and someone named Dabadie. Sae occasionally nods, but doesn’t say anything in return. Rin doesn’t feel like she can say anything at all.
Before boarding the plane, Sae gives them the biggest smile she can and once again promises Rin to become the greatest striker in the world, her voice strong, no hint of doubt in it. Rin believes her.
Rin loves her sister more than anything in the world. She just wishes she could understand what’s going on in her head.