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"What the hell are you doing here?”
“Well hello to you too,” Regulus muttered, eyes hard and voice cold. It had been less than four hours since he had murdered his mother, and he had yet to feel any semblance of guilt. But now, facing Sirius properly for the first time in months, pricklings of regret begin to stab at his insides. He ignored them with a practised ease, and covered the emotions with a scowl in his brother’s direction.
“I mean it,” Sirius snapped, eyes narrowed with suspicion. His body was angled inwards, ready to slam the door at a moment's notice. “Why are you here?"
Because I just killed our mother and I have nowhere else to go. Regulus had to fight to keep the bitter smile from his face. He had a feeling that wouldn’t go down too well. Instead, he settled for the second half of the truth. “I have nowhere else to go.” He swallowed, then continued. “Can I stay here tonight?”
Once the flames had settled, and the Noble House of Black was nothing more than ashes, Regulus had taken one long look at the rubble and apparated away. He spent several hours meandering through muggle London, weighing up his options. The ancient wards of the Black manor would only hold for so long now that the building was gone, and once people noticed the destruction, owls would be sent and the hunt for loose ends would begin. Fires in wizarding houses didn’t just happen, not unless someone was very, very careless (or very, very angry).
Orion would be found first, no doubt passed out in a muggle pub somewhere. The search would then be on for his wife and son, and Walburga certainly wouldn’t be found. Her body was no more than dust in the wind now.
Regulus was still waiting to feel guilty about that.
Even as the adrenaline faded from his system, the bone-deep sense of relief was still there. As the hours ticked by, he began to wonder if he would ever feel anything at all. Perhaps his brother was right, and there was something fundamentally wrong with him after all.
The thought of Sirius had brought with it many unwelcome emotions, and unwanted realisations. Regulus couldn’t hope to stay hidden in London forever, and the idea of sleeping on a park bench wasn’t exactly appealing. Without any muggle money, and no way to get to Gringotts without somebody seeing him, there were very few options left.
Barty’s father would sooner chew off his own arm than allow a potential fugitive into his home, and Evan’s house was barely welcome to Evan himself. Regulus certainly wasn’t going to risk heading there, and bring any more pain Evan’s way. The sad truth was, besides those two people, Regulus didn’t have anywhere else to turn. At least, nowhere except to Sirius, who was currently staying with the Potters.
Regulus had apparated to the Potter mansion without thinking too hard about it (the address burned into his memory against his will), and it was only as the door swung open that he realised there was absolutely no way he could even begin to explain the situation to Sirius. They hadn’t properly spoken in years; hadn’t been brothers in any of the ways that mattered since Regulus had been sorted into Slytherin, and now Regulus was expected to tell him that their mother was dead, and their home burned to the ground?
Not going to happen.
So Regulus merely begged Sirius with words left unspoken, allowing his brother to draw his own conclusion: Regulus had finally had enough.
On the day that Sirius left, he offered Regulus a home with the Potters as well. At the time, Regulus had declined, too paralysed by fear of what might happen to him at school if he denounced his name and title, and unwilling to accept Sirius’ help after he had been so thoroughly abandoned by his older brother those past few years. Yet now, Regulus was hoping against hope that the offer still stood. Somehow, despite everything, he didn’t believe Sirius would leave him to fend for himself on the streets. He could only pray that the Potters would be willing to keep him once they heard of what he had done.
Regulus shifted uncomfortably on his feet as Sirius stared at him for a long moment, deep and assessing, before apparently deeming his brother’s meagre explanation satisfactory. “Come on in."
Regulus released a breath of relief he didn’t realise he had been holding, and stepped over the threshold of a house he never once dreamed of entering. “Thank you.” He said, quietly.
“Don’t thank me yet,” Sirius said, grimly. “We still have to see if Fleamont and Effie will let you stay.”
“Right.”
Regulus stepped gingerly into the corridor, not sure what to do with his feet or hands, eventually settling for leaning awkwardly against the wall as Sirius yelled upstairs for James. One hand remained in his pocket, clutching his wand tight enough to splinter the wood, the other scraped nervously against the wall behind him. As James Potter came down the stairs, parents following after him, Regulus forced his hand to still and placed that one in his pocket as well.
“Uh… hi?” James said uncertainly, stopping just as awkwardly to hover at the bottom of the thickly carpeted staircase. “Sirius, what’s going on?”
“Haven’t got a clue, mate,” Sirius responded. “Regulus just arrived, asking if he could stay the night.” He directed the last statement at the couple standing just behind James.
Both had grim looks on their faces, and Regulus couldn’t figure out if it was because of his appearance, or because of what might have caused it. That particular question was answered when Mrs Potter rushed to answer. “Of course you can stay here!” She exclaimed, hurrying forwards to look Regulus over critically. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” Regulus said, automatically, and found it wasn’t really a lie. Yes he was exhausted and emotionally numb, but physically he was doing okay. The cut on the back of his leg had scabbed over thanks to the help of healing potions, and any lingering aftershocks from the cruciatus curse had ebbed now that a few hours had passed. All he really wanted to do was sleep, but he wasn’t about to let his guard down in an unfamiliar house so soon. “If it’s too much trouble I can-”
“Nonsense,” Mr Potter said, firmly, “We’re happy to have you.”
Apparently the situation was concerning enough that even James was working hard to keep a welcoming expression on his face. Regulus supposed that they must know at least some of the abuse he and Sirius had suffered at the hands of their parents. Judging by the disbelieving look on Mrs Potter’s face after he had said he was fine, they might have known more than he initially suspected.
Giving in to a moment of weakness, Regulus asked, quietly, “Can I please just go to sleep now? I promise I’ll explain in the morning.” That would at least buy him some time to muster up the courage to tell Sirius what he did. Or to come up with a plausible excuse.
Mrs Potter softened immediately. “Of course dear, head up the stairs and there’s a guest room first door on the left.”
Regulus let out a soft sight. “Thank you so much.” He headed up the stairs as fast as he could without actually running, pretending not to feel Sirius’ eyes burning into the back of his neck.
Tomorrow. He would deal with Sirius tomorrow.
As the weight of the day came crashing down on him, Regulus only paused to take off his shoes, then collapsed onto the large bed in the centre of the room. He was asleep within moments.
Regulus awoke to unintelligible shouting coming from somewhere to his left. It took him a moment to remember where he was and why he was there, but the drowsiness soon faded, replaced by a sense of impending doom. The shouted words were slowly beginning to take form in his sleep-addled mind, and Regulus allowed himself a mournful sigh before opening his eyes.
“-up you bastard, you wake up right now or I swear I’ll-”
“I’m awake, I’m awake,” Regulus grumbled, heaving himself into a sitting position and settling his unwilling gaze on a very angry Sirius.
Sirius hardly paused for breath, merely brandished a newspaper under Regulus’ nose. “You burned the fucking house down?”
He hadn’t expected the newspapers to catch wind of what had happened so quickly, but apparently Regulus hadn’t given them enough credit. Right there on the front page was a large photo of the smoking remains of the Black Manor, with a large headline plastered across the top: BLACK LADY AND HEIR MISSING - TRAGIC ACCIDENT, OR SOMETHING WORSE?
“Well they certainly didn’t waste any time,” Regulus remarked, “Headline could use some work though. Now everyone thinks I’m dead.”
Sirius gaped at his younger brother for several long seconds, before face darkened with fury. “You didn’t think to tell me that the house burned down?” Sirius shouted, “What the hell happened? What the hell did you do, Reggie, huh?”
“You know that’s the first time you’ve called me Reggie since I was sorted into Slytherin?” Regulus said, with a quiet chuckle, “If I’d known this was all it would take I would have set the house on fire years ago.”
“You think this is a fucking joke?” Sirius hissed, “Mother is going to kill you. She is going to hunt you down and then she is going to drag you somewhere and murder you!”
“As touching as it is that you actually seem to care about me,” Regulus said, coolly, “I wouldn’t worry about that.”
“And what the fuck does that mean?"
“Didn’t you read the headline? Mother’s missing, and I’ll let you in on a little secret,” Regulus lowered his voice, words tumbling out before he could stop them, still a little delirious with tiredness, and all of a sudden desperate for Sirius to know what he had done. To know that they were finally safe from their monster of a mother. “They’re not going to find her.”
The look in Regulus’ eyes had Sirius widening his own with something akin to dread. Or perhaps even fear. “Reggie… What did you do?”
For some reason, Regulus found himself laughing. Hysterical peals of laughter that burst from his chest and echoed around the suddenly silent room. After all the shouting Sirius had been doing, the quiet felt oppressive and heavy. “I killed her, Sirius. I fucking killed her.”
Regulus watched with some satisfaction as Sirius’ face went ashen, and his eyes widened almost comically. The silence stretched on for long moments until it finally snapped. Sirius’ voice came out hoarse with disbelief. “You’re joking. You must be joking.”
With a slightly manic smile still plastered on his face, Regulus gave a slow shake of his head. Sirius began slowly backing away, an unconscious move that he didn’t appear to be aware of, body sensing a threat he had yet to truly comprehend. “What were you thinking?” His voice was a broken whisper, and he only stopped moving when he hit the opposite wall, hands trembling against plaster.
The smile slid off Regulus’ face like water, and his expression turned stony. “I wasn’t thinking, Sirius. Not really. I guess I was just looking for a way out and… I found one.” Sirius was shaking his head almost frantically, but Regulus kept talking. “The knife was right there, and she didn’t even try to stop me. She didn’t really believe I would do it.” Regulus’ face darkened further. “I had to prove her wrong.”
Like he had suddenly remembered he had a voice capable of using, Sirius rushed to speak up, unable or unwilling to accept the truth in front of him. “There were other ways out, Reggie. You could have come here, you could have gone to… to stay with one of your friends. You have good friends Reggie, I know that, they would have helped you but you just-”
“There was no other way out, Sirius,” Regulus said sharply. Then his voice turned mournful. “But I wouldn’t expect you to understand that.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Some of the fire was returning to Sirius’ face, but there was a slump to his shoulders that hadn’t been there before, like he knew he was fighting a losing battle.
“I couldn’t just abandon my title and my family the way you did.” There was no bite or bitterness to his words, only resigned acceptance. “They would have come to find me, no matter where I went. And even if I somehow managed to hide over the summer… you don’t know what it’s like in Slytherin.” Regulus shook his head. “I would have been ripped apart within those walls, and you never even would have known it. My future, my life… all of it up in smoke the minute I stepped away from my duties. This way… this way I’m finally free.”
There was a finality to Regulus’ words that sucked all the wind from Sirius’ sails and left him wrecked and hollow. “I’m sorry,” He said, hoarsely, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, and I’m sorry you felt the need to do… whatever it is you did.”
“I slit her throat,” Regulus said, matter of factly.
“I wasn’t asking you to tell me!” Sirius snapped, then took a calming breath and continued. “I promise I’ll help you however I can. Even if I don’t exactly approve of your choices, that bitch deserved what was coming for her.”
For the first time that morning, Regulus was stunned into silence. He blinked, owlishly at his brother for a long moment, unable to quite believe it. “That’s it?” He said, eventually. “You just… forgive me? Just like that?”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Sirius grumbled, “But I get why you did it, and I can’t say I’ll miss her.”
“Sirius?” The voice echoed upwards from the floor below, so casual and unconcerned it simply sounded wrong. “You hungry?”
“Shit, James,” Sirius said, with feeling.
“He didn’t hear us?” Regulus asked, “You weren’t exactly being quiet.”
Sirius huffed a laugh, and Regulus saw that as progress. Laughing was better than sobbing or shouting, that was for sure. “Soundproof walls,” He said, like it was obvious. He hurried over to the bedroom door, opened it, and shouted back,” Give me five minutes!” He glanced over at Regulus and asked, calmly, “Want some breakfast?”
“I could eat,” Regulus croaked out, not sure what to do with this sudden attempt at normalcy. “Are we going to tell James what happened?”
“Eh,” Sirius shrugged half-heartedly. “Eventually, I guess, once there’s less of a chance of you being arrested if he decides to try and kick you out. Not sure Effie would let him though - she’s been threatening to go and rescue you since I arrived here.”
The very idea that Mrs Potter had been worried enough about Regulus to suggest marching into the Noble House of Black, in some twisted kidnapping turned rescue mission, had a lump forming in Regulus’ throat. He quickly swallowed it down, and told himself the prickling in his eyes was nothing more than tiredness from being woken up so harshly.
After everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours, he couldn’t quite believe that it ended up being kindness that finally cracked the walls he had hastily constructed around his emotions the moment his mother first turned her wand on him. It was easier not to feel, so that any harsh words couldn’t truly hurt him. But now that he was safe, in a warm house that somehow already felt like home, and the promise of breakfast just a few minutes away, Regulus could feel himself cracking.
Sirius glanced over at him from where he had been heading out of the door, and apparently saw something that Regulus didn’t even comprehend until it was too late.
He made it over to his younger brother just in time to wrap his arms around him as Regulus began to sob.