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"Did I tell ya Jacob broke up with that boyfriend of his? Zach?" Melissa says as she places a tray of baked ziti in the centre of the table.
Saturday night dinners are a tradition in the Schemmenti-Russo household; all the kids home at last - Joey bringing Arya with him.
"No, but Janine did," Lucy says, spooning baked ziti onto her plate.
"That girl loves gossip," Melissa sighs, sitting down at the head of the table.
"So does Lucy." Gio smirks.
" 'Tis true," Lucy groans. "Such a shame. Now spill."
"There's nothin' to spill; they weren't happy, but now he ain't gotta place to stay."
"Why doesn't he take our room?" Frankie asks, gesturing to Joey. "We both got apartments now."
"Yeah; if he needs a place to stay he should take it, Ma," Joey says, piercing the ziti with his fork.
"Yeah, he's sound," Dom says.
"I like 'im," Lucy says, shrugging. "Plus my history teacher right now sucks, so. . ."
"We're only here on weekends," Gia says, shrugging, "plus he's a nice guy."
"Funny, too."
Melissa creases her brows. "Really?"
"Really."
"Huh."
Melissa watches Jacob on Monday.
He's neat.
Environmentally aware.
Talkative.
But nice. Funny. Helpful. Good with the kids.
So she sidles up to him.
"I've got a spare room," she mutters.
"Um, what?"
"I've got a spare room, if you want to stay. You're paying rent. You can eat the food I cook, but-"
"Wait," Jacob says, "are you serious?"
"As my great grandfather's third heart attack."
"Um," Jacob says, brows raised.
"Forget about it-"
"No, no, no I'll take it!" Jacob yells, falling out of his chair.
She looks at him sideways as he scrambles to standing. "Come look at the room tonight then if you want; I'm makin' meatballs."
"Um, alright then."
Later, when she's out for lunch with Barb, she asks her if she's really thought it through.
"I mean, Lord knows I love the boy, but he can be. . ."
"Yeah, I know," Melissa says, "but the kid needs a place to stay, I got a room, and Lucy's got a shit history teacher, so. . ." She shrugs.
"As long as you're sure," Barbara says. "Now tell me, how's Frankie's Paul?"
"How's Taylor's?"
"Only our children would date people with the same name."
Jacob rings the doorbell at exactly five to seven, two bottles of wine in one hand which he's starting to regret because Melissa does have kids, so-
The door opens to reveal Lucy Russo in a Philly Flyers jersey and leggings, hair in a ponytail.
"Hey, Jacob," she says, "come on in, Ma's almost got the food ready."
"Hi Lucy," he greets, sliding inside the door, eyes flicking around- the palce looks almost exactly the same as it did the last time he'd been, just with a few more photos on the walls. "How are you?"
"Alive," she deadpans. "How are you? Heard about your breakup with Zach by the way, wh-"
"Lucy leave Jacob alone."
"I was only gonna ask a question."
"You were onky gonna stick your nose where it doesn't belong," Melissa corrects, taking the wine out of Jacob's hand. "I really need to teach you about wine pairings, huh?"
"I did try to tell you," he mumbles.
"And I should've listened," Melissa says, eyeing the labels before walking through to the kitchen and setting them on the counter to the side. "Dom! Get out here and stop studying."
Radio silence.
Melissa rolls her eyes and knocks on the door that obviously leads to Dom's room, then opens it, walks in, and plucks the headphones off his head.
"Jesus Christ!" he yelps.
"No, I'm actually your mother," Melissa says. "Dinner's ready."
Jacob hides a small smile as Melissa starts plating up inhumane portions of food and setting them around the table. She gestures to where he's supposed to sit while Lucy and Dom take what he assumes are their regular spots and dig in.
"So, Jacob," Lucy says, "we're looking at human rights in World History right now, and-"
He does a lot more talking than eating at dinner.
When they finish up and have eaten cannolis in the living room, Lucy and Dom head off, each to study in their respective rooms, and Melissa gives Jacob a tour.
It's strange, how fast he's slid into the dynamic of her family, almost uncomfortable except it feels like the exact opposite.
He'd talked about politics with Lucy and about music with Dom, and he'd made jokes and laughed and fit seamlessly.
So she shows him Joey and Frankie's old room - empty, now, them having packed all their stuff away to bring with them, but she's put an old bed and furniture in because her intention was to use it as a guest room since her kids weren't using it anymore.
It almost hurts to see it plain and empty; no posters of bands and musicians and swimmers and footballers. No trophies on the shelf; no photos.
She still has what they didn't bring - call her a hoarder if you like, but she refuses to lose anything of her kids.
"If you want it, it's yours," Melissa says, leaning against the doorframe that still has a sign for Joey and Frankie's names on it; their heights marked over the years since they'd all moved in in 2007 before Lucy was born. "We have family dinners every Saturday, but I ain't gonna kick you out for 'em, and I cook for twelve so you'll be well fed if Lucy doesn't keep you talkin' through dinner like she did today. You do gotta pay rent though - I got kids in college and more to go and scholarships, bless them, dont fix everything."
Jacob turns around from where he was looking into the backgarden from the window, grinning. "I'll take it."
He's moved in the next day; boxes upon boxes she doesn't offer to help with because she'd like her back to stay intact, thank you very much, but Lucy picks them up with ease that has Jacob's eyes bug out.
Melissa swears she heard him mutter: "How is she that strong? She's so small."
He isn't wrong, though; Lucy is small - her height she got from Melissa, but her build is slender and lean aside, all her strength from hockey and the gym she goes to when she's stressed.
(At Christmas Lucy always takes on all the cousins arm wrestling, and makes them pay to do it, stipulating they get double their money if they win. She always wins. She always has a lot of pocket money afterwards.)
Dom gets back around dinner time, one of his friends having dropped him off after athletics.
"Dear God you need a shower," Lucy says, wrinkling her nose.
"Be nice to your brother," Melissa says, then turns to said brother, "but she's right; you stink."
Dom sighs. "And people wonder why I can't wait to go to college."
"Well in college you'll have to deal with roommates who have cologne obsessions, limited emotional intelligence and can't cook to save their lives, so I'd be grateful," Jacob says, piercing his lasagne on a fork.
"Bad food is part of the college experience," Dom says, pulling his chair into the table, "that's what Joey and Gio say."
"Yeah but Joey and Gio can't cook," Lucy says.
"Hey, they can cook," Melissa interjects, "I taught them how to; they just choose takeout instead."
"Weirdos," Lucy says. "That just costs more money."
"Tell that to Ava," Jacob says.
"The thing is, Ava can cook," Melissa says. "She's actually not bad. She just doesn't want to."
"When did you try Ava's cooking?"
"Accidental leftover swap."
"Ava brings leftovers to school."
"A total of one time when the delivery guy on shift was, and I quote, "not a ten"."
"I aspire to have that level of not giving a shit," Lucy says, tapping her fork on her chin.
"Swear jar."
"Damnit!"
"That's two dollars."
"Damnit isn't a swear-"
"Under the terms the first swear jar was started, it is," Dom says.
"Under the terms of the first swear jar," Lucy mimics.
"Lucy," Melissa says, voice a warning tone.
She rolls her eyes. "Fine - but I maintain that if the swear jar was extended to extended family you could retire."
"You're not wrong, kid."
They all end up in the living room - even Dom, who insists he has to study - watching Housewives with popcorn and sour cream and onion, yelling at the TV.
Jacob comes back to the house after work on Thursday thoroughly exhausted from a bunch of middle graders who had no qualms in bullying him about his new shirt. Yay.
Melissa had errands, so he was alone walking through the door, still humming the Jeff Buckley song that he was playing in his earbuds on the cycle back.
"Hey Jacob."
He jumps about a foot in the air.
"Jesus, calm down," Lucy says, chuckling.
Her hair is up in a ponytail, still in her school clothes; a wide-legged denim tracksuit with stripes at the side and an off-the-shoulder burgundy jumper.
Beside her is a girl with butterfly braids Jacob recognises from being in the same class as Lucy when she was in middle school (and he was an idiot who didn't realise that Melissa was her mother).
"Hey, uh, Eden, right?"
"Yeah," she says. "Surprised you remember me."
She sticks out a hand for him to shake, and he takes it, surprised at the action and at how firm her grip is, callouses and all.
"Well you started some of the fiercest debates I've seen, along with Lucy, so you're pretty hard to forget."
She smiles, teeth glinting. "Why thank you - I pride myself on my art of creating ridiculous arguments."
Jacob stifled a laugh. "What're you guys up to?"
"My baby brother is taking colic to a whole new level."
"And I need someone to talk me down from punching Mr. Davidson."
"It works."
"It does."
"Al. . .right then," Jacob says, nodding. "Dom studying?"
"Is he ever not?"
"Fair point," Jacob says. "Melissa said she'd be home in about an hour."
" 'kay," Lucy says.
Jacob goes up to his room, stretching his shoulders and resolves to get some grading done.
"Oi. Oi. Pasty guy with curly hair. Wake up."
A finger jabs his shoulder and Jacob's head whips up.
"Damn," Lucy says, "you were conked out."
He rubs his hand over his face, then grimace at the outline of his laptop imprinted on his cheek.
"Swear jar," he says.
"Fuck."
"Double swear jar."
"Dear God," Lucy says, rolling her eyes, "it's not like you're my dad; I mean, if you were, you'd owe about ten dollars so far, and you'd be missing an ex-wife and a fair few kids."
She sticks her tongue out like Melissa does when she makes a joke.
"If I was your dad, I'd probably ask you about what's going on between you and Eden," Jacob says, standing.
Lucy's cheeks flush deeply. "Shut up. I don't now what you're talking about."
"Sure, and I'm as straight as my hair," Jacob chuckles.
"At least the gays in the house are evening out," Lucy sighs. "Dinner's ready."
Jacob and Melissa sit at the kitchen table later, both grading papers.
"So, Lucy-"
"I know she's gay and I know she's got a massive crush on Eden and Eden on her, " Melissa says, glasses on the end of her nose, "if that's what you were wondering?"
"Um, yes." Jacob blinks.
"She came out when she was fourteen, but you'd have to be blind not to see how her and Eden look at each other. I've given up on trying to get her to admit it though."
"I just-" Jacob pauses, shaking the tension out of his shoulders. "What do I tell you? Like if Dom or Lucy talk to me, what do I tell you?"
Melissa looks up, leaning back in her chair. "You tell me if they're hurt, in danger, or doin' something stupid. I love my kids, and I'd kill anyone who hurt 'em, but by the sixth one you start to realise that they've gotta make their own mistakes to learn. You tell me if you're worried, but they're pretty good at talking to me, and im pretty good at getting the truth out of them eventually."
"Okay." Jacob picks his pen back up.
"Okay." Melissa pushes her glasses back up her nose.
Dom, Jacob learns, has athletics training on Wednesday and Friday, because on Friday he comes home late and sweaty again.
And he's limping.
Melissa's gone to get Lucy from hockey training; Dom having been dropped off by a friend again, but Dom just opens and closes the door and then stands. Leaning to one side. Jaw clenched.
"Dom? You. . . okay?"
"Dawson. . ." He breathes deep, eyes closed harshly. "Dawson ran into my leg. Accident. I need. . . I need to take the brace off, and then see what- if anything is wrong."
"Do you need help?" Jacob asks.
"Just- not right now," Dom says.
Jacob nods and turns around.
"Wait-"
He turns back.
"Could you," Dom works his jaw harshly, "could you grab my crutches from my room?"
"Of course," Jacob says, moving from the living room to the kitchen/dining room, then opening Dom's bedroom door and going inside, eyes scanning for the crutches.
Dom's room is painted a light blue, his desk scattered with papers a laptop and headphones.
His crutches are lying against the wall, and Jacob grabs them quickly, heading back into the living room, where Dom is sitting, leg stretched out, heel to the floor, brace beside him.
His knee is about three times its normal size.
"Sprain," Dom huffs. "I need ice. It's on the top shelf in the freezer."
Jacob dodges around to open the freezer with a yank, grabs the ice pack, and closes it, running back to Dom, then turning to get a towel to wrap it in, finally handing it over.
Dom shifts to the side, lifting his leg to prop it up on a pillow, and placing the ice pack on it.
"I'm gonna call you mom," Jacob says.
"Don't! She'll worry."
"That's a mom's job."
"What's my job?" Melissa asks, the door having opened in tandem with Jacob's words.
"To worry," Jacob says, "about your kids."
"Dom-"
He sighs. "It's just a sprain, Ma."
"You and your sister both-"
"Hey, my sprained ankle-"
"-Lucy you sprained your ankle-?"
"-is not near as common as his sprained knee."
Melissa rubs her temples. "Jacob get another ice pack and two ibuprofen - it's in the top cabinet on the left side."
She guides a sweaty Lucy to the sofa as Jacob turns to do his job.
Her has a feeling that living in Melissa's house will never be not chaotic.
On Saturday the rest of Melissa's kids arrive at around three in drips and drabs.
Joey and his girlfriend Arya are first; he's tall, with brown hair parted in the middle and blue eyes magnified by rectangular, unrimmed glasses. He's broad, too, built like a footballer. Arya has her hair in braids, pulled into a low ponytail at the base of her neck; she's tiny compared to him - a good head shorter.
Then come Gio and Gia. Gia could be Melissa's doppelganger, and Gio's pretty similar as well - both with auburn hair and green eyes.
Frankie is last, but not least, almost as tall as Dom, who must be six foot, with the beginnings of a dark beard on his jaw.
"What, they don't make you shave for the Philadelphia Orchestra?" Lucy asks when they're all standing around the kitchen.
"What, they don't teach you manners at school?" Frankie replies, grin betraying him as he ruffles her hair. "Or how to land on to feet without twistin' one of 'em."
"Ha ha," Lucy says, rolling her eyes. "At least I've only got one concussion."
"I played football!" Joey exclaims. "I was never not going to get one."
"But you could've avoided a few," Melissa says. "Our medical insurance hated to see any of youse comin'."
"Ma, you once ruptured your appendix and thought it was indigestion 'til you passed out."
"I told your father not to tell that story."
"You need to threaten him more."
"Yeah, Ma, you're gettin' soft."
"And your getting cereal for dinner if ya dont shut your trap."
"I'm wounded."
"He's bleeding out!"
"Joey, you're a doctor, quick."
"I'm afraid it's time of death on the dramatics," Melissa groans, "food is ready."
Jacob smiles to himself as he takes a seat.
Arya catches his eye, giving him a look that says: "yes, thay are always like this."
Jacob wouldn't like it any other way.
"At least now we have four gays versus the five straights," Lucy sighs.
"Lucy!" Gia gasps. "You're gay?"
"Ha ha ha."
"You miscounted," Melissa says.
"No I didn't; there's me, Frankie, Gio and Jacob."
"What about me?"
"What do you mean what about you, Ma? Since I last checked, you had sex with papà at least six times."
"Lucy!"
"Ew!"
"I'm so not hungry anymore."
"Oh my God I might throw up."
"Hey!"
"Bisexual erasure, Lucy, I'm disappointed," Frankie sighs.
"So am I," Melissa says. "I'll have you know Quinn Richardson and I had quite a time."
"MA, STOP!"
"I thought that was a man!"
"Ew, ew, ew!"
"Guys we're missing the point," Lucy says, grinning crooked with an evil glint in her eye, "we now have reason to make Ma participate in the Pride Parade."
"Oh hell no."
"Oh my God the face paint!"
"The clothes."
"Prepare to be dressed as the bi flag."
"This is the greatest moment of my life."
Yeah, Jacob wouldn't have it any other way.