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Alastor looked at himself in the mirror, taking in his attire. It was supposed to be a simple coffee date. He didn’t know how to say no; that was a problem he’d always had.
“My boss was telling me that he’s got this friend,” his friend, Angel, told him one night.
Alastor sighed. “Angel-”
“I’ve met him once,” he quickly went on before Alastor could completely decline. “He’s actually really cool. I think you’d really like him.”
He sighed again. “I’m just not ready to meet anyone,” he replied.
Husk, Angel’s boyfriend and Alastor’s closest friend looked over at him. “I don’t wanna be that guy-”
“Then don’t,” Alastor cut him off.
Husk sighed. “If you don’t get back into it, you’re gonna keep making excuses. It’s just one date, just to get your feet wet.”
“Fine,” Alastor reluctantly agreed with a heaved sigh.
“Yea!” Angel exclaimed as he clapped his hands. “I’m gonna text Val right now and tell him to set it up!”
Alastor wanted to tell them both to mind their own business, but he knew their hearts were in the right place. Husk and Angel cared for him and just wanted to see him happy. He was happy or at least had been before… They didn’t understand, but there was a part of him that knew Husk was right. Alastor wanted someone in his life, he missed having someone to dote on who in turn would take care of him and the longer it took for him to jump back into the dating pool, the harder it was going to be when he finally decided to do so.
***
“You did what?!” Vox practically yelled.
Val smiled. “I set up a blind date for you!”
Vox pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why?”
“Because, Voxy, dear, you are lonely.”
He quickly looked up, pulling his hand from his face. “I’m not lonely!” he argued. “I’m just…”
Val gave him a knowing grin. “Yes? You’re just what?”
Vox sighed. “Okay, fine,” he conceded. “Maybe I’m a little lonely, but that doesn’t mean I want you setting me up on blind dates!”
Val shrugged. “Well, it’s already set up, so you can look like an asshole and stand him up or go.”
He sighed. “I’ll go,” he replied. “But check with me next time before you do this again, please?”
***
Alastor took a deep breath as he stepped into the café. He immediately looked around for all of the exits; he’d at least feel a little better if he knew where each of them were. He took another deep breath to calm his nerves. He hadn’t been like this before. Now, it all seemed too much, too loud, too close, too everything.
His second glance around was in search of his date. They’d been given each other’s numbers and had sent each other pictures so they knew who to look for when they arrived, but that had been the extent of their communication so far. Alastor considered texting him over the week before their date to try and get to know him a bit before they got together, but every time he thought about it, his heart started racing and all he wanted to do was hide in a corner and maybe even cry. So, this would be the first real interaction they had.
He wondered if he should wait or if he should grab a table or order or what. God! Why was this so hard?! Why did he let Husk and Angel talk him into this?! He still had time; he could leave. He could leave and text Vox and tell him that he wasn’t feeling well and see if they could take a rain check. Preferably, he could leave and completely ghost the guy. He sighed. No one deserved that though. Before he could decide on what to do, his phone buzzed.
[Vox: Sorry, running a little late. Should be there in about five]
He wasn’t late at all. Alastor had been early, so if Vox would be there in the next five minutes, he was going to be right on time.
Vox didn’t know why, but he’d spent the whole day agonizing over this date. He showered twice and then shaved; he needed it anyway, he’d been letting his stubble grow out. Once he was done, he looked at himself in the mirror. He quickly looked away. Val was right; he was lonely, but it wasn’t exactly his choice. He never dated in high school; too set on his studies, he told himself. It was much the same when he went to college, but he knew it was just what he told himself so he’d feel better; he wasn’t the type of person who drew anyone’s attention. Why would he? He was the living embodiment of ‘nerdy white guy’, tall and lanky with glasses to boot.
He took a deep breath as he stood up tall and straightened his tie. Yes, he knew how he looked; he knew the way he dressed was ‘outdated’ and made him look a little silly, but Vox was who he was and he was going to be himself unabashedly. If this Alastor guy didn’t like it, what did he care? He took one more deep breath before he left the apartment.
***
Alastor’s eyes drifted to the door every time he heard the bell above it ring as someone came in. He wasn’t sure he could take much more of this; his heart beat hard, fear, or anxiety, really, coursing through him. He knew so little of the man he was meeting. Angel tried to give him as much as he could on the man, but it was still so limited.
“He’s tall, not quite as tall as you and he’s got glasses,” Angel told him. “He and Val went to school together. I think he works at the news station; he’s trying to work his way up to being a newscaster.”
Alastor listened. “And exactly why do you think I’d like him?”
“Oh, well, he’s nice,” he answered.
“Uh-hu, what else?”
“Oh, uh…” Angel thought about it. “He’s single too.”
“Just because two people are single doesn’t mean they belong together,” Alastor retorted.
Angel seemed to deflate a little. “Oh, yeah, I guess so. I guess I can tell Val to call it off-”
“Arrangements have already been made,” Alastor told him. “There’s no need to back-pedal.” He gave Angel what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “I’m sure I’ll like him.”
Angel smiled again. “Yeah, I am too.”
Vox tried to pry as much information out of Val as he could as well. “He sent me his picture, but knowing how he looks is about all I know about him.”
“I don’t know him that well,” Val countered. “He’s Angel’s friend.” He paused. “Well, I suppose he’s actually Angel’s boyfriend’s friend; I think he and Angel are only friends by default of him being with Husk and Husk is his best friend.”
“So, you don’t actually know the guy!?”
Val shrugged. “I met him once. He seemed really chill. Kind of old-fashioned, kind of like you,” he teased.
“Haha,” he replied without any humor. He knew Val wasn’t wrong. Sometimes Vox felt like he’d been born in the wrong decade. Sometimes, he thought that was why no one seemed interested in him ever; he didn’t just have an old soul, he was a gentleman and that just didn’t seem to get you far these days. Not that being a good guy meant he deserved anything, he just saw how little it seemed to matter to others.
He considered Val; he loved the guy, he really did, but he was not what Vox would describe as a ‘gentleman’. He was a good guy, sure, cared about those he cared about and he took care of them, but if you weren’t a part of his inner circle, you meant little to nothing to him. He was kind to those in the service industry, though he rarely tipped better than ten percent, and he wouldn’t go out of his way to run over a cat in the street, but he certainly wouldn’t shed any tears over it if he accidently did.
To spite all of Val’s shortcomings, he was constantly flocked by men and women alike. He was never without a date to any kind of event, in fact, he usually had a number of people who begged to be the lucky companion for the night. He slept with whomever he wanted and never felt bad for not calling someone back. Vox wasn’t like that, not that he’d actually been with anyone before, but he couldn’t imagine giving that part of himself to someone so casually. It wasn’t like Vox was trying to ‘save’ himself for marriage or anything, but he thought sex should be something you shared with someone special. Not that he was one to judge, people could do what they wanted with their bodies, but there was a part of him that hoped the ‘old-fashioned’ part of Alastor meant he too felt that way.
Vox stood outside the café and took several deep breaths. “It’s just a date,” he told himself. “It’s just coffee. You don’t have to see each other again if you don’t want to.” His shoulders slumped. What if he did want to see Alastor again but Alastor didn’t want to see him. He shook his head to dispel the thought; he’d cross that bridge if and when he came to it. He opened the door and stepped inside.
Alastor felt his entire body go still when Vox walked in. This was really happening! There was no going back now. He smiled when Vox finally saw him. He stood up to greet him. His heart was beating hard and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Vox was attractive, he already knew that, but seeing him in the flesh made it that much more real.
“Alastor?” Vox asked as he approached.
“Yes. You must be Vox.” He offered his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Vox quickly took his hand in his. Did he take it too quickly? “It’s so nice to meet you. I’ve been really looking forward to it!” Should he have just said ‘looking forward’ and dropped the ‘really’? God! He was a fucking mess! “You, uh, wanna grab a drink?” he asked. “Or have you ordered for yourself already? I can get you something if you haven’t. Whatever you’d like!” He quickly let go of his hand, finally realizing he was still holding it. He chuckled nervously as he looked away and ran his fingers through his hair. “Sorry. I’m a little nervous.”
Alastor smiled and chuckled in turn. “A little? Really, I hadn’t noticed,” he teased. “No, I haven’t ordered. I thought it best to wait for you.”
Vox looked up now, meeting Alastor’s warm brown eyes. God! He could get lost in those eyes. There was a sincerity in them he found welcoming. “Right! Yeah, um, then, yeah, let’s, uh, we can get in line now, if you want.”
Alastor nodded. “Yes, let’s.” He followed Vox to the short queue. “So, Angel says you’re friends with his boss, Val.”
“Oh, yeah, Val and I go way back. I mean, not like way way back or anything; we met in college, but yeah, he’s my closest friend.” He paused. He knew he was supposed to ask about Alastor now, that was how this worked. “So, um, you’re friends with Angel?” God! He felt stupid for asking that!
“More or less. He’s a nice guy, but he’s my roommate’s boyfriend.”
“Oh, you have a roommate?”
Alastor wasn’t about to get into the particulars with him. He’d moved in with Husk when he left his ex. He could have found a place of his own, but he didn’t feel comfortable on his own. He had this fear and anxiety about Adam coming back for him... “Yes,” he answered. “I moved in with Husk, Angel’s boyfriend, a couple of years ago.”
“Cool.”
“I take it you live on your own?”
Vox looked down as though embarrassed. “Technically,” he answered. “I mean, no one else lives with me, I just... My dad helps with my rent and stuff,” he told him softly.
“Oh, alright.”
Vox quickly looked up. “Not that I can’t take care of myself or anything! My dad is just pushy about it. Says he wants to take care of me until I get my big break.”
Alastor was about to inquire more about this ‘big break’ he was hoping for when they reached the front of the line. He ordered his usual, an Americano then turned to Vox. “Whatever you'd like, dear.”
Vox felt his face heating up. He didn’t know the proper protocol for going out with another guy! If Alastor was a woman, he knew he was supposed to pay and open doors and all of that, but being another man, they were on equal ground. Fuck! Not that women weren’t equal to men! It was just that-
“Vox?” Alastor called for his attention.
He looked up quickly, pulling himself from his thoughts. “Oh, uh, a caramel macchiato, please.”
They waited for their drinks and then went back to their table. Vox sat across from Alastor. “So, what do you do?” Vox asked. “I mean, for work. I mean, it’s okay if you don’t work too. Or you just have a job but not a career. I don’t want you to think I think there’s anything wrong with, like, bagging groceries or something.” He laughed awkwardly. “I mean, a job’s a job, right!? And all jobs are important or else they wouldn’t be jobs that needed to be done. So, I, uh... Yeah.”
Alastor grinned. He found it endearing the way Vox would ramble on when he was nervous or worried he was saying the wrong thing. “I’m sorry I make you nervous,” he replied.
Vox shook his head. “You don't!” he assured him. He took a deep breath. “Sorry, I’ve just never really done this before,” he admitted.
“Never done what before?” he asked.
Vox looked down at the drink in his hand. “Dating. Or going on a date.” Softly, he added, “This is actually the first date I’ve ever been on.”
“Shut up,” Alastor retorted. “It is not!”
Vox met his eyes. “It is.”
“How? You’re gorgeous!”
Vox’s cheeks turned red. “Th-thank you. I think you’re really good-looking too.” He paused. “I think it’s part of why I’m so nervous, honestly.”
Alastor shook his head. “Well, you needn’t be. I’m really not that attractive.” Adam had told him that often enough; no one else would want him because he was odd-looking. Too tall, wavy-curly hair that never seemed to keep itself well kempt no matter how hard he tried. He didn’t even need to add in the fact that he was black and white; mixed ethnicity always made you stand out in the worst possible ways.
“You shouldn’t talk about yourself like that,” Vox told him firmly. “I mean, you don’t need my approval to think you’re good-looking, but you really are. Don’t ever let anyone tell you differently.”
Alastor was surprised at how Vox spoke with such certainty. He smiled. “Take your own advice,” he teased.
Vox chuckled. “Yeah, I know. Easier said than done.”
Their conversation flowed easily after that. Alastor found Vox charming. once he let his nervousness melt away. He was certainly odd, not that Alastor had much room to talk with his own attire. Vox was dressed in a khaki button up shirt with a dark-brown sweater vest and a red tie, while Alastor sported a red vest and matching bow tie over a simple white button up. They shared a lot in common beyond their unique choice in clothes too, a love for old movies, jazz music, and Christmas.
“I’m an only child,” Vox told him. “So, you can imagine how spoiled I got around the holidays,” he joked.
“Oh, really, I never would have guessed,” Alastor teased. He took a sip from his drink, but it had long been empty; they just continued to sit and talk after they’d finished. “It was just me and my mom for the longest time,” Alastor went on. “My mom remarried when I was about ten, had my little sister when I was twelve.” He paused. “My step-dad is an amazing person. He really took care of me and my mom. I was so scared when my little sister came along that he’d lose interest in me, but he was the best dad anyone could have asked for. He knew how much I hated Christmas. My father had made it a shit holiday ever since I was little, so he made it everything it should have been; made up for all the lost visits to Santa, the decorating, even the caroling. He’s really the best.”
Vox smiled. “I’m glad he helped you learn to love it.”
Alastor grew quiet thinking about how Adam had almost ruined it for him over the years, but he turned his attention to Vox as Vox spoke, “My mom is one of those people who thinks it’s Christmas as soon as Thanksgiving is over.” Vox chuckled. “Not that I’m complaining, mind you. We do this big dinner; Dad usually invites the employees he knows can’t make it home for the holiday or don’t have family in the area, so, there’s always a lot of people. But the next morning, it’s just me and mom and dad and we watch every Christmas movie we can shove into the day.”
Alastor smiled imagining Vox with his parents, the three of them in matching pajamas for their holiday tradition. “Do you have a favorite movie?”
“Probably Rudolph.”
“That’s one of the worst!” he laughed.
“Look, I wanted to be Yukon Cornelius when I was a kid, okay! And I love the island of misfit toys. ‘Charlie in a box’?!” He laughed now. “It gets me every time.”
When they’d sat there for nearly three hours, they finally decided it was best to give up their table. “I had a really good time,” Vox told Alastor as they walked down the street to their respective vehicles.
“I did too,” Alastor replied. “Honestly, I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel, but this was really nice.”
Vox’s heart sped up. Was he possibly going to get a second date on his first first date ever!? “Maybe you’d like to go out again sometime?” he asked hopeful.
Alastor smiled. “I’d like that.”
The two men found themselves in a solid routine after that; they were practically inseparable. Alastor was still hesitant, but it seemed Vox was willing to take his time with him; he supposed it was helpful that Vox was inexperienced and he didn’t exactly know how things were ‘supposed’ to go in a relationship.
After three more dates over the course of only two weeks, the two men decided this was the relationship they wanted. Vox was giddy and immediately told Val as soon as Alastor agreed to be his boyfriend. “Well, congratulations!” Val replied. “And have you made it official?”
“Well, yeah, I asked him if he wanted to go steady and he said yes.”
Val grinned. “That’s not what I mean. I mean, have you sealed the deal?”
Vox really thought about it. “You mean, like have we... Had sex?”
“Bingo!”
Vox looked away. “Well, no-”
“Why not?! You’ve been going out for over two weeks and you haven’t fucked yet?!”
“No!” he answered. “It’s only been a couple of weeks!”
Val grinned. “And your point? If it had been me, we’d have already fucked and parted ways five times by now.”
“Yeah, well, some of us like to take our time. Okay?”
Val shrugged. “Take too long and he might decide to move on. You’ve gotta give him a little something to keep him interested.”
Alastor wasn’t like that though! No, Alastor was gentle and kind; polite and sweet. He didn’t expect Vox to give himself over like that. Did he?
Alastor had been hesitant when Vox had asked him to be his boyfriend. He knew how these things went. People expected you to willingly give of yourself in a sexual manner when you agreed to be in an exclusive partnership. It wasn’t that Alastor wasn't willing to do that, he just had no interest. He liked cuddling on the couch as they watched movies and he enjoyed the simple, quick, goodnight kisses Vox offered as they parted ways for the evening, but... He knew Vox was eventually going to want more. He was going to eventually expect more.
Vox didn’t complain when Alastor seemed almost insistent about them being at his place instead of Vox’s when they made night-in plans. It was a little frustrating to have Husk coming and going while they curled up on the couch together, but he wasn’t about to say anything.
Alastor was scared to be at Vox’s since they would be alone. There were nights when Husk and Angel were out so Alastor and Vox had the apartment to themselves, but it was still possible for Husk to walk in at any moment, and that knowledge would keep things from going too far.
One night, they were on the sofa, curled up together, watching a movie. Alastor laid in Vox’s arms, his back pressed against his chest. It was nice to be held like this, but then Alastor took note of Vox’s hand that had been resting on his knee now slowly moving up and down the inside of his thigh. He held his breath. Vox was a gentleman and he wasn’t going to do anything more than that until Alastor gave him express permission to. Even still, that fear clenched at his heart, so he grabbed Vox’s hand and laced their fingers together.
Vox smiled as Alastor took his hand; he liked the way his hand felt in Alastor’s, but then he started thinking about what Val had said; Alastor was going to want more. He was going to expect more if Vox wanted to stick around. He wrapped his other arm around Alastor’s chest and gently pulled him closer, kissing his neck.
Alastor froze. He knew this was going to happen; at some point, Vox was going to look for more. It was what you did in a relationship after all. “Vox, our movie,” he commented.
“I think we’ve both seen it about a thousand times,” he joked as he continued to press soft kisses to Alastor’s neck.
“Well, I’ve only seen it about nine-hundred and seventy-three times,” Alastor countered lightheartedly. “So, I’d like to keep watching it.”
Vox chuckled. “Yeah, of course,” he replied as he continued kissing him. His other hand started to move down Alastor’s torso.
Alastor tensed up and his breath caught in his chest. Memories of Adam flooded his mind. He’d told him to stop. Begged him to, but Adam would never listen. Adam always pushed, demanded… Forced. “Vox! Stop!”
Vox stopped. He pulled away a little. “You okay?”
Alastor moved out of his lap and onto the other side of the couch. “I think you should go,” he told him quietly; he refused to meet his gaze.
Vox was confused. “Did I do something wrong?” he asked in concern.
“Please, just go,” he told him again.
Vox nodded. “Okay.” He stood up, collected his phone, wallet, and keys from the coffee table and went to the door. He paused. “I’ll text you?”
Alastor nodded, still not looking at him. As Vox opened the door he finally looked up and called to him, “Vox?” He stopped and looked at Alastor. “Let me know when you get home?”
“Yeah, of course. Have a good night.” He closed the door behind him as he left.
As soon as the door closed Alastor curled in on himself and sobbed. Vox had stopped just like he’d asked! It was really that simple, that easy to do and yet Adam had never done the same. He could still hear Adam’s excuses running through his head. ‘You know I can’t help it.’ ‘I need this.’ ‘You’re making me do this.’ When he’d finally convinced himself to leave, he felt filthy and unworthy of love. But Vox was changing that for him; even still, he couldn’t stop himself from being angry at himself. He was angry he’d let it go on as long as he had. Angry that he let Adam poison his self-worth. Angry that he’d tainted his future relationships.
Vox texted Alastor as soon as he got home.
[Vox: I just got home. I hope you’re okay.]
Should he apologize yet again? He’d said he was sorry before he left. Or had he? Did he really need to say it? What was he even apologizing for?! Was Alastor mad at him for something? He was so confused.
[Alastor: Sorry]
[Alastor: I’m okay]
[Alastor: I’m really sorry]
[Alastor: We’ll talk tomorrow. Have a good night]
Vox stared at his phone. Fuck! How had he messed things up!? They’d been an official couple less than a week! He was so stupid! He knew he was gonna screw things up somehow! Of course, he would. He didn’t know anything about relationships. No one wanted to be with him for a reason! What did Vox really have to offer? He sighed as he flopped down on the sofa. He didn’t know what he’d done, but he knew he needed to fix it and he was going to do whatever he needed to in order to do so.
***
“I kicked him out last night,” Alastor told Husk the next day. “Stupid, fucking Adam! This is all his fault!”
“You know he’s not Adam, right?”
“Of course, I know that! He stopped immediately when I asked.” He paused and took a deep breath. “But I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Even when he stopped, there was this irrational part in my head that said he wasn’t going to be just like Adam. Fuck! It’s been nearly two years and the man still haunts me.”
Husk sighed. “I’m sorry. I feel like I pushed you into this. Maybe you were right and you weren’t ready to start dating again.”
Alastor sighed in turn as he sat back down on the couch. “I want to move on, Husk, but he still lives in my head.”
“You know,” Husk began, “I don’t really know the guy, but the few times I’ve been around him, Vox seems like a good guy.”
“He is,” he agreed.
“Well, I think a good guy like that would be understanding about what you’re dealing with if you talked to him about it.”
He sighed again. “I don’t know how. God, he must hate me right now.”
Husk shook his head. “A good guy like that, he’s probably just worried about you and wants to make sure you’re okay.”
Vox was grateful he had work to occupy his mind. As he was running errands and helping set up the sound stage and resetting the equipment for the on-location news van, he had little time to think about what had happened the night before. He’d completely missed the text from Alastor until he managed a glance at his phone after lunch.
[Alastor: I wanted to apologize again. I’m really sorry about last night. I’d like to see you if you were still interested.]
Vox replied immediately.
[Vox: Of course I’d like to see you! I hope everything is okay.]
[Alastor: Yes, everything is okay :) I promise. You busy tonight?]
[Vox: Not at all!]
Vox was surprised when Alastor had suggested that he come over to Vox’s place; they’d always seemed to spend their nights in at Alastor’s. He looked around his bachelor pad when he got home from work and sighed. Vox was, what he considered himself, a bit of a chaotic person. He wasn’t messy per say, but his place was far from immaculate.
He quickly found every dish that was strewn across the house and put them in the sink; he could wash them later. He paused. Nope, he needed to put them in the dishwasher right now or else he’d leave them in the sink for weeks. He opened the dishwasher and sighed. When was the last time he put dishes away? He ordered take out a lot, so he didn’t need dishes all that often. He put the clean dishes away. Now, he was sick of dishes, so he’d load the dishwasher later.
That reminded him. He went to his room and grabbed his laundry basket and took it to the laundry room. He groaned when he opened the washer; he had a bad habit of leaving clothes in there and not moving them to the dryer. He set the washer for a quick rinse cycle so he could put them in the dryer afterwards. He headed back to his bedroom. He never made the bed, so he stripped the sheets and put on a fresh set. Not that Alastor was going to see his bed, but it needed to be done. He tossed the dirty sheets aside and put on a new bed spread.
He flopped on his bed face first once he’d made it completely. Why did making a bed take so much effort? He stood up and grabbed the dirty sheets and took them to the laundry room. At least now he could put the washed clothes in the dryer. He headed back to the living room. He gathered up all his books and notebooks to put away. Why did he even have so many notebooks?! He should really go through all of them and figure out what each of them were. Then he could organize them properly. He sat down and opened the first one. He quickly shut it. No. He needed to just get his place clean; he could deal with organizing them later.
He found a place for his books in the bookshelf; he didn’t much care where they went at the moment, they just needed to be out of the way. He paused as he put the last book away. Nope, that was going to drive him crazy. He pulled all the books he’d just put away and found their proper place in the alphabetized titles. He was kind of tired of having them organized by title. He should separate them by genre! That way he could find exactly what he was looking for when he was in the mood for something in particular. He pulled a handful of books to start organizing and then shoved them back in.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” he shouted at himself. “Just get your place clean!” He turned around and realized he still didn’t have a place for his slew of notebooks. Maybe he could just leave them on the coffee table. He just needed to stack them neatly. That was hard to do. There were some spiral notebooks and some with hardbacks and none of them were the same width and length! Should the taller one go on top of the shorter one if it was wider than… He just stacked them and left them.
He sat on the couch and heaved a heavy sigh. He looked around the room. It didn’t look any cleaner. But he was exhausted! He felt like he’d already done so much!
***
Alastor’s heart was beating fast when he approached Vox’s door. The doorman had been given his name and was told to send him up when he arrived. Alastor was amused by Vox living in a place that had a doorman; his father must have had more money than the man knew what to do with. He took a deep breath before he knocked on the apartment door. He smiled to himself when he heard Vox scrambling around inside.
“Just a minute!” Vox called. Alastor waited and when Vox opened the door, he looked flushed. “Sorry,” he told him. “I was just finishing cleaning up. Come in.” He opened the door wider. Alastor stepped inside. “You want a drink or something?” Vox offered as he closed the door behind him. “Water or soda or a beer. I think I have some beer. I might not. Val’s the one who usually brings it over. I drink it if it’s here, but I don’t go out of my way to buy it.”
“Just a water would be fine. Thank you.”
Vox smiled. “Great! Have a seat. I’ll be right back.” He disappeared into the kitchen.
Alastor sat on the sofa and took a deep breath. He knew he needed to be honest with Vox, but he wasn’t ready to tell him everything. He looked up when he heard him walk back into the room. He smiled when he saw the bottle of water was in a fancy glass bottle. “Thank you,” he said as he accepted it.
“Yeah,” he replied as he sat on the other side of the couch. “So, how are you?”
“I’m alright. You?”
“I’m good,” Vox answered. “Yeah, good.”
“Good.” They both fell silent. “I want to apologize again-” Alastor began, but was cut off.
“You don’t need to apologize,” he assured him. “It’s okay. I was moving too fast.” He looked away. “Val kind of got into my head about where we’re ‘supposed’ to be in our relationship.” He chuckled. “I really shouldn’t take relationship advice from him.”
Alastor chuckled as well. “He not much for relationships?”
“Oh, no, he loves relationships, he just likes them to last less than two weeks and even that’s pushing it.”
“Ah. A bit of a serial dater, is he?”
He nodded. It was the kindest way to put it. “He is. So, sorry if I pushed things too far.”
Alastor sighed and shook his head. “You didn’t,” he assured him. “I’m the issue.”
“What? No, you’re not!”
Alastor met his eyes. “Let me explain?”
Vox nodded and remained quiet.
Alastor took a deep breath before he began. “The last time I was in a relationship was about two years ago and things didn’t end well. It’s made me a little hesitant about intimacy.”
“Oh, okay. Sorry, I… I’m okay with going at whatever pace you want,” he replied.
Alastor met his eyes. He had to tell him. Vox was not Adam; he wasn’t going to react the same way, right? “My pace is very slow,” he told him. “I don’t really have any interest in sex at all. And what little interest I once had was completely ruined by my ex.”
Vox let that process for a moment. “Oh.” Did that mean-
“Not that I’m saying we can never have sex!” Alastor quickly told him. “I’m just saying… If we ever do it’s going to take some time to get there. Probably more time than you’d like to waste on me.”
“My time spent with you isn’t a waste,” Vox firmly stated. “I like spending time with you, Al. You’re fun and charming. I can talk to you about things and you never make me feel weird or out of place. I’m not gonna even pretend that I get what happened with your ex. I’m sorry he hurt you, but I hope you know I would never hurt you, not ever.”
He nodded. “I know. I have to constantly remind myself that you aren’t him, even though I know you aren’t.”
Vox offered him a soft smile. “That’s okay. I don’t blame you for that. He sounds like a piece of shit who never deserved you.” He reached out and took Alastor’s hand. “However you want to do this, whatever you need, I’m willing to do. Tell me if I cross a boundary, I don’t care how big or small. I just want you to be comfortable and happy.”
Alastor squeezed his hand. “I’m very comfortable and very happy with you,” he assured him. “I appreciate you letting me take my time. I promise I’ll try to get there sooner rather than later.”
“Don’t you dare try pushing yourself to make me happy,” Vox told him firmly. “I don’t ever want you feeling uncomfortable. Okay?”
Alastor smiled and nodded. “Okay.” It couldn’t be more apparent that Vox wasn’t Adam. Vox was kind and understanding and he cared about Alastor’s wants and needs. When he’d first seen Vox walk through those doors at the café that day, he’d never imagined he might finally feel comfortable with another man, but he did. Vox made him feel seen and loved; something he hadn’t felt in a long time. He met Vox’s eyes and took a deep breath before he asked, “Would you kiss me?”
Vox smiled. “Yeah, if that’s what you want.”
Alastor nodded. “I do.” He leaned forward slowly, almost hesitantly. Vox moved in closer as well. “It’s been a while since I’ve done this,” Alastor told him.
“We’ll take it slow,” Vox assured him before closing the gap between them and pressing his lips to Alastor’s.
Alastor closed his eyes when their lips met, but he stiffened up and inhaled sharply. Vox pulled away. “Sorry.”
Alastor shook his. “No, it’s alright. Can we try again?”
Vox offered him a soft smile. “Yeah, of course.” This time, Vox leaned in and waited for Alastor to bridge the gap.
Alastor took a deep breath before he, once again, pressed his lips against Vox’s. He smiled to himself when he felt Vox squeeze his hand reassuringly. Alastor knew they were going to have to work had to learn and trust each other completely, but this was only the beginning and he was looking forward to where it would go from there.