Work Text:
It’s quiet.
They’re sleeping peacefully.
Though they’ve only been parents for a short amount of time, they already know one thing’s for sure: when their baby is asleep, they don’t jinx it. They don’t say they hope she’ll sleep through the night, or that she went down easy, or that it looks like they could get a good night’s sleep.
They know better. Never say the q word.
The last few nights have been rough with the sleep routine, and to top it off its Tim’s first week back at work from paternity leave.
Lucy’s still got some time to go on her leave; Tim had saved some weeks of his own to use after Lucy returns to work so that the transition can be a little easier for her knowing he’s home with the baby for her first few shifts back at work.
For now, though, he’s the only one waking up in the morning and going to work, and the long, sleepless nights hit a lot harder when a 12-hour shift follows.
As new parents, the term night shift takes on a whole new meaning.
He won’t jinx it by wishing, but maybe he would be lucky if he could get some sleep tonight. It’s just one more day before his day off and then he can be sleep deprived without work exhaustion on top of it.
Maybe.
Probably not.
12:13am
A sudden burst of wailing hits, waking both Tim and Lucy from their light sleep. Lucy sits up first and rubs her eyes, springing into action.
“I’ll get her,” she says softly, beginning to push herself up from bed.
“No, wait. It’s my turn,” Tim reminds her, reaching out to grab her elbow, voice laced with sleep as he shifts from his sleep position and remembers that Lucy had sent him to bed earlier while she stayed up to await the last few wake-ups. “You stayed up with her.”
“You have to work in the morning,” she reminds him even as she stifles a yawn, unable to hide her exhaustion though she wants to. “Turn taking is different now.”
Ever since she was born, they’d been steadfastly taking turns getting up in the middle of the night – that is, after the first couple of weeks when both were so lost and confused that they did every wake up together. It was the two of them hovering over their daughter, clueless as to what she needed or wanted and what to do and trying to craziest things possible and making the stupidest mistakes together.
(There was the one time neither of them noticed that they hadn’t put a diaper on her before buttoning her into her onesie.)
“Lucy…”
She reaches out to place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Let me just give it a go, okay? She’s probably hungry anyway.”
“That’s not her hungry cry,” Tim returns instantly.
Lucy doesn’t respond, because she clearly knows it’s true. “Try and sleep. Hopefully I’ll get her to calm down enough it won’t keep you up.”
He relents, because he is exhausted and he does have to work in the morning, but he feels guilty about it. “All right. But call me if you need my help.”
If they’ve figured out anything in their eight or so weeks of being parents, it’s that everything works better when they do it together. Even if sometimes doing it together means doing things apart, like when Tim had to force her to let him take the baby while she took a long shower and did her entire skin care regimen for the first time in months.
Lucy nods, wraps her robe around her, and reaches down to lift up their crying daughter from the bedside bassinette before whisking her away to the nursery, away from Tim’s ears.
Ten minutes pass, then twenty, and the crying and wailing only becomes louder.
He tries to drift back to sleep, but between the crying and the guilt he feels for leaving Lucy to deal with it on her own, he can’t.
Nora has been extremely irritable these past few nights and he knows how hard it is.
Tim gets out of bed, rubbing his eyes as he shuffles into the nursery to check on them, to see if there’s anything he can do to help – because he knows Lucy won’t wake him and ask for help unless she absolutely has to. He finds her finishing up a diaper change while she hums and speaks to Nora softly. Even exhausted, she has extended patience and a calming presence.
The baby’s wails get louder as Tim gets closer, as if she’s sensing another presence in the room and it has annoyed her. Her tiny hands are balled into tight fists, face bright red from all the screaming.
“How can someone so tiny be full of so much fury?” Tim wonders as he rubs his hand over his face, brushing away the grogginess as he peers at his daughter, hard to take serious in her anger when she’s wearing pajamas with ducks all over it.
“She’s your daughter,” Lucy returns, teasing smile as she gives him a playful look even through her tired eyes and weary smile.
“Funny,” Tim replies dryly, although he can’t help but crack a smile in return and Lucy huffs a laugh, indicating that she’s pleased with herself for the jab. Gently, he moves Lucy out of the way to pick up Nora, holding her against his chest as he sways back and forth with her. “Did she eat?”
“No. I can’t get her to calm down long enough to be interested,” Lucy sighs, sitting down into the glider. “But like you said, it’s not her hungry cry.”
“Are you sore?” Tim asks, knowing how she’s had issues with clogging ever since she started breastfeeding.
“No, I’m okay right now.”
He nods and begins rubbing the baby’s tiny back in soft, soothing circles. “She likes it when I rub her back like this when she’s overstimulated.”
Lucy opens her eyes that had drifted closed the second she sat down and watches, noticing how Tim’s hand is large enough to cover their baby’s entire tiny back. “She screams bloody murder when I try it.”
“It’s a daddy-daughter thing,” Tim tells her proudly and Lucy shakes her head, amused. “Right, Nori?” Lucy can’t help but grin at the nickname that Tim’s adopted with ease, something that past Lucy would’ve never have been able to have pictured. “Don’t be jealous,” he adds with a smirk, and she knows he’s proud of his daddy-daughter calming mechanism and she can’t be upset about it. “She can’t stand it when I sing and she loves it when you do.”
Lucy gives an amused laugh. “I think that’s a lie, she’s been connected to your voice since before she was born, but okay.”
“Well, my singing is a whole other story,” Tim counters. “Once she’s old enough to cover her ears, she will.”
“You’re not that off key.”
He takes his wife’s teasing and gives her a playful glare, continuing to sway with Nora in his arms.
Amazingly, after a few moments the wails turn to cries, then to soft whimpers. “You did it,” Lucy whispers in awe. “My hero.”
Tim nods, not wanting to speak or stop his sways, worried about her waking back up. “You can go back to bed. I’m just going to give it a few minutes to make sure she’s out and then we’ll be in.”
Lucy nods her agreement, standing and heading back to the bedroom, before pausing to stop at the doorway and look back at them, taking in the scene in front of her.
The love she has for Tim has increased in a way she never expected. She shouldn’t be surprised; after all, it just keeps on getting deeper. First, after getting back together. Then, after the kidnapping. Finally, she thought it was at the peak when they got married.
But then the moment that Nora came into the world, neither of them could explain the way their connection and closeness amplified yet again.
He gives her a soft, loving smile and a wink and she smiles back at him before turning and heading back to bed.
1:42am
“Again?” Lucy grumbles when a high-pitched cry wakes them less than an hour after they got back to sleep. She reaches her hand out to soothe the baby next to her in the bedside bassinette, as if the gentle touch will be enough to quell her.
“I’ve got it,” Tim declares, pushing the blankets off of him to sit up and get out of bed before Lucy has a chance to protest.
“But you got up last time anyway.”
“Briefly. It’s my turn, now. Sleep.”
“Okay,” she relents, because she’s just so tired.
Suddenly, Kojo starts barking which makes all the chaos worse – Nora’s screams get louder when she’s startled by the dog, which in turn causes his barking to get louder, and their ears are ringing.
“Kojo!” Tim admonishes, but he only barks louder. Tim sighs as he lifts Nora into his arms, her screams only increasing in volume. “The neighbors are going to hate us. Kojo!”
“We’re the ones that upended his entire life and routine,” Lucy reminds him even as her eyes close.
“Okay. Okay, yeah,” Tim agrees, shuffling out of the room with Nora and greeting Kojo with a pat to the head, soothing his barking. “Shh, buddy, okay? Everything’s all right. Come on, you want to go out back for a little bit?”
Lucy lets a smile cross her features as Tim comforts Kojo. Kojo seems to watch Tim, understands his soft voice and comfort and calms himself down. The barking dissipates and the wailing fades as Tim heads off to the nursery. Lucy dozes off immediately, even with the distant cries in the background as she hears Tim telling Kojo of the rules: he can’t make noise in the backyard, the neighbors are asleep.
Tim escorts him to the sliding door to the backyard, but Kojo stops and sits, looks back at him and Nora instead.
“She’s okay, buddy,” Tim tells Kojo in a soft whisper. “Just being a baby.”
Kojo tilts his head in question.
He begins to realize that Kojo wasn’t barking because of annoyance at the loud noise, but concern over the tiny human he’s growing to love.
“Come,” Tim calls as he sits down on the couch. Kojo saunters over and sits again, staring at him and the crying baby. Tim turns her around on his lap so that she can see the dog. Since she’s becoming more aware, Kojo has begun to capture her attention. Kojo leans forward and nudges gently at Tim’s leg, brushing the baby’s foot in the process. Nora’s cries soften as she notices.
They’ve been ever so careful with Kojo and Nora – not that they ever believe that Kojo would hurt anyone, but they know that both dogs and babies can be unpredictable, and they’re being cautious. They always supervise them together, never leave them alone together, and have kept Kojo’s interactions to a minimum as he adjusts.
Tim allows Kojo to jump up on the couch and watches as he sniffs Nora’s hand. Nora stops crying and blinks at him, eyes wet with tears.
“Yeah, Kojo’s going to always be around to protect you,” Tim soothes and Nora blinks again. “Right?” he asks the dog.
He’s losing it, he thinks. He’s talking to both a dog and a baby in the middle of the night, asking them questions as if they’re going to answer.
Kojo lies down on the couch next to him, head on his thigh, and closes his eyes. Nora settles in his arms and begins to drift off to sleep as well.
Stuck there, he closes his eyes, but stays awake to ensure that his grasp on the baby remains and that he can keep an eye on Kojo, and that’s where Lucy finds them a good twenty minutes later.
“Well, well,” she teases with a soft chuckle as she wedges into the small space left on the couch. “My whole family out here sleeping on the couch without me?”
He looks over at Kojo and thinks about how he was the first part of their family, how Lucy adopted him and then he took him in, building their shared family long before they ever imagined they’d be married and have a baby together.
“She doesn’t like your snoring,” Tim teases and Lucy lets out a laugh as she leans her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes.
“I don’t snore,” she retorts.
“Mhmm.”
3:20am
Tim doesn’t even know when the crying started this time – apparently, he’d fallen into a rare deep sleep, and by the time he wakes up, Lucy’s already out of bed.
He peers at the baby monitor and sees her in the nursery with Nora, rocking her gently in the glider.
The glider had been their most expensive nursery purchase – Lucy had been insistent on it, and he’d hesitated at first. But now he knows she was absolutely right. Some nights, he thinks he spends more time in the glider than in their bed. They’ve both fallen asleep there more than once. She’d insisted on the large “glider and a half” so it was large and roomy and he finds they can both sit down on it together, and Lucy sometimes sits cross-legged on it when she’s feeding Nora. And, he figures, it will always be something they can use for a long time to come – for their future babies and later as a regular chair to lounge on.
If they survive this baby, that is.
Not sure how long Lucy’s been dealing with this, he gives her a few more minutes to let her make progress before getting up to check on her.
“Here,” Tim says, entering the room with her tumbler of water that she’d left in the bedroom, and one of the protein bars that she likes to snack on when she’s up late nursing.
“Thank you,” she says softly, her eyes showing her adoration. “She’s not very happy tonight,” Lucy states.
Tim clicks his tongue. “No. She’s cute, though.”
“Very cute,” Lucy agrees with a laugh. “You know, I think that’s what being a mom is? They destroy your body and steal any last bit of cuteness you had left and take it for themselves.”
“Stop it,” Tim says lovingly as he sits down next to her on the glider. “You’re beautiful.”
Lucy shakes her head in amusement, as if she can’t believe his words. “Look at me.”
He wants her to know he really means it – at 3am, she’s sitting here with her hair in a high, messy bun, in the large oversized shirt she likes because it doesn’t cling to her body and it’s easy to lift for nursing. For some reason, she has in only one stud earring, in her right earlobe, the left oddly empty. Her eyes show her exhaustion clearly, but she looks more beautiful to him than ever.
Because she’s his, and the mother of his child, and they’re going through this crazy yet beautiful life experience together.
“I am,” Tim returns.
Lucy lets out a little scoff – she appreciates his words, but he can tell she still doesn’t fully believe them. “This little girl is already the best thing I’ve ever done,” he tells her softly. “And she’s only two months old. We haven’t even gotten a glimpse of her personality and the impact she will make in the world yet. And we did it together. Your body did this,” he reminds her, stroking the baby’s hand. “So whatever changes or marks your body has because of that, well, I love it even more because it’s evidence of what we’ve done. Together. Something I’ve never done with anyone else. This is all us, and the fact your body has proof of that makes you more beautiful than ever.”
Now, tears fill her eyes, and she sniffles. “Thank you,” she says softly, shyly.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Tim returns gently, reaching up to wipe away a tear before it falls down onto the baby.
“I cry over everything these days,” she returns with a little laugh, and Tim huffs out a chuckle of his own. “And they’re good tears. You know, this is really hard. But, doing it with you, it…” she trails off, “it’s a lot easier. I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”
“I know,” he agrees, though she hasn’t even been able to get her words out.
“I don’t know how people can do this on their own. Or with someone they don’t know well or with someone they don’t like anymore. You’re the person I trust most in the world and it’s hard enough doing it together. The intimacy, you know? You watched her come out of my body. You helped me use the bathroom in the hospital. You’ve become an expert at helping me unclog milk ducts. And I’m pretty sure you’ve seen all your favorite parts of me in the most unsexy way on a regular basis.”
“That’s what I mean, though,” Tim replies. “That intimacy, that’s something that’s ours, completely.”
Nora wails.
“But, we’re never going to sleep again,” Lucy laments.
“Yes, we will.”
“We’re never going to be able have sex again.”
“Oh, yes we will,” Tim replies with a teasing raise of his eyebrows. “I’ll make sure of it.”
“How am I going to go back to work?”
“Lucy, one thing at a time. Let’s just get through tonight.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re right,” she says with a sigh. “Okay.”
“Go lie down,” Tim instructs her, holding out his arms indicating she should hand him the baby.
Lucy shakes her head instantly in response. “No, you have to work in a few hours.”
“And you’re going to be home with her all day. It’s going to be a lot more difficult if you’re exhausted.”
“But I’ll be at home. I don’t want you exhausted at work, out on the streets.”
“I’ll stay station bound if I’m too tired,” he promises. “I have a lot of paperwork to do anyway. Come on. You’re exhausted, physically and mentally. Take a little break.”
“Okay,” she hesitantly agrees, watching him wearily. “Do you promise not to go out on patrol if you’re too tired, because I know how things happen and suddenly you’re taking a call–“
“Lucy, I promise,” he assures her, eyes locked on hers. “Besides, I got a good stretch of sleep before you came to bed.”
She finally gives in and nods, handing Nora over to him before standing up and shuffling back towards their bedroom.
“Okay, baby girl. Let’s get some sleep, huh?” The crying only intensifies at his words. “No? Not interested in that, huh? Okay, let’s start fresh,” Tim decides, standing up and laying her down on the changing table. “New diaper, some lotion, new set of pajamas, yeah? Start the bedtime routine all over again.”
Tim lies her down, strips her of her clothes, changes her even though her diaper is dry, and then gently rubs the baby lotion into her skin. He uses gentle pressure to massage her as he rubs it and soon the crying begins to soften into whimpers.
“Atta girl,” he soothes. “Feels good, huh?” Snapping her into her pink pajamas with the giraffes and stars with the ruffle down the front, she blinks at him sleepily. “We just needed our favorite jammies, didn’t we?”
Tim picks her up, settles down in the glider with her. “Don’t fight it. Close your eyes and go to sleep.”
“Still no?” he lets out a laugh as he watches her big, brown eyes stare at him intently. “You’ve got your mama’s eyes, don’t you?” They’d changed color since she was born, but it wasn’t the color that got him. They were Lucy’s eyes, one hundred percent – he would recognize them anywhere. “We’re going to be right here if you need something. But maybe – not for a couple hours, okay? Just close those eyes and rest.”
Continuing to rock, rubbing her back again, he marvels at how his child so clearly has Lucy’s eyes, how amazing it is that this person is part of both of them.
As Nora starts to drift off, Tim stands – not wanting to try and stand up later, after she’s asleep and risk waking her, and gently sways back and forth.
Once he’s content she’s out, he heads back to the bedroom and places her in her bassinette before climbing back into bed.
“She’s asleep?” Lucy mumbles, stirring from her sleep.
Tim nods, sliding into bed carefully as if any sound could wake the baby. “Yeah.”
“Thank you.”
“Mhmm,” he replies, sliding an arm around her waist and letting his head come to rest in the space above her shoulder. “You don’t have to thank me.”
“I know. But you’re a really good dad, and partner, and I’m very thankful for that.”
“Thank you,” he returns, the words washing over him and filling him with warmth. “Right back at you.”
“Except, I’m not a dad.”
“Lucy,” Tim huffs a laugh as they close their eyes and fall back asleep easily.
4:40am
The crying starts slowly this time.
They try and wait it out, see if there’s a chance that she will soothe herself back to sleep, but then the cries begin to pick up in timbre.
“That’s her hungry cry,” Lucy notes, rising to a sitting position. “I guess that means she’s summoning me,” she manages to joke as she lets her eyes stay closed for one long moment, savoring the last bit of rest before she gets up.
“I mean, I could make her a bottle, but I definitely understand her preference for your-“
“Tim!” she opens her eyes and cuts him off with a laugh and a small, playful nudge to his shoulder.
“I can heat up a compress.” He doesn’t even ask if she’s sore this time, can tell by her movements that she might be feeling a little clogged.
“Maybe after she eats. I think she might clear it.”
He nods as Lucy scoops Nora up.
“Okay, little one,” Lucy soothes as she carries her towards the nursery. “Let’s see if we can keep this short and sweet, huh?”
In the nursery, rocking back and forth in the glider, Lucy seems to be lulling herself into a calm state as well. “Daddy has to work in the morning. Let’s let him get his sleep, okay? We don’t want Grumpy Cop out and about tomorrow.”
Suddenly, Tim’s voice crackles to life through the baby monitor. “I can hear you, you know.”
“Go to sleep.”
“I love you.”
“You put her in that sleeper again.”
Tim lets out a knowing chuckle. “It’s her favorite.”
“It’s your favorite,” Lucy returns with a laugh, but the fact that Tim has a favorite sleeper for their daughter - and the fact that it’s light pink with ruffles - warms her heart. “You’re cute.”
“Well, now we know where she gets it from.”
“Sleep, Tim.”
When the monitor goes quiet, Lucy lets out a little laugh. “That’s your daddy for you. He tries to act like a tough guy, but we both know he’s not, don’t we?”
“Yeah. He’s going to dress up with you and wear tiaras and let you do his nails if you want. He’ll pretend he hates it, but he’s going to love it. Or, if you want to play soccer or baseball or whatever sport he’ll gladly do that with you, too. I’m not so sure he should coach your team, though. Maybe just practice out in the backyard with you. If you want to be a dancer, I think he’d be a really good dance dad backstage. Can’t you see him? Getting mad at the judges, knowing your routine by heart. He’s never going to let you date. But honestly, I’m okay with that right now. You’re a very lucky girl. Not sure why all these tears,” she teases.
Kojo wanders into the room and looks at Lucy and lets out a whine.
Standing with the baby, Lucy turns her words to her. “Let’s go let Kojo out. Maybe some fresh air will do you both some good.”
Kojo hurries to the backdoor as soon as he hears the word out and Lucy grabs a baby blanket off the back of the chair to take with her, just in case it’s cool outside.
Kojo hesitates at the doorway, looking back at Lucy and the fussy baby, before taking off to the backyard once he realizes that she and Nora are coming, too.
While Kojo prances around the yard, sniffing and scouring, Lucy settles down onto the porch swing, beginning to gently swing back and forth with the baby nestled to her chest, blanket draped around her.
“Yeah, you like it out here?” Lucy soothes as she notices Nora begin to settle. “You’re not going to be able to do this all the time, you know. It’s summer. But you do live in LA. It never gets that cold here. You like the outdoors, huh?”
Nora lets out a gurgle that Lucy takes as agreement. “I see. Well, that’s good. We’ve got the mountains, the desert, the beach all nearby. You know, Daddy proposed to me on the beach,” Lucy hums. Nora lets out a noise that sounds like encouragement so Lucy chuckles. “Yeah. And that’s where we’ll end the story. Until you’re much, much older.”
Nora looks at her and blinks. “It all worked out fine. You’re here.”
She knows that Nora looks a lot like her – she can see it in her features, and Tim is insistent about her eyes being Lucy’s. But it amazes her how she can look at her and somehow, some way, something is still so familiar about Tim in her, even though she can’t mark exactly what features are his.
The grumpy face, maybe.
As Nora finally drifts off to sleep, Kojo saunters over to her as if he senses it and they head back inside together.
7:30am
When Lucy’s eyes flicker open this time, it’s not because of crying. The bedroom is brightly lit and the sun is out.
She spots Tim who’s standing at his nightstand, securing his watch around his wrist.
“Were you going to leave without waking me up?” she asks, her voice scratchy with sleep.
Tim startles to see Lucy awake, watching him.
“I didn’t want to disturb you,” he admits softly. “You were finally getting some solid sleep.”
“Don’t,” she insists, “- don’t leave without saying goodbye. Please.”
He nods his understanding immediately. They’ve always known their jobs are unpredictable; it seems even more precarious now that they have a child at home. And though it’s not like she can do anything to prevent Tim from finding danger when she’s at work with him, him going to work without her for some reason makes her far more aware of the uncertainty. “Okay,” he agrees, pressing a kiss to her lips. “Yeah.”
“Be safe.”
“I will,” he promises. She opens her mouth to say something but he cuts her off. “I made a huge travel mug of coffee to keep me awake and I’ll stay station bound - barring a major emergency. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure I come home safe to my girls.”
Lucy melts a little at that. “Okay.”
Tim glances over at Nora. “I already took Kojo out. I filled the largest insulated mug with coffee for you, so it should stay warm for a few hours. Because, sorry, baby, I don’t think you’re going to be able to sleep much past that. And I just fed Nora and changed her, hopefully she’ll give you a little while longer to sleep-”
“I should probably get up and do some laundry. And the dishes. The kitchen is a mess-“
“Lucy. Sleep, okay? We can worry about all that later. It was a long night.”
She nods, feeling the exhaustion take over her and she knows she doesn’t really want to do anything else but close her eyes, anyway. “Yeah, okay.”
“I’ll check in on you guys in a while. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she returns and watches him go as he turns back to give her one last smile before he ducks out of their bedroom.
She always knew he would be good at this – a good dad, a good partner – but he’s surpassed even her highest expectations. He’s so good with their daughter, he takes care of her so lovingly and gently. He takes care of her the same way since she’s given birth. He’s always thinking about her needs and how to make things easier for her. Even now when he’s back at work, he doesn’t hesitate to take an even share of the load at home, and with the baby. She knows he’ll check in on her throughout the day – a text here, a call there, sometimes even a lunch delivery - even though he’s working. He’s not some clueless dad who doesn’t know how to care for a baby. She never has to worry about him knowing what to do or how to do it – they learned together, and anything she can do, he can do just as competently.
Except for maybe breastfeed.
Even then, he’s supported her on that journey in ways she’d never considered were possible, constantly ready with warm compresses, learning how to massage her.
It doesn’t surprise her, not one bit. She’s always known this is who Tim Bradford is. (Well, maybe she hadn’t been so sure that first day.) But she’s ever so thankful that she took him for herself.
She smiles, glancing at her daughter sleeping peacefully, before settling back down under the blankets.
Finally, she drifts off to sleep.
It’s an hour and a half before she’s woken by a cry.
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(This is my cat’s contribution, I decided to leave his efforts here.)