Chapter Text
Hongjoong had always prided himself in his independence and initiative. He had heard countless stories from his mother of how he had always been one to lead, to make others feel included, even as a child. How he insisted on inviting his whole class to his sixth birthday party because he didn’t want anyone to feel left out. In high school, he ran a music club where anyone could join regardless of musical ability. His conviction followed him into early adulthood too; leaving home at eighteen to pursue music, moving to an unfamiliar city to live his dreams. Hongjoong had always had a plan and was never one to let life lead him. Now, he stands in his apartment, surrounded by boxes in an organised mess, and wonders what the fuck he’s going to do.
His gaze traces down at Mingi, who is crouched on the floor, trying to shove something into a box that was clearly too small to hold it, and thinks about – dreads - having to find a new roommate at thirty years old.
"Mingi, you’re going to break it," Hongjoong says, his arms crossed and his eyes scrutinising.
"Jongho would kill me if it broke," Mingi sighs and stands to his full height before stretching his torso with a groan. His blonde hair is held away from his eyes with a headband and in his hand, he holds a yellow clay jar in the shape of a baby chick with his name engraved on the side.
"He made it for me on our fifth date, said it reminded him of me," he continues, his smile small and his blush faint.
"I see the resemblance," Hongjoong rolls his eyes fondly, clearly amused by his friend’s sudden shyness, "you two make me sick."
Mingi looks at Hongjoong, offended for a second, before he huffs out,
"You just don’t get it! We’re in love, hyung. People who are in love do corny shit like make ugly jars for each other. You’re just bitter about me leaving you," he pouts.
Honestly, Mingi is right. Hongjoong is a bit bitter about him leaving - they’ve lived together for eight years, and Mingi knows him like no one else. They were roommates at uni and had continued to be after graduation; together they had created a home full of life and music. Hongjoong doesn't want that to change, he enjoys living with Mingi, who knows him like breathing and who he knows just as easy. With Mingi he can just exist. Still, he rolls his eyes.
"I’m not bitter. I’m happy for you," his gaze softens. He really, truly, is happy for Mingi. He had never seen his best friend so lovesick, and it’s nice to see him so enamoured by someone who treats him like the princess they all know him to be.
"Moving in with Jongho is a big step for your relationship; I’m glad you have each other," he says sincerely.
Mingi just grins at him, wide and toothy. Then, with a mischievous gleam in his eye, he inches towards Hongjoong with his long arms spread wide and that stupid grin still plastered on his face.
"Get away from me," Hongjoong warns, already scoping the messy apartment for an exit strategy. Mingi inches closer, obviously not moved by the threat, and tackles Hongjoong into a hug so enveloping that Hongjoong thinks he might die. When Mingi finally releases him, he takes the opportunity to pinch his ribs.
"Ow! Keep your little gremlin fingers to yourself, hyung. Or else I will jump you again," Mingi huffs out, his hand rubbing at his side, "God forbid a man loves his friends."
Hongjoong narrows his eyes,
"I was telling you how happy I am for you and you decided to maul me. Honestly, you deserved more than a pinch."
Mingi sticks his tongue out – a gesture returned by Hongjoong.
They begin working in tandem to get all the boxes packed and organised before Jongho and Seonghwa arrive to move everything out. The motions are reminiscent to when they had moved in together all those years ago. Hongjoong was in his second year of uni when he brought up the idea of the band to his roommate, who agreed enthusiastically. Together, they had found San and Yunho - completing the quartet that became Silver Light. They had gotten close quicker than expected, bonding over music, movies, hobbies – everything that was important to a group of men in their early twenties. Now, they were reaching thirty and were still as close as they were when they had to dig through the couch cushions for pizza money.
There were changes through the years, of course. Relationships, careers, even small things like hair colours – they had seen it all together. And now, Mingi is leaving to start a new chapter of his life and Hongjoong is still there.
Stuck.
It’s unfair to compare their lives; Hongjoong hasn’t had a serious relationship for over a year, and Mingi has been practically married to Jongho since they got together three years ago, but Hongjoong couldn’t help but feel like his life was at a standstill. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t started to look for a new roommate yet. It meant having to admit that, while everyone was making big decisions in their own lives, for the first time, Hongjoong's life was making decisions for him. It was unsettling. Procrastinating finding a roommate was like a small act of rebellion against all of the decisions he didn't get to make. Mingi leaving, having to live with a stranger - they were things Hongjoong didn't get a say in. Prolonging his discomfort - the product of all the decisions he didn't get to make - provides him with a veneer of control. Hongjoong's emotions recently have been fueled by his loss of control and the examination he's had to make of his own life. The hopeless desperation, the abandonment, the acceptance. Every emotion - every feeling - fuses to his nerves and he's tired.
Hongjoong is broken out of his thoughts by the sound of the door opening and Seonghwa’s voice carrying through the apartment.
"How much shit do you own, Mingi? This is going to take forever," he complains while looking around at the boxes filling the living room.
"It’ll be worth it, hyungie" Jongho says from beside him. He makes his way through the boxes and into Mingi’s side, where Mingi automatically wraps an arm around him and plants a soft kiss to the top of his head. Seonghwa looks unimpressed.
"Sickening," he says bluntly.
Hongjoong agrees, although Seonghwa is just as bad with San. He says as much, which results in a giggle from Jongho and a blush from Seonghwa.
"Anyway," Seonghwa changes the topic, "Jongho and I both brought our cars, we should start loading them if we want to be done by the end of the day," he eyes Mingi and Jongho, then Hongjoong, "we need to separate them if we wanna get anything done."
Mingi and Jongho wear matching pouts before they begin complaining,
"But hyung," Mingi starts before Hongjoong cuts him off,
"Seonghwa’s right – Mingi, you can help me with the boxes of furniture, and Jongho, help Seonghwa with the boxes of clothes," he turns to drag Mingi along with him as Seonghwa leads Jongho towards the clothes boxes piled together.
It takes a few trips between Hongjoong's apartment and the new house before all of Mingi’s belongings are finally moved – albeit, still in boxes – but the unpacking can wait another day. The four men are sat on the floor of the unfurnished living room, two boxes of pizza sat between them and an open case of beer already half empty. It’s nice, Hongjoong thinks, existing in a space with people who just get each other. He is filled with an all-encompassing feeling of content. Despite the exhaustion he feels settling into his bones, the way his body feels twenty kilos heavier, he couldn’t dream of anywhere better to be. The way Mingi and Jongho lean against each other while Seonghwa is splayed out of the floor, his head in Hongjoong’s lap ignites a warm feeling in Honjgoong’s chest, his mind finally emptying of the incessant dread. This is what he needs. He can worry about finding a new roommate tomorrow, but for now, all he needs – all that is required of him – is to do nothing.
They stay like that for a while, making idle conversation and small banter, until Mingi positively looks like he’s going to pass out. Jongho manages to get Mingi into their bedroom, while Seonghwa and Hongjoong tidy away the mess of empty boxes and cans before heading to Seonghwa’s car.
"You can’t avoid it forever, you know," Seonghwa says knowingly from the driver’s seat, "you need to look for a roommate soon."
Hongjoong suddenly resented how deeply his friends knew him. How Seonghwa could read every thought and feeling nestled inside him despite how hard he tried to keep them suppressed. He remains quiet while Seonghwa begins their journey to his apartment building.
"I know," he says eventually. Seonghwa glances at him, encouraging him to speak more wordlessly.
"I just…" he sighs, "I love you guys, a lot. And, I don’t know – I think the thought of sharing a space with a stranger, when all I’ve known for the past ten years is our little family… it’s… it makes me uncomfortable," he looks away from Seonghwa when he finishes, suddenly very interested in the way the horizon moves; the sky shifting from oranges and pinks to a darker blue, the way the clouds move. Seonghwa stays quiet for a moment before speaking softly.
"Don’t look at them as a replacement for Mingi. You have a lot of comfort and security in us – which I love, don’t get me wrong – but maybe having someone new to talk to, to get to know, would be good for you," he pulls up outside of Hongjoong’s building before turning to make eye contact with him, "you work with half of us, you’ve lived with Mingi for god knows how long… finding someone compatible to live with will be a re-adjustment, sure, but you are the only person I know who can turn an awkward situation into something normal. Look at it this way: you get to decide who to live with, who to share your space with, who to share part of your life with. No one can take that from you."
"I guess…" Hongjoong groans, "I’ll start looking tomorrow, promise. But right now, I need my bed and a cigarette. Thank you, Hwa," he finishes before pulling Seonghwa into a hug.
"Any time, Joongie," Seonghwa rubs soothing circles into his back before pulling away, "if you need any help looking for roommates, just let me know and I’ll come running," the look in his eye says he’s serious about it too. Hongjoong just laughs, says goodnight, and makes his way into his apartment.
It’s odd being at home completely alone. Sure, there were days where Mingi would stay at Jongho’s, but there would always be another member of their small family around. Whether Yunho wanted to stay and work on new music, or Wooyoung wanted to have a movie night – the house has never felt so desolate. Hongjoong decides he doesn’t like it. It feels wrong to go through the motions of his night time routine without some sort of background noise; the tv, loud conversation, singing. The silence makes Hongjoong’s skin prickly and his heart ache.
He showers before getting into bed and checking over the ad listing. He’s gotten a few replies, which he responds to before setting up interviews for the following day. Seonghwa was right, annoyingly. Hongjoong has gotten too comfortable. His life revolves around work and his friends. They all know the code to his apartment; it was like they were constantly around each other. Hongjoong hadn’t noticed just how intertwined all their lives were. Maybe change would be a good thing.
It’s not like he hates meeting new people, he quite enjoys it actually, but meeting new people and having to live with a stranger are two completely different things. He has his routines, his work, friends – his comfort in familiarity keeps him sane. As daunting as it might be, as on edge as it makes him feel, Hongjoong knows he has to bite he proverbial bullet and allow himself to adapt. New people, new routines, new normal.
He reminds himself that Seonghwa’s right, I can do this, I am a grown ass man.
Hongjoong has an early start to the day. He has a day off from his job at the bar and his first interview is at eight o’clock. He has to be prepared. He looks himself over in the mirror again; blue jeans, black t-shirt, navy jacket. His orange hair and multiple piercings are a stark contrast to the casual vibe he was going for. He makes his way to the café around the corner from his building, walking through the fairly empty streets with casual calmness. The way the spring breeze brushes against his face is grounding and the slight chill gives him composure. Once inside, he orders an iced americano and takes a seat. He checks his watch. 7:59. Okay. Time passes. 8:02. Late. More time passes. 8:20. Hongjoong gathers his things, ready to leave, before he hears a someone call his name.
"Kim Hongjoong, right?" the man in front of him looks disheveled – his hair looked like he ran his fingers through it once, his shirt was buttoned wrong, and Hongjoong was pretty sure he was wearing two different shoes.
"I’m Min Yechan, I had an interview for the spare room?"
He looks hopeful, despite his appearance, and Hongjoong feels bad - but more than that, annoyed.
"The interview was at eight - you’re almost half an hour late," Hongjoong is unimpressed and it shows through his tone.
The man’s smile falters and he looks about ready to beg. Still, Hongjoong doesn’t give in. Why would he? First impressions matter the most, and so far, all he can tell from this man is that he’s unorganised and inconsiderate of others’ time. Hongjoong doesn’t want to have to live with someone who he can’t rely on if needed.
"Look, I don’t want to waste your time anymore than you’ve already wasted mine. I don’t think I need to interview you to know that I don’t want to share a space with you. Have a good rest of your day," Hongjoong bows before leaving the man there, stood in silence, and heads back to his apartment.
A naïve part of him thought that he’d be able to get a new roommate after the first interview, but that was clearly wishful thinking. He still has three more interviews lined up for the day, and his hope is already dwindling. His head already hurts.
He walks into his apartment and collapses on the couch before calling Mingi.
"Hey, hyung! How’s the roommate hunt going?"
He can hear the smile in Mingi’s voice and it eases something in him.
"It’s going," he replies with a sigh.
"The guy showed up half an hour late looking like he got dressed in the dark and hit by a truck. Made me miss you, I guess," he says nonchalantly, though he knows Mingi’s probably doing a back-flip just hearing him say it.
"Well, you know I am one of a kind… maybe I should get No One Like Me tatte-,"
"No. Absolutely not. You are not matching my tattoo, and besides, that literally defeats the purpose of the whole thing," Hongjoong cuts him off before he could finish his insane thought. Mingi just barks out a laugh before speaking again.
"Whatever hyung, you know where I am if you change your mind," Mingi jokes, "I miss you too. Also, the thought of someone else in my room makes me feel weird," he admits.
"Me too. My next interview’s in two hours and I’m dreading it," Hongjoong whines, practically kicking his feet.
"It can’t be as bad as the last one – oh I’ve gotta go hyung, the electrician’s here," Mingi sighs, "you’ll find someone, don’t stress too much."
Hongjoong smiles,
"Thanks, Mingi."
Mingi was wrong. So incredibly wrong. Candidate two had less than positive references; he’d been evicted three times and Hongjoong thought his ego was far too big for his five-foot three frame. Candidate three was so deeply in debt he could barely afford the shoes on his feet. The final candidate seemed to be Hongjoong’s final hope; good references and a great credit score, until he said something so bigoted that Hongjoong had to resist the urge to leap across the table and mangle him.
Hongjoong thinks back to Seonghwa’s offer and considers. Maybe he does need some help with finding a good roommate, it’s not like he’s made any progress alone and it doesn’t look like it’s getting any better either. He pulls his phone out from his pocket and opens their chat.
Hongjoong
Hey
Interviews went so bad :(
Wanna roommate hunt with me?
Hwa
I’d be honoured
I’ll ask the others to help too
You’ll find someone Joongie
Trust your hyung
Hehe
Hongjoong
Putting a lot of trust in you hyungie
(˶>⩊<˶)
Hwa
Oh god
Did Youngie put them emojis in your phone
Never use them again
Hongjoong
Noted
Thanks for helping me though
⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
Hwa
I’m taking back my offer
Hongjoong
No please
I’m sorry
Love you
Hwa
…
Love you too I guess