Chapter Text
The soft pattering of feet.
The mindless laughter of children.
Jing Yuan's constant complaining.
Jingliu's soft sighs.
Baiheng's chaotic laughter.
Yingxing's soft murmurs—
"Dan Heng! Time for breakfast! We're in for a day of adventure again! Wakey or else i'll definitely steal your share of breakfast!"
Bleary-eyed, Dan Heng stirs awake, his eyes adjusting to the sudden brightness that somehow entered through the blinds of the archive room.
His computer shows a vivid blue hologram, showcasing an entry he'd been too distracted to complete. He's been dreaming again. Of his old life. Of his old friends. He suspects it's because he'd seen Ren in the Xianzhou. Though it didn't make sense, because even that was long ago. Being in Amphoreus had made Dan Heng softer at the edges, rather than the sharpness he held back then. Spending thousands of years waiting for Stelle to show up does that to you; a part of him wonders what he would've done had he never found her at all. Perhaps he would've gone mad (like Dan Feng did).
Though, he did see Ren recently. He'd even sworn he would keep an eye on him. Breakfast on the express is domestic in a way that now makes his head hurt and flood with memories—
Jing Yuan's complaining. Baiheng's chaotic laughter. Jingliu's soft sighs. Yingxing's murmurs.
—he can't even stop the flood. It's so unlike him.
Usually, he'd been able to shut the memories out. Perhaps he's been too tired (though, it wouldn't make sense. Dan Heng sleeps at appropriate time periods). Being in Planarcadia has made him rather lenient with his Vidyadhara form, usually he only let his true form free during sleep—it now let out like a river—especially whenever he's distracted. Perhaps it's because of Ren. Maybe.
"No."
Dan Heng felt a little conflicted. He wants to accompany Ren on his journey to the World in Canvas.
According to the man, he would drag Shuhu down with him and have the Voracity consume them together. There was a time where Dan Heng likely wouldn't have cared as much as he did now, because his heart contracted painfully, as if calling for it's other half.
The beating heart within Ren's chest, pumping him with life...that's his heart. It sends a slight rush of warmth and excitement through him.
"No?" Dan Heng blinked, meeting Ren's eyes. He supposed it made sense. All Dan Heng did in the past was trouble Ren. After all, he did try to bring Baiheng back to life using the Transmutation Arcanum and Shuhu's flesh, leading to Ren's immortality and mara-struck situation.
Perhaps that was why. Ren simply did not want him to weigh him down on his final journey.
Said man closes his eyes, "I wish to travel the path towards my finality alone....It's nothing against you," he states "we are both no longer who we used to be. What we were together back then...we no longer are, now."
Ren opens his eyes, locking on him. Right. They may have been lovers then. Ren may have married him then. But that was the past.
A past Ren seemed desperate to let go.
A past Dan Heng has barely grasped yet.
"Right." Dan Heng says softly. Dan Heng thought he wouldn't be bothered at all. Ren deserved this. He deserved the rest, he deserved nirvana from all this suffering. He deserved to be free from the cycle his past self had cursed him to wrongfully.
And yet— It takes every reason and logic in him to halt himself from grasping onto the man's arms and selfishly begging him to stay.
So, Dan Heng settles for staring at the setting sun alongside Ren.
He's always been warm, Ren, he means. The man has always been a running furnace. As Dan Feng, he'd loved curling into Yingxing's strong arms, or simply watching the artisan craft flawless weaponry that would follow others to their deaths.
Dan Feng would often wrap his tail loosely around the man's torso when they slept, his body warmth seeping into his own.
"Are you afraid?" Ren asked lowly, his voice deeper than it was back then. Though, Dan Heng supposes that both of them have encountered change in so many ways. "Not at all."
Oh well, Dan Heng has lied many times.
A touch of a smile graces Ren's lips, a sight Dan Heng's only ever seen in Dan Feng's memories. "You have no reason to be afraid," Ren said, the softness Yingxing possessed seeping out. A softness that usually only emerged for the young girls he saw as his own (Silver Wolf and Firefly), and Kafka who's been a mighty hand when he's infested with the sorrows of Mara.
"I know that." Dan Heng doesn't. "Do you perhaps feel regretful?" Ren asks, head tilting slightly, eyes boring into his—"Why the pout, Yinyue-jun? I hadn't thought one as prideful and mighty as you would be so troubled with something as little as a scratch on a lowly mortal like me's cheek." Yingxing teased, earning a glare from Dan Feng—"Don't be ridiculous." Dan Heng glared.
Truly, once a lizard always a lizard, Ren thought in amusement.
"You are the same, yet so different." He remarks, his eyes softening into one of awe. "I hadn't thought i still had the heart and soul to bear nostalgia...perhaps this being one of my final moments is making me rather emotional. Tell me what's troubling you, A-heng."
Back at the statue of the High Elder, Ren hadn't given him an answer. Simply a cold shoulder, and a stare that would've made Dan Feng offended, receiving such a cold look from his husband. Dan Heng held a troubled expression. He'd thought they'd have much more time than a few minutes. They only have a couple more minutes till they're going back to real life, a part of him...No, all of him wishes they could go back to the times where it was all simpler.
Where they could be careless individuals who had regular responsibilities, and not this. He'd never once registered they'd have to say goodbye for good. Perhaps he's selfishly taken advantage of Ren's immortality and cycle.
"Do not fret, lǎo gōng." Ren chuckled slightly, the noise a melody as silky and stretchy as honey to Dan Heng's ears. "I'd said it before, hadn't i? I'll still be with you, even after death," his finger brushes against Dan Heng's pale cheek, he hadn't even realized that a tear had rolled down.
"I'd always thought we'd have more time." Ren's eyebrows furrowed slightly, almost a hint of pain in his eyes. "I wont hinder your wishes, no. I...I won't make the same mistake as i had before. I simply—"
"I know. I know you, A-heng. You need not waste your breath on so much words. You know my heart, and i know yours. The very heart that beats in me is yours, after all. I'd always joked about how you give me life, i suppose it is true, now. I may detest the curse of immortality, but this suffering..this..samsara, had given me people I'd rather die than admit i need. The Stellaron Hunters have become alike to what we were with the Quintet, then."
Dan Heng feels a few more tears roll down, Ren's thumbs wiping them away as they always have. All these years apart and he's still wiping my tears away. "I want more time," selfish "this isn't enough."
Dan Heng stated, his voice shaky like it hasn't been for a long time. Amphoreus added years onto his mental knowledge, and he's always thought of Ren as a constant being who'd always follow him down, chase him down till they'd die alongside one another.
A light kiss presses onto his lips, the taste of Ren's mouth a welcome unfamiliar familiarity in a place as strange and chaotic as Planarcadia. Their lips move together in an easy dance, and Dan Heng almost feels as if they're back in his estate—laughing carelessly and sharing kisses—all while dreaming of the unattainable, a family.
Please not him. Long, if you can hear me. Lan, not him. I need more time. This isn't enough.
To "Trailblaze" is to commit to an ongoing act of ontological genesis. They create meaning where there is none, and move forward precisely because stagnation is a form of cosmic death.
After this, Dan Heng would have to move on and carry Ren through his jade pendant, cloud piercer, and his precious bracer. He'd have to meet new people, and continue to act as a pillar of protection within the Express. He'd have to travel till he dies, all while carrying the spirit of his husband with him.
It aches.
It aches because he'd barely experienced Ren as a husband at all in this life.
It aches because minutes after this, Ren would plunge into the unlikeliness of the World in Canvas.
It aches because even after 700 years of longing for closure and redemption, all they get is a couple minutes.
Ren has known Dan Heng and his previous self for hundreds of years, Dan Heng has barely known Ren in the few years of living.
Would he have to live off only memories? Only this? Would he have to rely on memory bubbles? Would he have to ask a painter here to capture Ren's beauty and sharpness simply to remember him?
"Ren, i love you." His lower lip wobbles, and he can't stop the tears from spilling out anymore. He hasn't cried like this in a while.
"I love you too, Yinyue-jun." Ren tugs him into a tight and warm embrace, his body heat like the furnace that Dan Feng would be jealous of simply because Yingxing would be around it more. He wonders. He wants to ask. He will. He has to.
"Will you find me again, in your next life?"
"I'll always find you in every life that fate blesses and curses us with, Dan Heng."
"Will you marry me in every single one?"
"Of course."
"Would we be happier?"
"The happiest, qīn'ài de."
The journey back to the express is a blurry one.
He almost barely registers March's cheerful commentary.
Nor can he even muster up a small nod or smile to Welt and Sunday.
Nor can he spare a comforting glance at Pompom or Himeko.
In his rather emotional state, he admits he's missed Stelle. "Woah, who's possessed you?" Stelle laughs in amusement, throwing an arm over his shoulder. "Dan Heng's grown soft!" March sings.
He sees his future clearly. Traveling alongside the express for however long fate allows it, and protecting all of them with the abilities he's had. Then, once he dies, he'll spend eternity in peace with Ren. Yes, that sounds good.
"Of course. Ren had refused when i'd offered to accompany him on his final journey..i suppose i've realized I had grown lenient on my duties towards our Express family. I'll focus on this world more." Dan Heng stated, the words feeling rather bitter in his mouth.
Despite their antics, the two girls know him well. "He'll be fine, Dan Heng." Stelle pats his shoulder, "Yeah!" March cheers.
He will love the path of the Trailblaze. In this life and in the next, he won't take anything for granted.
"For the last time, March, I am not getting a tattoo."
Dan Heng sighed, the pink-haired girl dragging him through the busy streets of Xianzhou City.
They were currently in the Red Light district, in between Luofu and Zhuming City.
"This place is low-key sketchy, March." Caelus stated, Stelle was off with Firefly, and Caelus had been the less romance-busy twin; so he tagged along.
"Never mind the sketchiness! It's a really good tat place! My friend Sampo got his tattoo done here." March pouts, "Plug Sampo?" Dan Heng asks, unimpressed.
"You have sketchy friends, March."
"Stop saying Sketchy, Caelus!"
They pass a few billboards of the Oak Family, their friend Sunday and his sister, Robin, had recently taken over the Reverie Hotel and Casino in Penacone City (a.k.a sin city or where dreams come true!).
A few billboards showcased the Herta Institute, a hyper-secure, and super selective tech & research campus. One of Dan Heng's distant cousins: Ruan Mei, had gotten in. Apparently, Herta's even her fiancée. Lucky her.
"Shouldn't you be busy with your upcoming travel vlog?" Dan Heng turns his head to March, who paused. "...Shh!" She simply hissed.
Their whole friendgroup is a rather silly bunch. Himeko, a professor of Aerospace Engineering, had adopted March when she was a baby—years later, and a few unlucky roads—they'd met Welt (a storyboard artist and animator) who was a single father with the twins, Caelus and Stelle. They'd all gone to the same schools and somehow Dan Heng saw them everywhere. Then they'd met Sunday who started off as a snob, yet simply turned out to be a pressured young lad who wanted friends. And so...They all became friends.
Himeko became a mother to him, and Welt, a father. They all slot together like puzzle pieces, as if they've always been bound together by fate.
"Are you still dating that older lady?" March asks mindlessly, Caelus pausing. "Kafka isn't old." He insists, "And we aren't dating! She's just sponsoring me through my classes..."
"Gigolo." March and Dan Heng murmured.
Kafka's a Corporate Mediator who somehow always gets what she wants. She creeps Dan Heng out a little with her sultry and sharp stare. Perhaps she was a serious leader or a mafia boss in some other life. She's also scarily good at shooting.
"Isn't Kafka a close friend of Silver Wolf?" "You're dating your ex girlfriend's mother?" March gasps. "For the last time, Kafka is not my girlfriend! I won an internship at her company, the Stellaron Hunters, remember? Also, me and Silver Wolf are back together!" Caelus whined childishly, eyes tracking a shiny looking garbage can. Strange guy.
"This is it!" March squealed. The place was rather...dark?
NIRVANA TATTOO SHOP, appointments only.
"You're joking." Dan Heng blinks, sighing. His shoulders slump down. "Dan Heng. Let loose. The only thing you have is a single extra ear piercing." March sighs, pushing him in.
The place looks very well put together. Low ambient lighting, heavy incense or woodsmoke burning in the corner, and shelves lined with antique blades, ink bottles, and bandaged sketches. There are also a lot of dragon imagery and traditional art from years ago, back when Vidyadhara's "apparently" existed. There's also a cool sword and spear on display.
"Hi! I'm here for an appointment under the name March." She exclaims. A person came out, name tag reading: Luka.
"Of course!" Luka came stumbling out of the rear prep room, desperately trying to wipe bright crimson ink off his forearms with paper towels.
"Who's getting tatted?" He grins. "My friend." She gestures to Dan Heng. Luka leads Dan Heng into a private room, talking his ear off about random stuff.
Usually Dan Heng doesn't indulge in small talk, but he occasionally comments just to be respectful. "Mister Ren! The client is here," Luka exclaims cheerily.
The man whom he calls 'Ren' is absolutely gorgeous. He has long, ink-blue hair is messy and textured, falling loosely over his eyes in jagged layers.
The deep, wine-red tips catch the neon light of the studio whenever he tilts his head. He usually pulls it back into a messy, low loop at the nape of his neck, leaving a few stray strands to frame a sharp, angular jawline. His eyes are an absolutely striking crimson-orange, it felt as if Dan Heng was staring at a sunset.
Although he had eyebags that almost had him worried, it only added to his beauty that had him star-struck. What's worse is that he's wearing a sleeveless black wifebeater, and some nice jeans that hug his thick legs rather sexily. His biceps are large and slightly littered with scars that Dan Heng doesn't mind at all, he also has a full sleeve of tattoos.
He has a tattoo of a dragon wrapping around his bicep, and a few other traditional imagery. He wears a necklace around his neck that held a jade pendant on it, nestled in between his lewdly large chest. This man needs a bra.
Ren leans back against his work station, tilting his head back, meeting Dan Heng's eyes with half-lidded ones. He rolls his shoulders to get the knots out. Dan Heng can almost feel a heat pool at his gut.
"Sit down, princess." He said lowly, gesturing to the seat lazily. "This the design you sent, right?"
He shows an image of the tattoo March insisted Dan Heng get. The tattoo design was one Welt designed himself.
Apparently the man was on board a game company's new game called Honkai: Star Rail, and was mindlessly designing a few characters. Since March had begged him to create a design for Dan Heng, he'd made something rather beautiful. It's meant to be a spine tattoo. It has a a black outline of swirl designs that mimic clouds, while red spider lilies curled around lotuses. It's a strange mix, but somehow it works. It worked really well.
"Yes, it is." He nods. "Your name?" He's so attractive. Is he single? I hope he isn't— "Pardon?"
"Your name, princess." Ren raised an eyebrow, amused.
He feels his cheeks flush. "My name is Dan Heng." He says. A part of him feels like he's met Ren before. "...Have we met before?"
"Maybe." Ren hums, eyes meeting his. "Seems i've struck gold with this one."
There's a slight flutter in his belly at the man's words, "Flattery will get you nowhere." Dan Heng scoffs lowly, failing at acting nonchalant and unbothered.
His reddened ears and cheeks said otherwise.
Ren simply chuckles.
He talks him throughout the whole tattooing process, and at the end of the session, he asks for Dan Heng's number and a date.
"A date? When?" Dan Heng blinks, tilting his head in question.
"Next week will do, hm?" Ren slides his gloves off, veiny hands distracting Dan Heng.
"..That's so far." Dan Heng murmurs, snapping out of his daze.
"Well, we have all the time in the world, don't we, A-heng?"
"...I suppose we do, Ren."