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In Japan, you don’t really talk about your significant other outside the circle of your family and closest friends. It’s not something you discuss with your work colleagues and it’s certainly not something people with any sort of public profile talk about openly.
Wrestlers in Japan are most certainly people who have that kind of public profile.
Chris first thought it was something that mainly affected the Joshis. But when he came to Japan to work for DDT, he realised that most male wrestlers didn’t really talk about their girlfriends either, until one day they suddenly announced a marriage and, in some cases, even a child already old enough to go to school.
(He will never forget the moment a small bright-eyed boy stood before him, smiling from ear to ear and talking a mile a minute as if they’d known each other forever, until HARASHIMA showed up and apologised for the onslaught of his son. The son Chris hadn’t known existed two minutes earlier.)
It’s weird, this belief that they should all be theoretically available to the fans. But it’s not something he, as a foreigner, could really criticise or do much about and it never really affected him anyway.
But then, the pandemic happened.
And more importantly, Zack happened.
It’s not like Chris didn’t know Zack before. Who, with even a slight interest in this sport, didn’t know Zack Sabre Jr. anyway? Their paths crossed a few times back in the UK. The wrestling scene there isn’t that big, and Zack was already a star when Chris was just starting to find his footing. They met a few times, even wrestled, before Zack permanently moved to Japan. They always got along well inside the ring and out of it.
It’s quite difficult not to get along with Zack, though, Chris thinks. He’s such an easy-going, charming guy, always ready to help you or give advice if you ask for it. They talked a few times, and when Chris came to Japan to wrestle for DDT, Zack sent him a text, telling him he was there to help if Chris ever needed it.
Because this is the kind of guy Zack is.
When Chris arrived in Japan, his goal was to stay there for a few months and make the most of this amazing opportunity to wrestle for DDT. He was welcomed with open arms, and even though the English of most of the other wrestlers was spotty at best, and he was only just starting to learn Japanese, they all got along really well and he loved wrestling there. He already felt sad at the thought of having to return home in a few weeks.
But then the pandemic happened.
And everything changed.
Suddenly, there wasn’t really a timetable for returning home. Suddenly, the tour that should have lasted a few months didn’t have a final date set. There were certainly a lot worse places to get stuck than Tokyo, and DDT pretty quickly told him they were happy to have him, were happy to extend his contract so he could continue wrestling for them, so that he could continue paying the bills and keep a roof over his head.
Chris was grateful, he really was, but it was also not easy to stay in a country he didn’t really know, in a city where everything was shut down and where he didn’t really have much to do except for going to work and keeping his body in shape.
That’s when Zack reached out and asked if Chris wanted to meet up. Chris fucking jumped at the opportunity. The very next day, they met near the waterfront and just walked and talked for hours. Zack showed him so many corners of Tokyo Chris didn't know, and he navigated the city with such ease, looking as though he had lived there his whole life. It hit Chris how at home Zack was in this country, fluent in Japanese and content where he was.
Chris had a great time. It was so nice to talk to someone in his mother tongue — face-to-face and not through a screen as he did with his family and friends back home — to be able to complain about their football teams and share jokes that didn’t translate into Japanese. Zack told him to throw himself into learning the language, to use the unexpected free time to study, and gave him tips and resources from when he’d learned himself.
When Chris lay in his bed that night, he was convinced the corners of his mouth were aching because he had laughed and smiled so much that day.
He took Zack’s advice seriously. He trained, he wrestled, and he spent hours studying when he was stuck in his tiny apartment.
Zack was always ready and willing to quiz him, and he encouraged him to speak even though Chris felt shy speaking outside the safe walls of his home. But whenever they met up, Zack always tried to get him to talk to someone.
Which they did quite often.
It was just so easy to spend time with him.
They had so much in common, so much more than the fact that they were two guys far away from home, living their dream of being a pro wrestler. They never ran out of topics to talk about, and Chris looked forward to every single moment he spent with Zack.
He didn’t realise he was putting so much effort and time into studying Japanese because he didn’t want to disappoint Zack until one day, when he ordered some food for them to take back to Zack’s place and Zack praised his pronunciation with a soft look in his eyes, and Chris felt himself growing shy and blushing right up to the tips of his ears.
But the moment he thought about it for a second, he realised that he really shouldn’t be surprised.
Zack was just so awesome, so kind and funny, and ridiculously gorgeous.
People who spoke to him for a few seconds looked like they were ready to swoon, so how Chris thought he would stand a chance while getting to see Zack multiple times a week, spend so much time with him, and really get to know him, he truly didn't know.
And it’s not as if this changed anything. You don’t talk about your significant other in Japan, and there wasn’t even a significant other to talk about. Chris was just completely gone and in love, and he could continue to be like this safely within the confines of his own heart, thank you very much.
Or so he thought.
Not even two weeks later, they were standing on the balcony of Zack’s apartment, drinking beer in front of the stunning picture that was Tokyo by night. Chris was telling a story — he doesn’t even remember what he was talking about — gesticulating wildly as he spoke, when he suddenly felt off-balance and had to grab the railing to steady himself.
But because he had a few beers that night, and the moment took him by surprise, he didn’t really register where his hand was landing, and so he only realised he had grabbed Zack’s hand resting on the balcony railing when he felt his soft, warm skin under his fingertips.
He was ready to move his hand and apologise, but Zack was faster. He threaded their fingers together, sure, effortless and smooth, the same way he interwined limbs in the ring.
Chris was stunned into silence. He looked at Zack, who was studying their interwined hands with a fond look on his face. He felt the callouses on Zack’s fingers, testament to countless hours spent in the ring, and he didn’t dare to breathe.
When Zack looked up from their hands and met Chris’s eyes, there was a soft question in his gaze, but at the same time, he looked as if he already knew the answer.
He was right, of course.
Chris didn’t need a single second to think this through.
When their lips met for their first kiss, he felt at home in a way he hadn’t known since he boarded the plane to Japan. Maybe even before that.
Chris didn’t make it back to his apartment that night.
He did find a new religion at whose altar he would worship for the rest of his life, though.
After that night, everything just fell into place. Being with Zack made sense to him in a way only wrestling had before. When Chris woke up the next morning, he was greeted by a bright grin and sparkling eyes full of mischief.
Zack kissed him as if he had never heard of the existence of morning breath before. Chris was still scrambling for any brain cell willing to come online when Zack announced he would make them breakfast, and afterwards hammer the different Japanese numerals into Chris’s head, even if it was the last thing he ever did.
And that, pretty much, was that.
They never talked about what they were to each other.
In Chris’s humble opinion, there simply was no need. When he fell in love, he loved completely, with his whole heart and soul. There wasn’t a world out there where he could’ve been casual about this, about Zack.
There was one moment, a few weeks after their first kiss. They were both ready to fall asleep in Chris’s tiny apartment. Chris had his head pillowed on Zack’s chest and was listening to his slow, steady heartbeat when he suddenly realised that this man had the power to destroy him so wholly and so completely that it would be impossible for him to piece himself back together.
His breath caught, and he felt cold sweat break out on his skin. But before he could even begin to think of a way to explain the sudden panic, Zack made a soft, rumbling sound in the back of his throat and started to run his fingers through Chris’s soft, blond hair.
"I got you, gorgeous," he said, and somehow, those four words were enough.
Chris settled as fast as he had panicked, and he couldn’t even begin to explain it, but he knew. Deep down, he knew this was it.
This man was the one.
The time of the pandemic felt like a cozy, private cocoon they built for themselves. And when the restrictions were lifted and the world gradually woke up again, and everything returned to some kind of normal, Zack and Chris went back out into it, too. But now they did it together and side by side.
And everything just…was.
Zack asked him at dinner where they should go on holiday when he would have two weeks off from New Japan, and Chris knew this was the signal to ask for the time off as well.
When they both had some free time before Christmas, Chris booked the flights and told his family he wouldn’t be coming alone without even speaking to Zack beforehand. There was no doubt in his mind that they would make their visits at home together.
And when he had to go to the hospital because of his cancer scare, he called Zack first. Immediately and without thinking about it, he called Zack. And no one, not even his mum, expected otherwise.
(One thing he would never be able to tell him was that Chris would never forget the way Zack looked the moment he stormed into his hospital room, his eyes wide and wild. How he immediately started to assault the poor doctor in rapid-fire Japanese, demanding every possible detail about the treatment, a concrete timetable, and a more comfy pillow because he fucking knew how poorly Chris slept in unfamiliar beds.
He would never be able to tell him, but Chris had been dumbfounded, completely taken aback. Zack looked so fucking hot, and Chris loved him so fucking much in that moment. He will also take the number of times he jerked off to this memory — to the way Zack fiercely fought for him even though there had never been any need to — to his grave.)
When Zack was in the final of the G1, ready to win it all, Chris was there. Of course he was. He was probably more nervous than Zack, chewing on his nails while trying not to go insane the whole time, and when the bell finally rang, he didn’t know what to do with himself, didn’t know where to put all the joy and pride and love that threatened to overwhelm him.
He found Zack backstage just as he was ready to give his comments, and he was perfectly willing to stay back, to stay hidden, but Zack spotted him immediately, and he didn’t even need to say one word. He just looked at him, and Chris was by his side one second later as if pulled by strings.
Zack leaned into him, looking as if Chris was the only thing keeping him upright, exhausted and glowing and beautiful beyond belief. He exhaled as if this was the moment he had waited for all along and then gave his comments while nestled against Chris’s chest, as if this was the most normal thing in the world.
He had always been braver, more fearless than Chris could ever hope to be, and now he was the G1 champion. He was on top of the world, and he dared anyone to tell him 'no'.
And the thing was, nothing had changed.
You don’t really talk about your significant other as a wrestler in Japan.
But sometimes, you don’t need to. Because actions speak louder than words.
And they will tell you everything you need to know.