Chapter Text
Shane Hollander
A name known around campus and not one that is known for good things. He was the golden kid, the good boy, the one who could do no wrong. He got good grades, attended all his classes, and made friends easily. There wasn’t much that didn’t come easily to him. Except connections with people beyond the surface level. He considered many people a “friend”, but Shane’s definition of a friend was very different than most peoples. It included them getting to know the Shane they wanted to know, not who he actually was. The jock, the preppy kid, reliable… The list could go on and on. He kept up this facade through Freshman and Sophomore year of college. It was easier. Then it wasn’t. It became impossible for him to put on this show. He withdrew, he wanted nothing to do with social events and everything to do with being left the hell alone.
He decided in junior year it was time for a change. Going back to classes after summer semester was over, he had gotten a lip piercing and a tongue piercing. It was a slight change to his image and it was a start. People who considered him a friend didn’t question the style change and started to pull back more. They stopped inviting him to things and wanting to strike up conversation. He would hear rumors between classes since he stayed on campus due to little break time, about how the piercings detoured from his face. How it didn't “suit” him. It’s not like he cared. That was the idea. I just want to get through my classes and not be bothered was his thought process. It came with a price of course, being that he was no longer upholding an image that professors and other students admired.
It had become enough by senior year, he had slowly transitioned into a style that was considered to be more alternative. Not that fashion ever mattered to him, but he had made a friend, a real friend who wanted to be around him. They cared about him, what he wanted and who he wanted to be. Their name was Lunar. He always felt comfortable around them, if not a little bit intimidated at first. They used different pronouns than what he was used to, identifying as non-binary. They also had colored hair, changing every month it seemed, but always remaining true to themselves. Lunar was openly demisexual and had explained to Shane what that meant for them. It has opened his eyes to a world of possibility.
This didn’t cause for lack of any tension in his life though, people would stare. Especially at Lunar. Their hair being different colored was one thing, but they would wear clothes that were a little too big, pants that had chains and makeup that was dark and precise across their eyes. Shane has asked them before if they could teach him how to do makeup. They didn’t laugh at him, question him or ask him why. They just simply asked, “Sure, do you want to use mine or get your own? We can go shopping.” It made him light up inside. Make up wasn’t something he’d ever thought of exploring due to the negative connotations that came with men wearing makeup. It was at that moment he knew that they were a true friend. None of it was about the makeup, sure he would want to learn eventually and maybe wear it if they went out, but he wanted to know if they would accept him.
Lunar shared their meals with him, spending breaks together and enjoying each others company. They helped him discover more about his sexuality, exploring what differing sexualities looked like, seeing what fit. There wasn’t pressure to figure anything out right away. What he did know was that he wasn’t straight and he wasn’t demisexual like they were. He felt attraction, sexual attraction, without having to get to know someone. And it was becoming clear to him more day by day that he might solely be interested in men. His now best friend, Lunar, being assigned male at birth, did not fall under that category for him. He wasn’t attracted to them, their friendship meant the world to him.
He did find attraction in the latest arrival though. The curly haired man who hid his body under large t-shirts, his hockey jerseys and hoodies. His hazel eyes lit up when he was genuinely interested in a conversation, a crooked smile revealing imperfect teeth and crinkles around his eyes. His name was Ilya and Shane had talked to him exactly twice. Once when he was looking for his class, which was a bioengineering class and he was very much in the wrong building. Shane was in sports medicine. So he asked to see his schedule to find the building and class and sent him on his way. This was how Shane learned about him being Russian due to his accent and the beautiful color of his eyes. The second time was when he saw Lunar talking to him, discussing a class assignment because they were in the same class and same major.
Lunar hadn’t brought him up since their initial meeting and Shane wasn’t about to admit he was half staffed by this man’s voice alone. He didn’t want to impose on them by asking for his information, a last name even so he could look him up on social media. Anything to connect to this beautiful man. Who Shane was seeing sometimes wore fucking glasses. Glasses? On this perfect Adonis? He wondered if they were for show. But quickly shook it out of his head. Hot people can also wear glasses. Fuck, Shane wore glasses. He had gotten to the point where he could either wear contacts which he found awful, or glasses. Sticking with his new alternative style, he settled for a thicker black frame glasses. Lunar had gone with him to pick them out, one of the only moments they questioned one of Shane’s decisions, since they were expensive and would have to be a part of his everyday look for a while. It was a losing argument on their side and they conceded.
The glasses came pre-lip ring. That came next. Getting one side pierced and rocking a stud for a bit before changing it out to an actual ring. He wanted to get the other side done and get snake bites. His mom threatened to cut his tuition cost and make him get a job if he did this though. It wasn’t like her to hold things like this over his head and was usually very supportive. Deciding against it was the best option. That didn’t stop him from getting his tongue pierced though. Lunar didn’t go with him for that and he had done it as a spur of the moment thing. That was met with questions from them of if he was going through a quarter life crisis. He denied it.
***
Ilya R.
Traveling from Russia to come to a Canadian school seemed foolish to his family. The truth was, it was easy to get into and made it easier to get away from his family. His grades weren’t the best in Moscow, but he managed to skate by. The verbal abuse he faced daily was no longer worth being at a more prestigious school. If it meant leaving that behind, it was worth it. His father scolded him, belittled him and told him he would amount to nothing. Tried to say that his mother would be disappointed. Ilya knew this wasn’t true. It was only words that he could use to try and cause hurt, but nothing compared to the hurt of losing her. He’d had enough. Alexei was in the next room snorting thousands of dollars up his nose, yet Ilya was the foolish one.
Leaving by the end of the week had been easiest. He could start in the fall semester and pick up close to where he had left off. He wouldn’t know anyone, but it was perfect. He could start fresh. It felt like he had to remain more of a ghost though. Having grown used to being seen, but not heard. Being the child that was supposed to excel. And he was, for a long time. Till the gifted kid burnout came into play. It became too much. Then he started drinking and partying, making poor choices while hiding behind this disguise of being happy toward his father. It had come crashing down of course when he was found tangled up in bed with one of his childhood best friends at the time, Sasha, who was a male in every sense of the word. He was banned from seeing Sasha and was beaten within an inch of his life for that. Told to apologize and recognize that that was not who he is.
Campus life was easier and he was able to put Russia aside for a while, focusing on his studies and getting citizenship. His career path and course work was intentional. It meant something and could get him places. His dream had been to play professional hockey, but after an ACL tear that never fully recovered, he was done for. This is when the disappointment from his father started. He wasn’t able to be famous for something Grigori approved of, so it meant he was nothing. It was the beginning of a long road of him being inadequate in his eyes, causing his own self esteem to drop. Leading him to now, wearing clothes that were too big and not fashionable. Wearing glasses he knew would make people think him less attractive and not putting much effort into maintaining his curls. It was easier. No one paid attention to him. Underneath this shell he had built, he still worked out, still took care of his body and managed to drink less. The partying was out the window since he no longer got invited, but that was fine. Let him just be known as Ilya R. The weird kid who didn’t talk to anyone unless he had too. A social outcast.