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The date had gone brilliantly, if Sonny said so himself. He had practised the recipe he was planning to surprise Rafael with on the prior weekend and gotten every secret tip his grandma had, keeping her on the phone while he was cooking. As a result the lasagna was delicious and Rafael made several teasing jokes about Sonny’s skill as a future house-husband, which, after three hours in the kitchen, he took with pride. When Sonny leaned over to take Rafael’s empty plate there had even been a repeat of the gentle kiss from the end of the second date – only this time, it wasn’t goodbye.
For after dinner, Sonny had asked his sister Teresa, who was a bit of a movie buff, to give him a hint for something cultured and watchable. She’d come back with “The Science of Sleep”, which turned out to be a charming, quiet French comedy with enough surrealism to be artistic. It seemed to hold Rafael’s attention and he had leaned Sonny’s way when Sonny slowly snaked his arm over the back of the couch, so that now they were sitting shoulder to shoulder, leg to leg, comfortably snug.
Eventually, Sonny worked up the stones to put his hand on Rafael’s thigh and he watched him turn his head, his green eyes twinkling with amusement at the unsubtle come-on.
Sonny put the movie on pause before he pulled Rafael against his chest and kissed him again, feeling himself greeted with enthusiasm. His hand slid up under Rafael’s shirt when his mouth wandered downward, tugging Rafael even closer.
It took him a moment to realise something was off. Rafael wasn’t moving away, but he was a little rigid under his hands once they were under the fabric of his clothes.
“You alright?” Sonny asked against his skin.
“Yes,” Rafael said, just a fraction too fast.
Sonny wished he could have bought that ‘cause he really wanted to go on, but even though Rafael was hugging him back, he did sense Rafael wasn’t saying the whole truth. Leaning back a little, he surveyed Rafael’s face, which betrayed nothing and was consequently way too neutral for the middle of a make-out session.
“Hey, if you don’t wanna do anything tonight, that’s fine. I know it’s our third date and all, but that doesn’t really mean anything. We can just finish the movie,” he offered, quickly, cursing his own impatience. He always had to jump the gun.
“I’m aware I’m not bound to any obligations by some arbitrary number,” Rafael answered, pushing the argument away with a resolute gesture. “It’s not important.”
“So it is something.”
With a glance that could have passed for impressed and a roll of his eyes, Rafael settled back a bit as well, his hands still on Sonny’s arms. He heaved a sigh.
“I didn’t mean to tell you, but apparently you’re a slightly better detective than I gave you credit for,” Rafael relented.
Sonny ignored the barb. By now, he got that Rafael sometimes wanted him to start squabbling about how he said something just so he could weasel out of talking about the actual content of his words (because yes, Sonny was a good detective, thank you very much).
“If I seem a bit reluctant to accept your advances, it’s because I’ve never actually gotten as far as sex with a man.”
Sonny stared at Rafael in silence. Out of everything Rafael could have said, that hadn’t been on Sonny’s list.
“Wait, seriously? Why?”
“No special reason.” Rafael shrugged his shoulders. “You might not believe it, but I used to be somewhat of a romantic.” A lopsided smile pulled at his lips, like he could not take himself serious saying that. “Nearly all of my experiences come from a handful of long-term relationships and my partners just happened to be all women. Maybe it was easier not to confront the other part of my sexuality when I was younger, or maybe it was just happenstance that I fell for them first and not for men. Either way, I always knew I was bisexual, but the farthest I’ve come was a very ill-advised, drunken make-out session with a man I went to law school with. I feel like that is too close to the clichéd ‘experimented in college’ situation to really talk much about it, though.”
“Oh, okay,” Sonny said, feeling his shoulder’s sinking. “I was worried you were like – traumatised or something.” He gave an uneasy smile. “SVU kinda messes with your expectations.”
“No, nothing like that. I just haven’t had the opportunity yet.”
Shaking off the surprise, Sonny finally got a grin back on his face.
“Then there’s no reason to be nervous.”
“Of course there is. I’m on unfamiliar ground and you obviously expected me to be experienced. I’m vain enough that I want to impress my partner. Yet here I am, feeling as competent as the average sixteen-year-old.”
Sonny smiled, trying to hide that Rafael calling him ‘my partner’ had just made his heart skip like a bunny.
“If you were sixteen, you’d totally be the cool high school upperclassman that I couldn’t believe I was lucky enough to pick up.”
“I think you’d have to significantly adjust our ages for that roleplay to work. When I was sixteen, you were in kindergarten.”
Sonny dragged him closer again.
“I’ve never slept with a girl, but I can’t imagine they think being pedantic is hot when you’re trying to do dirty talk, either.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, that was supposed to be dirty talk? I couldn’t tell,” Rafael shot back. “There you go, anyway. I just don’t want to disappoint, although I feel I might have already ruined the mood now.”
“Raf, come on. You wanna go to bed with me, that’s about all I need right now to be over the moon.”
“Easy to please as always.”
But Rafael seemed more comfortable when Sonny embraced him now. He leaned forward to press feather-light kisses on Sonny’s throat and Sonny was immediately overwhelmed by the truth of his own statement. Just Rafael under his hands was what he’d wanted and in truth, he really couldn’t care less whether Rafael knew the Kama Sutra by heart. This wasn’t some sort of contest, this was about making each other feel good, being close. And hell, if Sonny asking him out had broken Rafael’s life-long stride of relationships with women, Rafael had to think this was something potentially serious, right?
“So tell me, teacher, can men have sex in a space that isn’t quite as cramped as a sofa?” Rafael asked, sarcastically.
“Got it,” Sonny said with a grin as he pulled Rafael to his feet. Considering the bed was in the same room – Sonny’s apartment only had the one – all he had to do was pull it out of the niche in the wall that it could be folded up into and throw down the blanket and pillows stuffed in the cupboard above. Rafael waited for him to assemble the bed, unbuttoning his shirt in the meanwhile.
Before he could reach the last button, Sonny had chucked the pillow onto the mattress and stepped up behind him, wrapping his arms around his middle.
“Is this okay?” Sonny asked.
Considering Sonny’s half-hard erection was pressing against the gentle curve of Rafael’s ass and lower back, he thought it was better to ask, but Rafael didn’t stop until the halves of his shirt were parted.
“I was aware what you had between your legs before I came here,” Rafael said, leaning his head back until Sonny just had to move a fraction forward to kiss him, which he did. “I’m not afraid of your cock, just of whether I’ll know what to do with it.”
Sonny huffed a laugh.
“What?”
“Nothing. Just never heard you say a dirty word before. It’s hot.”
“I am not going to call it a ‘penis’ like we’re at the doctor’s office when I plan on having it in my mouth in five minutes.”
The bolt of arousal that exploded into his nervous system and shot straight down to his dick muted Sonny momentarily. Considering Rafael’s little smirk, he knew exactly what he was doing, too.
“I said I was inexperienced with men, not that I was a priest,” Rafael added non-chalantly.
“You don’t have to...”
“Well, I want to.”
Since he insisted on it, Sonny really didn’t have the mental fortitude to argue. Instead, he grabbed him tight around the waist again and pulled them both down, falling sideways onto the bed and running his hand down Rafael’s naked chest, through the curly hair and over his stomach, cupping him through his trousers. Rafael seemed to like the passion, since he was turning towards Sonny in his arms and making breathy noises into his mouth when Sonny grabbed him. If Rafael was adventurous, maybe even felt on more sure footing if Sonny didn’t question him so much, he could play along.
Rafael’s nimble fingers opened the buttons on his shirt as well and Sonny backed off a little so Rafael’s interested gaze could take it all in. He wasn’t shy, but he was curious whether Rafael would get hung up on the differences between male and female bodies. However, his look had travelled downwards already and before Sonny realised it, he’d made short work of his belt buckle. That was a ‘no’ to that question, then.
He helped by kicking off his trousers and briefs and as he saw Barba sitting there in his open shirt and tented slacks, he just had to pull him in for another kiss on his mouth and his ear and his collarbone. He’d waited for this night entirely too long and, true, he’d imagined Rafael would be the experienced seducer, but he liked his focused curiosity just as much.
Rafael scooted backwards on the bed, Sonny’s worn-out sheets bunching up behind his feet.
“I’ve only ever been on the other side, so feel free to give hints,” he said.
Sonny thought there was a moment’s hesitation before Rafael reached for his cock, but it was over too fast to comment. Rafael’s fingers brushed against the heated skin briefly.
“This is without a doubt the least erotic thing I’ll say this evening, even after the virginity confession, but do you know if you’re clean?”
“Yeah, I – uh, I have tests from a couple months back, if you wanna see them,” Sonny said, finding it hard to tear his thoughts from the view of a half-undressed Barba on his knees in front of him.
Rafael shook his head. “Usually I would, but I think I know you well enough to say you wouldn’t lie to me about this.”
Sonny nodded his head, slightly touched by Rafael’s trust in his integrity and grateful, too. He would have done it, but he really wasn’t in the mood to get up and dig through his files now.
“You?”
“The same, although I have my papers at home,” Rafael said.
“It’s fine.”
This was, after all, Rafael, who had never shown himself to be anything less than respectable. Sonny didn’t think he was misplacing his good faith.
“No condom, then,” Rafael added and Sonny swallowed and nodded his head, failing to get control of his fantasies of what the result of that decision could be. He told himself to cool it. This was, after all, just Rafael’s first try.
Leaning down, Rafael flicked his tongue against Sonny’s cock. The touches were brief and experimental and quickly turned into longer laps as Rafael seemed to get himself used to the thought. He turned his vivid green eyes up as he wrapped his lips around his head. The image had a pretty good shot at making short work of Sonny’s promise to himself to take it easy on Rafael, because damn.
Sonny put a gentle hand on his hair, stroking through it as Rafael started to bob his head, careful not to push him down.
“Uh, watch your teeth,” Sonny said, quietly, as he felt something blunt graze along his skin.
Rafael shifted a little, adjusting his angle so that he was now looking at Sonny’s lap, his hands resting on his spread thighs. He didn’t really have a good rhythm down yet and he didn’t go down very far, but Sonny got lost in the sensation of his warm mouth and the quiet, obscene, wet sound of his lips moving, so much more happy for his willingness than he would’ve been about perfect skill.
There was something to be said for experience, though, Sonny realised, when Rafael dived in a little too deep and then pulled off quickly, coughing into the crook of his arm.
Sonny had to laugh and earned a displeased gaze. He pulled Rafael close with the hand still on the back of his head.
“You could wrap your fingers around the base, then you won’t slip too far down,” he suggested.
“Right...”
Rafael sounded annoyed that that idea hadn’t come to himself and the competitiveness amused Sonny more. He kissed his wet lips.
“You’re doing great, Raf,” he said, affectionately.
“Don’t thank me before it’s over, I might accidentally bite it off yet,” Rafael answered dryly as he bent his head again.
Despite the worrying prophecy, Rafael kept his teeth off Sonny and massaged him with his hand and it was not long until Sonny was ready.
“Rafael, I’m gonna finish,” he warned him.
Rafael moved back, his hand still on him, and as Sonny saw his face, the red cheeks and a thread of spit running down his chin, he couldn’t stop himself from asking: “Can I come on your face?”
Surprise was clear in Rafael’s expression, but he caught himself.
“Be my guest.”
Sonny’s hand joined Rafael’s and within a few hasty strokes he was done for. Rafael quickly squeezed his eyes shut, but didn’t move until Sonny was finished, and Sonny grinned at him, stupidly happy and breathless.
“You look so sexy.”
“Yes? Well, I think I’ll swallow next time. Less of a mess,” Rafael said, blinking.
Laughing, Sonny handed him a tissue to clean himself. He saw that Rafael was himself still a little hard, even though he imagined this had taken more concentration than lust at this point.
“I’ll return the favour. I’ll swallow, too – or whatever you like,” he said, running his hands up Rafael’s sides.
Rafael cocked his head.
“I had another idea.”
“Yeah?” Sonny wiped back a rogue strand of Rafael’s hair and wrapped his arms around him, throwing him down onto the bed again like an affectionate dog. When he’d come, he always got a little attached. He liked feeling his partner’s body against his afterwards, the connection and intimacy it brought. “I’m game for everything.”
“As a lawyer, you should know that’s a dangerous promise to make,” Rafael said, moving a little closer. “What I meant to say is, I would like you to finger me.”
“Really?” Sonny asked, briefly stopping himself from nuzzling his neck.
Rafael nodded his head.
“I can do that.” Not that he hadn’t thought about it approximately five hundred times before, he just hadn’t expected Rafael to be the one to ask. “You ever tried it?”
“Ah, no.”
It was a rare thing to see Rafael stumble over his tongue. He might even have looked flustered for a second.
“I never quite worked up the nerve to go buy lube and prepare myself when there was an easier way to get off that wasn’t quite so – different,” he admitted.
“No problem, I’ll be real gentle,” Sonny was quick to promise, earning a slightly exasperated smile while he dug through the nightstand and got out the lube.
“I’m not made of glass.”
“Good thing, too, or you wouldn’t be half as comfortable,” Sonny murmured as he fit himself against Rafael’s backside, kissing his neck. “Do you really want that? We don’t have to-”
“Yes, I’m aware,” Rafael said. “Again.”
“Just making sure. Affirmative consent, right?”
“I appreciate the thought, but I was the one who asked you.”
Sonny ran his hand over Rafael’s flank. There was a bit of softness, a slight yield to his whole body that he really liked, but he didn’t say that out loud. He didn’t think Rafael would take it as the compliment it was.
“I thought you’d ask to top first,” he admitted, as he started lazily stroking Rafael, still spooning him.
“I think it’s fair that I would first learn what it feels like before I do it to someone else. It would make me more confident. But don’t worry, I plan to get there.”
“Yeah, makes sense,” Sonny said, smiling at the methodical approach that was so much like Rafael. He had him fully hard in his hand now, nibbling at his earlobe. Since Rafael’s head was on Sonny’s other arm and the angle would have been awkward, anyway, he murmured “Touch yourself,” into his ear before he let go.
“So far, this is not a lot different than masturbating,” Rafael was quick to throw in, as his own hand replaced Sonny’s. “In fact, completely the same.”
“Smartass,” Sonny said as he spread lube on his fingers. He wouldn’t go more than one or two, he decided, just show him how nice it could be.
“Here’s something new,” he announced, just a little smug, as he let one finger glide between Rafael’s cheeks and prodded gently at his entrance. There was a bit of a shiver because of the cold lube, Sonny guessed. Rafael stopped moving his arm, just held himself in hand.
“You need to relax.”
Rafael went slack, in a sudden way that reminded Sonny a bit of a small animal playing dead. Better than nothing? To be fair, he guessed it was pretty difficult to really relax on command when you were nervous to boot. They’d work on that.
He slid his finger inside him, moving it carefully against his inside.
“This okay?”
“It feels – strange,” Rafael said. “It doesn’t hurt. It’s just pressure.”
“That’s good,” Sonny said, kissing his shoulder. “Keep touching yourself, it’ll be better.”
Rafael did while Sonny moved his finger slowly, hoping to just get him used to the feeling of something pushing inside him. He remembered from his own first time that it had been kind of weird just as a concept. Rafael kissed Sonny’s biceps, which his head was placed on, and Sonny found himself getting as close as he could without trapping his own arm.
He added the second finger when Rafael was still pliant after a long moment, but halted them when he clenched again.
“Is it too much?”
“No, I was just surprised,” Rafael claimed.
“It’s all good. We have all night, no need to rush it.”
He waited before he moved again, inch by inch, until Rafael’s body seemed to accept the intrusion. Then, he changed the angle, aiming for that node of nerves that he knew would allow Rafael to really have fun with this.
When Rafael breathed out a surprised sound, he knew that he’d found his target. Sonny kept his fingers there, giving gentle pressure, rubbing, pushing just a little, and Rafael’s breath hitched. His arm sped up.
“Don’t stop, Sonny,” he said.
“Don’t worry.”
Tonight wasn’t the time for teasing. He watched Rafael’s face as he stroked himself, and the way the muscles in his arm bunched, his eyes closed, focused on nothing but Sonny’s against him, in him. A couple more minutes of this and Sonny could’ve gone again himself; maybe it was a good thing Rafael was soon finished.
With another tissue, Rafael cleaned his hand, letting the crumpled ball join the other in the paper basket. They laid naked on the bed next to each other until Sonny sat up to retrieve the bunched-up blanket. He saw through the window that a storm had begun, raindrops splattering thick against the glass; being so focused on Rafael, he hadn’t even noticed before. His lover was were his gaze soon returned to, taking in Rafael’s flushed face and naked chest rising and falling with breaths that evened out slowly.
“So, what did you think?” Rafael asked, rolling onto his back, when he noticed Sonny’s rapt attention. “Was that acceptable?”
“It was good,” Sonny said. “Really good.”
“But?”
Hard to fool an attorney. Sonny should have guessed he would pick up on that hint of an undertone that he’d tried to keep out of his voice – after all, it wasn’t like he hadn’t just lived through like seven of his most popular sexual fantasies. With the blanket in hand, he got close to Rafael again.
“It felt a little like you were compensating. You know, hittin’ all the things you only do with men, or more often – giving a blowjob, anal...”
Rafael looked at him for a moment, contemplating, and then gave a brief smile.
“Maybe.”
“Not that I don’t wanna – the opposite, I’m sure you noticed.” He grinned. “Just, you know, saying, you don’t have to deep throat within a month. I just want us to have fun. No pressure.”
Spreading the blanket out over them to protect them from the late autumn cold, Sonny settled against the pillow and looked into Rafael’s eyes.
“I did. You’re a good subject to practice on.” Rafael inched towards him. “You don’t mind if we take our time with some things?”
“Not at all. Means you’ll be here for a while.”
“Trust me, you’re not just my guinea pig, Dominick. Repeats are a possibility.”
Rafael’s eyes had softened a little as he said it and, with his heart suddenly going faster against, Sonny allowed himself to pull Rafael against himself, smiling brightly when Rafael took the cue and cosied up with his head on Sonny’s shoulder.
“Don’t worry, I’m just the right guy for firsts. I’m gonna make it super romantic when we go all the way the first time. Candles, rose petals, everything,” Sonny said, allowing humour to return to his voice.
“If there were burning candles in a room I’m trying to have sex in, I’d be mostly concerned about accidentally setting the place on fire,” Rafael murmured.
Sonny chuckled. The evening hadn’t gone as he thought it would, he could admit that. This was the real Rafael with his own hang-ups and expectations, who’d come here wanting to impress Sonny, afraid he wasn’t what he had imagined him to be; and he wasn’t, but Sonny liked this better because it was actually happening.
“I’m happy you told me, you know. That you hadn’t been with a man before.”
“So you had a warning?”
Sonny snorted and gave him a playful little shake.
“I’m the first man you really went for. You must like me.” He tried to make it sound funny, but feared it had come out hopeful instead.
“I guess you must be special, Carisi.”
Rafael glanced at the small window. The wind was howling loud enough to hear it inside.
“Do you mind if I stay?” Rafael, asked.
“I can hardly send you out there into the storm in the middle of the night, right? You wouldn’t think I was boyfriend material.”
It was the first time he’d dared to let that word drop, too, and Rafael, instead of an answer, just smiled.