Work Text:
Shane and Ilya were driving home from a teammate’s house.
“Sleep-away camp sounds fun. I never went. My father wouldn’t pay for me to go”.
Shane rubbed Ilya’s arm.
The daughter of their teammate was preparing to go away to camp for the first time. She was excited.
“Did you go to camp?”, Ilya asked.
Shane nodded.
“From age 6 to a teenager. Just day camps to start and then sleepaway when I got older”.
“Hockey camp?”
Another nod.
“Was it fun?”, Ilya ventured.
“I learned a lot. My skill set really improved”, Shane said quietly.
Ilya noticed he hadn’t really answered the question.
“Did you make many friends?”
“Not really. A lot of the kids there only wanted to mess around. They avoided me”.
Ilya read between the lines. Shane had decided from a young age that he wanted to play hockey professionally. Ilya could picture him taking the lessons from camp incredibly seriously. Soaking up everything that was said.
Add to that, Shane’s natural social awkwardness. Ilya imagined that he wasn’t the most popular kid there.
Ilya was about to dig deeper into that.
But then Shane burst out laughing.
“What?”, Ilya laughed with him.
“I did try to get the kids to like me once. It backfired spectacularly”.
Ilya was about to sympathise with Shane over that but Shane was laughing again.
“Go on”, Ilya encouraged.
“Ok, well the year I was 10, the Missy Elliott song Get Ur Freak On was released. That year in camp all of the kids were singing it and dancing to it”.
Ilya nodded.
“But I hadn’t a clue. Had never heard the song before. I would nod along and try to dance. But the others knew I didn’t know it”.
Ilya picked up Shane’s arm and kissed it.
“So the next year, Missy Elliott released another song, Work It. I listened to it over and over. Memorised all of the lyrics. Learnt a dance routine to it that I saw on MTV. I got to camp, so proud of myself. This time I was going to be able to join in with the others. Until I realised everybody had moved on to Eminem! And I was out of my depth again”.
Shane and Ilya started laughing again.
“I would have loved to have seen that. Baby you dancing and singing your little heart out!”
“I still remember the words and choreography”, Shane admitted, “thinking about it now, I had no idea what I was singing! Some of the lyrics were very inappropriate for an 11 year old!”
Ilya immediately grabbed his phone and started playing Work It through the car speaker.
“Nope!!”, Shane exclaimed, “I’m not singing it for you! You’ll just make fun of me!”
“I wouldn’t”, Ilya tried to lie but Shane raised an eyebrow and Ilya blushed, “ok, maybe I would! Please baby! Just a little taster!”
“Absolutely not!”, Shane turned off the song.
Ilya sighed in defeat and they continued their journey home.
Several weeks later, that story had gone to the back of Ilya’s mind.
Until one night, Troy invited Shane over for the evening. Harris was out and Troy was going to do some meal prepping and he thought Shane might be into some of the recipes. He invited Ilya too but Ilya, “would rather stick pins in my eyes Shane!”
After a couple of hours Ilya got a text from Shane saying that meal prepping was done but he was going to stay in Troy’s for a bit longer and have a drink.
Ilya sent a love heart back and popped on the next in the Fast & Furious franchise.
Some time close to midnight Ilya heard a fumbling at the door. He checked the doorbell cam and saw what looked like a very drunk Shane trying to open the door.
He couldn’t believe it. He had only seen drunk Shane a couple of times over the years. But he loved drunk Shane.
After watching for a minute he decided to rescue his love.
He opened the door.
“Iiiiilyaaaaaaaa!”, Shane said happily. Leaning in and giving Ilya a sloppy kiss.
“Hi baby. Did you have a good night?”
“The best!! Troy opened a crate of the Drover family cider. It was delicious!”, Shane smacked his lips.
“Yes, I can tell you enjoyed it!”, Ilya laughed goodnaturedly and bundled Shane inside the house.
Shane started giggling.
“I want to do something!”, he said quietly.
“Oh yeah”, Ilya immediately jumped to s*x and was thinking Shane was in no fit state to consent to anything. Ilya would have to find a way to distract him.
“Yep!”, Shane popped the p, “come with me!”
He took Ilya’s hand, pulled him into the living room and pushed him onto the couch.
Ilya was expecting a straddle and more sloppy kisses but instead Shane took out his phone. He was still giggling.
After fumbling and cursing for a minute his face eventually lit up.
“There it is!”, he said triumphantly.
Seconds later the opening beats of Missy Elliott’s Work It sounded.
Ilya couldn’t believe his luck. Was Shane about to perform for him.
DJ please, pick up your phone
I'm on the request line
Shane stood in front of him, intoning the words in a serious voice.
Ilya put his hand over his mouth. He didn’t want Shane to think he was laughing at him. But he was so happy in this moment!
This is a Missy Elliott one time exclusive
Come on
More serious Shane.
And then….
Is it worth it? Let me work it
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it
An accent that 11 year old Shane must have thought of as gangster emerged from the Canadian.
His hands were moving and then he had dropped to the floor on his hunkers.
Ilya was having the time of his life while trying desperately hard not to show it.
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i
Shane bounced back up and shimmied.
If you got a big, let me search ya
To find out how hard I gotta work ya
He reached forward and put his hand over Ilya’s crotch. Ilya used all his might to stay flaccid.
He was pretty sure that hadn’t been part of baby Shane’s original choreography but he appreciated the update.
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i
Come on
Shane turned his back to Ilya and moved his ass from side to side.
Ilya was surprised to see a bit of flair in Shane’s moves. Surprised and delighted.
I'd like to get to know ya, so I could show ya
Put the pussy on ya, like I told ya
Shane’s turned back and straddled Ilya.
Ilya was mesmerised. This was a side to Shane he didn’t often see. Carefree, no inhibitions, just having fun. He loved it.
Shane leaned back in the straddle. Ilya grasped him around the waist to make sure he didn’t fall.
Gimme all your numbers so I can phone ya
Your girl acting stank then call me over
Shane didn’t miss a beat with the lyrics. Lost in his own world of muscle memory.
Not on the bed, lay me on your sofa
Call before you come, I need to shave my chocha
You do or you don't or you will or you won't ya
Go downtown and eat it like a vulture
Shane had stood up an there was a lot of elaborate thrusting accompanying the lyrics now.
Ilya couldn’t look away. He still found it amusing but he was also impressed. And more in love than he would have thought possible.
His boy was doing this for him. He would make sure Shane knew he was locked in.
See my hips and my tips, don't ya?
See my ass and my lips, don't ya?
Lost a few pounds in my waist for ya
This the kinda beat that go ra-ta-ta
Lots of pointing at body parts now in a way that drunk Shane clearly thought was seductive but was more comical.
Ra-ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta
Sex me so good I say, blah-blah-blah
Work it! I need a glass of water
Boy, oh boy, it's good to know ya
More ass work, a flirty wink that came out more like a blink and over the shoulder posing that Shane must have picked up when Ilya had made him watch the Golden Globes red carpet last week.
Is it worth it? Let me work it
I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i
If you got a big, let me search ya
To find out how hard I gotta work ya
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i
The choreography started repeating itself now the chorus was back. Even in his current state, Shane was thinking about it. Ilya was touched. Had he come up with moves in his Uber home?
Come on
If you're a fly gal, get your nails done
Get a pedicure, get your hair did
He jumped on Ilya’s lap once more and starting running his hands through the Russian’s hair.
Boy lift it up, let's make a toast, ah
Let's get drunk, it's gon' bring us closer
Don't I look like a Halle Berry poster?
He was singing directly to Ilya now. Ilya was lost in Shane’s eyes.
God he loved him.
See the Belvedere playin' tricks on ya
Girlfriend wanna be like me never
You won't find a bitch that's even better
“Oh I know”, Ilya muttered lovingly, earning himself a kiss and Shane missing the next lines.
I make it hot as Las Vegas weather
Listen up close while I take you backwards
Suddenly Shane was up again. More shimmying, dropping to the floor, booty shaking.
Sdrawkcab ti ekat ot ekil yssiM yaw eht hctaw
I'm not a prostitute but I can give you what you want
I love your braids and your mouth full of fonts
Love the way my ass go ba-bump, ba-bump-bump
Shane leaned over with his back to Ilya and actually managed to move his ass in time to the words.
Ilya had seen cowboy Shane enough times to know he had rhythm but was still impressed by these moves. When had he picked them up!!
Keep your eyes on my ba-bump, ba-bump-bump
You think you can handle this badonka-donk-donk
Take my thong off and my ass go boom
Cut the lights off so you see what I can do (Come on)
Ilya could see Shane was tiring now. But he took a deep breath and continued.
Is it worth it? Let me work it
I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i
If you got a big, let me search ya
To find out how hard I gotta work ya
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i (Come on)
He got down on his knees and started crawling to and then up Ilya for the next lines. Obviously putting a sexy importance on them as they were about guys.
Ilya tried so hard not to laugh. But his hand went to his mouth again.
Boys, boys, all type of boys
Black, White, Puerto Rican, Chinese boys
Why-thai, thai-o-toy-o-thai-thai
Rock-thai, thai-o-toy-o-thai-thai (C'mon)
He stood up, leaned in with his hand on Ilya’s knees and sexy whispered the next lines. Well tried to. It was a bit slurry shouty but Ilya appreciated the effort.
Girls, girls, get the cash
If it's nine to five or shakin' you ass
Ain't no shame ladies, do your thing
Just make sure you ahead of the game
Just 'cause I got a lot of fame super
Prince couldn't get me change my name papa
He fumbled over the lines about Kunta Kinte, even in his drunk state not sure if he would offend even though it was just the two of them.
Kunta Kinte, a slave again, no sir
Picture blacks sayin', oh yes'a massa
Ilya could feel him leaning down a bit heavier, the energy ebbing.
Picture Lil' Kim dating a pastor
Minute Man, Big Red can outlast ya
Who is the best? I don't have to ask you
When I come out, you won't even matter
But he had obviously promised himself a big finish so he was up again.
Shimmy.
Booty shake.
Eyebrows raises and winking.
Why you act dumb like ugh, duh
So you act dumb like ugh, duh
And the drummer boy go pa-rum, pa-pom-pom
Give you some-some-some of this Cinnabon (Come on)
Is it worth it? Let me work it
I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i
If you got a big, let me search ya
To find out how hard I gotta work ya
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i (Come on)
He stood primly for the last lines. A carbon copy of how it had started.
To my fellas (Ooh, good god)
I like the way you work that
To my ladies (Woo)
You sure know how to work that (Good god)
A dramatic bow.
Ilya stood and clapped him.
“Yes baby! That’s my baby!”
Shane giggled. Shyness setting in and ran at Ilya who caught him and held him close.
“That was perfect baby, thank you”.
He felt Shane sinking and growing heavy in his arms.
“Ok, let’s get you to bed”.
This woke horny Shane up. He started kissing Ilya, pulling at his shirt, unzipping his trousers.
Ilya managed to wrestle him into bed with promises of sex in the morning when Shane was sober again.
Next morning, Shane woke with a groan. His head pounding.
He looked over at a smirking Ilya beside him.
“What?”
“You really did know all the lyrics!”
Flashes of the night before came back to Shane.
He covered his head with the duvet, trying to drown out Ilya’s laughter.