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Buck’s yard was filled with laughing children. When he’d first bought the house, this was what he pictured – all of his friends kids coming over and running around in the grass, water gun fights in the summers, barbecues in the fall, drinks with Maddie on the patio while Jee and Robby played in the dirt, laying out on the lawn with Chris to watch the stars…
He’d never thought his own kid would be in that mix. Or at least, not this soon. But there Theo was, sprinting in circles around Chris, too much energy to sit down. Unlike the two dads who were lounging on the patio, beers in hand, trying to stay awake after an overnight shift.
This had become a bit of a routine for Buck and Eddie – the Diaz boys coming over after they got off work. Sometimes for just a beer, sometimes for a full meal. Once or twice when they’d spent the night because Eddie looked ready to keel over from an exhausting shift and Buck didn’t want him driving home like that. It was a good thing Buck’s house had enough bedrooms for Chris and Theo, and a couch for Eddie when he needed it.
The place had felt kind of empty – a little lonely – when he’d first moved in. All that space and only himself to fill it. But he’d learned pretty quick how willing the people in his life were to fill that space. How easy it would be to let them inside and give them a place to take root. Buck’s friends and family were great like that.
Eddie had been a lighthouse in a storm when Buck first adopted Theo. He’d had no idea what he’d been getting into, but he figured since Theo was biologically his kid and Buck had gone through his own childhood, that he could figure things out with a little trial and error.
He’d been very, very wrong.
Parenting so far had been a lot more error than trial and Buck quickly developed the anxiety (and exhaustion) of a parent with a hyperactive child who lacked a sense of self-preservation. This was probably karma from the universe for how unruly he’d been as a child. No wonder his parents had been so strict and on-edge.
If it hadn’t been for Eddie and Maddie, Buck had no idea where he’d be now. They’d help set up the house and Theo’s bedroom. Maddie had sent Buck a stack of parenting books that he was still plowing through. Eddie brought Chris around when Theo’s energy was too much for one person to handle. They’d made Buck’s transition into parenthood as seamless as possible (if a thing could even be described as such).
The adoption decision had been a little impulsive, but both his sister and best friend agreed it was a good step in his life. Buck was a grown-up now. He could do grown-up things.
When Harry pointed out that Buck was the only childless bachelor left at the firehouse, he might have…spiraled. A little. There were lots of things Buck had thought he’d have in his life by his mid-thirties – a wife (or husband upon later discovery), a kid or two, maybe a step up in his career…So far the only thing he’d really accomplished had been purchasing his home (at least he wasn’t a childless bachelor with roommates). As for the other things…there wasn’t a career ladder to climb and a spouse was so far out of the picture, Buck wouldn’t even know where to start looking at this point. But a kid…
Theo needed a home – one that would see the big heart he got from Buck through the well…everything else he got from Buck.
And now that kid was giggling in his yard while dodging a water gun from Chris. Both boys were already soaked through but Buck had learned a big part of parenting a toddler (especially this toddler) was to never get attached to clean clothes. God knows how much laundry he’d put his own mother through. Both Buck and Eddie had become very acquainted with his laundry machine (actually, Buck probably had more of Eddie and Chris’ clothes at his house than they had at their own at this point).
He’d become very good at removing stains – not just soot from fires, but mud, and chocolate, and spaghetti sauce—
“Oof.” Theo went down hard in the grass, slipping in a bit of mud.
Buck was instantly tense, getting up to go check on his son—
Eddie set a hand on his arm, keeping him in the chair. He gave Buck a reassuring look. “Give him a sec.”
Sure enough, Theo’s daze at the fall lasted two seconds before he was grinning up at Chris, mud on his face, and laughing. Then he was up and running again.
Buck sagged back in his chair. “This kid is going to take years off my life.”
Eddie laughed. “Welcome to parenthood.”
“At least he’s not old enough to jump out of trees yet. Don’t know what I’m gonna do when he gets to that.”
“Jumping out of trees? Why would he do that?”
Buck sipped his beer. “I did that all the time.”
Eddie raised an eyebrow. Buck was pretty sure he’d told Eddie how he’d broken his leg before. And his arm. Twice.
Buck shrugged back. “I got into a lot of trouble. You know this.”
“Sure, but that doesn’t mean Theo’s going to. Jumping out of trees isn’t genetic, Buck.”
“No, I just mean he might be a little…reckless. You know, you get bored and need something to do so you go looking for trouble.”
“Is that why you were reckless?”
Buck shifted in his seat. “Sure, I guess.”
“Or did you do that stuff because you were lonely?”
Buck’s eyes shot to Eddie. He was already looking at him, face serious, eyes open. Not judging just…curious.
“I mean…” Buck shifted again. “Like, I didn’t have a lot going on or anything. My dad didn’t really let me play sports and stuff. And I didn’t know many kids in the neighbourhood, and Maddie was always out with Doug.” Buck took a long sip of beer. He wasn’t looking at Eddie anymore. “You know, it sucked but it wasn’t like there was much else they could do. I made it pretty hard on them.”
“It wasn’t your responsibility to make it easy.”
Across the lawn, Chris landed a perfect shot on Theo. The little boy let out a shrill squeal before dissolving into giggles, running off again as Chris tried to line up another shot.
“Do you think parenting Theo is easy?” asked Eddie.
Buck’s eyes shot back to his friend. “I mean…it has it’s challenges but it’s not like, world-ending hard or anything.”
“Right.” Eddie sipped his beer. Buck kept watching him, waiting for where this was going.
“Do you love him?” Eddie asked casually.
Buck didn’t even have to think. “Of course.”
“Do you think he’s hard to love?”
“No.”
“Even when he’s causing trouble?”
“No, he’s just a kid.”
“So were you, Buck.”
Buck paused. Theo wasn’t hard to love. Challenging to parent – to keep alive – at times, sure, but love? That was easy. From the first day he’d met him, Buck had seen how special this little boy was.
Said little boy was running up to him, mud caked down the front of his soaking wet shirt, curls plastered to his head. Chris was shuffling over behind him.
Theo stopped in front of the two men. “Buck, I’m dirty.”
Buck smiled at his son. “That’s ok, kiddo. How about we go inside and get cleaned up before dinner?”
Theo nodded, reaching out a hand. Buck wrapped his tiny little fingers in his own. He was never going to get tired of this.
---
“Theo’s down,” Buck whispered as he came back into the kitchen. Eddie was drying the last of the dishes, putting them away in the cabinets with great care to not clang them around.
“Chris went to lie down in the guest room,” said Eddie. “Think he might crash too.”
“You can sleep here if you want.”
Eddie sighed, stretching out his back. “Might take you up on that offer. I’m wiped.”
“You know, I can take the couch if your back is hurting—"
Eddie was quick to wave him off. “No, I’m good.”
Buck pulled two craft sodas from the fridge. “Want one?”
“Sure.”
They made their way to the couch, propping their feet on the coffee table. Neither reached to turn on the tv, just sipping their drinks in silence.
Eventually, Buck asked a question that had been running through his head since they’d left the backyard. “Do you ever think about if you’re doing all this right?”
Eddie’s eyebrows did that scrunching thing. “What? Parenting?”
“Sure. Or like, all of it. Life.”
“Life?”
“Yeah.”
Eddie took a long sip of his soda. “I mean, I don’t think there’s really a right way to do it.”
“Right. Yeah sure.” Buck’s knee started to bounce. “But like, isn’t there an order you’re supposed to do it in?”
“Order?”
“You know, like, the whole, dating, marriage, then kids, thing.”
Eddie smirked. “Yeah, I tried that. Didn’t really work out.”
“R-Right,” Buck stuttered. Eddie had been married. His wife died.
Eddie laughed. “I didn’t mean it like that. Me and Shannon were over long before everything else happened. Life doesn’t always work out the way we plan it.”
“Yeah…” Buck looked at the bottle in his hands, picking at the label.
“Where’s this coming from?” asked Eddie.
“Huh?” Buck glanced over at him, then looked away.
“Come on, what’s got you all twisted up? Is something going on with Theo?”
“N-No, Theo’s great. He’s perfect. He’s…”
“What?”
“I guess I’ve just been thinking. You know, about how my life turned out.”
Eddie nodded in understanding. “Didn’t think you were going to have a kid like this.”
Buck let out a big sigh. Eddie always knew exactly how he was feeling. “Yeah. I guess I didn’t really consider that it would be like this – that I’d be doing it alone.”
Eddie stayed quiet, giving Buck room to talk as everything he’d been ruminating on for the last month came pouring out.
“It’s not that there’s anything wrong, I just thought I’d have a kid in the more…traditional way. You know, find a partner and get married and then we’d get to do the whole thing together. I’d get to do the whole thing. In my twenties I wasn’t really thinking about fatherhood – I was still mostly a kid myself – but I still dreamed about it, you know? Getting to be there for the pregnancy, and the birth, and all their firsts. And I guess in a weird way, I kind of was, for Theo, but it’s not the same when you know you have to give the kid up. Now he’s back and he’s mine and he’s really, really mine and I love him so much but there’s this piece that still missing and…” Buck trailed off, not really knowing where he was going with that.
“Missing?” prompted Eddie quietly.
Buck swallowed. He felt a sting behind his eyes. “I love Theo so much. I’ll never regret this part. But part of picturing what this was going to look like always included someone with me. Someone to share all those moments with – all the joys and hardships. To not just love him but also…”
“Also?” Eddie’s voice was almost a whisper.
Buck shrugged. “I guess I thought I’d have someone to love me, too.”
Eddie was silent beside him.
“When I realized that I was the last one of us left without a family, it just really put things into perspective for me, you know? Everyone’s got someone or at least had the chance at that, but I’ve never really…I’ve never gotten serious about that. Thought it was time that maybe I did.”
Buck looked over at Eddie. The other man was sitting stiffly on the couch, arms locked in tight, staring hard at the coffee table.
And because Buck could always talk about anything with Eddie, he admitted, “I don’t know, I guess it just made sense to skip that step if I still wanted some things to actually happen.”
“I um, didn’t know you felt that way,” Eddie’s voice was still dropped low.
Buck’s knee started bouncing again. “Maybe that other step just isn’t for me. I-I don’t want to sound like I’m not happy with what I’ve got – I’ve got way more than I ever really dreamed about – but, I don’t know, I didn’t think I’d be that hard to love—"
“You’re not.”
Buck scoffed. “I think my history says otherwise.”
Eddie set a hand on Buck’s shaking knee, stalling the movement. Buck’s eyes snapped to that hand. When had they gotten so close?
“You’re not,” Eddie said firmly.
Buck followed the line of Eddie’s hand – the heat sinking through his jeans – and up his strong arm to the firm set of his jaw until he met Eddie’s eyes. They were staring at Buck with an intensity he hadn’t seen in a while.
“You’re not hard to love, Buck.” Eddie gave his knee a gentle squeeze. “I love you.”
Buck rolled his eyes. “You don’t count. You know I’m not talking about friends. This is different.”
“And if I wasn’t talking about friends either?”
Buck paused. Eddie’s hand was burning a hole through his pants. “What do you mean?”
Eddie’s jaw worked. Then he said, “You say you’re missing a partner in all this. What do you think we’ve been doing all these years?”
Buck’s eyes widened. Then he backpedaled. “N-No, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m so sorry, Eddie. I appreciate all your help. Really. Y-You’ve been here for me so much, especially with Theo. Hell, I don’t know where’d I’d be without you a-and Chris. And I’m so grateful for all that you’ve done—”
Eddie let out a great big sigh. He dropped his hand from Buck’s knee. Buck felt the overwhelming urge to grab it and pull it back, coldness already seeping back into his skin. He resisted.
Eddie stood from the couch, grabbing their half-empty drinks. “Why don’t we hit the hay. It’s been a long day.”
Buck nervously rose from the couch. “You don’t want to keep talking?”
Eddie set a hand on Buck’s shoulder, right in the spot he always grabbed, thumb brushing reassuringly against his collarbone. “How about we sleep on it? We can talk more tomorrow.”
Buck nodded. “Yeah sure.” Then, because he wouldn’t be able to sleep otherwise, “You’re not mad?”
Eddie gave Buck one of those gentle smiles he usually reserved for Chris. “No, I’m not mad. Far from it.”
He gave Buck a gentle nudge towards his bedroom. “Get some sleep, Loverboy.”
Buck rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, ok. Goodnight.”
“Night.”
---
Buck found a note on his kitchen counter in the morning. It read: ‘Gone out. Be back in a bit.’
A quick glance at the couch showed Eddie missing and the blankets folded up. Another check into the guest room showed Chris still fast asleep on the bed. At least that meant Eddie was definitely coming back, so hopefully he wasn’t actually mad about last night.
Buck felt like an ass. Here he was complaining about not having a partner when Eddie spent more time at his house than his own, just to make sure Buck was ok. He’d been there for him through everything – Bobby’s death, Buck’s grief, his addiction, his recovery, Theo…
Buck really didn’t know what he’d do without Eddie. He loved him so much. As a friend. Because they were friends.
Maybe friends could be partners and that’s all Buck really needed?
He cracked an egg in a bowl to get started on breakfast. He was thinking pancakes. Maybe chocolate chip? Although the sugar might hype Theo up too much. Maybe blueberry instead—
There was a light knock at the front door.
Weird. Why didn’t they use the doorbell? Not that Buck wasn’t grateful, he didn’t need the loud noise waking Theo up early.
He set the bowl down and tip-toed to the door, pulling it open—
Eddie was standing on Buck’s doorstep, holding a bouquet of flowers. He was wearing a button down, and were those his nice jeans?
Buck looked at him, confused. “What, you got a date or something?”
He was expecting Eddie’s usual evasive response of ‘Or something’ but instead the man said with full confidence, “Yeah. With you.”
Buck’s whole face scrunched up, his body frozen in the doorway. “Me?”
Eddie nodded. “Yeah. Since it wasn’t clear already, I figured I’d actually ask this time. Properly.”
Buck eyed the flowers. “Those are for me?”
Eddie held them out. “Yes, Buck. They’re for you.”
Buck didn’t take them. He looked at Eddie’s face again. Buck was grappling with what his best friend was saying. Was he being serious? “You want to go on a date with me.”
“Yes.”
“Like, a date-date?”
“Yes.”
“Like boyfriends?”
Eddie practically rolled his eyes. “Yes Buck, like boyfriends. And I even want to kiss you after.”
Buck felt his face scrunch even more. His heart was pounding in his chest. “But you’re straight.”
Eddie shrugged. “Maybe not.”
“Maybe?”
Eddie raked his eyes over Buck. “Definitely not.”
Buck was still blue-screening so Eddie sighed again and thrust the flowers at his chest. Buck’s hands automatically came up to grab them. Eddie pushed him lightly back into the house, letting the door close behind them. Buck followed easily, still staring at Eddie.
With them both inside and Buck holding the flowers Eddie got for him, Eddie said with a very serious face, “Look Buck, I know things have been kind of in a grey-area for years, but I need you to know that I don’t just see you as a friend. Not anymore. You’ve been there for me just as much as I’ve been there for you. You’re family too and you’ve been family long before Theo was in the picture. But maybe that was the thing I needed to take the next step. Because you’re right, we can’t both be stuck like this forever and maybe I got too comfortable with the way things were to realize how much you were struggling. But I see it now, and I need you to know that you have someone who loves you. And not like a friend. You’re my partner, you’ve always been my partner, and I want to be yours. Ok? I want us to be a family and I want you to have all that stuff you were talking about last night because I love you and there is no one more deserving of it than you, Buck.” Eddie was breathing heavy, words spilling out. Buck’s own breath was caught in his throat.
“So I’m just gonna…” Eddie’s hand came up to cup his jaw, long fingers brushing the back of his neck, tilting his head. “Ok?” Eddie whispered, glancing between Buck’s lips and his eyes.
“Ok,” Buck breathed.
Then Eddie brought their lips together and everything about Buck’s life clicked perfectly into place. His body melted, the stiffness falling away as his own hands came up to grasp at Eddie’s hair, his waist. Eddie licked into his mouth and Buck groaned—
“Buck?” a tiny voice called down the hall.
The two men jumped back just as Thoe’s little feet padded around the corner. His eyes lit up when he spotted Buck, running over and wrapping his arms around Buck’s leg. “I’m hungry.”
Buck ran a hand through his son’s unruly curls, smoothing them down from their bed-headed state. “Breakfast will be ready in a bit, kiddo.”
Then they heard the click of crutches down the hall followed by, “Dad?”
“In here, mijo,” called Eddie.
“Is Buck cooking? I’m hungry,” called Chris as he too appeared in the foyer.
Buck and Eddie exchanged a look, small smiles stretching over their kiss-swollen lips.
“Yeah, Buck’s cooking,” said Eddie.
“How does blueberry pancakes sound?” asked Buck.
Chris grunted an affirmative as Theo cheered, the two boys racing off to the living room, not wanting to get roped into cleaning as Buck cooked.
Buck watched them go with a smile, then he felt the tug of a finger through his belt loop.
Eddie was looking at him with heated eyes. “So about that date?”
Buck’s smile stretched into a full grin, eyes settling into that flirtatious glint that always got him what he wanted. “We’ve got hungry kids waiting on breakfast.”
“I’m sure we can make time for a date night. Get Hen or Chimney to watch the kids so the parents can have a night on the town.”
“You wanna domesticate me Diaz?”
“You do look good in an apron.”
Buck rolled his eyes and turned back for the kitchen. Eddie smacked his ass on the way.
The four of them ate breakfast at Buck’s dining table. Like a family. It was the first of a lifetime’s worth.