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Little white lights twinkled in the trees and the air was still warm from the day despite the sun having set. Music from the main ballroom could be heard even all the way out here in the grounds; it sounded as though soft music was coming from the trees. It made Wille feel calm in a way he hadn’t felt all day.
Well… the music. And Simon.
It had been Simon’s suggestion – to come and escape out here before the last of the guests had left. He insisted that Wille shouldn’t hate his whole entire birthday. And he was probably right.
Everyone should have a friend like Simon. Wille was certainly glad he did. Especially on a day like today.
Wille had never been a big fan of birthdays. It always meant an uncomfortable suit, and people he didn’t know, and having to smile and be grateful for things he didn’t want. And apparently turning fifteen made all of those things even worse.
The party had been his mother’s idea. They hadn’t had a great year – both Wille himself and the monarchy as a whole. It had been agreed (by lots of people who weren’t Wille), that a birthday party for the youngest price would be a positive thing for everyone (everyone who wasn’t Wille).
But it hadn’t been all bad. When the guest list had been finalised, Wille had argued with Farima until that vein had started pulsing at her temple to be able to invite Simon.
Wille’s mother didn’t like Simon. Wille could tell in the way her lips pinched slightly every time he came over, or every time Wille had said who he’d been with. But Simon was Wille’s best friend, and there was no way he was going to survive this party without him.
So Simon had come. Despite not actually wanting to. And despite making the fact that he didn’t want to very clear.
“Why do I have to wear a suit?”
“Because I have to wear a suit.”
“Yeah, but I’m not you.”
“My mother will throw you out.”
“No she won’t.”
“Simon. Wear the suit.”
“Fine. But you’d better make it worth it.”
It was unlikely that Wille had actually made it worth it. Simon hated these things – Wille knew he did – but he’d come, because it was Simon. And it was Simon and Wille. And that was what they did.
But now it was almost over, and Wille took what felt like the first full breath he’d taken all evening.
“At least the band was good,” Simon said, tugging his tie off and flinging it somewhere into the trees.
Wille chuckled. “It was.”
“Do you think Kristina will let me play the piano now that someone else has touched it who isn’t a dead monarch?”
Wille snorted. “Not likely.”
Simon kicked at one of the stones at the edge of the path and scoffed. “Yeah. Thought so.”
“Have you had… an okay day?” Wille knew that Simon hadn’t had fun, but he half hoped it hadn’t been completely awful. Something nervous tickled in Wille’s chest. He’d wanted Simon here – so badly – but what if this was what made Simon finally realise that being Wille’s friend was too hard work, and that after five years, Simon was ready to give it up.
But Simon turned to him with a small smile. “It was really boring,” he said. “And Erik is annoying. But… it wasn’t all bad.”
Relief flooded WIlle’s chest. “Oh,” he said. “Good.”
Simon’s smile widened and he reached out to shove at Wille’s shoulder. “It will take more than one of these stuffy events to scare me off. You know that.”
Did he? Did Wille know that? He definitely hoped that. He hoped that Simon would be around for always. These had been, without a doubt, the best five years of Wille’s life, but as they got older, it felt… different. Harder. Whilst still being the easiest thing Wille had ever done.
Their lives were so different. But when it was just the two of them, like now, it felt like they could face anything.
Clearly something in Wille’s face didn’t look convinced because Simon’s smile wavered slightly. “Hey,” he said, reaching out more gently this time. “It’s been okay. Right? Has it… How has it been for you?”
“Fine,” Wille said automatically. Then, remembering it was Simon, added, “Hard work. Boring. Overwhelming. The usual. But…” He took a deep breath. “Better with you there.”
The smile came back – softer and more fond this time. “You’re such a sap,” Simon chuckled.
And, yes, maybe Wille was. But he’d never had someone like Simon before, and he needed him to know how much better life was with him in it. Except… had he ever told Simon in those exact words? Perhaps not. That needed to be remedied.
“Thank you for coming,” Wille blurted, more forcefully than he needed.
Simon looked a little surprised but laughed lightly. “That’s okay.”
“I— You… You… were the best thing about today. I— I should tell you more… how much I appreciate you. How much— I—” He pressed his lips together then tried again. “Thank you for coming.”
There was a loud ringing in Wille’s ears and he wondered if he’d said too much. Simon didn’t look upset, or angry. He was looking at Wille with a kind of puzzled expression on his face, as if he were trying to figure him out.
Just as Wille was about to say some more words to cover the awkwardness, Simon said, “Dance with me?”
“I— What?”
Simon held out a hand. It was shaking a little. “Dance with me,” he repeated.
Maybe Wille should have laughed it off. Grinned and told Simon to stop messing with him. But something told him that Simon wasn’t messing with him.
“Okay,” he murmured, and reached out to take Simon’s outstretched hand.
The air crackled. Simon’s hand was warm in his, as was the palm that skimmed up his arm and settled at the nape of his neck. Simon took a step closer, almost pressing his chest to Wille’s, and looked up at him.
“You have to move,” Simon said after a moment, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
“Oh,” Wille said. “Yeah. I, uh…” Instead of trying to figure out where that sentence was going, Wille reached out to place his free hand at Simon’s waist and carefully started to move his feet. A small shuffle, barely even a step, let alone a dance, but it seemed to satisfy Simon, who turned and leant his head on Wille’s shoulder, letting his own feet fall into the same rhythm.
Music drifted through the balmy evening air and the wind rustled in the trees making the little lights dance, but Wille could barely hear anything above the beating of his own heart. The heat of Simon’s body seeped through the stiff material of Wille’s suit and he wished he’d taken his jacket off earlier the better to feel it.
Instead, he splayed his palm wider on Simon’s lower back and pulled him a little closer. A small sigh slipped out of Simon’s mouth, the warm breath tickling across Wille’s neck.
He wasn’t really sure what was happening, but whatever it was was making his whole body tingle. He was suddenly hyper aware of every centimeter of skin on his body whilst also feeling like he was floating above them both, looking down on the two friends slowly rotating around each other in a quiet garden surrounded by fairy lights.
Minutes passed. Neither of them said anything. Just gently rotated, holding each other close, breathing each other in. At least, that’s what Wille was doing. Simon smelt of comfort and of home and made it feel as though his heart was about to beat out of his chest. The feeling was almost too big to contain in his body.
Just when Wille thought he was going to have to do something – run a marathon, jump up into the stratosphere, whistle like a kettle until the feeling had gone away – Simon sighed and pulled him a little closer, nuzzling his nose into the side of Wille’s neck.
Despite the tactile nature of their friendship, this felt new. And… nice. Better than nice. The humming under his skin had reached such a pitch that he was surprised he didn’t take off like a rocket.
“Wille?” Simon’s voice was muffled.
“Yeah?” It came out tremulous and he felt like he needed to clear his throat but didn’t dare.
“I really like you.”
The buzzing stopped and was replaced by a high-pitched ringing in his ears. Did Simon not know how much Wille liked him? How much better Wille’s life was with Simon in it?
“I really like you too.” It was the easiest thing in the world to say. Simon was his favourite person. No one else even came close.
Simon wiggled a little, then, to Wille's dismay, moved away slightly. There was a frown between his eyebrows. Wille wasn’t sure why it was there, but he wanted to make it go away.
“No,” Simon said. “Not… I—” There was a moment where Simon seemed to try to find the words. When he couldn’t, he did something Wille would have never expected in a million years. He leant forward and pressed his lips to Wille's.
Simon’s lips were soft and he tasted like chocolate from the decadent dessert they’d had earlier. Simon had finished Wille’s when he was too nervous to eat it. The ringing intensified – a scream in his brain causing all other function to cease. Because Simon was kissing him. Simon was kissing him! Why was Simon kissing him? Why was he—
Simon pulled back, eyelids fluttering open. Despite the dark, Simon's eyes were shining. Hundreds of tiny specks of light reflected in the dark irises. Wille wanted to drown in them – they were mesmerising.
Suddenly, Simon shifted backwards, away from Wille. “Fuck,” he muttered. “I— Fuck.” Then he turned to leave.
Panicking, Wille shot out a hand and grabbed at Simon’s wrist. “Wait!”
Simon stopped, still facing away from Wille, before very slowly turning around. His face was tilted downwards, looking at Wille’s shoes.
Wille pulled and Simon stumbled slightly closer again, still not meeting his eye. Wille wished that Simon would look at him, maybe then he would be able to figure out what to do. Because Simon had kissed him. He’d kissed him. Two people had kissed Wille before: both girls, both unplanned, both never repeated. Neither of them had made it feel like Wille’s body had been turned inside out.
“Hey,” Wille said once it became clear that Simon wasn’t going to say anything. “Why— Why did you do that?”
That got Simon to look up and Wille watched as several emotions flickered across his face: confusion, embarrassment, incredulity. And then anger.
Simon stepped back and snatched his wrist out of Wille’s grasp. “Nothing,” he said. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Wait wait wait wait.” Wille was babbling. But he didn’t want Simon to leave. In fact, he quite wanted Simon to kiss him again. But… That didn’t seem…
Instead of saying anything else, he grabbed at Simon again and tugged him forward by the hand. Simon stumbled slightly, but didn’t resist.
Was it possible to communicate without actually saying anything? Wille wasn’t quite sure he was ready to voice it out loud. But he really wanted Simon to kiss him again.
They were so close that he could feel Simon’s shallow breaths. There was still a frown between his eyebrows, his eyes darting between Wille’s own. Then once, obviously, down to his lips.
Wille gently squeezed his fingers and Simon’s gaze darted back up, a question in his eyes. Wille squeezed again, and this time, Simon took a tiny step forwards.
Their noses were almost touching, and Wille had the insane thought that he wanted to nuzzle his own nose against Simon’s. But instead, he dipped his head slightly. The smell of Simon filled his nostrils – not an unfamiliar scent but novel in its potency. He wanted to take great lungfulls of it, to fill himself up and gain strength from it.
Simon made him brave. So maybe he owed Simon some of that bravery back.
With that thought, Wille closed the remaining distance between them. The chocolatey taste was still there, but this time, Wille let himself explore a little further. He shuffled his feet so that he could stand closer, released Simon’s lips slightly but then, before giving Simon a chance to panic, dived straight back in.
Simon’s lips moved carefully under his own as they tried to find the best angle. Or perhaps, like Wille, he was also exploring – drinking the kiss in and trying to experience as much of it as he could before one of them came to their senses.
Because this was a ridiculous notion. Simon shouldn’t be kissing Wille. And Wille certainly shouldn’t be kissing Simon.
But, at that moment in time, Wille couldn’t think of anything he wanted to be doing more. Until—
Wille jumped a little as Simon’s tongue brushed against his lips. But he recovered quickly, parting them to let Simon’s tongue slip into his mouth.
Holy shit. Simon’s tongue was in his mouth. Simon’s tongue was in his mouth! Simon’s—
Simon pulled away with a small giggle and brought his hand up to wipe at his mouth. Wille blinked, trying to arrange all the thoughts into his head into something coherent. It wasn’t working. As Wille struggled, Simon’s smile slipped a little.
“Was, uh, was that okay?” he said.
“Yes!” Wille blurted. “I mean—” He broke off with an embarrassed chuckle. “Yes. I— It was good. Nice. I—”
Words were too hard. It was unrealistic to expect Wille to be able to string a sentence together when his entire world view had just shifted. It was virtually impossible to think of anything except the fact that Simon’s lips were still right in front of him. And that he wanted to kiss them again.
So he did.
He leant forward and closed his lips around Simon’s bottom one, sucking it slightly into his mouth. Simon made a small noise and went up on his tiptoes, looping his arms around Wille’s neck to hold himself closer.
Emboldened, Wille wrapped his own arms around Simon’s waist. He was wearing a starchy shirt and a suit jacket that was too big for him, but underneath Wille could imagine that he could feel the warmth of Simon’s skin seeping through to where his palms were splayed at his lower back.
A door banged in the distance and they both sprang apart, Simon with the back of his hand pressed against his mouth. Their breaths were coming out ragged – partly from the scare, partly from the kissing – and Wille couldn’t stop staring at Simon’s lips.
After a few seconds, Simon lowered his hand, still watching Wille carefully. Then, as if being hit by a freight train, Wille realised something that Simon had said what felt like several lifetimes ago.
“Wait,” he said. “You like me? As in…” Wille trailed off. He knew that Simon liked boys, but the fact that Wille was a boy, and therefore open to being liked by Simon, seemed to have passed him by completely.
Simon lifted his chin slightly – an action Wille was very familiar with – and said, “Yes.” Then, softening his expression slightly added, “But… I know it’s not—”
“I like you too!” Wille interrupted, the words barrelling out of his mouth without any consultation from his brain.
It was true though, Wille realised with dazzling clarity. He liked Simon. He liked him. And, regardless of anything else, he definitely wanted to kiss him again.
So, without waiting for Simon to say anything in response, Wille leant forward again and pressed their lips together. Fourth time was absolutely the charm. Why hadn’t they been doing this the whole time? They’d wasted years that they could have been kissing. Those disappointing kisses that Wille had had before could have been mind-blowing kisses with Simon!
Simon made a noise, then another, then, “Wille.” The word came out garbled against Wille’s lips. “Wille. Stop.”
Despite every single fibre in his body wanting to continue kissing Simon, Wille did as asked and stopped. But he didn’t go far. And he didn’t stop gazing alternately between Simon’s eyes and his lips.
“What are we doing?”
“Kissing,” Wille replied rather stupidly. His mental capacity was mostly filled with static. And the fact that Simon’s lips were very shiny. And very pink.
Simon giggled. The sound made tingles spread all through Wille’s belly. Had that always been the case? He’d always loved Simon’s laugh, but had it always—
“Yes, I know that. I mean… Is this… You’re not just, I don’t know…” Simon trailed off.
Wille didn’t really know what to say. It was like everything he’d ever known had been turned on its head in the last five minutes. Had it only been that long? Less probably. Less than five minutes ago, Wille was a whole different person. He was a person who had never kissed Simon.
Carefully, he reached his hand out. It didn’t have to go far to find Simon’s. Their fingers linked together effortlessly. Little sparks zipped up and down Wille’s arm and his heart swelled in his chest.
“I don’t know,” he said, truthfully. “I don’t— I… I really like you.”
“Yeah?” A small smile had grown on Simon’s face and Wille couldn’t help but mirror it.
“Yeah. He grinned back.
“Okay then.”
WIlle leaned in again and was startled when Simon stumbled out of his reach with a, “Wait wait wait.” Wille let out a groan and flung his head back. “I just want to check that—”
“Simon.” Wille righted his head and tried to send Simon his most exasperated look. “You are my best friend in the whole world. I’ve loved you for longer than I can remember. And I’ve also just realised that I’m in love with you. So, please will you kiss me again?”
Simon blinked at him, wide eyed. “I—”
Using their still-clasped hands, Wille tugged Simon a little closer. “Okay?”
Without any further words, Simon nodded and surged forward to capture Wille’s lips once again. And this time, there was no more talking. Perhaps they’d have other things they needed to say later, or tomorrow. But for now, Wille was perfectly content discovering what the inside of Simon’s mouth tasted like, what his waist felt like beneath his hands, what noises he made when Wille tipped his head back a little further. And how, when there was a slight pause in the kissing, Simon said, “I’m in love with you too,” before they dove back in for more.