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We're nothing, and nothing will help us
Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay
But we could be safer, just for one day
Dana’s in her usual smoke break spot when Robby notices her through the glass door. There was a brief period of time when she switched things up, opting for a space slightly more out of sight. Dana claimed it was because it got more sun in the morning but Robby knew it was because part of her was still anxious about Driscoll.
He knows she’s not okay. Well, no one’s ever really okay in here, but after more than thirty years of working together he knows her okay baseline and he knows this isn’t it. She’s always been a smoker, but now it’s gotten ridiculous – if it’s not a cigarette, then it’s a nicotine gum; one in, one out, all the time. And Robby can’t really blame her, or be mad. He can only be worried.
Dana hears the rustle behind her and knows exactly who it is. The nervous shuffle of feet, the sharp inhale and slow, exhausted exhale.
“You know, if you don’t cut back I might rat you out to Benji.” His tone is light, but Dana knows he means it.
“Rat away. Tell him to sign the divorce papers while you’re at it. He ain’t picking up my calls,” she snorts, stubbing her cigarette and flicking it into the bush.
Robby’s mouth flies open as his hands fall to his sides. It’s not like it was completely unexpected– word about trouble in paradise got around fast. He himself sometimes got a front row seat to their arguments, Benji’s voice on Dana’s phone carrying through the break room. He just never thought it would actually come to this. They always seemed to work things out in the end.
“What did you want, Robinavitch?”
He doesn't even remember now. Some stupid, mundane bullshit. Then he thinks back to the piece of paper that’s been burning through his pocket all morning.
“I, uh– There’s this gala that I was invited to, the invite includes a plus one.” Robby trails off, rubbing his neck before gathering his thoughts again. “Wanna come with? Sounds like we could both use a nice night out.”
Dana eyes Robby suspiciously and with each passing second he’s more and more sure she’ll decline. It wouldn’t be unfair – they never went out together. Dana never joined the late night beers on the park bench and Robby was rarely invited to the outings Perlah and Princess organised. Honestly, up until bumping into Dana he was considering throwing the invite away, much like he did with all the previous ones he got.
Robby opens his mouth, about to tell her to forget it but Dana’s eyes crinkle at the corners and then she smiles one of her smug smiles, and Robby feels like air has been punched back into his lungs.
“Sure. Let me know the details later, ‘kay?” Dana says, patting Robby’s bicep lightly. She’s already halfway though the ambulance bay door before he has a chance to respond.
It’s been 33 years, but the images from that time are still flashing through Robby’s mind, still crystal clear. The joy of opening that acceptance letter, the relief, the reassurance that he is good enough. That now he is Doctor Robinavitch, helping patients in the Emergency Department of The Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center.
Robby still remembers the stress he felt on his first day, the need to impress everyone and prove that he earned his right to be there.
He remembers meeting Dana Evans, the freshly appointed charge nurse who had no reservations to boss everyone around, even on her first day on the job. He tries to forget the warm feeling pooling in his stomach when she eyed him from top to toe, as if assessing him, his worth.
Robby remembers the warmth of the early July evening wrapping around him, Dana, Jack, and some others whom he still hadn’t properly talked to. It was Jack’s idea to go out after their first week and celebrate the fact that they survived it. So there they were, alive, trotting through the park into the nearest bar, eager to calm their nerves with their poisons.
The group crowded around a table in the corner, eager to share stories about the craziest, most gruesome cases they’ve seen during their first week on the job. With a steady flow of alcohol the conversation steered into more private topics, and soon enough Robby found himself listening to two nurses talking about how their boyfriends were hinting at popping the big question soon.
“Good luck with that,” Dana jumped into their conversation. “This fucking line of work ain’t marriage friendly, I’ll tell you that much.”
There were a few confused, maybe slightly concerned looks from the people around the table but Dana didn’t really care. She was there to have fun. A familiar aaaah followed by Bowie’s voice caught Dana’s attention and suddenly all she wanted was to go and sway to the music.
“C’mon cowboy. Let’s dance," Dana yelled into Robby’s ear as she slammed her hand on the table and slid off of her seat, dragging Robby to the dance floor.
It came as no surprise to him that Dana was taking the lead in the dance, grabbing his hands in hers, wrapping them around herself. He felt her palms slide up his shoulders, onto his neck. But then Dana was pulling him down, her eyes fluttering close, and he felt all those drinks on her breath, and suddenly everything was wrong – the music, the heat, their proximity.
Robby stumbled backwards, freeing himself from Dana’s grip. She looked up at him and her gaze was so unfocused, and so distant that Robby’s heart broke a little. So he pulled her closer, tucking her head under his chin.
“Come on, Dana,” he said over the music. “Let’s get you home.”
The taxi ride to Dana’s place was silent, save for an occasional hiccup from her. Robby furrowed his brows, watching Dana press her forehead to the car window. He’d only known her for a week but from the jump she seemed like a very tough, put together person so her little stunt at the bar really concerned him.
Silently Robby hoped that the ride calmed Dana’s enthusiasm towards him down, the soft hum of the car lulling her to sleep. She shuffled her feet to her front door with Robby right behind her, making sure that she made it inside safely. He thought he was in the clear but then she was grabbing the front of his shirt, trying to pull him close. Never mind the ring on her finger. Never mind her husband sleeping peacefully inside the house.
Robby put his hands on Dana’s shoulders, holding her in place, but she was unrelenting.
“Michael,” she drawled, trying to scoot closer.
Robby’s fingers dug into Dana’s skin, his palms pressing against her shoulders. If he were any more stupid, he’d give in, pull her close. It’s not like he’s always held the moral high ground. But she didn’t deserve it. Dana didn’t deserve the mess that came with him, and he was a whole package of that. Robby knew that she was probably lashing out on Ben– Benji? That come the next morning she’d regret it, effectively ruining the friendship they started building from their first moments together.
“You need to go to sleep, Dana,” Robby said with a shake of his head. He took his keys from her, opened the door and gently pushed her inside.
Robby tries to forget the pout and the hurt on her face as he was closing the door.
There are nights when he lies awake, and Bowie’s playing in his airpods, and he’s thinking about everything that could have been. He’s wondering that maybe if he wasn’t a coward he wouldn’t be alone in his bed right now, reaching for a body that wasn’t there. But then again, maybe it wouldn’t have changed a thing.
The sound of the doorbell cuts through the music playing on Dana’s phone as she’s getting ready. She screws her lipstick shut and tiptoes to the door. There’s a large mirror in the hallway and Dana takes one final look at herself, nervously smoothing her dress with her hands. It’s an old number she dug out from the back of her closet – a yellow dress she bought for Benji’s sister’s wedding. It feels classy enough, and she knows she looks good in it; she remembers the compliments she got that day. Dana doesn’t want to admit it to herself but it’s a dress she feels the prettiest in and she finds herself really wanting to look pretty tonight.
Robby greets Dana with a nervous smile when she swings the door open. It takes her a second to adjust to the view. He’s wearing a suit, looking more put together than she’s ever seen him. It’s a regular suit – black pants and jacket, and a white shirt but it’s making him look real elegant. He’s becoming something like a silver fox, Dana’s brain supplies and she smiles to herself at the thought.
“Look at you! Don’t you clean up well,” Dana quips, finally meeting his gaze. Delight blooms in her chest when she notices the tips of Robby’s ears turn pink.
“You don’t look so bad yourself,” Robby tries to banter but his heart is not in it. Truth be told, he thinks she looks gorgeous. The dress leaves her lean arms and shoulders uncovered, and he has to tear his eyes away before it becomes apparent he’s staring.
Dana takes a second look at Robby and realises there’s a small bundle of material in his hands.
“It’s uh,” he opens his palms, revealing a neatly rolled tie. “I haven’t had to tie a tie in years and–”
“C’mon. Gimme,” Dana interrupts, stepping into Robby’s space. Only then he notices she’s wearing heels significantly reducing their height difference. Before he gets to comment on that, Dana’s fingers are lifting up the collar of his shirt, making space for the tie. She unrolls the long piece of material and places it gently across his neck.
Robby looks up, averting his gaze. His eyes travel around the hallway that feels both familiar and strange.
He’s been here before, twice. The first time was nearly 25 years ago, after Dana and Benji had just bought the place and they threw a housewarming party. He got so drunk that night that they let him sleep it off on the living room couch. He was gone before they came back from the morning mass.
The second time it was for a Friendsgiving thing a couple of years back. Dana joked that the party, as great as it had actually been, was an excuse to show off the new interior of their house. Robby dug his nails into his palms when listening to Dana gush about all the renovations Benji had done, all by himself.
When Robby feels Dana’s almost done with the tie, he looks back down at her and notices she sticks out her tongue a little bit as she focuses, going through the final motions of tying the knot under his collar. He also notices Dana’s fingers lingering a second too long after smoothing everything out, and watches her admire her own work, before her eyes snap back into sharp focus.
“Shall we?” he asks, nodding towards the car parked outside of her front lawn.
Dana nods and turns to the dresser by the door, grabbing her purse. It’s only then that Robby realises that the dress is partially open in the back, exposing Dana’s smooth shoulderblades. Jesus.
Robby’s eyes remain shamelessly glued to Dana’s back all the way to the taxi he ordered. He decides to play a gentleman, making a show of jogging around the back of the car to open the door for Dana, drawing a chuckle out of her. “Smooth, Robinavitch,” she drawls as her head disappears in the car and he shuts the door gently.
The ride to the venue is silent, save for the music softly flowing through the car. Anxiety bubbles in Robby’s chest, and his head fills with questions – what if it’s awkward? What if she agreed to come out of politeness? What if this night somehow reveals why they never go out together?
They reach a stoplight and Robby’s eyes drop down to subtly check on Dana. He sees her absentmindedly playing with a ring on her finger. Her wedding ring, Right. Robby furrows his brows, trying to quiet down the jealousy starting to brew in his stomach. You have no right to feel like this, he tells himself firmly. Besides, he knows nothing about dealing with a divorce. Maybe she’s easing herself out of it. Maybe she doesn’t even think of the ring as a signifier of her marriage anymore, maybe it’s just a piece of metal to her. Maybe you should mind your own business. He gives his head a shake and focuses on the road again.
The place is bursting with people by the time they arrive. Robby notices there’s a wild look in Dana’s eyes as she glances around the venue, and her fingers twist around the strap of her bag. He gets it. Working in a busy environment does that to you. Without missing a beat he nudges Dana’s arm, sticking out his elbow for her to take.
“Hey, c’mon. Let’s have some fun,” he encourages gently and gives her what he hopes to be a reassuring smile.
Dana smiles back at him and loops her arm around his elbow. And if she squeezes more firmly than necessary – no one has to know.
They join a steady flow of people entering the hall, looking for their places among the numerous tables. Before they get to the seating chart, a voice rises above the noise, catching their attention.
“Dr. Robinavitch! And uh, Mrs. Robinavitch!” a cheerful young woman holds out her hand, greeting them both. Who the hell– “It is so good to see you made it!” she continues without a pause. “You must be so proud of your husband, Mrs. Robinavitch, I know we all are.”
Jesus Christ.
Robby tries to open his mouth, to say there must’ve been some sort of mistake, or a mixup; anything to get out of this conversation as soon as possible. Instead, he hears Dana’s amused voice as she answers the young lady.
“Oh, believe me, I am.” Robby feels Dana squeeze his bicep, her fingers burning into his skin through the fabric. “If you excuse us, we’ll go find our places,” she concludes cordially and nudges him forward. Once they’re out of the earshot of the girl, Robby bows down his head to Dana’s ear.
“Mrs. Robinavitch–?”
“Oh shush. You wanted to have fun, so let’s have some fun,” Dana cuts Robby off and he can see a smug smile on her lips. “If it means I gotta be married to you tonight, so be it.” She shoves her hip into his, the same way she does when they bicker at work, and lets him drag her into the direction of their designated table.
After the hiccup that was their entry to the gala, the evening goes smoothly. It’s a nice night out, indeed. The food is divine, and the people they’re sitting with at the table make the conversation flow easily. Dana relaxes into her chair, sipping her wine and observing Robby, who’s animatedly explaining to another doctor a procedure he’s learned recently. It’s nice seeing him like this. She can tell that he’s enjoying himself; that he managed to leave the stress and the burden of working in the ER behind, at least for the night.
And it’s true, Robby does feel lighter tonight. It feels good, stepping out of his usual routine of house-work-house. It’s nice to put on a suit, take the car instead of the motorcycle. He looks around the table and realises that he is relaxed, for the first time since he can remember. So much so, that he doesn’t realise it when his hand, hooked around the back of Dana’s chair, starts caressing her arm.
Dana’s eyes go wide as she turns to look at Robby, who seemingly has no idea what made her turn to him. He raises his eyebrows in question and Dana sees so much warmth in his eyes it makes her squirm in her seat. Suddenly a familiar rhythm echoes through the room and Dana’s up on her feet, extending her hand for Robby to take.
“Come on. Take the old ball and chain for a spin.”
Robby doesn’t even try to control his grin. He takes Dana’s hand in his, leading her towards the middle of the room. There’s already a few couples dancing, and they’ve both had enough liquid courage that they fall into rhythm easily; Dana’s arms hook around Robby’s neck, and his hands land on her hips. He trusts her to lead and she does, swaying them from side to side.
Dana laughs at the initial awkwardness of it all but then a sudden wave of affection washes over her. Here, in her arms, is her friend– her best friend, probably. Here, she feels the weight of the last few months disappear, making room for laughter, and easiness, and dancing. Dana realises she hasn’t danced in ages. A huge grin breaks out on her face, and she tightens her grip on Robby’s neck.
Robby can’t peel his eyes away from Dana’s face if he tried. A light, fuzzy feeling rushes into his head. He knows it’s just for this one night. He’s sure that come Monday, they’ll meet in the ER, nod their heads at each other and go on about their tasks. They’ll bicker, they’ll tease. They’ll support each other if they have to. And with a heavy heart Robby realises that’s okay with him. If this evening is all he gets, that’s okay.
Overwhelmed with fondness, Robby untangles Dana’s arms from behind his neck, grabbing her hands in his and spinning her around. Dana laughs a surprised laugh as Robby pulls her body flush with his and sneaks his arm around her waist, tipping her back.
“Show-off,” she teases, her tone light. Robby flashes her his best grin and pulls her up. Dana wonders if she imagined the wink that came after the smile.
They keep swaying, song after song. Robby feels a strange sense of pride when he notices the glances he and Dana get from people dancing around them. He knows they look like an old married couple. He also knows that it's the fact that they aren't makes them this happy, this carefree.
Evening turns into night and people start filtering out of the venue. Robby takes that as a queue to nudge Dana towards the exit. They come back to their table to gather their belongings and say their goodbyes to the people they shared the evening with.
“Goodnight, Mr. and Mrs. Robinavitch!” someone yells when they’re almost out through the door. Amused, Dana grabs Robby’s hand, intertwining their fingers together, and waves to the stranger bidding them goodbye. She only lets go when their taxi arrives.
“Fun night out?” asks the taxi driver as they get into the backseat.
“Uh, yeah,” Robby mumbles, glancing at Dana. “Very fun.”
Dana’s looking out of the window, watching the streetlights pass them by. A few strands of hair have slipped out of her low bun– a neater, more elegant version of her usual hairdo. There’s a blissful smile on her face.
Robby trails his eyes along her profile, her neck, her arm, down to her hand splayed out on the seat between them. He feels young again – uncertain, awkward. Excited. All the things he thought he wasn't anymore. The things this job took away from him. He spreads his palm open, fingers stretching in her direction. As soon as he opens his hand, he closes it, shame brewing in his stomach.
Dana just told him she’s getting divorced, the papers aren’t even signed yet. They didn’t even get to talk about how she feels about everything. And here he is, his fingers itching to trace her hand, her forearm, her shoulder. There was a lot of relationships that Robby’s fucked up before. But this one– he couldn’t afford it. He couldn’t drive her away. He didn’t know who he was without Dana.
The car stills and Robby looks out of the window for the first time since they got into the taxi. His stomach drops when he sees Dana’s front door, realising the night is over. He looks to her and she’s already getting out of the car, her sandals hooked on her fingers, her other arm pushing the taxi door closed. Robby scrambles out of his seat, tossing a few bills in the driver’s palm and slamming the door behind him.
Dana’s standing on the sidewalk, watching Robby walk up to her. Before he can say anything, before he can suggest that he’s gonna take a walk home, before he can retract into the safe distance they’ve created over the years, Dana gives him a lopsided smile and jerks her head towards her front door.
“Fancy a nightcap, Mr. Robinavitch?”
Ground seems to move from under Robby’s feet so he nods dumbly and stumbles forward. Dana’s already at her front door, fumbling with the keys, when she feels Robby’s breath tickle her neck and shoulders. She can feel her own heart rate quicken when she pushes the door open, inviting her friend inside.
The hallway is dimly lit by the streetlight coming in through the kitchen windows at the end of the corridor. Dana can make out the outline of the dresser, the jackets hanging on the rack, the bag she always drops to the floor after finishing her shift. The familiarity of the surroundings combined with the newness of it all – the knowledge that now it’s her house, just hers, makes for a heady mix that pushes her forward and soon her hands are on Robby’s broad chest, holding him against the entrance door.
“Dana,” Robby breathes, one hand already on her waist, the other on the back of her neck. He tips his head forward, trying to get a better look at her face in the dim light. Dana rises to her toes, nudging her nose against his, whispering into his mouth,
“C’mon Michael, don’t make a girl wait another thirty years.”
Before Robby can process what her words truly mean he surges forward, capturing her lips in his, pushing her backwards, deeper down the hall. Dana makes quick work of shoving Robby’s jacket off of his shoulders onto the floor. She reaches around blindly, her hand trying to find the light switch for the light above the stove. By the time they reach the kitchen island Robby’s tie is undone and so are the buttons of his shirt, and Dana lets her hands roam across his chest and back, never breaking the kiss.
Robby’s no better – he smoothes his large hands over Dana’s chest, fingers swiping across her nipples through the fabric. He scrapes his blunt nails over her shoulders and easily undoes the zipper of her dress. It’s the small scrap of material around her throat that makes his confidence falter.
“How the fuck do you– do this–,” Robby grunts, fumbling with the buttons on Dana’s neck.
Dana laughs, gently pushing Robby away from her chest. His mouth goes dry when he watches her undo the buttons holding the dress on her. He’s sure there’s actual static in his brain when Dana lets the dress slide down her body and step out of it. But then he can’t help but smile softly when Dana picks the garment up and drapes it gently over a chair before sliding back between Robby and the counter.
Next thing she knows is Robby’s hands gripping her waist and her feet leave the ground. A loud gasp leaves Dana’s mouth when she feels the cold marble of her kitchen island hit the skin of her thighs. She’s grateful that she had half the mind to draw her blinds before leaving the house.
Dana’s hands are everywhere; his neck, his back, his hips. Grabbing at him, pulling him closer into the space between her thighs, hungry for friction. But before she can reach for the zipper of his pants Robby untangles Dana’s arms from him, his palms sliding down their length. He brings her hands up to his face, kissing her knuckles. Dana’s gaze is steady on his when he covers her left hand with his, gently tugging on her wedding ring, slipping it off her finger and into the back pocket of his pants.
Even though she’s wearing just her underwear, it’s only now that Dana feels truly naked. Before she has a chance to dwell on the feeling Robby is back in her space. He’s kissing her mouth, his lips trailing lower, down to her neck, her breasts until he’s looking up at her from the level of her stomach.
“Up,” he says, nudging her abdomen with his nose.
Dana obeys, lifting her ass up and Robby tugs her panties down in one swift movement, and her head starts to swim. Then, Robby is on his knees, in front of her, and he’s putting her foot up on his shoulder and it surprises her how much she likes the ticklish feeling of his beard on her inner thighs.
A soft groan echoes through the kitchen when Robby’s tongue is on her, teasing, tasting. And it’s good, God, it’s so fucking good but she needs more–
“Fingers, Robby, come on,” she begs, pushing herself against his face.
He hums uh uh and it shoots pleasure right through her, making her moan. If it was anyone else, under any other circumstances, she would probably be embarrassed about the sounds she’s making but it’s Robby, and it’s been so long, and–
Her hand flies up to her mouth to stifle a whimper when she feels Robby’s fingers, one at first, then the other, slide into her, and curl, and mere seconds pass before she’s coming undone on his tongue, squeezing around him.
After a few moments Robby sits back on his heels, gently removing his fingers from her, wiping them on his thigh. When he gets back onto his feet Dana is watching him carefully, as if she’s checking if he’s really still here. When she’s happy with her assessment she jumps down from the counter and pats Robby’s chest with her hand.
“C’mon,” Dana says, walking past Robby to the direction of the staircase. “Still haven’t seen the bedroom after the remodel, have you?”
Morning sun filters through the shutters when Dana rustles awake from her sleep. The mattress dips, then springs back to its original shape, and suddenly the space next to her feels colder. Dana cracks one eye open and sees Robby’s broad back turned to her. She admires his lean form moving towards the door before reality catches up with her, her brain snapping into focus.
“Not planning on making a run for it, are ya?” she asks, trying to keep her tone light.
Dana knows– well, she hopes, that he wouldn’t just up and leave like that. She knows about many of his conquests, she knows how those often went but well, it’s her we’re talking about here, not some bimbo from four floors up.
Robby turns around and the concern painted on Dana’s face makes his chest hurt, but he supposes he deserves it.
“No, just going to the bathroom,” he reassures.
Robby’s back before Dana knows it and flops down onto the bed, stretching himself next to Dana. He wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her closer, their chests tight against each other. Dana actually giggles when she feels Robby pepper her face with kisses; his lips nipping at her cheeks, her nose, her mouth. When it’s tickling her too much she puts a hand on his chest, laughing and trying to get him to stop.
“One more,” he pleads, nudging Dana’s nose with his.
She nods but this time the kiss is gentler, softer. She can feel Robby smiling into it.
For a moment they lay side by side, without saying a word. Robby’s hand is on Dana’s cheek, keeping her head steady, his eyes trained on hers. There’s so much he wants to say to her, so much they need to talk about but he doesn’t even know where to begin. How does one discuss over thirty years of pent up emotions?
Dana’s stomach grumbles, snapping them both out of the moment. She covers Robby’s hand with hers before gently setting it back on the mattress and sliding from under the covers. She puts on his rumpled shirt and taps on the door frame on her way out of the room.
“Okay cowboy. Let’s see what else you can do in the kitchen.”
Though nothing will keep us together
We could steal time, just for one day
We can be heroes for ever and ever
What'd you say?