Chapter Text
"I thought I'd find you here."
On a long night, Blade finds himself visiting the hot springs of Planarcadia; stripping his clothes, slowly, to savor what may be his last moments alive.
He has a lot to think about. Mainly, his upcoming 'death'.
General Yao Guang let him go for the time being, though she'll be back to grant him his final release, claiming the existence of an entity that'll allow him to exact his revenge on Shuhu. Blade can't help but be skeptical, because he is cursed; cursed by Shuhu, who gave him this immortality; cursed by Yingxing, who permitted it. He has tried everything to rid of it, killed countless times both at the hands of others and himself, but nothing can destroy his unkillable body, rotten and wretched as it is.
The best course of action is to not get his hopes up.
The voice that calls out from behind him is familiar. He mentally goes through a list of names—Dan Feng, Imbibitor Lunae—before settling on one. "Dan Heng."
"It's me," Dan Heng responds. "Sorry… to intrude."
Instead of dwelling on those words, that apology, Blade shifts the topic. "You were looking for me. For what reason?"
He glances back and he sees the conflict in Dan Heng's face. Perhaps if he were anyone else, he wouldn't have noticed, but Blade was never just anyone. No, for not just anyone knows how to read Dan Heng.
"I wanted to say goodbye," Dan Heng finally manages to get the words out. "Before you leave."
Leave. That's one way to put it, Blade thinks. One by one, he peels off the bandages across his torso with unsteady hands.
"Seeking me out instead of running… You've changed."
Dan Heng's mouth turns downwards. Just slightly. "I thought we established that a long time ago."
"I suppose we did." That's why Dan Heng's presence no longer causes the mara to strike, perhaps.
Blade removes the last of his bandages and offers, unexpectedly, turning to look at Dan Heng, "Will you join me in the water?"
Dan Heng slowly blinks at him, then at the water, as if the idea of soaking in the water hadn't occurred to him before. He avoids staring while Blade strips his final piece of clothing, folds it into a basket, and steps into the water.
"I…" Dan Heng runs through a million different things he could say. It's not appropriate. It's getting late. I don't like public baths. Stelle gets nightmares and uses me as a plushie.
None of those sound quite right, so instead he says, "I prefer… cooler waters."
You think I don't know that, Blade finds the urge to retort. Of course he knows, he's seen the effects of hot water on Vidyadhara- overheating Vidyadhara- with his own eyes. One of the few times he'd ever seen Dan Feng sick. "You won't indulge a dying man?"
Dan Heng crosses his arms and gives him a look. That judgmental look he gives everyone, with his eyebrows knitted together and his eyes half-lidded. Blade knows he deserves it for trying to guilt trip Dan Heng into joining him, yet he feels no regret. It works, anyway, as Dan Heng hesitantly starts to remove his clothes. Blade looks away to give him his privacy; there's no need to make this any more awkward than it already is.
Dan Heng stares down at the water as if it might kill him.
(He briefly thinks it would be worth it, if it means being able to spend this peaceful night with Blade.)
Finally, he sinks down next to him.
"If it gets too hot, tell me."
Dan Heng nods. He isn't interested in getting a fever, either.
The world around them is silent: no noisy crowds, and the hustle and bustle of the city is now a distant memory. It's them, the snow, and the moon, its bright image reflected onto the pool of water, drawing his gaze to Blade's figure. It illuminates Blade's face in a way he's only ever seen in his dreams.
Dan Heng is the one to break the silence. "Will you go with General Yao Guang?"
A breath leaves Blade's lips, almost a chuckle. "Do I have a choice?"
"You could escape… but you don't want that. I understand." Dan Heng looks down at the water shining under the moon. "Do you think… it will be final, this time?"
Will it be final? Blade wonders, too. There would have to be a power bigger than Shuhu at play, if he truly wanted this death to be permanent. An Aeon, maybe. "I'm not certain, either."
This time, it's Blade's turn to stare at Dan Heng. The moonlight suits him better than it does Blade, but it betrays Dan Heng and brings only more focus on the frown on his lips, the furrow of his eyebrows. That troubled look—he's been wearing it since he came here. "Speak your mind, Dan Heng. We have no need for secrecy between us anymore."
"… You're right. I apologize." The vidyadhara sighs, and he meets Blade's eyes. "I don't want you to go. Is that selfish of me?"
The words echo in Blade's mind. Dan Heng has never been quite so straightforward with him - he's always having been the type to flee from his problems instead of facing them head-on. The vulnerability in the statement feels like a confession, and it makes something twist in Blade's chest.
Blade asks, returning his gaze, "Tell me, if this is the end, would you deny me it?"
Dan Heng wars with himself. He thinks he isn't selfish enough to do that, but it would be tempting. He wouldn't be able to stand to watch Blade leave.
Not like this. Not after Blade's put so much effort into them, after Dan Heng's finally come to terms with his past and future, after they've reunited with each other, their soulmate in every cycle of rebirth.
"It wouldn't be my choice to make."
"Hm... Even if I chose to keep living, you would lose your own life someday."
"Death has tried to part us once already." Dan Heng's voice doesn't carry as much hesitation as before. "I believe my next incarnation would find his way back to you."
Maybe Dan Heng is right. For as long as he keeps on living, their souls will stay intertwined; no matter what seperates them, they're destined to reunite.
(What would happen if Blade were to die? Would Dan Heng—and all his future incarnations—find someone else, another man to share this warmth with, that had once been exclusive to him?)
For a brief moment, silence falls upon them again, and Dan Heng is once more the one to break it.
"Blade. You said it yourself—there's no room for secrecy between us anymore." His fingers interlock with Blade's under the water. "So don't leave anything unsaid. I don't want you to depart with any regrets."
Dan Heng is looking at him directly now, his body turned to face him. Staring into his eyes feels like gazing at the depths of an endless ocean (and oh, how he's never wished to drown more). Before he can help himself, Blade cups his face, so gently that he even surprises himself. "Are you certain it's not you keeping things from me, Dan Heng?"
"Maybe it's both of us," Dan Heng responds to him with a stupidly hopeful look in his eyes. "I don't wish to depart from you without ever feeling your lips against mine."
Dan Heng must've learned a thing or two about Romance in Amphoreus.
Blade pulls Dan Heng into himself. They meet in a gentle, unhurried kiss, and oh, it's so much better than it's been in any of his fantasies. Dan Heng's lips are softer than anything he's touched. He can faintly taste something sweet—maybe strawberries, maybe cherries, maybe it's just Dan Heng.
For all his earlier confidence, Dan Heng's movements are clumsy, unsure. Maybe it's his first, and just maybe, he's never sought out anyone else because he knew all along that his heart already belonged to someone. Dan Feng and Yingxing were no more; no, in their place had been forged Dan Heng and Blade, yet their love would prevail all the same.
"Blade," Dan Heng mutters his name against his lips, slightly panicked. "It's too hot."
Blade pulls away from the kiss and wraps his arms around the other, helping him sit up on the edge of the rocks. The cool of the snow is a delightful contrast to the hot of the spring—he's never been great at handling the heat.
A towel is draped over Dan Heng's lap for decency's sake. "Better?"
"Mhm."
Blade stays in the water, though he sits by Dan Heng's side.
Dan Heng hums almost dreamily while he interlaces his fingers with Blade's hair. It's beautiful, hardly any different than how he remembers Yingxing's hair, from Dan Feng's memories; only it looks stronger, healthier now.
Blade takes Dan Heng's thigh into his hand to turn him slightly, towards himself. He runs his thumb over it, caresses it like it's something sacred. Dan Heng's pulse flutters when Blade leans down and presses his mouth where his thumb had been.
After their kiss, everything feels much more real, much harder to swallow. He thinks about Blade, under him, holding him like he's something to be worshipped. He thinks about tomorrow, when this moment will cease to exist.
A lump forms in his throat.
"You're overthinking." Blade's voice snaps him back to reality. "Quit that. A frown doesn't suit you."
Dan Heng takes a minute too long to answer, a shaky sigh filling in the silence. "… Sorry."
That pause, the strain in his voice, Blade recognizes it. He hates it. He isn't a man worth crying over.
"Unless they're from happiness, save your tears," Blade speaks.
Happiness. Blade's right. He's been waiting for this moment for months, yearning to take Blade's face into his hands and kiss him until they're out of breath. He should be happy, even if only a little. Instead, all he feels is a pit in his stomach, and nausea slowly beginning to well up.
Dan Heng takes a deep breath to stabilize himself. "You're right. I'm glad that, at least, I was able to accompany you to the very end."
Blade sighs faintly against his thigh. He places his head onto his lap, and Dan Heng welcomes him. Even if it's a moment as fleeting as the starlight, he will embrace it and savor it, for there may never come another such as this.
He wants to cling onto every final second he gets to spend with Blade. "If you aren't opposed to it, let's spend the night at the inn."
Of course Blade isn't opposed to it.
If anything, this moment should have come a lot sooner. Had they spoken about this a month ago, a week ago, or even yesterday, maybe they could've had just a little more time… alas, he's learned not to dwell on the past; one's regrets won't change his reality.
"Of course."