Chapter Text
The sun beams in my eyes and I use my hand as a shield as I take the last few steps that lead to the top of the turret. The sun that won’t last long according to the dark looming clouds in the distance and my stomach twists thinking of those below me who might have to cross in a storm.
The next few cadets give their names and start their journey to the death quadrant and I move forward, standing fully on the turret now.
I’ve done my best to ignore the man behind me in line who has to let everyone know just how ready he is for the next three years of our lives, those of us who make it that far anyways.
It’s hard to believe that what’s a death sentence for me and the hundred and six of us “rebels” is some loyalists dream. If given the choice, I would have chosen the healers quadrant. I would’ve much rather spent the last few years of my life learning how to clean, bandage and heal wounds rather than how to inflict them.
I’m next to give my name to Garrick, who has barely taken his eyes off the paper he’s writing on when Xaden looks my way and his eyes double take to me. His brow furrows and he nods tightly, I return it as the next cadet starts walking on the stone bridge into the rider quadrant.
Bridge is a strong word for the parapet. It’s about eighteen inches wide with nothing to hold onto or catch you if you fall. It’s also one of the deadliest days of the year. “Name?” Garrick drawls, sounding bored out of his mind. “Senarra Mcloughlin.” I say and his head snaps up.
I smile at him but he frowns. He rakes his eyes down my body, pausing at each item, going over a mental checklist that I’ve done seven times already. Hair braided and twisted into a tight bun behind my head, pinned for security, my rucksack on my back, my three daggers in sheaths at my thighs and hip and thick soled boots. He nods in approval, “I’ll see you on the other side.” He assures, “See ya there.” I smile once more, pretending like my insides aren’t twisting and knotting around each other and my eyes move to Xaden at the hole in the wall that they call an entrance.
The cadet ahead of me, a blonde haired girl who has left her shoulder length hair down, hesitates as she lets go of the crumbled wall and freezes. “We don’t have all day, get moving.” Xaden orders and she looks back at him, then down. Big mistake. She wobbles and my breath is taken from me as I think she might fall before she’s even started before she corrects and takes a deep breath. She finally starts taking small steps forward, her arms out for balance.
I make eye contact with Xaden again, possibly for the last time as his eyes say the words he can’t. “Don’t engage with anyone, they will do anything they can to antagonize you. Keep your head down and sit somewhere until all the cadets have crossed. Oh yeah, and don’t fall.” I replay the words from his letter just a few weeks ago.
“You’re up.” He says casually and I step up onto the stone, I’m barely just as tall as him now. “Arms up.” He reminds me, keeping his lips straight but I know when any marked one starts crossing, he holds his breath. I put my arms up and walk towards the hole in the wall and the view of the slightly curved path stares me down.
My sight distorts as I process the full view of just how high the drop is. I start to question if breakfast was a good idea as I sway in place, exhaling harshly. “Don’t look down, look ahead. Fifteen feet or so should help your stomach.” He advises but urges me forward with a look. No special treatment my ass.
My heart beats wildly against my chest as I nod in response. My eyes follow the rough stone at my feet and look further ahead, landing on a space between me and the blonde girl before me. The rest blurs slightly and I take the first step. My foot hits stone, again, again and again and the safety of the turret is behind me. I keep my eyes trained on the eighteen inches of stone that bends to the right in a slight curve and grants you admittance into the Riders Quadrant. I think of what else the year could possibly have in store in terms of cruelty and pushing my limits when nausea takes over again.
I pause and take a moment to glance back. The dark haired man that was behind me has started his walk now. I look ahead of me again, blocking out my surroundings except the parapet. Deep breaths are the only thing that fuels the next few minutes of steps across but they’re interrupted by a strong gust of wind that comes out of nowhere when I’m about halfway across. It knocks me midstep and my body twists, leaning beyond the balance window. My hips start following but my heels dig down and by some sort of miracle the wind changes direction and I rock back to my heels and stand straighter.
I breathe out once quickly before a shriek fills the air, echoing through the canyon. The girl ahead of me, Maya I think, is dangling off the side of the parapet twenty feet ahead of me, barely holding on with her arms. I run forwards towards her, her arms losing ground every second. I’m five feet away when her hands slip off the edge.
A small voice in me tells me to look away but my eyes follow her quickly descending frame, blond hair billowing around her face as she races to the ground. She’s not flailing around in any attempt to grasp at anything. She simply falls, letting her weight lose the battle against gravity. I’ll never forget the look on her face, the fear in her eyes, as she watched me watch her plummet to her death. Frozen as if she were already dead.
I have the sense to look away before impact but the thud rings out, bouncing off the walls of the canyon, my breakfast following after her. I wipe my mouth on the sleeve of my tunic that I have tied tightly to my body with a ribbon. The past few seconds catch up to me and I realize I just ran on the parapet, I didn’t think, I just did. My eyes betray me and glance down, catching on a growing red flow in the ravine below. This gets me moving again. Anything to not think about that possibly being me.
It won’t be me. I blink and wipe away the tears that blur my vision and swallow the lump in my throat, imagining the memory falling down too and start walking. More wind starts to pick up, blowing the dark clouds closer. I put my arms out again just in case and start to pick up my pace. I’m almost there. I try not to think about Maya as the walls of the Riders Quadrant come into view and I can see the green grass of the courtyard and I zero in.
My feet move on their own as the patch of green grass gets bigger and bigger. A couple dozen more breaths later, I’m past the walls and on the last few feet of stone, I’m officially in the Riders Quadrant. My legs threaten to collapse beneath me but I force myself to stay standing. No sign of weavering, no room for weakness here.
“Name?” A girl with short bright red hair asks from the side, I repeat my name and smile to myself, I managed to keep it off the death roll.
“Welcome to the Riders Quadrant.” She says as she finally looks up at me and her eyes linger on my relic before I decide to move on and sit down. I’ll have to get used to that I guess. I move through the crowd and notice a few cadets move away after seeing me coming, that will make not engaging easier if they all just avoid me. I move towards the outer stone wall near the dias and slowly cadets fill the courtyard we will have formation in.
We’re technically in formation as of now and no fighting is permitted so I shouldn’t have to watch my back too much just yet. My legs finally give out as I slide down the wall and mindlessly play with gravel in my hands, trying to accept that I’m here. There’s no going back. At least Garrick will be pleased that I made it across, I know I am but my chest is still tight.
An hour passes and more cadets make their way into the courtyard, meeting friends that made it across and mingling. I notice a few side glances in my direction and do my best to block them out.
I close my eyes and rest my head back against the stone as a few raindrops start to fall from the sky that quickly turns to a drizzle. I open my eyes to the sound of someone approaching and expect the worst.
“You made it.” Liam says with his blonde hair matted to his head with the rain. I sigh in relief that it’s just him and open my arms, gesturing to the courtyard. “We made it.” We smile at each other before he joins me to sit along the wall and rests his arms on his knees as the rain comes down harder. Most try to find cover but I don’t bother, it’s only water and it feels so refreshing.
“How’d you do? Any close calls?” He asks, making conversation to pass the time. “Once but I managed. I’d ask you but no one had any doubts you’d be just fine.” I half joke. “I actually almost fell.” He states and I look at him through the rain pouring down on us. “No you didn’t” I state and he smiles, “No, no I didn’t.”
“Thanks for trying anyways.” He takes out a chunk of wood from his pocket, a dagger from his thigh sheath and starts shaving off layers. “What are you carving?” I ask as wood flakes fall to the ground. He shrugs, “Not sure yet, just need something to do.” He says and I nod in agreement. A few minutes later a roar sounds from the parapet and both of us look to see what’s going on. A blonde haired man stares down a small woman who has her arm outstretched between his legs.
“Is she…” Liam trials off, “Holding a weapon to that man's balls? Seems like it.” We watch the interaction as they speak to each other and the man looks at her with a murderous rage. I examine the woman further and I notice her hair, the silver strands in her braid that's wrapped around the top of her head. “Oh shit. Is that Sorrengail's daughter?” I ask and Liam sits up straighter. “I think you’re right. Damn, she’s tiny.” He remarks and I scoff. “I’m surprised Xaden even let her walk and didn’t throw her off the first chance he got.” I remark.
“He wouldn’t do that.” He states matter of factly and I know he’s right but I also know the thought crossed Xaden’s mind, her mother did get his father murdered after all. All of our parents for that matter.
Liam has always been the most level headed of us when it comes to the Sorrengail family and what they did to us. “She didn’t do anything, it was her mother. Just like how we’re ridiculed for our parents' decisions.” He says as if sensing my thoughts.
I know he’s right but the agitation and anger doesn’t leave me.
The rain settles down as she hobbles off to the side and a woman reaches for her. I think she might have another enemy when her dagger raises and pauses as she looks at who just grabbed her. I rip my eyes from her before I do something stupid, containing my anger and reminding myself that she did nothing to me. Liam stands as another marked one crosses over into the courtyard, “I’ll see you around.” He says and I nod.
Not even a full minute after he’s walked away, a pack of three men approach me and my pulse quickens as his expression doesn't exactly read like he wants to be friends.
“You’re going to be fun to kill on the mats.” The one with dark brown hair and a sword strapped to his back, starts off with a bang. I’m guessing he’s the leader of the group.
I can’t help but laugh to myself at his timing despite my heart thundering under my ribs.
“What? Didn’t want to say that in front of someone your own size?” I retort with a smile, looking him up and down, “Well bigger than you actually.” I add, he can’t do anything to me and if he does he’ll just get himself killed right after so I just stare up at him from my vulnerable position.
His brows furrow and his smile drops a bit. “What did you say?” He scowls.
“Bitch.” The blonde goon on his right speaks up and the other nods in agreement, folding his arms. “I get it, I wouldn’t fuck with him either. Me on the other hand… well I’m an easy target aren’t I?” I scrunch my nose at him and my finger tips tingle.
“Just doing the quadrant and Navarre a favor, one less traitor in our ranks.” He snarls, lips curling and his friends stay silent beside him. Real tough guys.
“If you’re looking for the traitors, they’re the ones highest ranked in Navarre leadership.” I taunt before I can fully think it through and ice runs through my veins. Xaden’s gonna be so pissed. But I’ll be dead so at least I won't face his anger.
He lunges forward and picks me up by my tunic and rucksack straps, ripping my sleeve seam a few inches. My feet almost dangle off the ground as his eyes burn holes into me. “Maybe I won’t wait until the mats for running your mouth.” He lashes, his hot breath rolling over my face, someone had fish for breakfast, what an odd choice.
His goons surround my sides chuckling, leaving me with no exits. Survival instincts start to run through my head but I see no way out of this without some sort of punishment.
His pupils shrink to the size of pins and it feels like my blood is trying to escape my body. His fist winds back and I close my eyes as I prepare for impact and every repercussion after if it doesn’t kill me.
“Someone’s in a rush to be front and center of dragonfire.” A voice sounds behind him.
I don’t dare start breathing again as I open my eyes and peek behind his shoulder as his head turns slightly to the sound.
Imogen is standing with her arms folded, hair a bright pink and half her head shaved. “In case you forgot, the codex says you can’t harm another cadet in formation or in the presence of a superior-ranking cadet. But that would imply you even know how to read.” She shoots. I breathe.
He turns his head back to me with fire raging in his deep brown eyes that feel dangerously bigger with his constricted pupils and I swear he hasn’t blinked the whole time.
“Another traitor saving your ass, how predictable.” He seethes through his teeth. “Seems more like she’s saving yours.” I can’t help myself.
He looks me up and down once before dropping my tunic from his tight grip, shoving my back into the wall. My bun saves my head from rocking back into the stone wall with the motion. “See you on the mats, traitor.” He repeats his earlier threat, his voice sounding like he swallowed glass and starts to walk away.
“You know, you should really come up with something better than ‘traitor’. It’s already getting old.” I quip testing Zihnal’s favor, he lunges back my way but his goons hold him back.
“Are you trying to get your ass kicked?” Imogen chides once they're out of earshot. “It’s not my first time dealing with assholes.” I assure and she sighs. “These guys will kill you the first chance they get, they don’t always concern themselves with the codex when it comes to us. And sometimes, they get away with it.” She reprimands.
“Just don’t do anything stupid.” She says before walking off, leaving me alone again. Two hours pass according to the bells that ring in every hour and the last of the cadets cross into the quadrant. Commandant Panchek takes the dais and tells us that three hundred and one of us made it over and sixty-seven did not. He gives a speech about the quadrant before the senior wingleader, Nyra, orders section and squad leaders to take their positions.
“First Squad! Claw Section! First Wing!” Nyra’s voice carries over the courtyard and a man near the dais raises his hand. “Cadets, when your name is called, take up formation behind your squad leader.” Nyra instructs. Violet is sorted into Second Squad, Flame Section, Second Wing and right behind her, the dark haired man that seems intent on being the cause of my demise, Carios apparently, is called into Second Squad, Tail Section, Second Wing… and my name is called right after his.
I hesitantly take steps to land behind my new squad leader and make sure to keep a few bodies between me and Carios . Another man takes his spot to my right and he eyes my relic. Great, maybe if I’m lucky, my whole squad will want me dead considering I’m the only marked one. It’s silent as the rest of the cadets are assigned to their squads and I notice Xaden staring someone down and I follow his eyeline to Violet just ahead of me.
Yeah he’s pissed, his eyebrow lifts and speaks to my wingleader which ends up involving every wingleader in a meeting I feel should be more private. The wingleaders finish and Xaden looks satisfied with a smirk. “Dain Aetos, you and your squad will switch with Aura Beinhaven’s.” Nyra informs.
The squads start to move and I realize why Xaden was so pleased with himself as Violet and her squad move just as a squad from Fourth Wing do and I smile. Sneaky bastard. He’s placed himself in direct line of her punishments.
Xaden’s voice booms, bouncing off the stone walls that surround us, “You’re all cadets now. Take a look at your squad. These are the only people guaranteed by Codex not to kill you.” Carios leans forward and stares me down, his nostrils flaring and eyes wide. Yeah that’s right fucker, you can’t touch me now.
My heart sinks realizing he can still make my life a living hell, maybe even have one of his goons kill me. “But just because they can’t end your life doesn’t mean others won't.” Xaden’s voice only makes my stomach knot more. “You want a dragon? Earn one.” The crowd bursts into cheers.
“And I bet you feel pretty badass right now, don’t you first-years?” Xaden continues and I know better than to cheer or whoop in excitement, too many chances to die. “You think you’re untouchable! You’re on the way to becoming the elite! The few! The chosen!” He shouts and louder cheers erupt, filling the courtyard. But it’s not just cheers, I recognize the sound as they get closer, wingbeats. The dragons are coming.
A riot comes into view and flies at us full speed, I expect them to give an aerial show but they pitch vertically just before the semicircle stone wall. Their wings blow a strong blast of wind that makes some cadets lose balance, Carios included. They land on the wall, talons piercing the stone and sending chunks down into the courtyard.
Three red dragons, two green, like dad’s, one brown, an orange and a beautiful navy blue one lands near Xaden and I know that’s Sgaeyl. They perch, moving their heads in snake like movements menacingly, scanning the group of fresh meat for this year.
Screams sound out from a few cadets, the woman to my left covers her mouth with her hand, lurching forward with a gag. Sgaeyl blasts some steam in front of her, right in Violet’s face and I catch Xaden’s chuckle. A cadet from third wing makes a run for it as he screams, sprinting to the stone keep behind us. One of the red dragons ahead of me opens its mouth and fire emerges along its tongue, aimed directly towards the running cadet. And he’s just another name for the death roll before anyone could blink.
I take a deep breath but regret it from the heat in the air that reaches my lungs but I stay silent. The man to my right that eyed my relic twitches, his feet turning like he might make a run for it too. He barely lifts his foot before I reach out. Partly because I don’t want to lose a squad member on the first day and partly because I don’t want to chance being incinerated along with him by proximity.
I grip his wrist and halt his movements as two more blasts of fire hurl through the courtyard to others who deemed themselves unworthy before they can even get a real chance. His gaze snaps to where my hand tightens around his wrist with all my strength. We make eye contact and I get a good look at him. He looks like he just got a fresh haircut for the big day, his green eyes shine with fear and his brows furrow.
He has sharp features with a slightly hooked nose to match, his bright green eyes glistening with fear. He plants his foot on the ground again and I let go, forcing my eyes away from his face.
“Anyone else feel like changing their mind?” Xaden shouts and the silence among the cadets is eerie. “No? Excellent. Roughly half of you will be dead by this time next summer. A third of you again the year after that, and the same your last year. No one cares who your mommy or daddy is here. Even King Tauri’s second son died during his Threshing. So tell me again: Do you feel invincible now that you’ve made it into the Riders Quadrant? Untouchable? Elite?” Xaden finishes and a blast of steam heats my face as all the dragons simultaneously exhale on us.
Carios groans and wipes his face with disgust and I hold my breath, half expecting another stream of fire in our direction but none come. The dragons lift off one by one from the wall, making more stone chunks fall to the ground upon their exits and formation breaks.
Carios stalks towards me and leans into my ear. “Don’t you ever, even for a second, think you’re safe.” He all but growls and shoulder checks me hard, shoving his way past me.
The man that almost ran turns to me, “Making enemies already?” He asks with a smile as he watches Carios walk away.
“I think my presence is enough to gain a few enemies.” I say a little harsher than I mean to but this morning has given my nervous system enough spikes for the year. And it’s only just begun.
His eyes dart to my relic again, “This isn’t exactly subtle.” I say, twisting my arm slightly. “No it’s not, that’s what makes it badass. At least in my opinion but not everyone feels that way. Obviously.” He vaguely gestures toward Carios ’s direction.
He reaches his hand out toward me, “May I?” I hesitate but slowly bring my arm to his hand. He gently grips my wrist and where our skin connects heats. He gently twists my arm around and I pull up part of my ripped tunic sleeve to show where it ends on my mid bicep.
It shimmers dully with the cloudy sky above but he looks at it like a work of art until he releases my wrist from his grasp.
“Oh, thanks by the way, you really saved my ass back there. Seriously, I owe you my life. I mean they tell you how big they are, how intimidating. But sweet Dunne those things are…” He trails off, scratching the back of his neck, “I’m Ronan by the way.” He holds his hand out for me to shake this time.
“Senarra.” I say shaking his hand. “It’s alright I get it, I literally shit myself when I saw one up close for the first time, but I was five so it was acceptable.” He chuckles, “I’m not entirely sure I'm safe from the same fate.” We start following the crowd of first-years that are being directed to the barracks.
“Maybe they’ll hand our uniforms out tonight and you can burn those.” I gesture to his pants with a laugh.