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Things between Chan and Jisu have been electric, to say the least.
They've been broken up for five months now. They try to keep their communication to a minimum, but it's hard when they're both members of one of the currently hottest rock bands; Just Breathe have been hitting it pretty big, and they've managed to gather up quite a decent following over the past three years.
They started out when Chan and Changbin decided they had had enough of playing in the latter’s basement, and soon began recruiting members; Jisu just so happened to be a splendid vocalist, and Jeongin was willing to live and die for his bass. As a band, they have the type of chemistry that you only get to witness once in a lifetime: fiery, magnetic, relentless. They needed time to learn how to communicate with each other, at first, with Chan pulling them into bi-monthly meetings, and Changbin keeping their rhythm steady from his drum kit, but they've reached a point where all they need is one shared look.
Chan and Jisu started dating one year after the band was formed. It was sweet, at first, but they came down crashing; they both became too possessive, too cagey, too angry. The breakup was preceded by weeks of them arguing and using sex as a temporary fix, leaving them both with the familiar taste of blood in their mouth every time.
Naturally, their unyielding love for the band led to them coming to a simple conclusion: they'd act natural on stage and during rehearsals, ignoring each other everywhere else. They still hold great mutual respect for each other as artists; Chan can't deny that Jisu’s voice is what keeps the fans hooked on their songs, and Jisu admits that Chan is incredibly skilled with her fingers – both when they're moving on her guitar, and when they were deep inside her.
Jisu has tried to hook up with other people, but her attempts have failed miserably; nobody knows how to put her in her place, not like Chan does. She's sure, however, that Chan’s attempts have succeeded every time, because she keeps bringing girls to her room late at night, making them moan and beg.
(Whenever that happens, Jisu presses one ear against their shared wall, and stuffs one hand into her underwear, moving quick and fast and wishing she could show these random girls that she's so much better at letting Chan fuck her.)
“Stop, stop – someone's off beat,” Chan announces in the middle of rehearsals. “Let's try again. Focus.”
One, two, Changbin counts, hovering his drumsticks above the snare drum before efficiently falling into a quick rhythm. Everyone soon follows, but right as the intro ends, and before Jisu’s part is supposed to start, Chan holds a hand up in the air and stops them again.
“Guys, seriously, what the hell is up today?”
“Noona…” Jeongin starts, a little uncertain. “I think it's you. No offense.”
Changbin and Jisu share a look, until they both burst out laughing.
“The fuck are you laughing at?” Chan’s snark is directed exclusively towards Jisu, while Changbin attempts to retain his composure to avoid getting scolded.
“Oh, come on,” Jisu looks back at Chan, still chuckling. “Of course you're trying to put the blame on someone else.”
“Of course you're not fucking helping,” Chan snaps back, looking away.
“Alright, let's try again,” Changbin interrupts them.
Jisu has noticed Chan being more distracted lately. She hasn't been getting enough sleep – not that she ever has – and when she's not bringing girls home, she still spends her entire nights creating new music, or working out, but her newest hobby is, apparently, baking. Jisu hears all of it, despite being a relatively heavy sleeper, because her newest hobby is plunging two fingers deep and fast inside herself, and silently hoping that Chan decides to walk through the door and take matters into her own hands.
It hasn't happened yet, of course, but a girl can dream, and Jisu is incredibly fond of dreaming.
“Right, so… Let me get this,” Lix asks between bites of their lunch the following day. “You're still in love with her?”
“What an insane fucking thing to say,” Jisu responds, licking leftover ketchup off of her middle finger. “I've never been so not in love with someone.”
“Then what's the deal between you two?”
“Wait. I lied, sorry. I still care about her a lot, whatever,” she admits. “But I just want her to fuck me! Just once. Is that bad?”
“You've already had your ‘just once’, Jisu. Like, many times,” Seunghee reasons. “I'm not entirely against this, but can't you guys try to be friends again first?”
“Friends?” Jisu’s eyes widen. “No way. Absolutely no way. Then we'd just be friends with sexual tension. I do miss having actual conversations with her, but–”
“Nah, you need to get laid,” Lix interrupts, then quickly clarifies: “like, with someone that isn't me when we're high. Why are you still sharing an apartment, anyway?”
“Rent is expensive. And I don't want her to live with someone else.”
Jisu receives two firm stares directed at her; she stares back, pouting.
Well, Jisu can't exactly be blamed. Their breakup was straight-up nasty, with Jisu accusing Chan of only being good at sex, and Chan accusing her of being incredibly mediocre at it. They were both lying, but they had too much built-up resentment, too much anger left unexpressed because they were both terrible at being healthy communicators; Jisu would anxiously communicate too much, but Chan was wonderful at hiding her feelings, letting herself express them only when someone else would land their eyes on Jisu.
It was a harmful cycle of arguing and fucking and going on dates together, only for them to argue again once Jisu would flirt with other girls just to get a reaction out of Chan, but god, does she miss it.
So, she comes up with a plan.
They don't talk again until their next show; not directly, at least, but Jisu makes sure to avoid Chan even more. Not a single jab spoken during rehearsals, not a sarcastic word uttered. She spends most of her free time with Lix, getting high with them and hooking up a couple of times, with Lix jokingly suggesting to record the whole thing and send it to Chan, just for fun.
Jisu pouts when she realizes they're not being serious.
Then, finally, the date of their show arrives. They're all absolutely enthusiastic, and if one thing's sure about Just Breathe, it's that they're all ridiculously in love with what they do. The crowd's ablaze right from the start, and Jisu pretends not to notice all the fans gawking over Chan, because what she has in store for later, she's sure, is going to remind them that all they can do is watch and admire from afar.
Her personal favorite song is the very last one on the setlist, which also happens to be the one with a guitar solo that she can only describe as downright pornographic. They're supposed to leave space on stage for Chan during her solo, but Jisu walks right up to her, pushes her down by the shoulders to force her to kneel, and soon follows her by straddling her hips. The angle is awkward, and Jisu needs to leave enough space for Chan to play without being in the way, but Chan doesn't seem bothered in the slightest.
She holds eye contact the entire time, even eventually tilting back so that Jisu can lean forward, spreading her own thighs so that Jisu is also forced to spread hers more. Jisu can barely hear anything around her; all she feels is Chan's eyes on her and the rapidly increasing fear that she might be leaking through her skirt.
When her part ends, she nods at Jisu to get up; and she does immediately, but only after looking back at Changbin to notice him amusedly shaking his head. The show ends, they thank their fans for their enthusiasm, and Jeongin throws his ring into the crowd to get one last good cheer before they eventually retreat.
“What the fuck was that?”, Chan barks out once they're backstage, holding Jisu's wrist firmly.
“What did it look like?” Jisu responds, noticing Changbin and Jeongin both quickening their pace to leave.
“It looked like you pissing me the fuck off,” Chan grits her teeth, then leads Jisu into the nearest restroom and doesn't even bother locking the door.
“Ah, what– what are you doing?”
She barely has time to react when Chan slams her against the wall and pushes a knee between her thighs, but fuck, this is exactly what she needed.
“Always looking for my fucking attention,” Chan growls, and Jisu finds herself immediately grinding down, eyes already starting to roll back a little. “What makes you think you deserve it?”
“You love me,” Jisu responds, smirking, heady from all the adrenaline.
“I love when you're quiet,” Chan clarifies, biting down hard on Jisu’s shoulder. She's never been aggressive – Jisu has witnessed first-hand all the times Chan carefully brought innocent insects outside from their shared apartment – but she's definitely enjoying hurting Jisu, and Jisu is enjoying it even more.
Chan brings up a hand to pinch one of Jisu’s nipples, and she bites her lip to stop herself from being too loud; but something registers in Chan's brain, and she suddenly detaches herself from Jisu, whose eyes go glossy with confusion.
“Don't,” she breathes out, “don't do this again. We can't.”
She almost looks sad for a moment, directing one last puzzling look towards Jisu before walking out of the door. And this should be it, because she did get the attention she wanted, but it's not enough. Nothing is ever enough when it comes to Chan.
She spends the next few days sulking, watching documentaries in bed and only going outside when Changbin physically forces her to leave the room. It shouldn't affect her this much, but she can't help but notice Chan avoiding her gaze whenever they walk by each other, and it's slowly starting to drive her insane. She never knows how Chan is feeling, and this instance is obviously no exception, but Jisu wishes she could corner her and ask, do you really not want me?
Seunghee reminds her that she's bound to get her heart broken once again, but Jisu never gives up on what she wants, not even if her bones shatter.
Which is why, when Chan brings another girl home, she decides that she won't put up with it anymore. Jisu recognizes Hyunjin’s giggle as soon as the front door opens; Chan has been hanging out with her often, even brought her backstage after a show, once, but Hyunjin seems too sweet, too gullible. Chan wants oil for her fire, and Hyunjin is just a sweet, raspberry-scented gust of air.
Maybe Jisu is only trying to convince herself; maybe Hyunjin is actually perfect for Chan, maybe she's learning how to be a wonderful girlfriend for this poor girl, but Jisu can't bring herself to care. Something takes over her when she walks towards Chan’s room, only a minute after the two have closed it behind them; they barely hear her coming in, but Hyunjin is pushing Chan onto her bed, and Jisu is sure that something about this needs to change.
As Chan shifts her gaze towards the door, Jisu decides to lightly push Hyunjin to the side, straddling Chan and immediately pressing harsh kisses on her neck.
“Jisu– get off–”, Chan orders, but her body language says something different; she's not trying to get Jisu away from her, even as Hyunjin looks completely dumbfounded.
“Maybe you should just leave,” Jisu offers, feeling almost bad, “unless you want me to put on a show.”
Chan wants to say something, wants to ask Hyunjin to stay, wants to apologize and kick Jisu out, but she waits for the girl to close the door behind her and quickly turns Jisu’s position around, hovering above her on the bed.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Chan sounds genuinely angry, but the way she quickly gropes Jisu under her shirt contradicts her.
“You wanted this,” Jisu breathes out. “You wanted me.”
“I wanted you to mind your own fucking business, for once,” Chan responds, lifting Jisu’s shirt up and dipping her head down to leave hickeys all over her chest.
“Did you– ah, did you think about me, when you were fucking those other girls?”
“I know you thought about me, when you were fucking yourself.”
Touché.
“Y’know, Minhee fucks me so much better–”
Chan yanks Jisu’s pants down and interrupts her. “Who the hell is Minhee?”
“We even fucked on your bed a few weeks ago.” Jisu smirks, but she's full of shit. The truth is, she met Minhee on a dating app, but they barely got to take their clothes off before Jisu began crying, and Minhee offered her friendship instead of a hookup. It also surely didn't happen on Chan’s bed; Minhee never even got close to their apartment, but all Jisu wants to do is to rile her up.
It works, clearly, because Chan responds by hastily taking Jisu’s underwear off, hooking her legs on her own shoulders. “Yeah? Then let's jog your memory a little.”
Jisu gets no proper warnings before Chan dives in and takes, takes, takes. She's quick to lick at her cunt and slurp and do some kind of tongue magic that Jisu has never quite figured out; Chan normally would take her time, would savor the taste and let Jisu fall apart slowly, but things between them haven't been normal in a while.
Briefly, Jisu wonders how much she's willing to risk. Chan takes and conquers, but there's not much that Jisu has allowed herself to hold in her own hands without feeling it slip away; so she fully commits to her newfound need to convince herself that she's in control, and dares to look down. Chan isn't looking back at her, and she wasn't expecting her to, but her eyes are scrunched up, eyebrows furrowed, the same way they are when she's hyperfocused on a task that requires thinking, and she's relentless when she moves her tongue in sync with Jisu’s hips as they buck up.
Chan is meticulous. Chan is a perfectionist. Chan is so, so good at this, and Jisu can't stop moaning, and Chan places a firm slap onto the side of her thigh, but that won't make Jisu pause the sinful sounds that escape her mouth when Chan darts her tongue around Jisu’s hole, nose nudging against her clit.
Jisu has constructed this scene many times in her head before. And in her head, she was cockier, meaner; she would force Chan to watch her touch herself, and Chan would beg to at least get closer, but the real Jisu is unable to swat her ex-girlfriend’s head away, even when she's starting to feel a bit too sensitive and needs a slower pace.
“Unnie– unnie,” Jisu whimpers. “Stop, wait–”
She half-expects Chan to keep going; instead, she immediately pulls away (the translucent string connected to Chan’s lips does not go unnoticed by either of them). “You okay?”
There's genuine worry in Chan’s eyes, for a moment. It feels a little too sweet, the kind of saccharine that makes Jisu’s stomach churn. “Yeah, yeah, I– I don't want it to end yet.”
Chan pauses, meeting Jisu’s wavering gaze. She chuckles, then. “You're crying, baby? You're that desperate?”
She is crying, apparently. Jisu brings a hand up to her cheek, and Chan chuckles again. She's not sad, Chan knows this, but there's an overwhelming feeling in her throat that has been bubbling up for the past five months, threatening to spill whenever she'd seek warmth in other people, and crawling back down like lava when she'd realize that nobody could ever replace Chan.
“Fuck you,” Jisu whispers, but it doesn't feel half as convincing as it should.
When Chan leans towards her, Jisu expects to receive a kiss. A mocking one, perhaps, but a kiss nonetheless; instead, she darts her tongue out, still coated in Jisu’s juices, and licks a firm stripe across her cheek.
Well, that's new. Jisu feels herself get even wetter, and selfishly, she hopes she's leaving her mark on Chan’s bedsheets. Even more selfishly, she hopes Chan is reluctant on washing them, as she throws a look at the door and metaphorically spits at Hyunjin; she only wants my tears, see?
Still, Jisu isn't quite sure where she's getting her upcoming arrogance from. “You missed me that much?”
“You know what,” Chan pulls away, sticking a thumb between her ex-girlfriend's lips and getting a feel of her tongue. “I think I did.”
Jisu grabs Chan’s busy hand, pulling it slightly away from her so she can speak. “Then why are you so mean to me?”
“Can I just keep fucking you?”
“No,” Jisu responds, despite how desperate she is to get her sweet release. Then, she repeats: “Why are you so mean to me?”
“‘Cause I'm not good for you,” Chan admits. She's right, or she should be, but then she pushes Jisu down properly on the bed, leans in to bite her earlobe, and drags her hand down across Jisu’s body.
She draws circles on Jisu’s clit for a few seconds, just to let her adjust to the feeling, then easily slides a finger into her, quickly curving it and moving her wrist in all the right ways.
“More?” Jisu asks, but it's more of a dare. Do you want more of me? Can I have more of you? Chan responds to Jisu’s silent requests by adding another finger and curling both inside her just like she needs. It doesn't take long for her to start trembling and whimpering again, as Chan picks up her pace and focuses on being a little faster.
“Unnie– fuck, Jesus, how are you–” Her breath gets caught in her throat, and she may be a fantastic singer on stage, but her best vocal performances have all been on Chan’s bed, and this one, given how affected Chan seems, is no exception.
Chan bites down on her own lip hard, like she's the one getting fucked, and keeps hitting all the right spots with her hand; Jisu’s orgasm hits like a crashing wave, eyes rolling back until Chan slows down, half-considering to keep going.
“Good?” Chan asks, pulling her fingers out even as Jisu’s pussy attempts to suck them back in.
“So fucking good, but I– do you want me to…?” She trails off, hoping for a yes, anything you want.
Instead, Chan gets up, looking around awkwardly. “Nah, I'm good. Listen, uh…”
“Yeah, I’ll leave.”
“No, look, I just… We can't be together, you know that.”
Jisu takes a deep breath in, searching for her discarded clothes. “But we could be, no?”
“We shouldn't.”
“Are you gonna be mean to me again?”
“Are you gonna get on my nerves?”
For some reason, Chan is smiling as she hands Jisu her pants, and this casual lack of venom in their words makes Jisu feel a little sick.
“Next time?” Jisu wonders out loud.
“Maybe,” Chan responds as Jisu walks out and closes the door behind her.
to: lixie 💗🧸, seunghee 🤍🌱
oh ur gonna KILL MEEE LMFAO