Chapter Text
[20160120]
Dear Diary:
I’m starting to get a hand of actually writing these trainee days diaries before bed. I understand why they want us to do it now, too. 7,10,15 years down the line, when I have a successful career, I can look back on what I wrote about how my day went as a 16-year-old trainee Kang Yeosang. Maybe it could be a book. That might make my parents happy.
There was a new batch of trainees that started today. Just three of them, but now I feel our little team already has so much fresh live. One of the new guys, another boy born in 1999 like me, named Wooyoung, recognized me because of my audition tape! I didn’t know I was “famous” for that! But he just came right up to me and asked: “If I was growl.” Nobody has ever done something like that to me before. I just can’t believe I’m known somehow. He’s a really talented dancer, too. His moves are precise and also fluid. And his voice is soft like honey, yet has some power to it. Overall, he’s such a great performer.
I really hope we can become good friends. >_<
[20160212]
Dear Diary:
Today, Wooyoung bit me. I thought we were getting somewhere friendly. Over the last few weeks, he’d sit next to me at meal breaks, and we’d talk about our families. Me about my sister and him about his two brothers. He’s got an older brother and a really baby brother. Kyungmin is still in diapers, even. When we’re on a break from school, he said I should come over to meet him. I’ve never really interacted with babies much, so I’m not sure exactly what to do with him, but it sounds fun.
I really do like Wooyoun,g even if he’s a little loud at times. He says my birthmark is super cool and makes me unique. It makes me not want to cover it up as much. When I was in middle school, people would stare at it. Wooyoung says it makes me unique and that he likes it. Yeonjun thinks it’s cool too, and that whenever I actually debut, it should be a fun point detail to show off. I think he’s thinking too far ahead, though. I know we’re all here to debut someday, but there’s no indication of it happening soon.
As for stuff we’re doing as trainees, I’ve been trying to practice more Beast songs when we get free practice time. Oh, to meet them someday. Yoseob sunbaenim is probably my biggest hero. He is the one who inspired me to become an idol after all.
But anyways back to the drama at hand. Wooyoung bit me earlier. We weren’t even doing anything crazy either, just resting and chatting while the staff went out to check on something. And then suddenly I just felt a pain in my arm, and I looked down, and there he was??? So naturally I yelled because you just bit me, and he was like oh sorry, I thought we were friends. What kind of crazy person bites people because they’re friends??
I still like him, though. We’re still going to be friends, but seriously biting people is too much.
[20160326]
Dear Diary:
One of the new trainees has been here for about a week, and I just realized we use the same train line to get home. His name is Soobi,n and he’s also super friendly. We chat at the station sometimes while waiting for the train to come. I wouldn’t mind being groupmates with him.
There are about 50 trainees here, but Wooyoung and I are some of the oldest, and we’re not even that old. Sometimes late at night when I can’t sleep, and my mind is wandering, I wonder if we’d get too old to debut before our time comes. The number of idols who get to stand on the stages that are just a few years older than me is overwhelming. Of course, then I look over at the clock, and it’s 3 in the morning, and I realize that it’s probably the lack of sleep talking. Still, it just makes you wonder.
I don’t want my dream to die because it was never given the opportunity to succeed.
[20160702]
Dear Diary:
School is out for the next month! While that means more days in the practice room, it more importantly means finally getting to meet Kyungmin. Wooyoung had been talking about how excited he was for me to meet him for so long that I almost feel like I have.
And now that I’ve actually met him, I’ve got to say that he was right. Little Kyungmin loves me. He kept bringing me toys like a little puppy, and he didn’t even cry when I picked him up. He’s so adorable, I can understand why Wooyoung loves him. His mom was very nice, too. She made us kimbap and made sure to ruffle Wooyoung's hair so many times that he got irritated. It was honestly so precious. Their family is very lively.
I think the Next time we get a big break, I’m inviting Wooyoung over. He’s definitely my closest friend here. He doesn’t even judge me when we get a breaktime and I fall asleep on his arm. He says he’s happy to know I get to sleep even if it’s just for a few minutes. My schedule is so demanding that I barely get to sleep, but I am determined to follow my dreams.
While we’re on that, Wooyoung made a pact about our future. We have to debut together, and share the same stage, and perform overseas together. And it will happen. I’m making sure of it.
Some of my favorite trainee hyungs have left the company over the last few weeks to move on to other places. I hope they can succeed.
I hope me and Wooyoung never leave each other’s side.
[20160823]
Dear Diary:
Wooyoung left today.
The younger trainees were sad to see him go, but I know this was coming for a while. He told me about a month ago that he was thinking of leaving, that he just needed a break from everything for a little bit. I really hope his talent doesn't go to waste somewhere. The world deserves to hear a voice like his.
Maybe that’s why I don’t feel sad? Because I was able to mourn what could’ve been privately? It hurts to know our futures might not be so entwined anymore. Even as I'm writing this, I’m feeling my eyes water up and my throat close. It’s going to be different around here without him.
[20161030]
Dear Diary:
Today was my last day at Big Hit.
Soobin cried when I told him. Over the last few weeks, he’s been getting closer to me, now that Wooyoung left. He’s really a cute boy. Quite talented too. I wish the best for all the trainees, but especially Soobin. He’s too kind-hearted for this world.
My new company, however, is full of very friendly people. I’m excited to join them. They’re very small, though. One of the other trainees was the third person to ever join the company. But Hongjoong didn’t seem to have a gloating aura around him. He was so excited to meet me and wanted to work with me before I even made anything official. One of the trainees was really tall, too. I think his name was Yunho? He had a charming smile and was so inviting it was almost scary.
I hope Wooyoung is doing well wherever he’s at. It’s gotten harder for us to talk now that we’re not in the same practice room every day. I miss his laugh, and even when he’d bite me. But he’s still my best friend. I wouldn’t change him for the world.
[20161105]
Dear Diary:
The news announced that Beast disbanded today. My sister called me after school because she heard the news and thought I needed to know. I don’t know what to do. I’m in mourning. One of my most selfish goals was to be able to talk to them as a fellow professional idol as well as a fan. How could this even happen so suddenly?
[20161127]
Yesterday was Wooyoung's birthday! I went to his house for a small dinner party. Little Kyungmin was getting so big already. He was so excited to see me that he came right over with a block to give to me.
I met Wooyoung's older brother, too. He was also very nice and friendly to me and said that I had better treat Wooyoung right or else. I’m still kind of scared of whatever implications he’s giving here. I don’t want to fight anyone… besides Wooyoung is my best friend, of course, I’d treat him right.
I even got to stay the night at Wooyoung's! He offered, and both of our moms were fine with it. I was so excited to have my first sleepover. We shared his bed because he didn’t want me to sleep on the floor, but I didn’t want him to sleep on the floor. I slept like a baby! His bed was so soft and comfortable. When I woke up, though, Wooyoung's arm was across my body and his head on my shoulder. He looked so sweet that I didn’t want to move and wake him up accidentally, so I went back to sleep instead.
Our Wooyoungie is so cute.
[20161205]
Dear Diary:
I started at the new company today. KQ Entertainment is its name. I was a little nervous from the start because everyone else had been there and knew each other for a while, except me, but everyone was so inviting and friendly! The scale of things is a lot smaller than at Big Hit, with a lot more of a focus on self-learning as well as group activities.
That first hour I was there, though, we went through introductions, and they made me feel so welcome that I’m excited for my future here! They have a really weird jumping ban, however. Jongho says it’s because of San, but that guy barely looks like he could hurt a fly, let alone do enough jumping to get it banned. I guess time will tell.
[20161215]
Dear Diary:
All hope is not lost! They signed to a new company together! Beast is here to stay! My sister gave me a call as soon as she heard the news. She knows me so well, I can’t believe she made the effort to notify me.
When I got off the phone with her, I rushed to the practice room to tell the others, and everyone was so excited to hear it! I hope their future career works out for them and that we can stand on the same stage together someday.