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Why the FUCK is she blowing up my phone?
I woke up to a loud clatter. My phone had managed to vibrate itself off my bedside table and onto the floor. I dragged my ass up and looked down at the phone still flailing around on the wooden floor. Every few seconds the old call would end, and a new one would come in. I picked up the phone and flipped it around in my hand before looking at the front. Jecka. What does she want now?
I pick up the phone and hear her talking on the other side.
“Heyyy, Nicole.”
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing… I just really missed you. I wanna talk. You know catch up.”
“Jecka I’ve only been on vacation for 2 days. I’ll be back soon. Not my fault I got dragged to Florida to see my grandpa.”
“Please come back I’m so bored without you,” Jecka whined, “all I do is get high and sit in my room.”
“Look there’s nothing I can really do. Unless you want me to walk 1000 miles to you then I’m fucking stuck here okay.”
“Okay… can you get high with me?”
“All I have is skunk weed.”
“And…”
“I fucking hate skunk weed.”
“Please. Do it for me,” she pleaded.
I let out a deep sigh and grabbed a blunt. My grandpa picked up the habit in the 70s and never really let go of it. I stepped out onto the porch overlooking the everglades. The moon cast a glow that almost made the place not look like a stinky alligator filled swamp. Grandpa had a broom to wack any on the snout if they came up onto the porch. I really didn’t want to end up in a situation where I had to fight off an alligator, so I sat as close to the door as possible for an easy escape.
“How is it out there? In Florida.”
I took a drag of the blunt before responding, “I have mosquito bites everywhere and I can’t go on walks because I’ll either get put in a death roll or bitten by a rattlesnake.”
“That sounds… shit.”
“It is shit.”
“Sooo… when’re you back?”
“Like in two weeks.”
“Two weeks!” Jecka gasped over the phone.
“You can go two weeks without me.”
“I really can’t Nicole. Who am I gonna talk to at school?”
“I dunno… Emily.”
“She’s your fucking friend not mine.”
“You could try getting along.”
“Well, I did but she’s really fucking jealous of me so that doesn’t work.”
“Jealous?”
“Yeah! Just because I spend more time with you than her she’s getting all pissy at me.”
“Well, what do you want me to do about it?”
“I dunno. Call her and tell her to get off my dick.” I rubbed my forehead, letting out an exasperated sigh. Call her and tell her to get off my dick? What the fuck was I supposed to say to that?
“Jecka, you can't seriously want me to get involved in your stupid drama,” I said, taking another drag from the blunt, “What am I gonna do? Pick up the phone and say Hey it’s Nicole. Jecka wants you to stop being a jealous bitch.”
“Yeah…”
“I am NOT doing that.”
“Okay can you at least stay on the phone with me?”
“You know that’s gonna cost a fortune.”
“I’ll cover it don’t worry.”
“Okay. Fine, I’ll stay on the phone.”
“Thank you so much. You’re the best.” She made a mwah sound over the sound as if kissing it.
“What the fuck was that?”
“I blew you a kiss.”
“That’s so fucking stupid.”
“It’s like that Soulja Boy song.”
“I’m not kissing you through the phone.”
“Pleeease…”
“No. I wouldn’t be caught dead doing that.”
“It’d make me really really happy.”
“Ughh fine. Mwah.”
“Thank you Nicole. I love you.”