Work Text:
teenager
/‘tē,nājer/ A teenager is a person between the ages of 13 and 19, defined by the “teen” suffix in their age. This development period marks the transition from childhood to adulthood, characterized by significant physical, mental, and social changes. They are often referred to as adolescent.
Her… She… its just her in this world. Or at least that’s what she feels like. The only pure things in her life is her childhood and her music. Music is sacred, its the universal language and she’s fluent, you could even say a native in that language.
She’s stressed… she doesn’t know what to do with her life. Maybe she should pick up any of the instruments she used to play in her pristine childhood. Or maybe she should become a firefighter, a villain or a princess, a pumpkin?. But screw that. She’s to young. She’s barely 14. People say that she should focus on school instead of thinking about the future. But deep down she know that if she doesn’t start thinking about it know she won’t be prepared. There’s always someone telling her that she should be doing this or doing that but she just wants to find a passion. Something that she likes. The last thing she wants to become is a sad old person that hates their 9 to 5 job at a dumb insurance company. She feels like she was born with a porpoise. A mission. She knows she was born to be a performer. She has it in her blood. But there’s a problem. A big one… no one is interested in performers anymore. Everything is shitty thanks to AI. So that’s one big dream down the drain. But she still has hope. And hopefully she’ll never ever loose it.
Young her… she wouldn’t even care what others say about her. She was ruthless and yet everyone seemed to love her. She stays up late at night wondering what happened to that sweet, funny, ruthless, careless girl. She stares at herself in the mirror and wonders if she’s good enough for this sick and cruel world or if its the other way around. Sometimes she can feel that little girl yelling inside of her, demanding to be let out. But she wont budge. She’s too scared to let that tiny ruthless child out. Because what if she stops caring about everything else and just focuses on getting better?. No that would be bad. Very very bad. She wants to connect with that kid again. But she can’t. There’s this wall separating them.
She wants to be pretty… but it seems so far yet so close. She wants to be a model. At least have a pretty body. She would kill to have a body such as Bella Hadid’s. We all know that that’s not very realistic. Her ego tells her that she can do it. She can have a body like hers. Fuck it. Even better. But every time she tries her family thinks she’s ill. Maybe not physically, but mentally. She dams her younger self. If only she wouldn’t have eaten that much in her childhood she would be different. She scolds that fragile little girl for eating. The little girl looks up at her with tear overflowing her small brown eyes carrying such innocence and sadness. She thought there was nothing wrong in eating. After all she’s only 8. But her. She makes her know that eating isn’t okay.
Her vices… she wants to go back. She wants to smoke. Drink. Cut herself. But she knows she shouldn’t. She stares at the half rusty blade in her hands almost as if its flirting with her. Inviting her to a dance. She knows she shouldn’t. Her loved ones would be absolutely distraught when they find her laying on dirty bathroom floor in a pool of her vivid red blood.
Her parents… she loves them so much but as much as they try they will never understand her. She tries not to disappoint them but its so hard due to her self destructive nature. Sometimes she just wants to scape and never be seen again. She’s healing… slowly she feels like she’s getting better. She’s formed a friendship with that little girl that was once so terrified of her. She’s eating better, leaving all that past her, but she can’t shake the temptation of going back. Its like someones dung up on her, telling her to go back, that it’ll feel rally good, and she can’t shake them off.
She listened…. She listened to the person clung on her. She did it. She did the cut. But this time it was different. At first it felt like she was touching heaven but after a while she realized what she had done and imedeatly regretted it. She swore shed never do it again. But there’s this lingering temptation.