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Oh, god.
It slipped out of her mind. Jackpins wasn't supposed to say anything about that in front of her. She could feel the blood drain out of her own face.
What was she supposed to do? She knew better than to tell the truth. It was better off that Battat didn't end up knowing. Who knows, maybe she just wasn't ready for it. Maybe she'd tell her how stupid it was or then she'd stop being friends with her.
After all, it's better to just wallow in shame than having anyone be aware about what you think. Who knows?
"I'm… Haha, it's funny, I…"
Before Battat could even say a single word, Jack quickly lets go of her embrace. She gets up and stumbles towards the door. "I… I should go. I'm sorry."
"Jack, wait—! Don't just—?!"
SLAM
God, of course. Of course you had to mess things up again, Jack thought to herself, trying to keep her composure. She tips her fedora trying to cover her face with its shadow.
The cold, dead air pierced through Jackpins' skin. Even in the warm clothes she wore. She looked at her own hands in horror. The same thought repeats inside her head. Why did I say that?
But it was too late now, she'd already said everything she needed to say.
She storms off into the hallway and tries to make sure she isn't seen. Nobody should see her upset. If they do, what are they going to say? It'll be over before she knows it.
"Of course," she mumbles, focusing her attention to the ground and hiding her face. "I'm so stupid. Falling for someone who will probably never like me back, what a joke."
Jackpins peers into the Green Room's door. The chatter and footsteps of the other Darkners around could still be heard. No point in hiding herself over there.
She turns around and heads for the one place she knew nobody could barge into.
A few steps into the living quarters and she notices the gifts left by her dressing room's door. Roses, bouquets, fanmail… The usual. She guessed her stage appearance made the latest episode a huge hit. Gross.
Jackpins takes a deep, quivered breath as she entered her own room. "I shouldn't have drank anything tonight," she mourned. "If I hadn't… I… none of this could've ever happened."
She takes off her red and white-patterned poncho and hangs it up by the coat rack. Staggering to her bed, her body curls up, holding herself close.
Lady Luck.
That's what Jackpins thought of herself for so long. A title given to her that just proves how important she thinks she truly is.
For so long, Jack had thought that her feelings for Battat were just a plain ol' joke. Batsy's fun to tease. Seeing her so fussy makes me laugh. She wouldn't have expected that it would've developed into something else.
Why? Why did it have to end up like this?
The thoughts begin to trail off, one by one. Her mind starts to go blank. Only ruminating on the conversation that had just happened moments before.
"Why would you say that, Jack?" she spoke to herself, clenching her fists. "You're so— stupid. You're a fool. Now she's going hate you."
Her eyes flooded with tears. Someone like her shouldn't feel this way. Can't she be happy that she was so brave for telling the truth?
"Battat…" she whimpered. "I wish… she wasn't like that. I wish she was just like everyone else. Then I wouldn't have thought of her in that way. I like her so much, it…"
The heartache begins to set in. It was getting even harder to breathe, a choking sensation in her throat. "I can't…" she says through sobs, "Battat isn't any better than anyone else, is she? She's just like the rest of them."
Her hands bury her face. She can feel the moisture of her own sorrow. "She'll just think of me like I'm a fraud. A liar. A cheat. That's all they do."
It felt wrong to even feel this way. She's supposed to be an arrogant, pretty lady. Why is she crying? There's no point to it all, is there?
Her eyelids grew heavier as she struggled to keep them open. It felt like the world around her was as foggy as it could get…
Before she knew it, she'd already drifted off…
The sudden sound of knocking jolts Jackpins awake. A strained voice could be heard from the other side. "Hello? Jack? Are you there?"
Jack hadn't realized the time, was she late? Checking the time on her bedside clock…it's 6:34 PM. She'd overslept… Great. If it weren't the weekend, she'd already have Tenna scolding her ruthlessly. As if she hadn't a rough night already.
She would've had fallen back asleep the many times she woke up already, but her body's already had enough.
Jack sits up from her bed with a throbbing headache and heavy eyes. Not a good look…
"Are you, uh, awake?" the voice from the door says. Jackpins doesn't respond, instead stumbling about to check her own reflection on the lightbulb vanity.
Stained makeup. The remnants of wet eyeliner staining down her face. Plus, eyebags, too. Not a very pleasurable thing to see first thing in the evening.
"God. I look like a mess."
She sits there, not processing the fact that she had a visitor. All that raced in her mind was… nothing, really. What was she to do?
But Jackpins snaps out of her trance and recognizes that voice. As soon as she did, her face went pale. She came to the door, looking at the peephole with a haunted look in her eye… She was right. It was Battat.
"Hey, so uh, if you're not gonna come out, I won't bother you… But like —" she cleared her throat, "I really, REALLY need to talk to you, Jack. It's kinda important."
A sudden stiffness fills her body. It felt like the world was about to fall apart. What's she going to do? It's over. It's truly over. Is this the last time they'll ever talk? If it was, well… It would be rude not to let her in. Even if her own room or appearance weren't tidy enough.
"…I guess I'll leave you alone, then."
Before Battat could walk away, the door slightly creaks open for her. Jackpins couldn't look her in the eye… nor did she ever feel secure enough to even let it open all the way through. "…You can… come in, dear." She mumbles.
Jack sits on the edge of her bed. A tightness filled her throat, like she couldn't swallow or speak. She just had to wait for Battat to say something to her. Please, just say something.
"Sorry you have to see me like this."
"It's no big deal," Battat shrugged.
The green Pippins sat right next to her and fidgets her own hands. Not knowing how to start, she asks Jackpins. "Hey, so… you, uh, alright there?"
No response.
"Look, Jack, I…" her voice trailed off, "I know — that, um, it's kind of hard. To really explain it, but…" She sighs, slumping forward, "Did you, uh…"
Battat shifts her gaze to her. "…Did you really mean it when you said that last night?"
Jackpins turned her head away. "…No," she mumbles.
"So, you, um… You didn't, huh. Makes a lot of sense."
"…I don't… I don't know."
Silence suffocated the room like a held breath. The mere sound of the clock ticking only filled that void, as Jackpins' response only hung in the air like her cherry scented perfume. Kind of hard to really talk after a sudden confession out the blue.
Battat shifts closer to her. "Hey… I just — wanted to say…" she takes a deep breath, "I'm sorry if anything I said last night — hurt you. Or… whatever."
Jackpins darted her eyes back at her. But she felt it was too much to say anything notable.
Battat gulps. "I… I know that — well - I say stuff that I don't mean, but… They weren't about you, alright?"
"…I'm aware." Jackpins toyed around with her bowtie. "I was just being sensitive last night. Was intoxicated. It's nothing, really."
The green Pippins puts her hand on hers. "Hey, look… Even if you meant it or not —" she stammers, "I - I still care about you, alright? Not like, that uh… changes anything, I think."
"…I… I'm not so sure, I…" Jackpins mutters, moving her hand away from Battat's. "I got worried. If I had admitted it outright, I'd wager you'd leave me alone for good."
"Hey now, why would I do that?" Battat scoffs. "You know — just because you're into me doesn't mean I'd DITCH you for that or anythin'… In fact, ha, I think that kind of explains everything."
"W…what?" Jackpins snapped her head around. "What do you mean by that?!"
"Argh! Sorry! It's — I thought, WELL - You know… The flirting. I get that you do that with literally EVERYONE, but…" Battat trails off, "I don't know. You'd… I had a hunch, I think."
So she really did pick up on them.
The countless times she'd call her "honey bunny" and "sweetie pie" were subtle enough, but the gifts she'd given her? All the times she'd invited her to anywhere she felt like? Was it that obvious?
But she turns away. "…I just, well… I don't really GET what you see in me, though." She shrugs, crossing her arms. "The idea of you being head over heels for me felt like a stretch considerin' the way you were… It's stupid! Stupid, I tell you!"
"…I'll be honest, Batsy…" The red Pippins' gaze fixated on the red carpeted floor. "You just kind of stood out from the rest to me. That's all I'll say."
Battat could feel the warmth go up to her own face. She choked a bit. "Argh?! I— I mean, you TOO, but— hey— I-?!"
She gestures a bit, moving her hands around. "Look - you shouldn't LIKE me! A Pippins like me shouldn't be someone you should be into!"
Jackpins turns her head away. "…Why — why not?"
The green Pippins sighs. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "You know what they say. Bad luck. Always mad about everything… never any fun."
She hunches back as if she were shrinking in her own clothes. "You're just not going to like dating me. At all."
The gambler stands up, losing a bit of her balance. She takes a deep breath. "If that were truly the case, then I probably wouldn't have started chasing after you now, would I?"
Jackpins' jade green eyes shift to the mirror to her right. She wished Battat wouldn't see her like this. But she continues.
"They used to say similar things about me back then. My home Dark World."
Jackie would reflect all about the times the old casino treated her poorly. It was like how Battat exactly described her feelings last night.
She remembered everything. The fact that they said that she was no good. That they only pretended to like her. Her losing streak back then made her the laughing stock of the whole group.
The poor woman was the target of the casino Pippinses' own amusement.
She hung her head low. "I knew we had something in common from the day we first met. You just couldn't see it, clearly."
Battat took some time to really think about what she would say next. She hadn't an idea of how to continue this already awkward conversation.
"Look, I…"
Battat clears her throat.
"You're missing the point. Why… why are you in love with me in the first place? Why me? Of all people?"
Jackpins could feel her heart sink into her stomach a little, but she treks on and replies.
"…The time you took me to Tenna's secret place to help me destress. You were the only one who knew how it felt to be in my place," she stressed.
"You knew how it felt to be someone you weren't. You, Battat… You were the one who helped me realize I wasn't truly alone."
The light in the room flickers a little, the fluorescent buzz filling up the unyielding silence.
Jackpins let out a long sigh.
"I don't think you'll get it… not in my place, anyway," she slumped over, " It's hard to be taken seriously when you have a reputation on the line, no?"
Battat stammered. She quickly gets up.
"…Just because you think you're popular or something," she argued, "THAT means you should let people trample over you like a doormat?!"
The green Pippins meanders to Jackpins, her hands moving frantically.
"Listen— LISTEN! I don't care what you think— As much as I hate to show it, I… I LIKE how similar we are and all that! I LIKE how nice you are to me! You don't need to hide any of it!"
She scoffed. "You could've told me sooner— I— I was wondering why you'd favor ME over everyone else — THIS is why?!"
Jackpins stares at her. Battat huffed as she concludes.
"…And I thought I was crazy for thinking that same way about you."
Jackpins shook her head. "You don't mean any of that… do you?"
Battat, without warning, grabs her by the shoulders, pulling Jackpins closer. "NO, you bozo!" She raised her voice. "I’m in love with you too!"
Her olive green eyes pierced through Jackpins', face red like her maroon poncho. Her heartbeat quickens as she continued, not noticing the fact that she was warming up from her neck to her pips.
"I've been like that about you since the START! I NEVER hated you! The only reason why I couldn't tell you? YOU— I thought you were just being NICE!"
Battat's face inches closer to hers, Jackpins gazing at her, wide-eyed.
"Who's going to judge you if we started dating?! And why would I be mad at you for actually caring about me?!" she fumed, "In fact, I'm more mad at the fact that you HID it from me all along!"
"But I—"
"What I'm saying is, you don't need to keep putting up a facade just to please me, you – you big dimwit!"
Jackpins could feel her eyes well up with grief. Battat was right, what was she doing? She'd messed up so hard, she was mad at her for a different reason entirely, was she?
"I'm sorry, I just— I didn't— I–"
"Jack."
Battat lets go of her grip from Jackpins' clothes. "I… I just want you to be yourself, too. That's it. That's all I want from you."
She sighs. "…You're not going to be happy if you're just being someone you're not. Speaking from my experience. So please…"
Battat lowers her head, her eyes locked onto her shoes. She didn't want to be this way to Jackpins especially what just happened, but if she refused to listen, it was better she did it now.
"…just, don't be afraid to talk to me about it next time. You would've known I liked you sooner if you just… told me."
"I… I'm sorry, Batsy, I…"
Jack fell onto the carpeted floor, knees first. Her vision became hazy as the choking feeling in her throat worsened. Her held back tears finally broke out like a rainstorm.
"I just - I didn't know what I was doing! I was scared it wouldn't last - I was afraid we did, I'd go down on my luck and it wouldn't last…!"
She finally looks back up to Battat, who crouched down to her level. "I didn't know… I wouldn't have expected you to like me back, I…"
Battat inches closer to Jackpins to wipe her tears. "It's alright. Look, I get it. But I was serious when I said I was into you, okay? I mean, look at yourself…!"
She lifts her head up. "It's stupid that even the prettiest Pippins like you — you'd be crying over someone like me."
"I'm really sorry," Jackpins hicced, "I… I really — I…"
"You're fine," Battat replies. "You don't gotta be so hard on yourself. Seriously."
Jack blubbers on and on, making nonsense of what point she's trying to make. "I just… I… I didn't want to… I…"
Battat pulls her into a hug. "I get it. I really do."
Though, her embrace felt soft, she pulled Battat closer. That familiar faint coffee-stain smell, the warm velvet fabric shawl she'd always wear to work. It felt silly to think, but she knew she was safe in her arms.
For a moment, she pulled away. "I'm sorry, Battat. I… I love you so much, it hurt to… to hold it back… It's just that, I…"
All of a sudden, her voice trails off to Battat's lips on her's. Though Jackpins was taken aback, through her heartache her pulse quickens as she tilted her head in response, their warm breath against their skin.
She hadn't expected Battat of all people to initiate something like this, but it was as if she knew this was what she wanted in the end.
Jackpins' hand glides up to Battat’s chest. In reply, Battat, with a slightly furrowed brow, gently cups her face. Jackpins still wept, but in a way where she didn't need to worry about anything anymore. That kiss was held, almost like it was to shut her up.
Finally, they let go. Jackpins shivers a bit, her heart aflutter, gazing at Battat, who was looking away, a tinge of pink on her face. Her mouth was scrunched up like she wanted to say something, but couldn't.
She looked even prettier with the hint of red lipstick on her mouth, Jackpins thought. She smiled, drying her eyes. "…Thank you. I'm happy to have you. I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner."
Battat took a few seconds to reply back. She stutters. "…Yeah. Yeah, whatever. Jack, I…"
She hesitates, but pecks her cheek. "You don't gotta keep stressing about this anymore… alright?"
"…Of course, honey bunny. I love you."
"…"
Battat blushed.
"…I… love you too."
Though it may not seem like it, maybe her troubles really washed away after that. Even they were going to be gone just for a little while.
Now it was time to figure out what to do with a newfound relationship like this…