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It was dark… Why was it so dark? Not that she was afraid of the dark ( absolutely not ), but the dark always seemed to make her uneasy. Something about it just made her skin crawl.. maybe it was the fear of unknown danger. Maybe it was not being able to see what’s ahead. Maybe it was how no matter how far or how fast you run, you can’t ever seem to escape it– you can never find the end ( or the light at the end ). Forever trapped in a seemingly endless loop of terror.. that’s how she felt. No matter how hard you try to outrun something, it’s always there.. you can’t hide from it.
She could feel a chill run up her spine, using a hand to rub at her arm, a nervous habit. Now it was getting cold- just when it couldn’t get any worse. She was lost in a sea of black, now she was cold– probably going to freeze to death. She hadn’t enough clothing prepared for such an unexpected event. But.. why was she only out in sleeping attire? Why wasn’t she in her uniform? This was just odd. Surely she was smart enough to not be this unprepared.. Right? Ugh– whatever!! She just needed to get out of.. well, wherever she was. People were looking for her, surely.. they wouldn’t just leave her behind… right?
Gods it felt like she was walking for hours.. She hadn’t made any turns, she just went straight. How is it that she hadn’t come across anything yet? This was slowly turning from mildly frightening to just irritating ( That’s okay though. Her anger was at least keeping her warm. ). Why was this place so large that it takes one individual such an extensive time frame just to travel across it? Seriously? This is just exhausting… but her nerves are still at a high ( due to the confusion of not finding any way out.. ). Would she ever get out..? She still had people she wanted to see.. she still wanted to go home , to Ylisse, to her parents.. to live with them.. to love them for a long time. She didn’t want to go out yet.. not here, not now. She felt like screaming– but someone had beat her to it.
—— wait, what? Screaming..? Why was someone screaming..? Did it matter– this was the first sign of life or any change that she had in hours. The hollering continued on, thankfully, so she followed it. As her hope had all but gone, it came back tenfold. There was finally light– there was screaming, sure, but still meant that there was people!! Signs of life was definitely a good thing. Well… “life”.
Whether actually alive or not was a new question. Once she got out of the darkness, she found that in the light things weren’t so full of sunshine and cupcakes.. All around she saw soldiers fighting, some unmoving corpses limp on the ground or thrown against old ruins. Why were they fighting? What was going on– This is ridiculous! She let out an irritated groan before coming up to one soldier who had been hiding behind a few bushes. Honestly a terrible hiding spot, if she were to say anything about it, but hiding is cowardly in the first place but she didn’t know this person or their situation. Maybe they were drafted and didn’t know how to fight. It happens.
But it was just odd how.. blurry they appeared to her. Almost just a light blue glowing object.. Why was that? Why was she not questioning it? However, the more she stared and really focused on the blur, it slowly started to take shape of a person. A white haired person– a mercenary.. Really a mercenary, one who was bred to fight, hiding in plants– a pathetic excuse for a—
❝ INIGO?! ❞
Well that was quite loud and random outburst– but holy Naga what was Inigo doing out here fighting in some random war? Her eyes were wide as she stared at him, completely dumbfounded and in disbelief. But there was no mistaking it.. it was him. Upon her shouting, he turned to look at her, slightly surprised but quickly flashed his signature grin at her. Of course he would, the idiot..
❝ Ah, Severa! Where have you been?
We’ve been looking all over for you.
We’ve fought them off for some time,
but it doesn’t seem to be going very well. ❞
Wait, what? Looking for her..? Why would they be looking for her? And who’s this ‘we’ he’s talking about? She didn’t see anyone she knew here! UUGHH. If things could just make sense for 5 minutes, that would be just swell. As she put her hand to her face ( fingers pinching her nose in general irritation ), something suddenly felt different. Wait a moment- wasn’t she in sleeping attire just a second go?! Oh Gods please stop toying with her mind.
❝ Whatever, I’ll help you in this little battle. Just tell me what’s going on! ❞
❝ What do you mean?
We’re fighting the Risen-- obviously!
Are you okay, Severa? Surely you couldn’t have forgotten the Risen? ❞
There’s no way she could have forgotten the Risen, or how relieved she felt seeing their tactician land the final blow to the creature, killing the evil being for good. The Risen..? They’re back..? But, they already defeated Grima..!! But sure enough, she peaked her head out of their hiding spot, and there was Risen covering the entire area within her view.
❝ Oh.. Uh, Right. Okay, fine. Then let’s get going! Stop hiding like a coward! ❞
With that, she had taken off, running fist first into an unsuspecting Risen, slamming it to the ground. Without a moments hesitation, she threw punch after punch at it’s head until the purple smoke grew into it’s haze around the creature and suddenly it was gone. Well that’s one down…. many, many more to go. That surprise tactic probably wasn’t going to work on any of the other ones, considering they were already in a fight.. But maybe it could still help others gain an advantage? Possibly. Couldn’t hurt to try, seeing as she had no weapon to fight with anyway. It sort of helped that Inigo was near by– well, ‘helped’– more, gave her a chance to provide aid quicker, make her feel useful instead of useless. Not that he really needed the help, per say, but made it a quicker take down. A war cry, a clenching of fists, and she was off- storming at full speed to lunge at an occupied Risen’s back in hopes to topple it.
But that hope was in vain..
It was almost as if the Risen had figured out her plan ( probably due to your screaming, you idiot! ), for it had stepped to the side as she approached, making her charge absolutely pointless and ineffective. All features on her face with now filled with horror and regret. Stupid stupid stupid! How stupid could she be?! There was no way that would have worked anyway, so why did you take the chance–?! Shit– She had stumbled the ground, having lost her footing at the unexpected NON-collision. She barely had a chance to turn around before she saw an axe already raised, set to strike. This was it.. Her time had come all at a foolish mistake.. What a way to go out, Severa. Good job. Nice way to ruin your parent’s name and let them down because you were such a failure.. Damn it all. Oh well.. Guess that she deserved this. There was no way she truly could have lived up to their legacies anyway.. Right?
Her eyes were closed, arms crossed in front of her body, shoulders raised and head turned into a shoulder ( cheek pressed )- preparing to take the blow that would end her life.. But it never came.. But, why? Cautiously she opened her eyes, arms just as slowly retracting themselves so she could investigate what had happened and why she hadn’t felt the axe hit her…. That was because it had hit someone else.
Eyes widening, she looked on in horror– a strained face framed by white hair and arms stretched out to make sure absolutely nothing got passed him.. Mouth now agape, a small- almost non-existent -sound of disbelief made it’s way out of her. Seemed that he was taking this ‘Hero’ class title too seriously. Just one more name to add to the list of those that she cared so much for that would die because she wasn’t good enough.. not strong enough… not skilled enough… Damnit!
Curse Inigo and his stupid smile.. now is not the time to be smiling! Then he gave a soft chuckle, staring at her and only her as he collapsed to his knees, the brunette moving with difficulty to make sure he hadn’t completely fallen to the ground ( a hand to his shoulder and another to his side ). Gods.. his breathing already sounded to ragged and full, a struggle most likely.. seeing as he had an axe in his back.
❝ Come now, a.. a face like that does... not suit a lovely lady such as yourself.
Smile for me. ❞
❝ If you really think I could smile in a time like this,
well– then you really are dumber than I thought you were.. ❞
Now is no time to make ‘witty’ remarks, Severa.. Your friend is dying. Inigo’s body had already leaned forward, leaning so heavily on her that she had moved her hands to hold him properly up against her.. She couldn’t even look at his face, only the white hairs on the back of his head.
❝ How did... I know that.. you would say that....?
Haha... The.. ever darling Severa, same.. as always.. ❞
He was getting a lot heavier, his voice becoming ever so soft as he finished his thought– then he went limp. The dancing boy’s body then became cold, almost painfully so. Her jaw tightened, her teeth chewing on the skin of her lip as she forced herself not to cry out– she wouldn’t show weakness, not even now.. She knew what had happened, and was to accept it.. Such was life– but she couldn’t bring her mind around to accept that he was dead.
A hand snaked it’s way up into his hair, fingers gripping on as if the world depended on it, as if her life depended on it. She pulled his head in close against her shoulder, carefully nuzzling the back and side of his head with her cheek. Her firm jaw snapped open, a loud wail erupting and spreading across the area for all to hear ( if they weren’t so occupied to notice ). No longer could pride hold back the drops of sorrow and grief from streaming down her face, staining the lad’s white locks. Her arm had slipped around his torso, keeping him firmly pressed against her, refusing to let go of his body, even as hers quaked with sobs and screams of anguish.
She hadn’t felt his miserable since that time she realized that her mother wasn’t coming home ( walking in on your father crying by himself while holding a letter that seemed to have been in his possession for quite some time was an interesting way to learn that your mother had died ). This is why you don’t let people in, Severa.. you just end up alone in your misery. Perhaps you were just better off alone so you stop getting attached to others and believe in silly dreams ( like peace and living in a time with no worries for your life, or your friends’ ).
And that’s when she started whispering to Inigo– really just herself, but she wanted to believe in a false hope even if it was just for now. Between her cries, while she sat there rocking an unresponsive corpse, she somehow managed to pull herself together just enough to whimper out some ( rather pathetic if she had to admit it ) pleas.
❝ You stupid… stupid… moron..!
Why did you have to do something like that..?
Why for me? I don’t deserve you sacrificing yourself for me.
Please.. don’t go.. I can’t— I can’t lose you too..
Where’s that ridiculous smile of yours when it matters most?
You can’t.. You can’t just leave me here, like this..
Don’t leave me, Inigo..! ❞
Gods she felt awful, guilty, empty.. How could this have happened.. All that time training, spending late nights working up sweat, letting off steam, avoiding confronting that dark feeling in the pit of your stomach— wasted.. Sure she’d seen some friends or close allies die, such was war.. But none of them hurt; not like this. Her chest felt tight, she felt like collapsing, her entire body felt like it had been struck by lightening ( with the way that it never stopped shaking ). She hated this, every single moment of it- from her hands tightened in his hair, to the tears she felt never ending as they fell down her face then attacked the lad’s unresponsive figure with each drip ; from her shivering state, to the overwhelming regret that boiled in her throat and fell out of parted lips as screams of anguish. Oh how her heart ached.. How cold she felt.. Drained. It’s okay, it’d all be over soon ; she wouldn’t have to feel such horrible things for much longer. That Risen would take her out within moments of sending Inigo to his death.. Maybe she’d meet him there, in a better place.. With no wars, no Risen, no scheming and lying twats who ruin everything and steal what’s most precious to you.. Yeah, that sounded nice. Though she had no real desire to die, she sure felt like she deserved it. All those people she let down… that she watched fall, for her sake.. Yeah, she felt like she deserved it.
Even as her body quaked with fear and sorrow, she still tried to look for peace within herself as eyes lifted to watch the axe once again rise into the sky, black and soulless eyes staring at her.. or even through her. But, the longer she stared at it, the less visible the one holding the weapon became.. How was that even possible? Was it somehow bleeding to death? No– That’s not how it worked, not how the Risen worked.. So then why was it disappearing? No.. ! It just can’t let her live like this– ( alone ). Her screams grew more frantic as she shifted her weight around as she tried to get closer to the monster with Inigo still tight in her arms before it vanished forever. It had to kill her before it was too late! She refused to be alone again, she can’t be alone again— she just can’t! She kept begging, over and over, to not let things end like this.. any way but this! But her pleas were never heard, as the purple smoke faded away completely, leaving no trace behind. She caved in, ( if even possible ) clutching onto a dead man’s body as the darkness that seemed never-ending wrapped itself closer around the two of them.. around her.
That’s when she noticed something new.. warmth. But that wasn’t possibly, he was gone.. she watched him die. She had him in her arms, his icy, heavy body in her ar—- wait, where did that patch of white hair go? .. Where did he go? He was just here..! He couldn’t have just vanished!! Wah.. What happened to him?! Desperate, she started patting around her immediate surroundings, even if she couldn’t see anything outside of her immediate person, she should have been able to still feel wherever his body had moved off to. This can’t be happening– this can’t be happening!! No matter how hard she tried, no matter how bad she wanted it, no matter how hard she cried, she couldn’t find him.. Not only was she not able to mourn or set him to rest properly, now she was truly alone.. A disgusting feeling, one she feared since the first time she found out someone she loved had left her in the world while they ascended to a better plain of existence ( if you believed in that sort of thing ). Alone… Forever. As the realization settled in, the more unnerved she became, arms curled around herself- squeezing her fidgeting frame.
❝ … No! …. NO! NO!! ❞
This wasn’t happening… This wasn’t happening.. A mantra, one repeated aloud to no audience.. The single soul present, listening to it’s own performance. A lost, lonely, darkening soul of one who had been through enough loss to last multiple individuals’ lifetimes.. enough loss to create a deepening hole in their heart, one that would never be filled and one space that only continued to grow and consume the rest of the emotion depleting vessel. Perhaps it was better this way, to be alone… No more bonds to break, no more names to remember, no more faces to etch into her mind that would replay in her head after they ( too ) left her behind.. She hadn’t done anything to deserve company, seeing as she can’t even seem to be able to save any loved one she ever had..
Despite knowing she deserved to be on her own.. that didn’t mean she couldn’t still dream, hope…. beg.. pray.. Anything. She’d be willing to try anything to be able to keep those she cared for safe and at her side. Just, please.. make the suffering end. She just tried her best, always willing to stick her neck ( literally ) on the line to make sure that she took a blow instead of another who didn’t need to walk around bearing all these scars.. to remain unstained.. pure. She was far from clean, from innocent.. maybe she could save those from having to live in such chaos and tragedy.. No one should have to go through what she has had to endure, and wishes that upon no other person.. But, it didn’t make holding on to that burden any less torturous and will-breaking.
Just as her body kept shaking, just as she kept rocking it, the lightless space kept growing heavier, heavier… almost as if she was being sucked under a veil of the night sky, but with no stars to shine bright to guide your way.. No more smiles to soften you up when everything seemed to be crashing down, no more hands softly cupping your cheeks to stare you in the eyes and tell you everything was okay… Nothing was okay, nothing was right, nothing was to get better.. was it?
Even as she processed all of what she saw, what she felt, what she heard.. she still wanted to deny it. A tiny part in the back of her head kept whispering that ‘it wasn’t real’, that ‘nothing bad happened’, that ‘all was fine’.. Strange, as that tiny voice sounded nothing like her, or what her conscious typically sounded like.. Actually… the more she focused on that voice that more it sounded like….. No.
❝ …. St… Stop…! Stop it! ❞
Great, now even the voice in her head was making her hear nothing but him. Damnit… Just let it end! Has she not suffered enough?! What more could the universe possibly take away from her? Now it was to torment her with his voice… Stupid, good for nothing—
“ SELENA! ”
Her eyes shot open, pupils dilated as she stared forward blankly for a moment while her sight faded in ( or more, as she was slowly capable of actually processing what she was seeing ). Her senses gradually started to kick in. The first thing she noticed was how hot she felt, noticing this by how her entire being was covered in a thin layer of sweat ( gross ). The next thing her mind recognized was hands, more specifically, a pair that were not her own, firmly squeezing her shoulders even as she was very much awake. Before she processed anything further, she moved a hand to her face, staring at it for a few moments ( taking note of how badly it was shaking ) before lowering it to cover her face, heavy pants the only sound she can hear– and they were her own. Gods, her chest felt so tight, her throat felt so small, and everything seemed out of place. Where was she? What time was it? Gods it hurt to breathe.
Those hands that were clung so tightly to her loosened, moving to lightly rest against her arms— and the act caught her attention. There was someone in here with her. Carefully, she removed her hand from her face, staring wide eyed at the man’s face, illuminated so poorly by the candle that was lit on a stand near her bed. It took but seconds to register who it was. In–Laslow. She quickly sat up, the hands on her arms moving to hold her sides with the lightest hold she had ever known him to have. Unsure fingers came to rest against his face, tracing every detail so hesitantly. Then he smiled.. That dumb grin that she always wanted to punch him for, because every time she saw it a piece of her heart melted away. He had no right to have such a power over her, it was disgusting.. But she never found herself truly annoyed by it. In fact, that smile is what caused her to crack, an already tear stained face adding more driblets onto her damp skin.
Damn it all– how was it that around him that she was always so weak? Why was it him that always had the right words, the perfect actions to keep her stable? Stupid.. stupid dumb, unreliable– No, that was a lie and she knew it. The fact that she knew this was a signal that was sent as trembling arms launched to wrap around the mildly surprised ( but expectant ) lad’s neck and shoulders, holding on so tight that she was sure that it probably hurt him. But he didn’t seem to mind as his hands, once at her sides, curled around her quivering form, returning the strength of her grasp, if only to keep her as close to him as he could. He figured she appreciated that, or desperately needed it, because the instant they connected all sorts of curses and sobs spilled from her.
He was just lucky that he came by to check on her ( party due to Odin’s concerning comment that he’d been casting dream spells on her because she kept having nightmares and never got proper sleep. Seems tonight wasn’t one of those nights that the mage came and checked in on their old friend, or his spell didn’t work [ which he doubted because the lad was quite the caster ] ) so that he could save her from her own torment.. However, he wasn’t so pleased that as he approached all he heard was her screaming. Wails of protests and hollering his name made his feet pick up faster and carry him to the source of the distress at the speed of light. Even as he slammed open the door, she still remained trapped, tossing and turning with hands clamped down around herself in an effective cage. It was a worrying sight, and he knew that there wasn’t much he could do besides simply continue to call her name, shake her vigorously until she finally snapped out of it.. Once she did, he sighed a breath of relief but kept a hard eye on her, making sure she was truly brought out of her own head.
❝ I…. I thought you were dead… I watched you die. I felt you die..
I thought.. I thought I was alone again.. ❞
She spoke so softly that she didn’t expect him to hear her, as she was mostly speaking to herself. But as she felt him stiffen briefly in her hold, and his arms pulling her further into him, she assumed that even through her broken sobs that he still could make out what she said. Even through her shivering ( possibly from having a cold set in on her since she was soaked in her own tears and sweat ) she felt lips press ever so carefully to the top of her head ( damn him for being so tall.. ) before she felt him shift, carefully slipping her out from under her bedding to put her in his lap. She was about to question it ( and also complain about him still being uniform because those pins and snaps stung from the cold and from just.. being pointy ), but honestly found that she didn’t care, leaned in to him as much as she could.. She just needed to feel his warmth, smell his musk, feel his heartbeat.. know that he was here– that he was real.
A hand trailed up her back, coming to stop at the base of her neck before careful fingers threaded themselves into her hair. The action alone gave an overwhelming feeling of calm and she tried to drown herself in that comfort. What she hadn’t expected however, was soft lips pressing against her exposed shoulder ( due to her night clothes ) and another to the base of her neck where her shoulder connected. The affection placed in those two simple kisses pulled out a long sigh as her arms squeezed briefly. The hum she heard in response continued that wave of calm, though they both knew that it would take a long time and lots of reassurance before she would truly have settled down. His arm that kept her firmly pressed against him never moved, staying as a foundation of support and stability to keep her grounded and there with him. He was never going to let her go until he knew she was okay. He didn’t care if that took all night ( maybe he should skip patrol duty, as bad as that sounded.. Surely Beruka could cover both of their watches.. Besides, they were at peace for now, nothing should happen. ), one of the most important people in his life was in his arms, desperately needing him and he would be damned if he was going to even for a moment leave her in such an emotionally damaged state.
“ I’m not dead, I am very much alive.
I would never leave you to be by yourself… never. I’m here, Severa.
I’m here. ”