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A shiver ran down Face's spine as he finished the last bite of his sandwich at Charlie's Chicken Diner. It was a local place, nothing especially unique but not bad, either. The food was decent and the waitresses more so. The air conditioning less so. They had the place hovering around sixty-five degrees. B.A. enjoyed it, of course. The man ran hot. Murdock's teeth were chattering, but he wasn't complaining. Face, on the other hand, was absolutely miserable. Everything already hurt. Bruised ribs, laceration on upper bicep, twisted ankle that he really shouldn't be standing on but had been anyway, and miscellaneous contusions. The only thing that cold air was good for was pain management, and it wasn't even doing that job well. Hannibal seemed as unperturbed as usual. Nothing phased the man.
"What is this?"
Okay, next to nothing phased the man. Face peaked over at the paper Hannibal had angrily flicked. On the second page there were three 'wanted' advertisements featuring - you guessed it - The A-Team. Sans Murdock, of course. The pictures weren't exactly flattering. Face was pretty sure they'd used a mugshot from the one time he'd been arrested after a particularly crazy party. He tried to avoid those, but wasn't always successful. His face in the image sported a black eye and a split lip. B.A.'s looked like they'd cropped a group photo, and even then it was an old one. Probably from the army days. And Hannibal's...the colonel's picture looked like he had the worst bedhead in history, or like he was stoned, or both. If memory served, it was from the time Hannibal had disguised himself as a homeless man. Well, one of the many times. Regardless, the colonel certainly didn't appreciate it.
"Gentlemen, grab your coats! We're going to JCPenney's."
"I th-think you mean J-JCPenney, colonel," said Murdock, rubbing his hands together. "There's n-no S at th-the end."
"What we gotta go there for?" B.A. asked, finishing off his milk.
"We are going to get some halfway decent mugshots. I won't have any 'wanted' poster of mine have me looking like a delinquent."
"Isn't that what you are?" Face smirked at his little jab. He was pretty funny, if he said so himself. Hannibal gave him a look.
"That's what you are, maybe. Come on."
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A thirty minute drive later, they arrived at JCPenney. They must have looked like an odd bunch, heading for the portrait booth. Hannibal introduced himself to the photographer as 'Mr. Reginald Buxley' and these are his 'sons'. The woman, Susan, looked them over. Face could tell the second her eyes landed on B.A.
"Uh, um...these are all your sons?"
"All three of 'em. Now, I know what you're thinking: these two have brown eyes and little Reggie here has blue eyes. Well, rest assured, he's definitely mine. His mama has the prettiest blue eyes, and he inherited 'em. We want to do a portrait for her, actually. See, she works as a receptionist, and we haven't had a chance to do an updated family picture, and, well, Celestine just hates havin' her picture taken, so I thought, why not do one without her, and give it to her for a gift? She loves her boys, after all." Hannibal gave her grin, which Face immediately mimicked. If he was going to be 'little Reggie', he'd better play it up.
"Yeah, I'm real excited," said Face, "Mama's gonna love havin' a picture of Dad, me, Whimbley, and Phil."
The lieutenant had to stifle his laughter at the glare coming from behind him. He didn't even have to turn around to know that B.A. wasn't happy with either of those names. Unfortunately for Phil, he got no choice in the matter.
"Well...right this way..." Susan clearly had the gears in her brain turning at full throttle. To her credit, she did remain professional. "So, did we have any poses or backgrounds planned today?"
"Yes, just a nice portrait, me sitting, with m' boys all around me," said Hannibal. He took a spot on the gray box that was already out. "And I think a nice blue background. Or maybe just white. Something that will look good."
"Ah...yes, sir. Reggie, take a place on your father's right. Yes, that's nice. And..." Susan looked from Murdock to B.A. and back. "Um...Whimbley...? Can you stand on his left?"
Murdock took the spot. The photographer let out a subtle sigh of relief and Face had to hide his chuckle behind a cough.
"Okay. Now, Phil, please stand behind your...father."
"Okay, miss." B.A. took his spot as well.
It took a further ten minutes of Hannibal nitpicking their poses before he was satisfied. By the time the picture was snapped, Face was about ready to start a fistfight. B.A. wasn't far behind. Might have been a couple steps ahead, actually. But! It was done.
"All right sir, let me just get you checked out, and you can pick up the images when they're ready." Susan led the colonel to the cash register, leaving the other three to mill about.
"Jeeeeehoshaphat!" Hannibal exclaimed. "That's the price for one picture?"
"Well, it's the 8x10. But if you wanted to do our calendar bundle, it's only a few more dollars for all twelve."
"Well, if I'm paying that much, then that's what we're doing! Boys, get back to posing!"
What followed were very possibly the strangest and slightly most painful moments of Face's life. B.A. mostly stood stoically in the back, while the others did all sorts of things. Face laid on his belly while Murdock planked in the air on Face's raised feet while Hannibal put one foot on the gray box and rested his arm on his knee. Murdock was held up by the other three, then accidentally kicked Face's poor ribs when he got down. They did a sort-of-conga-line with B.A. at the front because the big guy refused to put his hands on anyone's hips. That pose had been Susan's idea, and Face honestly couldn't tell if the woman was messing with them now. They did a picture with Murdock upside down, Hannibal and Face holding a leg each, with B.A. behind him. Susan also managed to convince B.A. to join in a head stacking picture, as the bottom head.
"Uh, Hannibal," Face whispered as Susan organized them into a human pyramid with B.A. praising the sky next to them. "You know we need one without Murdock, right? He's not wanted by the military. He's supposed to be in the VA."
"I know, but he's having fun." Hannibal and Face both winced as Murdock's full weight was applied to them. "All right, I'll figure out an excuse."
"All right, next pose!"
"Uh, Susan, if I may, I'd like to get a picture with Reggie and Phil."
"Without me?" Murdock pouted. "How come?"
"Well, Reggie and Phil are going to join that club I used to be a part of, remember? You didn't want to - which is fine! - but I need one that I can send to the club for proof that they're my boys."
"Oh. Sure. Well. I'll just sit over here, then."
"Whimbley, we'll do one with just you after, all right?"
"Fiiiiiine."
An hour later, they finished and arranged to pick up the calendar in a few days. Face and B.A. were both dazed by what they just went through.
"Surreal," said Face. "That's the only word I can use to describe...that."
"Yeah. Surreal is the word for it all right, Faceman." B.A. shook his head. "Surreal for sure."
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A quick trip with Amy to a military base later, and the only available images of The A-Team were a very nice family portrait and/or some very nice headshots. Over the next few weeks, Decker would try to put the other images back, only to find them replaced again by the next morning. Face grinned to himself every time.